The Muggle Way
A/N: Because it had to happen eventually.
Disclaimer: I do not own: - Harry Potter and the characters involved
- Tacos
- The duck song
- Darren Criss (But wouldn't it be awesome if I did?
The Deatheaters needed money. No denying that. No walking around that. The Dark Side needed funding. One evening, in Malfoy Manor, Voldemort held a meeting for the entire world of the Deatheaters. Many people had something to say on how to get money:
"KILL HARRY POTTER!"
"BAKE SALE!"
"TORTURE-A-THON!"
"KILL HARRY POTTER!"
"ASK FOR A LOAN!"
"BORROW MONEY FROM ME, I'M FILFTHY STINKING RICH!"
"KILL HARRY POTTER!"
The Dark Lord sighed. None of them were good enough ideas. Well maybe that one about killing Potter, but he wasn't sure how exactly that'd finance them. Then, his most trusted advisor Severus Snape walked in.
"Severus, you're late." He pointed out.
"My Lord... I brought tacos." Severus told him, handing around the tacos to everyone.
"Well, that makes everything okay." Smiled The Dark Lord. "We were just talking about how to get funding for the Dark Side."
"Hm... Well, how about we make a lemonade stand? It's hot outside now, because it's summer, and people will pay to get refreshed." Severus mused aloud.
"YES!" Voldemort jumped up. "A LEMONADE STAND! Why didn't any of you pathetic people think of that? Kill Harry Potter... I've never heard such a ridiculous scheme in my life! We will run a lemonade stand! And, to gain support from over half the Wizarding Nation, it seems, we will do it..." He paused for dramatic effect, "... The Muggle Way."
The Order of the Pheonix rushed to Grimuald Place, to hear from the news their spy, Severus Snape had brought.
"What news, Severus?" Asked Dumbledore, and old dude with a beard.
"I brought tacos," Said Severus in his drawl, handing the tacos around. "Also, The Dark Lord has run out of funding. He is going to make a lemonade stand, on my offer, in the..." He paused, "Muggle way." There were gasps.
"Lemonade stand?"
"Muggle way?"
"But how are we going to kill Lord V when he's running a harmless lemonade stand?" Harry asked.
"I'm not sure..." Said Dumbledore and Severus Snape at the same time, then they looked at each other, "JINX!" Just then, Hermione Granger walked in laughing her head off.
"What's up Hermione?" Asked Sirius, who was somehow still alive even though this takes place in their 7th year, and he died in their 5th.
"I just saw this hilarious video on Flootube," Hermione chuckled, and she told them all about the video. And thus, a plan was born...
Early on a Monday morning, The Dark Lord set up his lemonade stand. He was making it alone, as the Deatheaters were covering other parts of the world with their own lemonade stands. Soon, a young man that should have been in America filming Glee at that moment, named Darren Criss, walked into the park The Dark Lord was pitching in. You see, Hermione and the Order had contacted him for help, so both Harry's could destroy The Dark Lord at the same time with help. That, and he was the only person they knew who could play the guitar... Darren began to play his guitar to a well-known tune, and began to sing.
"Bu bu bu, bu du du du,
A Duck walked up to the lemonade stand," Harry Potter, wearing a duck bill on his head and yellow clothing provided by Cedric Diggory (Even though he should have died a year earlier than Sirius- what is it with all these people stopping from dieing?), and he walked up to the lemonade stand.
"And he said to the man,
running the stand,"
"HEY!" Harry said to The Dark Lord.
"Bu bu bu,"
"Got any grapes?" The Dark Lord frowned at the human-ducky thing that was actually Harry Potter.
"The man said,"
"No, we just sell lemonade," The Dark Lord began, "but it's cold and it's fresh and it's all home made. Can I get you a glass?"
"The duck said,"
"I'll pass." Then Harry walked off.
"Then he waddled away,waddle waddle, till the very next day!"
The next morning was a Tuesday. The Dark Lord set up his lemonade stand, then Darren Criss came in, sat down, and began to play and sing again.
"Bu bu bu bu du du bu!
