Shouyou scrunched up his nose as he pulled the hem of his t-shirt away from his face in disgust. Wiping the sweat away had sounded like a good idea in his head, but definitely didn't work in practice - when the offending garment was already soaked and smelled absolutely awful.

Ever since their victory at the Spring High, Coach Ukai had been working them extra hard in order to prepare them for the next stage at Regionals. Day after day they were inundated with new practice techniques, information about teams from the neighboring prefectures (so far it looked like the school from Akita-kenwould be the one to watch out for, but Iwate-kenwas nothing to sniff at either), as well as their usual routine and schoolwork. It was a lot, but Ennoshita-senpai had seemed to take on the burden of making sure the first years, as well as Noya-san and Tanaka-san, kept up with their studies.

Despite everything, Shouyou loved it. Even if he did smell like sweaty cow shit by the end of the day.

That day in particular, though, would be one that stuck with him forever.

They had been rotating positions as they played against each other, with only Kageyama and Suga-san firmly in place on their respective sides of the net and Noya-san switching from side to side at Coach Ukai's command. It was something or other about team building and flexibility, Shouyou hadn't really been paying attention - all he knew was that it was something Yachi found online and then his thoughts kind of went elsewhere.

It had started off pretty well, for the most part, but after what felt like hours (it was actually a little under 45 minutes), Suga-san seemed to be losing focus. He zoned out a bit and stopped to rub between his eyes occasionally, and while they were all sweating like crazy, he was the only one that looked like all of the color had drained from his face. Daichi-san had asked him a few times if he was okay, and Suga-san just waved it off. It was only when he threw a toss towards Ennoshita-senpai and wound up beaning Yamaguchi in the head that their teacher told him to go sit on the sidelines.

Instead of arguing or telling the rest of them to do their best, Suga-san just nodded and walked over to the bench. He plopped down with a heavy sigh while Shimizu-senpai handed him a bottle of Pocari.

After a few more rotations, Coach Ukai called for them to take a break and they meandered their way over to the bench. Daichi-san took a seat next to Suga-san's right while Tanaka-san sat to his left

Shouyou looked over the upperclassmen, and something just didn't seem right. His breathing seemed really rapid and shallow, like he was struggling to fill his lungs. His hands shook a little, even though they were still holding onto the Pocari bottle, mostly untouched. Although he had been sitting on the bench for almost half an hour, the color hadn't returned to his face and he was still covered in a sheen of sweat.

"Hey, Suga-san," Tanaka-san said, "don't tell me you've been staying up all night studying and then coming to practice without sleeping."

Suga-san shook his head, waving his hand in Tanaka-san's general direction, "No, just...not feeling too well."

Daichi-san frowned in concerned, "Drink some more, maybe we should get you some water instead."

"It's just my stomach probably, I'm fine."

"You don't sound fine."

Suga-san just made a noncommittal noise and closed his eyes, leaning down and pressing his forehead against his hands and the top of the bottle.

A few of them shared worried looks and Shouyou opened his mouth to ask if Suga-san should go to the nurse. Before he could do so though, Kinoshita-senpai stood up from his spot on the floor.

"Come on, Senpai," he said as he walked over to his upperclassman on the bench, "I'll walk you to the nurse." He placed his hand on Suga-san's shoulder.

And time just slowed down at that moment, like fate had decided that it needed to be burned into all of their memories for posterity.

Suga-san fell forward without a sound, his body falling almost like one of Natsu's old rag dolls as it hit the floor with a loud bang. He didn't get up, he didn't even move. They stood there in silence.

Daichi-san sighed and moved onto his knees next to Suga-san, lightly shaking him. "Come on, don't be a big baby about it. You probably just have the flu or something, she'll probably just make you go home and sleep." He didn't move, so Daichi-san shook him again, "Suga… seriously, this isn't funny. Get up and go to the nurse. Suga!" His shakes got a little more insistent, "Koushi, this is a really bad joke… please tell me it's just a really bad joke. Get up."

But he didn't move from his spot on the floor, Daichi-san kept shaking and pleading with him, sounding almost desperate after a while.

Yamaguchi turned around, yelling, "Takeda-sensei! Coach Ukai!"

