"DARIAN"
Excerpt 01:
"Estimating Self-Esteem"
INTRODUCTION:
What if: Daria and Quinn were both born as boys?
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
This fanfiction is modelled after the original Daria
Episode 101 "Esteemsters" written by Glenn Eichler. I have used/borrowed/stolen
the transcript, without permission from "Outpost Daria". That is why certain
dialogues and events are repeated, but not all.
OPENING SEQUENCE
MUSIC: "YOU'RE STANDING ON MY NECK" BY SPLENDORA
EXT. ROAD IN LAWNDALE – DAY
Helen's car, a red sport utility vehicle, is on its way to the Lawndale
High School.
INT. HELEN'S CAR – DAY
Helen drives, Quentin sits beside her and Darian is on the backseat.
Rock music comes from the car radio, until Helen switches it off to talk
with her two sons.
HELEN:
Boys, this is an important day for you both: The first day at a new
school.
QUENTIN:
Of course Mom. The first appearance is the most important so please…
no cuddling in front of the others.
HELEN:
Quentin! That was only once in middle school!
QUENTIN:
You made me ridiculous in front of my whole class.
HELEN: (rolls her eyes)
I told you I was sorry then. But we have moved into a whole new town.
Which give you a golden opportunity to make new friends… do you heard what
I say Darian?
DARIAN:
It seems you think Quentin doesn't need to pay attention to your last
statement.
HELEN:
Darian! I just want to say to give other people a chance.
DARIAN:
As if they ever gave me a chance.
HELEN:
Darian!
EXT. ENTRANCE OF THE LAWNDALE HIGH – DAY
The car stops in front of the school. Several kids are standing
around.
DARIAN VOICE OVER:
By the way mom, Quentin said no cuddling but you still can give him
a goodbye smooch.
QUENTIN VOICE OVER:
GAH!
Quentin leaps out the car, but outside Quentin he gets again a grip on himself and walks self secure to a bunch of boys.
QUENTIN:
Hey.
He passes 3 girls and glances at them with a smile.
Then he walks further to a bunch of boys.
QUENTIN:
Hi, I am Quentin Morgendorffer.
Knowing that the 3 girls are still staring at him from behind, he
turns swift around to them and gives them a second smile.
Then he turns back to the boys and starts to talk about his previous
middle school football career in Texas.
ASIAN AMERICAN GIRL:
He is soooooo *cute*.
GIRL WITH BROWN BRAIDS:
Where does he live?
GIRL WITH A FAKE VALLEY GIRL ACCENT:
His family must have moved here recently…
Not that *looks* are important, but he has no driving license.
She nods at Helen's car.
INT. HELEN'S CAR – DAY
HELEN:
Darian. I know it is a difficult period of adjustment.
DARIAN:
Yes mom. I take care of my little bro.
HELEN:
No, Darian I mean…
DARIAN:
Bye mom.
EXT. ENTRANCE OF THE LAWNDALE HIGH – DAY
Darian gets out the car. The 3 girls take a glimpse at him, and
turn their heads away like he was just arriving from a leper colony.
DARIAN: (mutters)
I am feeling already like in my old school.
INT. SCHOOL PSYCHOLOGIST OFFICE – DAY
Mrs. Manson is sitting with Quentin.
MRS. MANSON:
Principle Li has informed you about the small psychological exam you
have to take. So let's start now.
(she shows Quentin a picture)
Make up a little story about what these two people are discussing.
QUENTIN:
Let's see... they have been going out for a while, and she is upset
because they are not going steady.
And he says… no he actually make hints that she is not the only girl
on this planet. And when she is not able to just accept movies and burgers,
then there are others who will. I know it is cruel, but sometimes you should
be cruel to be kind. Since nowadays most of the people marry with *thirty*
and expecting…
MRS. MANSON: (cutting him off, slightly annoyed by his views of men-women
relationships)
Very *nice*, Quentin!
AFTER SOME TIME
INT. SCHOOL PSYCHOLOGIST OFFICE – DAY
Mrs. Manson is sitting with Darian.
MRS. MANSON:
Principle Li has informed you about the small psychological exam you
have to take. So let's start now.
(she shows Darian a picture)
Now Dorian…
DARIAN:
It is Darian.
MRS. MANSON:
Excuse me… Now, what do you see in the picture. Darren.
DARIAN:
... A herd of beautiful wild ponies running free across the plains.
MRS. MANSON:
Ponies?
DARIAN:
Yes ponies… ridden by fierce Mongols who are about attacking an undefended
city.
MRS. MANSON:
You are mistaking this for a Rorschach test! In this test, you have
to tell me what these two people are discussing about.
DARIAN:
Okay it is about two people discussing… a herd of beautiful wild ponies
running free across the plains ridden by fierce Mongols who are about attacking
an undefended city.
AFTER SOME TIME
INT. LAWNDALE HIGH – HISTORY CLASS WITH MR. DEMARTINO
The recess bell rings.
MR. DEMARTINO:
Please welcome a new STUDENT joining us today: DARIAN Morgendorffer.
Please raise your hand.
(Darian does so and DeMartino chuckles evil)
WELL, as long as you have your hand raised...
