Disclaimer: Hannibal doesn't belong to me. I'm not doing any profit with this story.
Summary: After a horseback riding, Margot and Alana discuss about the wisdom (or foolishness) of moving back home.
Universe: Hannibal (TV show)
Ships: Alana Bloom/Margot Verger
A.N¹: This fic was written for the #ItsStillBeautiful challenge, in celebration of the one year anniversary of The Wrath of the Lamb – if you want to know more about it, check the tumblr hannibalcreative!
This fic takes place a year after The Wrath of the Lamb, unbeta'd.
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Like A Bird In Flight
By Mychelle in a Wonderland
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"I don't think this is a good idea, Margot."
"Of course it is. You just need to relax."
"It's easy for you to say."
"Look, this is not the first time we did this, not the second, or even the sixth. Just relax and hold on tight, alright?"
When Margot spoke, her words came out in a teasing tone; Alana could tell that she was doing her best to not laugh at her.
"Can we go?"
Alana sighed, and put her arms tighter around Margot's waist.
"Yes."
That was all the incentive that Margot needed; with a quick movement of her arms, she put Spinel in a trot, making Alana cling to her.
Spinel was a beauty of a horse, a large Friesian with brilliant, stunning black hair and who was extremely docile with Margot since they started to live in here.
Alana couldn't say the same for herself. Not that Spinel hated her - the horse never seemed hostile with her, but she never had the same love of horses that Margot and Morgan shared. They were good animals, but far too big and strong for Alana's taste, and she hated riding a horse for too long - her back would start to ache, and it wouldn't stop aching for days.
Margot was aware of it, and respected Alana's wishes, but she also knew that Alana had an exception for her dislike of riding a horse; she knew that Alana liked it if she was riding in the same horse that Margot was.
When the horse would just start moving would be the worst part, the part where she would really cling to Margot's waist with all she got. Margot never complained, even if the constriction was probably uncomfortable for her.
But after a few minutes Alana would get used to the sensation and it would slowly become pleasant; it was nice to be moved like this, hearing Spinel's strong paws running into the ground, having her face pressed against Margot's shoulder blades, feeling the wind in her face.
It was such a liberating sensation that was capable to make Alana forget everything else for a few minutes and concentrate only in the present, only in her senses; it was priceless, and the reason she still accepted this invitation whenever Margot invited her.
They didn't ride for too long - they never did, no more than ten minutes - but it was more than enough to put a smile in Alana's face that still persisted when Margot helped her dismount.
"I told you it was a great idea."
"You were right, I'll admit," Alana shook her head, still smiling "I should listen to you more often."
"That's what I keep telling you."
They were both on the ground now, and a young man came in their direction, asking if he could put Spinel in the stable now or if they would want to ride with him for more time.
"No, you can let him rest now," Margot said, caressing his horsehair before letting the man take him away.
Alana graciously waited until the man and Spinel were almost reaching the stables to speak again.
"I think Spinel is easier on me than Moonstone ever was. I think I like him better."
Margot arched an eyebrow at her, amused.
"You are getting along with a horse? Last time I checked, you still had reservations with even Applejack…"
"I don't have reservations with Applejack," Alana protested "I just don't like letting him alone with Morgan for too long, that's all."
Margot was giving her a sceptical look, a sign that she was not buying Alana's excuses.
But Alana still thought that she was right. Applejack was a lovely, cream-colored foal that was born just before Alana and Margot moved to Europe. Applejack was also Morgan's best friend; he was enamoured with the little horse since he put his eyes on him for the first time. When Alana explained that they were moving to another continent, he cried and threw a full tantrum because he was afraid that he was going to get separated from Applejack, but Margot assured him that they would have Applejack moved for their new house after only a few days.
And Moonstone was Margot's favourite horse; it was the horse Margot was riding when Alana entered the Verger state for the first time. Margot seemed to have a true connection with that horse, and it broke Alana's heart when Margot declared that she wouldn't transfer Moonstone for their new European house, both for fear of calling too much unwanted attention and because she didn't want to take Moonstone away from the place that he was used to live.