The adults ran over to them, Shimizu-senpai and Yachi trailing close behind.

"What happened?" Takeda-sensei asked, pushing his sleeves up and getting down onto the floor with the rest of the team. He flipped Suga-san onto his back, pressing two fingers to his neck.

Ennoshita-senpai pulled Daichi-san away, which was probably only as easy as it looked because the older teenager was already hyperventilating.

Takeda-sensei frowned, "No pulse, he's not breathing. Shimizu-san, help me out."

Coach Ukai looked over at the rest of them, "Narita, go get the nurse. Kageyama, grab my phone from my jacket and call for an ambulance. I'm going to grab the emergency defibrillator, the rest of you stay out of the way." Before they could ask any questions, he ran towards the gym's storage room.

Everyone else moved around him, either to move out of their way or do what their Coach had asked of them, but Shouyou just found himself standing there. His knees wobbled a little and his hands felt weirdly numb. He felt rooted to his spot on the floor and he couldn't even push himself up. His chest tightened and time seemed to be going both too fast and too slow for him to keep up.

Shouyou was suddenly pulled out of his stupor as two hands grabbed onto his shoulders, he whipped around probably just a little too fast and almost knocked the person behind him unconscious. Luckily Yachi had jumped away just in time. He noticed he was sitting on the floor, and wondered when he'd gotten into that position.

"Um…" she swallowed, obviously just as uncomfortable as he was, "Sawa-Sawamura-senpai is going to the hospital with Sensei. Coach Ukai went with them too. Azumane-senpai and Nishinoya-senpai said they were going to change and go too, and I think Tanaka-senpai is joining them. I don't know if any of the others are but, they wanted me to tell you…"

He opened his mouth, trying to say something, anything. "Of course I'm going to go, Suga-san should have a lot of visitors when he wakes up!" or "Won't it be funny if we all show up and it turns out Suga just has the flu," but nothing came out.

Yachi just gave him a sympathetic look and asked, "Do you need help getting up?"

At least he could nod and answer that question.

To be quite honest, Shouyou had never been in a hospital before that day. His mom's dad had died about a year before he was born and her mother was still really healthy, and even before the divorce they hadn't been close to his dad's parents. Natsu had been born at home (not by choice, it was complicated) and he didn't think his own birth really counted. So hospitals had just never come up in his daily life.

He would have been perfectly happy to hold it off for a few more years.

Everyone from the team had come along in silent agreement, even Tsukishima! They took up way too much of the waiting room and the nurse at the front desk was probably annoyed about having a bunch of smelly teenage boys stinking up the place, but they didn't make too much noise and gave up seats to people that actually needed them and just milled around as the clock ticked by.

Sometime before the team had arrived at the hospital, Suga-san's parents had arrived and had requested that Daichi-san join them. Shouyou wasn't exactly sure just how far their relationship went (he just knew that they had been seeing each other for a long time), but it had to mean something if they were close with each other's parents.

A door opened and a nurse popped her head out, "Ukai-san? Takeda-san?"

Coach Ukai and Takeda-sensei looked at each other, then to the rest of the team before making their way through the door the nurse had come through. It swung shut behind them.

The silence was killing him, but he couldn't break it even if he tried.

Asahi-san, Noya-san, and Tanaka-san all shared concerned looks. Noya-san's leg kept bouncing up-and-down, up-and-down. Asahi-san chewed at his bottom lip. Tanaka-san couldn't seem to decide where to put his hands, moving them from running over his buzzcut, to the arm rests, to his lap, to his phone, and then back again.

Kinoshita-senpai sat in his seat, looking shell shocked. Occasionally he would mutter something under his breath like, "I didn't push him," or "he just fell over".

Narita-senpai sat next to him, holding onto his hand and answering each mutter in the same tone, "we know you didn't" or "we all saw what happened" and occasionally, "it's not your fault".

Ennoshita-senpai stood off on his own, occasionally looking at the door.

Tsukishima just looked like he didn't even care, his headphones firmly planted over his ears. Shouyou suspected that Yamaguchi (who at least managed to look upset as he paced from the magazine rack to the water cooler and back) probably just dragged him along.

