After her two-month long hibernation period, the OkamiNekoKitsune wakes up. Still slightly drowsy from her sleep, she forgets that she has other stories to update, and begins to write a new story. When she finally realises, she shrugs, and continues writing the new one.

And here it is! It's not Pokémon, but a Touhou X Team Fortress 2 fanfiction!

Phantasmagoria of Team Fortress

Chapter 1

"Dammit!" the Soldier cursed as he was blown back by a bomb. "Curse you, Merasmus! You were the worst roommate anyone could have!"

"Does it really look like I care!?" Merasmus shouted back at the top of his voice. "Now, quiet down while I try to read this spell…"

It was that time of year again. The 31st of October, more commonly known as Halloween, was the day that, every year, Merasmus would decide to try to lay waste to Mann Co. again. However, this year, he came with an offering

Suddenly, a laser shot past Merasmus' head, just between the horns of his skull hat.

"Hold still, ya wanker!" Sniper shouted, as Scout ran past him.

"I got it, don't worry!" Scout said, as he threw his empty can of Bonk! on the floor, a thin red shadow now appearing behind him, as he grabbed his personally crafted scattergun, dubbed "Force-A-Nature", and ran for the wizard.

"Mmph mmmph!" added Pyro, running up with his flamethrower.

"Alright men!" said Soldier. "CHAAAAAA-"

"INCOMING!" said Heavy, running forward with "Sasha", his minigun, closely followed by Medic under Ubercharge.

Grenades flew past from behind them.

"Ach! This one's ours, lads!" said Demoman, wielding a classic Grenade Launcher.

"Hold on a minute! Where're Engie and Spy?" asked Soldier.

"Ah, they're probably having a spar in the building right now. They'll probably come out soon though," Sniper replied.

"Engie and Spy, having a Spar?" said Soldier, bemused. "That's as likely as me being a commie Nazi!"

"Mmph mmm mmphh mmmmph mmph mmmmmph," said Pyro.

"Oh, they've made a truce, have they? I seem to find that hard to believe…" said Soldier.

"Anyway, let's get back to the job at hand, shall we?" said Sniper.

"Affirmative!" said Soldier, holding up his "Black Box" rocket launcher. "Now, without interruption, CHAAAA-"

"Behold, fools!" boomed Merasmus. "The power of the Bombonom-OW! Who threw that!" he shouted in pain, as a frying pan flew through the air and hit him on the head.

"Shut it, you puny wizard!" said the soldier in defiance. "I'm trying to do my battle cry here!"

"A-anyway, behold the power of the Bombonomicon!" finished Merasmus.

"Yeah, yeah, alright, have some bombs, guys!" said Merasmus' book, jumping up into the air and launching bombs from its cover.

Pyro managed to airblast some of the bombs away, but some still got dangerously close to the team. While Scout was still running in circles around Merasmus, taking the occasional shot with his Scattergun, Soldier was firing rockets as fast as he could, Demoman was firing and detonating Sticky bombs faster than he could drink his scrumpy, Heavy was firing his minigun so fast he was being pushed back by the recoil, pocketed by Medic who was protecting him from extra damage with the Vaccinator, and Sniper was still cutting the occasional headshot.

Just when the fighting was at its thickest…

"Gentlemen! How are you all faring!" Spy said cheerfully.

"Howdy, y'all! What's going on?" Engineer followed.

"You two are a disgrace to uniform!" Scout admonished. "Need a Dispenser here, Engie!"

"Alright, alright…" sighed Engineer, pulling off his glove to reveal a completely prosthetic hand, which the Engineer called a "Gunslinger." Gathering up some metal off the floor, he had a fully functioning dispenser in less than 10 seconds.

"Alright, let's do this!" said Scout, after being completely healed by the dispenser, and running off.

"A thank you would do…" complained Engie.

"Well then…" said Spy. "Shall we?"

"Alrighty then!" agreed Engie, both of them taking out their weapons, Spy wielding a revolver, and the Engineer having a shotgun. The spy also held a golden pocket watch.

So saying, every member of the team began throwing everything they had at Merasmus, dodging as many bombs as they could. Pretty soon, they'd managed to knock him to the floor, where he lay still for a while.

"Mission accomplished!" said Soldier.

Everyone started cheering, even Spy. Only Engineer looked down at Merasmus' seemingly inert body and shook his head.