Moonstone always seemed vaguely hostile for Alana, as if the horse didn't think Alana was worthy of spending so much time with Margot, and so Alana avoided to stay close to the horse for too long. Margot thought it was foolish, but Alana didn't want to inflame even more of Moonstone's jealousy.
Now Margot had Spinel, and she seemed to be fonder of him each passing day, but Alana knew it wasn't the same. She still had Applesauce, Morgan had his Applejack, and Margot surely missed her Moonstone.
"I still think you're unfair with them," Margot shook her head "But Spinel is really sweet. I'm really thinking about keeping him for me. Moonstone will be jealous at first, I'm sure, but he'll get used."
"Oh, you're thinking about bringing Moonstone here?" Alana asked, surprised; Margot never mentioned it before.
Margot bit her lip, and very slowly took off her riding hat, holding it in her hands.
"No… but I'm thinking about planning our return home."
That made Alana tense in the same instant.
"Pardon?"
Margot sighed.
"This is something I've wanted to talk about with you for a while now."
"And you chose to do it here?"
The indignation in Alana's voice was loud and clear, but Margot only crossed her arms.
"I tried at home, but you seem to sense what I'm going to say, because you always manage to distract me or change the subject."
Alana looked affronted at her wife, and without one more word, turned her back.
"Alana, don't do this."
"I'm taking a walk!"
"Them let me walk with you!"
Alana stopped, crossing her arms and waiting for Margot to catch up with her.
"Let's take a walk through the fields, and let's talk while we do it."
"Margot…"
"Alana, please," Margot sighed again "I'm tired of delaying it."
"Fine," Alana relented, and resumed her walk, Margot by her side now.
Despite Margot's apparent need to talk, she waited until Alana was the one to speak first.
"You know we can't go back, Margot. It would be suicidal."
Margot took a deep breath, and looked firmly at Alana.
"You know I respect your judgment, Alana. I do, I swear. That's why I didn't blink or asked a second time when you told we would need to get out of the States. But now…"
"Now you don't trust my judgment anymore?" Alana interrupted, her voice full of anger.
"That's not what I said," Margot was getting annoyed, Alana could see it, even if she didn't care too much in that moment "I just can't help but think that you're letting your personal feelings getting in the way of your better judgment."
"Are you saying that I'm being too emotional to think straight? Is that what you're saying?"
"No! Look, I don't want to pick a fight with you Alana, so stop trying," There was a hard edge in Margot's voice now, and Alana nodded stiffly, willing to not push her more for now "I think that what I'm trying to say is that you need to accept that they are dead."
Alana quickly shook her head in denial.
"You don't know that."
"The FBI says they're dead. Every single specialist says they're dead. We know for a fact that they were heavily injured when they jumped off that cliff. It's been a year since that now, and not a single sight of either of them. Alana, they're dead."
"You don't know that!" Alana almost shouted "I've seen Will Graham and Hannibal Lecter survive things that I would have thought impossible if they were any other person. I'll never believe they're dead until I see bodies, Margot, and that's final."
"And in the meantime you're willing to stop living your life?"
This time Alana stopped walking, and turned to face Margot.
"Excuse me?"
"You know what I mean. You have been so worried this past year that you have barely done anything else."
"I never stopped working. Or taking care of our son while you are away," Alana said, not being able to hide the accusations in her voice.
Margot closed her eyes for an instant but didn't take the bait, having a lifetime of experience of getting used to swallow her anger.
"I have been working far less than before, considering that I can hardly leave Palermo. And all your work is unfinished research papers, since you don't take patients anymore."
"I'm still not that fluent in Italian to take patients, you know that."
"One more reason for us to come back home."
Alana still had her arms crossed, too much on the edge to answer.
"The reason we came to live in Palermo was because Hannibal could hardly return to Italy if he was free on this world. But after everything happened, don't you think that it will be safer back home? If he is alive - which I don't believe he is - North America is probably the most dangerous place for him to be."