When the duck walked up to the lemonade stand," Harry came again, dressed as the duck, and walked up to the lemonade stand.
"And he said to the man, running the stand,"
"HEY!"
"Bu bu bu,"
"Got any grapes?" The Dark Lord frowned again. Surely this duck was demented, the sign clearly said lemonade...
"The man said,"
"No, like I said yesterday, we just sell lemonade, okay?" The Dark Lord tried, and failed, to smile in a businesslike fashion. "Why not give it a try?"
"The duck said,"
"Goodbye." Then Harry left.
"Then he waddled away, waddle waddle,
Then he waddled away, waddle waddle,
Then he waddled away, waddle waddle,
Til the very next day,"
The next day was a Wednesday, and The Dark Lord was tired. He still managed to set up his lemonade stand, though. Darren came in, sat on the floor, and started again.
"Bu bu bu du bu du du," Harry came in a bit early this time.
"When the duck walked up to the lemonade stand,
And he said to the man, running the stand,"
"HEY!"
"Bu bu bu,"
"Got any grapes?" The Dark Lord growled. This duck was getting on his nerves! He wanted to scream, but he couldn't loose his only customer!
"The man said,"
"Look, this is getting old," The Dark Lord shook his head, "I mean, lemonade's all we've ever sold! Why not give it a go?"
"The duck said,"
"How about... no." Then Harry walked off.
"Then he waddled away, waddle waddle,
Then he waddled away, waddle waddle waddle,
Then he waddled away, waddle waddle,
Til the very next day,"
The day after that was a Thursday. The Dark Lord could just hope that the duck would not return. He set his lemonade stand up, Darren came in, blah blah blah... MUSIC!
"Bu bu bu du bu du du,
When the duck walked up to the lemonade stand," Cue Harry.
"And he said to the man, running the stand,"
"HEY!"
"Bu bu bu,"
"Got any grapes?" The Dark Lord lost his temper a tiny bit.
"The man said,"
"That's it, if you don't stay away duck," He yelled, "I'll glue you to a tree and leave you there all day, stuck! So don't get too close!"
"The duck said,"
"Adios!"
"Then he waddled away, waddle waddle,
Then he waddled away, waddle waddle waddle,
Then he waddled away, waddle waddle,
Til the very next day,"
The final day was a Friday. Friday, Friday, no more ducks on Friday, 'cuz The Dark Lord's looking forward to the weekend, weekend... Wait, wrong song... He set up his stand, yadda yadda yadda...
"Bu bu bu du bu du du,
When the duck walked up to the lemonade stand," Harry came yet again.
"And he said to the man, running the stand,"
"HEY!" The Dark Lord was going to murder this duck until it was dead!
"Bu bu bu,"
"Got any glue?" Anger drained out of The Dark Lord, and was replaced by confusion.
"What?"
"Got any glue?"
"No why would I..." He understood- I mean, what had he said yesterday? "Oh."
"Then I've one more question for you..." The duck-Harry paused. "Got any grapes?"
"Bu bu bu, bu bu bu!
And the man just stopped," The Dark Lord stopped.
"And then he started to smile." He started to smile.
"He started to laugh," He started to laugh.
"He laughed for a while," The Dark Lord laughed for a while. "He said,"
"Come on, Duck, lets walk to the store," The Dark Lord offered, "I'll buy you some grapes, so you won't have to ask anymore." The Dark Lord and the duck-Harry went to the store. Darren followed, still playing his guitar.
"So they walked to the store,
And the man bought some grapes,
He gave one to the duck,
And the duck said,"
"Mmm, no thanks." Dissmissed duck-Harry. "But do you know what sounds good? What would make my day? Do you think this store... Do you think this store... Do you think this store... Has any..." Duck-Harry paused and smiled, "Lemonade?" Darren continued to sing, but his voice was drowned out.
"!"
And from that day forth, nobody was bothered by The Dark Lord again, for he had died from being annoyed.
THE END!
A/N: I had to! After all, it's my avatar on the computer now. And I'm bored on a Tuesday...
1. Were you annoyed?
2. Did you like it?
3. Was it funny enough?
Please review!
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