"I don't think it's over boys…" he said.

Unsurprisingly, as soon as he said this, Merasmus jumped up.

"Cower in fear! Merasmus is here!" he shouted. "Dimons- I mean, Dimensialis Par- I meant to say, Dimensialis Portalis Hysteri-"

He was cut short as he was slapped across the face by the Gunslinger of Engineer, leaving a nasty hand-shaped bruise on his face.

"Memorise your lines next time, Wizard boy," said Engie, shaking his head.

The spell Merasmus had chanted was still in his staff however, and all it needed was one little nudge.

Soldier stomped over to Merasmus and triumphantly put his boot on his skull hat.

"Take that, you filthy commie!" he said, nudging his foot against Merasmus' staff.

The green energy shot out from the tip of Merasmus' staff, and through a window in the building.

"Ah! That's where I keep the Teleporter!" said Engie, panicking.

"Cripe!" said Demoman.

"I… meant to do that…" said Merasmus, before passing out fully.

As the green energy bounced around Engie's workshop, it eventually made contact with the Engineer's teleporter, dislodging the Space Fluctuator, causing a gap in Space to be opened. At the same time, the teleporter exploded due to the power of the energy, causing the gap to expand until it reached the team.

"Damn it!" cursed Engineer. "The space fluctuator seems to have been dislodged from the teleporter! Everyone, grab onto something, or we may risk getting pulled into another dimension!"

"Merde…" Spy muttered.

Everyone grabbed onto anything they could in an attempt to withstand the powerful vacuum of the rip in space. That is, everyone except the Pyro, who seemed to be delighted by the sight of the gap. It had a strange purple colour to it. Expressing his joy, he forgot to hold on to something and was quickly pulled in, his cry of happiness lost to the rest of the team.

Soldier, meanwhile, had been trying to rocket jump away from the portal, but eventually the strength of the suction got too strong, and the only thing that was heard as he was pulled in was a cry of "AMERICAAAA!"

Medic's rubber gloves were proving to be unhelpful in gripping on to anything, and eventually he lost his grip on a lamppost he had managed to hold on to. As he was pulled in by the gap, he noticed what seemed to be a sea of blinking eyes amidst a purple background.

"Hmm… Interesting…" he said as he was pulled in.

Heavy, seeing his Medic comrade fall, started to panic. Holding on to his last hope, his Sandvich, he started to panic. His only worry was that the door he was falling behind was going to be sucked in too. However, this didn't seem too likely, so he started to relax slightly.

Demoman, meanwhile, had tried to stick himself to a wall with Sticky Bombs. It was proving successful, and he laughed slightly as he relaxed his sticky holder arm. Needless to say, he was surprised when he saw Heavy flying past, splinters of wood flying under him. Looking behind, he noticed Heavy seemed to have flown right through the door he was hiding behind. As Heavy neared the portal, he gave a cry of shock.

"Portal is full of eyes!" he managed to say before being sucked in.

"EYES!?" Demoman shouted in surprise, causing him to clench his hand into a fist. Unfortunately, this caused him to accidentally pull the trigger for his sticky launcher, thus detonating his sticky bombs and sending him flying into the gap.

"Bloody heeeeeeeeelllll!" he shouted as he disappeared as well.

Sniper hid in his favourite Sniping spot, which protected him from the strength of the suction. That was until a large boulder came flying in his direction, sucked in by the portal. Jumping out of the way, he managed to avoid the boulder, but he thus exposed himself to the suction of the portal. He sighed as he was sucked into the ever-growing gap.

Spy had managed to ram his Sharp Dresser knife into the railway tracks, and it didn't look like it was going to slip any time soon, so he relaxed slightly. He let out a sigh of relief, only to see a certain someone fly past. Although managing to run some distance, he could not keep up with the ever-growing portal, and eventually, Scout was dragged in. As he flew into the portal, he wondered if there were any hot chicks in this new dimension.

Engineer held on to his dispenser for dear life, but he could not keep his grip forever. He tried to increase the grip on his Gunslinger, but failed and was sucked into the gap, shaking his head solemnly. As spy saw his teammates fall into the hole, he sighed.

"Those simpletons…" he muttered. "Oh well, I guess it's my duty to go after them."

