Author's Note: I thought I should just write a small crack fic about Kanda Yu
Author's Note: Just a light read.
Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-man…because if I did…oh, the joys I would have…
"Do the Panic"
It was a rainy afternoon when the apprentice Bookman decided he was bored. Slipping out of the library that the elder Bookman had confined him to, he sought out some way to end his boredom.
It was that same afternoon that a certain snowy-haired exorcist concluded that he could not stand his boredom any longer. Who better to seek out than Lavi? Allen knew that he would undoubtedly be in the Library, reading or researching for the Bookman as part of his apprenticeship, but as he walked through the long hallways of the Order, each corridor looked suspiciously the same. Confirming that he was indeed lost, and had to nope to find the library on his own, the young exorcist marched back the way he came, heading instead towards the cafeteria where Jerry could dish out something good for him to snack on.
Now that Allen had established snack-time as his goal, he was all smiles as he went on his was towards the cafeteria. He dashed to the order window, but suddenly smashed into a cloaked person.
"Oh, sorry," Allen apologized, not expecting there to be a line at this time of day for Jerry's cooking.
"Che," the cloaked person turned around to reveal the very angry face of Kanda Yu.
"K…Kanda…"
"What do you want, moyashi?" His tone was harsher than usual. He must be annoyed at the unusually boring day.
"Nothing. And it's ALLEN, BaKanda! Call me Allen."
"Not even during sex, you idiot."
"Damn you, Ka--wait, what did you just say?!" Allen sputtered, but Kanda just scoffed, picking up his bowl of tempura and shuffling along to an empty table.
"Stupid feminine-face…" Allen muttered, still baffled. He would never think Kanda would say something like that, not even as a comeback. He would have settled for a death threat any day. Allen ordered a simple 20 plates of mitarashi dango and sat at the far side of the cafeteria, away from the raven-haired exorcist.
"Hahaha! Allen!! I knew you'd be here!" Lavi cheered, plopping down at the seat across from Allen. Studying the boy's demeanor, he didn't even wait for a return greeting from the other boy before continuing, "Hey, Allen. What's wrong? You seem kinda out of it…"
"Oh, uhm…it's just Kanda…" Allen said nervously, shooting a wary glance at his offender.
"Hmm?" Allen noticed that Lavi had quite the arsenal of expressions, despite having the use of only one eye.
"Nothing…he's just being…mean, again…" The cursed boy picked his words carefully, for saying that Kanda was being "himself" would be…very incorrect.
"Hehehe, hey, Allen…" Lavi grinned creepily as he leaned across the table, closer to Allen, "look at this." Then, the red head whipped a bottle out of his left pocket. He held the vial by the top, swishing the contents in a circle between his thumb and pointer finger. It had no label on it, but it was a very ugly purple color.
"Wh…what's that, Lavi?"
"Wanna have some fun with Yu-chan??" His grin seemed to get wider.
"That…doesn't answer my question…"
Lavi snickered, "I dunno. I found it on Komui's desk on the way here. Haha, as I said, wanna have some fun?"
Now, Allen knew that anything coming from Komui must be dangerous. I mean, look at Komurin! And there was what, like…3 of those things?! He couldn't remember at the time, but he knew that he should stay away from whatever is in that vial.
But dark Allen beamed inside of him and the curiosity was killing him, "Alright Lavi."
"Hey, Yu-chan!" Lavi squealed, running up to said person.
"Do you want to die?" Kanda asked menacingly. Lavi, already used to the threats took notice that Kanda was a slow eater, and was really greatful.
"Hey, Kanda, I think someone behind you is trying to touch your hair!"
"What?!" As Kanda whipped around to catch the non-existing culprit, Lavi poured the contents of the vial into his half-eaten tempura. Turning back, he glared at Lavi, "You baka-usagi, there's no one there."
"Really, my mistake! Well, gotta run! Bye, Yu-chan!" Lavi ran like a wild animal, grabbing Allen and dragging him through the doors to the cafeteria.
"We…are bad people…" Allen remarked innocently as he watched Kanda resume eating through a crack in the door.
"Hey, Allen…it's been almost an hour…do you think anything happened to Kanda?" Lavi asked. Currently they were both seated on the steps that lead to the dorms. Both exorcists had seen Kanda pace off to his room, seemingly as normal as any other day.
"I dunno.." Allen replied, but as soon as those words came out, Kanda actually slid down the railing of the steps…with a Daisy in his hair?!
"K…Kanda?" Allen stared first at the flower in the elder exorcist's hair and then at the uncharacteristically happy smile on the usually stony face.
"I…feel pwetty." Kanda stated to them.
Lavi giggled, "Oh, so pwetty?"
"And gay, too!" Kanda sung as he spun on his heels, skipping away.
