disclaimer: i dreamt i was stephenie meyer last night. then i woke up and remembered im not.

"Emmett." groaned Esme, "What were you possibly thinking?"

Emmett pouted. "Jasper told me…"

"Haven't you learned better than to listen to Jasper? He's the one that told you you needed to put sand in your pockets or you'd float to the moon. He's the one who told you you had to scream 'kumquat' once an hour, on the hour, or you'd be eaten by the boogieman. He's the one who told you if you flushed every toilet in the house at the same time you'd see the Easter bunny. He's the one-"

"Wait," said Emmett, "You mean he lied? You won't see the Easter Bunny if you do that?"

Esme sighed and shook her head. Jasper cracked up. Esme turned and glared at him. " Don't think you're not in trouble mister! Why in the world would you tell him Mr. Brown down the street was an evil dentist who ate kitty cats for breakfast?"

Jasper shrugged. "How was I supposed to know he was going to attack him dressed up like Cat Woman?"

Esme rubbed her temples. "Emmett, go take the kittens back to the pet store. Jasper, go to your room, think about the next thing you're going to say to Emmett, then don't say it."

Jasper nodded and headed up stairs. Emmett walked over to the box he'd set on the table full of kittens.

"It was good fighting with you my loyal subjects." whispered Emmett to the kittens. "And don't worry about the scary lady, we'll see each other again. Be on the lookout for the cat sign." he sighed and pulled one of the kittens out. "Except you." he said. "I'll set you free. Be safe Mucherkins Icklebottom Pikalicious." then he bit the kitten, and set it outside as the venom leaked into the poor kitten's system. He hummed Miley Cyrus tunes to himself as he set off for the pets store.

"IM GONNA START ALL OVER!" he screamed at some old woman who happened to be walking by.

"NO!" she screamed, took her purse, and beat him over the head. "YEAH, HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW SONNY?"

Emmett looked behind her, pointed, and screamed, "OMC IS THAT HALF PRICE ON PRUNE WHIP??"

"WHERE?" screamed the woman, hobbling off in the direction he'd pointed.

"Phew." he said. He continued skipping into the sunset.

"OMC!" screamed some girl who was randomly walking by. "Those are the cutest kittens I've ever seen!"

"Yo mamma!" screamed Emmett.

"YO FACE!" the girl screamed back.

"Take that back!" he gasped, snapping his fingers in a Z formation. "Do I even know you?"

"Yeah," the girl said, sounding confused, "I'm Jessica, and I go to your high school, remember?"

"…"

"…"

"YO MAMMA!" and Emmett continued with his skipping.

Finally, Emmett got to the outside of the pet store. "This is where I leave you friends." He sniffed.

"Hey Emmett!" said Mike Newton, walking by. "How's it going man?"

"Here Mike!" Emmett said through his non- existent tears, "Take this into the pet store for me. Before I lose it big time." He let out a sob.

Mike gave him a strange look but took the box into the store. Emmett sat down on the step and started to cry, ignoring the shouts of, "THERE'S THE CAT ROBBER! GET HIM!" coming from inside.

He sniffed. "I really need to get new friends." and then he went home to force Jasper to wallow in depression with him.

Back With The Volturi…

"Aro!" said Caius, sounding angry. "Does someone need another timeout?"

Aro started to weep non-existent tears. "NO! Not the chair! I promise I won't do it again!"

Demetri sighed. "How many times must we tell you Aro? You can't eat Alec."

"But he looks so tasty!" whined Aro. "Like a giant pancake!"

"Aro," said Felix in amusement, "Alec looks nothing like a pancake."

"I KNOW!" wailed Aro, beating his fists on the floor, "But it's been so long since I had one!"

"That's it!" said Caius finally. "You're grounded!"

Aro seemed to ponder this. "I'm grounded in the castle?"

"No, we can't scar Alec for life like that." Caius shook his head. "You're grounded to Forks, to stay with Carlisle until we come get you."

"YAY!" cheered Aro, "FIELD TRIP!"

Caius rubbed his temples. "Go pack your bags." He didn't look up until he could hear Aro skipping down the hall to his room.

"Master?" asked Jane.

"Yes?"

"We're not coming back for him are we?"

"Maybe Jane, I don't know." Caius sighed. "It depends on how much damage he does to Forks."

"Who's going to escort him to Forks?" asked Felix. Suddenly, everyone turned to look at him. "Oh no." he said. "There is no way that I would ever-"

"I'll save you a fat tourist…" offered Heidi.

"I'll let you sit on Aro's chair…" offered Caius.

"I won't torture you till you lose your voice from screaming." said Jane sweetly.

"You drive a hard bargain Jane," said Felix nervously. "I'm in."

Jane smiled and turned to find her brother. "I knew you'd see it my way Felix."

He smiled at her back and then broke into a run before she changed her mind. Vampires don't lose their voices.

"Aro?" he asked as he stuck his head through Aro's door.

"The piggy goes Oink, Oink. The doggy goes Bark, Bark. NO DORA! SWIPER IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU! Now, do I take my pink skinny jeans or my lime green ones?" then he turned and saw Felix. His face darkened. "You didn't see anything."

"Yes sir!" said Felix nervously. "Are you ready to go?"

"OKEY DOKEY!" Aro squealed. "SHOTGUN!" and he ran out of the room. Felix groaned, grabbed Aro's suitcase, and cursed the world, evil dictators, skinny jeans, and little angelic girls.

He sat in the driver's seat and started the car. "You want to listen to the radio Aro?" he asked hoping to distract him for the ride. Aro was already twiddling the dials.

"OH I LOVE THIS SONG!" he squealed. He started to sing along. Felix hadn't realized what song was on the radio until- "I KISSED A GIRL AND I LIKED IT! THE TASTE OF HER CHERRY CHAPSTICK! I KISSED A GIRL JUST TO TRY IT! HOPE MY BOYFRIEND DON'T MIND IT!" Felix groaned and hoped Alec was enjoying his freedom. Because Felix was going to murder him the second he got home. He looked over at Aro, who was now attempting the Macarena in the car. The very second.