So saying, he retracted his knife, allowing for him to be sucked into the gap. He shook his head solemnly as he was pulled in.

Then, as all nine were sucked in to the portal, it dissipated, leaving an empty wasteland behind. Merasmus, meanwhile, seemed to have vanished, but whether he had been sucked in or had escaped was unknown. All that was left were the buildings that had once been there, a large hole in one, and the bright shining full moon.

Miss Pauling dropped her cheeseburger in shock.

"Helen?"

"Yes?" replied the administrator.

"Get Saxton. We're going to have to go do some search and rescue…"

Reimu Hakurei flew towards Mayohiga, spell cards in hand. She had seen the flashes of light in the sky earlier fall to the ground, and she was on her way to Yukari's house right now. Usually, flashes of light in the sky meant some kind of outsiders had entered Gensokyo, and since it was Yukari's job to take care of the Border between the outside world and Gensokyo, it would be an under-exaggeration to say Reimu was angry. Landing near Yukari's house, she stormed inside to see Ran sitting on the Kotatsu stroking a half-awake Chen who was smiling happily. When she heard Reimu enter the house, Chen opened one eye to see who it was, then closed it again and continued purring happily.

"What's the matter, Reimu?" asked Ran sweetly.

"Oh, nothing!" Reimu smiled back. "Except maybe for the fact that YUKARI'S MEANT TO BE LOOKING OVER THE BORDER!" she shouted, suddenly changing her tone.

Ran placed a finger to her lips.

"Shhh! You'll wake her up!"

"Who, Chen? I think she's placated enough, and it doesn't look like she'll be waking up from a little bit of noise."

"No, I mean Yukari-sama! It's winter, for gods' sake, she's hibernating! Give her a break!"

"In that case, why were the gaps the outsiders came through full of EYES!?"

"I DON'T KNOW, REIMU! CALM DOWN!"

"YOU CALM DOWN! I'M PERFECTLY CALM ALREADY!"

At this, Chen started to stir. Ran panicked and started to stroke Chen's head as calmly as she could, glaring at Reimu. Eventually, Chen fell back asleep.

"So, would you like some tea?" she said in a forced sweet tone.

Ten minutes later…

Reimu and Ran were sitting at opposite ends of the Kotatsu, both with cups of tea in their hands. Chen was now running around outside chasing butterflies.

"So, you claim that gaps similar to Yukari's suddenly appeared in the sky and spat out some outsiders into random areas of Gensokyo?" Ran asked.

"Yeah, they seemed to be quite widely dispersed though," Reimu replied.

Ran nodded slowly.

"Anyway," continued Reimu, "How would gaps similar to Yukari's be able to appear if she was hibernating? I know by experience myself that nothing can break her out of hibernation."

"Well, the only thing I can think of is that someone stole her powers, stole her spellcards, copied her powers somehow or just happens to have the same powers as she does. Actually, did you alert people of this? It's your job as the Hakurei shrine maiden to either solve the incident yourself or tell someone else to spread the news."

"Well, I told Marisa to spread the news…"

"Sigh… You of all people should know that you can never trust Marisa…"

"Good point, Ran."

Ran merely shook her head solemnly.

Meanwhile, at the SDM…

"Get back here you thieving witch!" shouted Koakuma as Marisa flew out of the Mansion on her broomstick. She was quickly followed by a barrage of danmaku and knives.

Marisa stuck her tongue out.

"Ha haa! You'll never hit me! You'll never catch me!"

Sakuya suddenly appeared by her side.

"Oh yes we will, witch," she said, slightly pissed off.

Marisa merely smiled and held up her mini-Hakkero.

"Bad move, maid," she said. "MASTER SPARK TO THE FACE!"

Unleashing the laser at Sakuya, she gained extra momentum from the blast, moving her away from the Mansion at sonic speed. Pretty soon, the laser depleted, and she was flying at normal speed again. Except Sakuya was no longer anywhere to be seen.

"Oh well. That gets her off my back at least…" Marisa said.

Flying at a leisurely pace now, she was surprised when she saw what seemed to be a young man face first in the dirt outside her house. He wore a cap and a headset, a red shirt, and had some kind of necklace around his neck. At least, she thought it was a necklace; it seemed excessively simple, and had two pieces of metal hanging off it, not something she would think of stealing. Shrugging, she decided to take him in and loot him properly while he was still asleep.