Lavi was just about to follow the (drunk?) Kanda as Allen tugged him back, "Oh God…what did you do to him?!"
"Whatever it is…it's funny!" Lavi grinned then turned to run after the swordsman, "Yu-chan!! I can make you prettier!!"
And this is how Kanda ended up in Allen's room with a maid outfit trimmed with lace and girly ribbons. The skirt was so short that you could see where his stockings met his pink laced garter. The swordsman's now hot pink hair was tied to either side of his head with red ribbons. Kanda was also given cat ears and high heels to complete the outfit.
Allen stared speechless at Kanda while Lavi left the room to find a camera. Where the apprentice Bookman had gotten those clothes, Allen would never know.
"Stop staring, moyashi…" Kanda muttered, blushing slightly.
"It's….Allen…" he replied dumbly.
"Remember what I said before?" Kanda questioned while Allen seemed surprised that Kanda remembered anything before he was slipped the potion in his tempura.
"About…the s…the s…the se…" Allen couldn't get the words out.
"'Not even during sex, idiot,' remember?" He inched closer to Allen as he quoted himself.
"Yeah…?"
"Have sex with me!!" Kanda pounced on him.
Lavi busted in the door with his camera to find Allen with his shirt undone, looking very breathless. Kanda was sitting on top of the boy, very satisfied.
"What…did you do?"
"Nothing yet…you interrupted me!" Kanda pouted, smoothing out his skirt and walking out.
Allen, mortified clutched at Lavi's collar, shaking him unforgivingly, "What the hell did you give him?! Change him back!!"
"Sorry, sorry, sorry!" Lavi cried as he was still being shaken.
"I don't care just change him back!" Allen shook him with more force, nearly sickening his friend.
"I don't know how!" Lavi shouted, but was then abruptly dropped. He rubbed his back, eye tearing up from the impact.
"Where's Kanda?"
"Shit."
The two searched down the hallways for any sign of the missing feminine Kanda until they heard screams erupting from the science department.
Kicking in the door, Allen and Lavi were greeted by a very clean science department. No papers whatsoever were on the floor as usual, but instead the department was adorned with flowers and ribbons on the walls and desks. Johnny stumbled into them.
"What happened, Johnny?" Allen knelt down to help him.
"It's…Kanda…" the exorcists tensed up at the mention of their comrad's name.
"What…?"
"Kanda…decorated!! He cleaned!! All the papers are filed! I can't find anything! EVERYONE'S GONE CRAZY!!" the fuzzy haired scientist screamed dramatically before passing out.
"Uhm…." Allen sweat dropped.
"Moyashi!" Allen turned to see Kanda equipped with a duster, but the way he said the nickname was the polar opposite from his common icy tone.
"Allen-kun! Lavi-kun!!" That would be Komui, running with a drill in said exorcists' directing, and the rest of the scientist were looking very menacing to say the least.
Leaping over the broken doors, they ran to escape the wrath of the science department. Kanda was the fastest however, and kept the pace easily, "Moyashi!"
Allen turned to see exactly how far away Kanda was, but was met with him face-to-face. The next thing he knew Kanda had fallen into him, pushing him to the ground and…kissing him?!
Shocked, the science department stopped, taking in the spectacle before them. Lavi, hearing the crash turned to behold a very surprising, but hot sight. Allen squirmed beneath Kanda, but steadily returned the kiss, deepening it. He felt Kanda stroking his face as his eyes slid shut just from the overwhelming feelings.
But that comforting hand soon turned into a slap that resounded in the hall. "What the hell, moyashi?!" Kanda took in the situation and his clothing…and his pink hair.
"Ah!!" Allen crawled away from him.
"WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Kanda yelled trying to grab at the cursed boy.
"Sorry, Kanda!" Lavi piped up, "We couldn't help ourselves!"
Kanda, embarrassed beyond all belief, punched both exorcists before storming up to his room to wash to change and wash the color out in the nearest bathroom.
"I'm really going to kill them next time…" Kanda muttered to himself as he brushed his hair, noting a little pink here and there and decided he would wash again in the morning in the shower in his room.
Well…that following morning, a roar could be heard echoing in the Order. That roar came from Kanda Yu.
"Oh, Allen…I kinda also replaced the soap in his room, too…" Lavi chuckled
Kanda dashed down the stairs with very unsightly neon green hair.
No one in the Order ever found out about the mysteriously clean science department, and no one found out the true purpose of the potion that was given to Kanda.
"Let's see what we can do to Kanda next time, 'kay, Allen?" Lavi said as they were running for their lives.
"Next time?!"
Author's Note: Hahah. That's the first time I've written anything remotely funny. Usually everything I do is dark in some way or another. But thanks for putting up with it!
Review and tell me how I did!