To: M. Watney
Cc: M. Park
From: V. Kapoor
Mark,
Now that you are safetly abord the Hermes and have had a few days to decompress I would like to formally introduce you to Mindy Park, SatCon. She is the one that found you alive and monitored your activities and communications on Mars. Don't let her tell you any different.
Mindy, you can thank me later.
Vincent Kapoor
To: M. PARK
From: M. WATNEY
Mindy,
Wow. I'm not sure what to say. Thank you doesn't seem to cover it. I wonder if they make a hallmark card that covers thanks for finding me alive on Mars. But seriously, thank you. You saved my life. I hope I wasn't too much of a pain in the ass.
Mark
To: M. WATNEY
FROM: M. PARK
Mark,
Despite what Kapoor says, I did not save you. You saved your own life. I just happened to find a moved rover and some clean solar panels on satillite imaging.
Glad you didn't die though. I'm not going to lie, you were a pain in my ass. Operating on Mars time is aging me. But I did get a promotion with a nice raise, so I have to thank you for that.
I'm going to need some autographed photos when you get back to ebay for my botox treatments.
But in all seriousness, it is good to hear from you. I hope you are recovering well.
Mindy
To: M. PARK
From: M. WATNEY
Can I thank you in person when we land? All the autographs you want. How about a few pics? Those should sell right?
Mark
To: M. WATNEY
From: M. PARK
If you REALLY want to thank me, pizza is the way to go. Don't kill me for saying this, I do love Chicago and all, but I'm a New York pizza fan.
Mindy
To: M. PARK
From: M. WATNEY
You are dead to me. New York pizza? Really?
Mark
To: M. WATNEY
From: M. PARK
Oh I'll eat ANY pizza, I just prefer the thin crust. But I am guessing you probably don't want to talk about food considering your present situation.
Mindy
To: M. WATNEY
From: M. PARK
Um so strange series of events this morning. I'm sitting in my office, and Kapoor brings your parents by. Apparently they are in town for a tour and meet and greet of some of the people involved in getting you off MARS. Since I don't have to watch MARS 24/7 now I have some free time, so I was placed in charge of showing them around.
Your folks are nice. I can tell where you get your sense of humor from.
And just so you know, I think your mother has arrainged marriage for us. Something about me having birthing hips. What the actual fuck Watney?
Mindy
To: M. PARK
From: M. WATNEY
Trust me, I got a long, detailed email about our upcoming marriage. My mother seems to think very highly of you. Apparently you are not only intellegent but a natural beauty in her words. My mom is a bit ancy since I am an only child and she wants grandchildren yesterday. Sorry if she came on strong. Hopefully she didn't scare you away. I must seem like a desperate loser with getting stuck on Mars and now with my mom trying to hook me up.
I told her I would have to actually ask you on date before we get married. She told me to get on with it.
Mark
To: M. WATNEY
From: M. PARK
It's ok. I get it. Parents are strange. I have my own odd set. Thankfully I have a brother and sister for them to equally harrass. I guess birthing hips isn't the worst thing I have ever been told.
Would it count as a blind date if I know what you look like but you have never seen me? I mean outside of your NASA photo the press has photos of you from every age plastered on the front pages.
Mindy
To: M. PARK
From: M. WATNEY
You could solve this dilemma by sending me a picture. I've got women all over the world sending me pics but the only one I really want to see is you. No pressure or anything. Can I pull the almost died on Mars card to persued you?
Mark
To: M. WATNEY
From: M. PARK
Ok. I guess it is only fair since I not only know what you look like, but I have seen you naked (you might want to talk to your mom about releasing childhood bathtime photos of her precious marky to the press, although I did quite enjoy the laugh).
Do you want to official NASA photo or something from the private collection?
Mindy
To: M. PARK
From: M. WATNEY
Do you even have to ask? How private is the private collection? I'm going with private collection.
Mark
To: M. WATNEY
From: M. PARK
(Sends racy glamor shot image, wearing nothing but black lace bra and black lace thong, on all fours in bed).
If anyone sees that, you will have survived Mars just to have me murder you on earth.
Mindy
To: M. PARK
From:M. WATNEY
Fuck me. Is that seriously you? Am I being catfished in space?
Mark
To: M. WATNEY
From: M. PARK
(Sends official NASA photo to confirm is indeed her).
Proof enough?
Heed my previous warning. Don't make me kill you.
Mindy
To: M. PARK
From: M. WATNEY
You are killing me with that picture. Not much I can do about it at the moment. But thank you. You made my day. My mom was right, you are beautiful. To be honest I wasn't expecting that. I mean I have worked at NASA for years, and most of the women I have encountered there don't look like you. Most are a lot older. Wow. I've got to go take a shower.
Mark
To: M. WATNEY
From: M. PARK
Hey, you picked private collection. Not my problem you are stuck there. How are you doing? Counting down the days?
Mindy
To: M. PARK
From: M. WATNEY
I'm doing ok. Really. You don't have to worry about me any more. Beck says that I am getting back on
track with my weight gain and nutrition intake. Ship food is ok compared to a potato diet but I can't wait to get real food. I'd eat anything not prepackaged at this point.
Is it close enough to reentry that I can officially ask you out?
Mark
To: M. WATNEY
From: M. PARK
Sure, but I think it will be awhile before we can actually go "out", unless you want the media hounding you. You are the biggest star on earth at the moment.
We can do pizza at my place. You can hide out.
Mindy
To: M. PARK
From: M. WATNEY
Sounds good. My parents informed me that since I was declared dead I was evicted from my apartment and all of my stuff put in storage. So I'm officially homeless. And still dead, until I get my accounts reopened.
Quite a cluster fuck you got there. I happen to know someone that has spare rooms.
Hint hint.
Mindy
To: M. PARK
From: M. WATNEY
I'll take you up on that. Not that I don't want to stay with you, but I will do anything to avoid the barracks at NASA.
Will you be at the landing?
Mark
To: M. WATNEY
From: M. PARK
I didn't plan on coming to the landing, just because I want you to focus on your family and I know the media and others will be there hounding you. I can sneak into medical after you get settled.
Mindy
To: V. Kapoor
From: M. WATNEY
Kapoor,
Can you ensure that Mindy has a pass to the landing? She is hesitant about going but it is important to me that she be there. Consider it a personal favor?
Thank you,
Mark
To: M. PARK
From: M. WATNEY
Mindy, I want you there. You are important to me. I've told Kapoor to make it happen. Please.
Mark