PERHAPS you might enlighten us, by referring a subject about this week
UNIT: The Westward Expansion.
So Darian, can you concisely and unemotionally SUM up for us the doctrine
of Manifest Destiny?
DARIAN:
I didn't had that subject at my old school yet.
MR. DEMARTINO:
I think you KNOW the answer.
DARIAN: (trying to be cool)
Uhm… It is a kind of catchphrase about the winning of the west with
Trekkies?
MR. DEMARTINO:
Ah a GLIMPSE of the correct answer, but not enough. More detailed please
DARIAN:
I pass.
MR. DEMARTINO: (sceptic)
You pass? Now look Mr. Morgendorffer, if you think it is cool to flunk
on PURPOSE in *MY* history class for the sake of NOT appearing as a BRAIN.
Than you can do that AT my colleague Mrs BARCH!
But in MY class, in MY realms I WON'T tolerate so-called COOL-impersonating
practices.
Either you give me the correct answer or I give the WHOLE class DOUBLE
homework and a QUIZ tomorrow. Then you will see if your colleagues WILL
accept the charade you are trying to inflict on THEM.
My son:
WHAT IS THE MANIFEST DESTINY?
DARIAN: (dry with resignation)
Manifest Destiny was a popular slogan around the 1840's. It was used
by people who claimed it was the Will of God for the USA to expand all
the way to the Pacific Ocean.
MR. DEMARTINO: (smiles at him)
Very good, as I expected. DARIAN. You shouldn't be afraid of showing
OFF your intellect.
Darian glares at him. Knowing how cruel preppy kids can be to intellectual kids. He isn't quite surprise about the dialogue taking place behind his back.
HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL QB:
Eww, a brain!
HIGH SCHOOL CHEERLEADER:
Yes, and isn't it strange: They look all the same.
Darian scowls at the misery of life.
INT. LAWNDALE HIGH – CORRIDOR
Quentin is talking with the 3 girls mentioned above, Sandi, Tiffany
and Stacy.
STACY:
So, you have got any sisters or brothers?
QUENTIN:
I am an only child.
TIFFANY:
Ohhhhhh… that must be hard to be all alone.
Darian passes by.
SANDI:
*Excuse* me Quentin, but what about *that* boy, who was with you in
the car?
QUENTIN: (innocent)
He is my cousin. He has to live with us, but he is moving out shortly.
Unnoticed by them, Darian turns his head around and glares at Quentin.
INT. THE HOME OF THE MORGENDORFFERS – KITCHEN – EVENING
Jake, Helen, Quentin and Darian are having a lasagne-dinner.
JAKE:
My son Quentin, in a high school football team. I am so proud of you.
HELEN:
Ehem Jake! You have forgotten to ask Darian how his first school day
was?
JAKE:
Who?… Gah, of course Darian… How was school?
DARIAN:
Well, my history teacher has decided to threat me like the son he never
had. A circumstance, which undoubtedly has inspired my fellow students
to fill the vacant post of the class nerd with me.
JAKE:
That is great… Quentin can you show me again you high school jacked?
HELEN:
Jake!
JAKE:
Helen I said: That is great!
(turns to Quentin)
Quentin do you think you can become quarterback or even captain?
Quentin looks at his wristwatch.
QUENTIN:
Sorry Dad. No time! I have to hurry, I got a date… well two dates.
Bye.
Quentin stands up and walks out.
JAKE:
Ahh, my son, my joy. In a football team and with two dates on a Monday.
Darian tries to eat without any expression. Helen glares at Jake. Until Jake understands he should say something positive to his other son.
JAKE:
Well Darian… ehem… do you know when is the next play of Quentin's football
te…
HELEN: (cutting him off)
Jake, I had a phone call before dinner. It was the school psychologist.
Our boys took a psychological test at school today.
JAKE:
WHAT? Did they found something against Quentin? Damnation! The same
they did to me in my High School to keep me from a football career!
HELEN:
No it was about Darian.
JAKE:
Ah good…
(Helen glares at him even more)
I mean no… not good… not… again.
HELEN:
It is nothing severe, Jake. They just want Darian to take a special
class for a few weeks.
JAKE: (startles)
*Special* class? You mean with *special*…
HELEN:
A special *self-esteem* class to improve his confidence, dear.
JAKE:
That really stinks! Since when does one my sons have low self-esteem?
DARIAN: (dry)
Don't worry. The self-esteem of the other son will balance it out again.
JAKE:
I will say!
HELEN: (angry)
Darian, not again! We tell you over and over again that you are as
wonderful as your brother but you just don't want to get it.
(she slams her fists on table)
What is wrong with you???!!
DARIAN: (dry)
Sorry mom.
HELEN: (feeling guilty about her previous anger)
Look… you are in a brand-new school in a brand-new town. I am only
asking you to be not so critical. Try not to judge people until you know
them. Give people the benefit of the doubt.
Make some friend… proper friends. Not like the last ones.
DARIAN:
What was wrong with them? (beat, pretending he would regain forgotten
memories)
…Ah yes they *blew* themselves up.
JAKE:
Oh by the way, did you got the fire-lighter back you have borrowed
those two?
DARIAN:
No. The police still want to keep it as evidence.
END CHAPTER 1
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