Shimizu-senpai and Yachi huddled around their phones, whatever they were doing a complete mystery.

Next to him Kageyama sat with his arms crossed, staring into the distance. His expression was unmoving and just as unreadable as always, but occasionally his eyes would flick ever so slightly towards the door and his eyebrows would scrunch up a bit.

Shouyou stretched his legs out in front of him and slid down in his seat. He tapped his feet together, and said, "He's gonna be alright. Suga-san is going to be all right," he planted his feet down firmly "...isn't he?"

Kageyama shifted in his seat and frowned, a few beats passed before he turned in Shouyou's direction with his mouth halfway opened.

Before anything could be exchanged, the door swung open and everyone's attention was on Takeda-sensei and Coach Ukai. They both looked almost deflated, their shoulders sagging just a bit and their eyes slightly glazed over. Coach Ukai looked white as a sheet.

Tsukishima pulled off his headphones to hear what they had to say, so maybe he'd been wrong about Yamaguchi just dragging him along.

Their teacher cleared his throat. He opened his mouth, shut it, and ran his hand through his hair. He closed his eyes and sighed, then brought his attention back to them. "Sugawara-kun...had an undiagnosed heart condition. They didn't tell us exactly what it was, but his heart stopped when he fell, maybe even right before that. They were able to restart it for a while—"

"So he's going to be okay?" Shouyou couldn't help himself, because he just had to be. The adults probably just looked concerned because of how serious the situation had been, and maybe it meant Suga-san couldn't play volleyball anymore. Takeda-sensei was just going to tell them to go home because they couldn't go in to visit.

Asahi-san put a hand on his shoulder, "Hinata...please." He nodded at Sensei to continue.

"They were able to restart his heart for a while in the ambulance...but it stopped again," his voice got just a bit tight, and it was kind of obvious that he was using a lot of willpower to hold it together, "and they couldn't start it again. Sugawara-kun is," his voice cracked just a bit, "no longer with us."

For the second time that day, Shouyou's world slowed down - only this time it almost came to a complete stop. Nothing around him existed anymore, he was pretty sure that he heard Shimizu-senpai, Yachi, and even Asahi-san crying. Maybe Noya-san screaming angry words. Whatever it was though, just kind of faded into a low buzzing sound. His vision blurred and for a second he thought that meant he was going to faint or something, until he felt the tears drip out of his eyes and onto his legs.

Coach Ukai clasped his hands together and rubbed them against the lower half of his face, as if he was trying to maintain his own composure, "Practice is canceled tomorrow morning and afternoon, probably for the rest of the week too - I don't know yet, that's up to you kids. It's not important right now."

Takeda-sensei nodded, "If you need to take the next day or two off of school, please do. I'll speak with the dean, and if he tries to give you any trouble, just come right to me and I'll see what I can do."

Shouyou wanted to say something, anything - a thank you, a question about just how Sensei was going to stand up to the dean, an accusation that this was just some terrible prank - he just wanted to be able to open his mouth and talk. But every time he tried, more tears would spill out of his eyes and trail their way down to his mouth. It was salty and gross and made him feel like a big baby. He thought of every single sad moment in his life and none of them could compare to the crushing feeling he felt at that very moment, and it just made him want to cry more.

He rubbed at his eyes uselessly. "It's not fair!" was all that could run through his mind, "It's not fair! It's not fair! It's. Not. Fair!"

...
I can't say I'm sorry at all~

Originally this was meant to be a fill for for an hqkink meme prompt: "one of the Karusano boys (except Tanaka) suddenly drops dead during practice from an undiagnosed heart problem", but as I started planning it out in my head and trying to write it, I realized just how much I wanted to write and how it wouldn't just impact these poor kids and everyone else just in the moment. Death is about coping and mourning as well, and just how you move on from it. So a lot of this story will be about that, and all the repercussions that go along with it. A lot of characters might not show up in this story, but they'll definitely be mentioned.

It's been a while since I've done some hardxcore writing and I might have gotten some of the honorifics wrong since holy shit there's a metric fuckton of characters with different relationships. Let me know if you notice anything.

In the meantime I'll be wringing my hands together and laughing as I write the next chapter.