Alana sighed; Margot was being nothing but kind and patient, and it was making her anger quickly turn into despair.
"I can admit that you were right. I'm letting my feelings affect my judgement. But Margot, you weren't there," Alana swallowed "You didn't have to stand tall and still and hear Hannibal Lecter say that one day he would come after you. Worst yet was to hear him talking that he would come after you, Margot, and our child. And I…"
Alana took a deep breath, feeling her eyes starting to get wet.
"Of course I worry about myself, I'm very attached to my life. But the idea that he might come after you… after Morgan…. Margot, I will do anything I can to protect us. You can't fight me on this. Please don't fight me on this."
"I'm not fighting you, baby," Margot whispered "I just want you to consider the option that our demons may be dead."
"I don't know about that," Alana whispered back.
"Then consider the option of coming back home. A place where we have acquaintances, where you actually know the language… and more important for you, a place where Hannibal Lecter can never go back."
Alana remained silent, so Margot seemed to take it as an invitation to carry on.
"Think, love, think. In the unlikely scenery where Hannibal Lecter is alive, he is much more likely to live here in Europe than in the United States. He loves the old world, and America is far too dangerous to him, considering what he did there. He was - or fine, is - a brilliant man. He would do the best for himself always."
Margot took a pause and looked at Alana, who was slowly getting convinced - reluctantly convinced, but convinced nevertheless.
"And in the equally unlikely scenery where Will Graham is alive with him… do you think he would want to bring Will back to the place he spent his whole life? He would want to keep him away from any familiarity that wasn't himself."
Alana shook her head.
"You know I don't pray, but in my weakest moments I pray that Will is dead. I dread to think what sort of things Hannibal would be doing with him otherwise."
Margot sighed.
"They had a very complicated relationship. For all we know, if they survived the fall they might have got each other killed within the first week, or they might be right now walking hand in hand on a beach while Hannibal feeds Will strawberries. But the point is that we don't know, Alana."
"Margot…"
"You think I don't get it?" Margot interrupted her "Should I remind you that I spent almost all my life living with a lunatic? In the same house? In my eyes, even Hannibal Lecter doesn't get to be as utterly despicable as my brother was. And I had to live decades with him, often wondering if I would live to see the light of another day. Love, I know what it's like to live with fear."
"But Margot, it's… it's different," Alana tried, frustrated. She hated when Margot spoke about Mason; she hated to remember his existence, hated to remember all the evil things he did with Margot.
"Of course is different. Mason was very real, while Hannibal is a shadow of a threat hovering upon your head. Something that might happen, but you're not sure if it ever will."
"He still seems so real for me," Alana whispered.
"I know. That's one of the reasons I want to go back. We're only avoiding everything by staying here, Alana. I just want to see you happy again, not looking nervous at every shadow you see. I want our son to live with more freedom, I want to carry on our work of transforming the Verger legacy, and I just…"
Margot took one of Alana's hands on hers.
"I just want to live our lives without the constant fear that one day a man will come to ruin everything."
Alana squeezed Margot's hand back.
"I… I honestly don't know what to tell you now, Margot. I have to think. You said a lot, and I can admit that you're probably right in most things… but let me think for a while, yeah?"
Margot smiled this time, and Alana smiled back without even noticing - she loved being able to put a smile on that beautiful face.
"Just think about it, then. I won't do a thing without you agreeing, but be aware that I would never do anything to put you and Morgan in danger, not ever."
Alana agreed with a small nod. It was nothing but the truth - Margot loved their son, and loved her. Just like Alana, she would do anything to protect their little family. And Alana was certain that she was going to ponder about everything for a few days, at least a week, considering how serious a question it was, but still, deep down she thought she already knew her answer.
Margot started to pull back her hand, but before she could, Alana pulled her close and kissed her with both passion and tenderness. Margot let the riding hat fall on the grass, and put her hands around Alana's face.
After they separated, Alana put her arms around Margot's waist and squeezed tight, hiding a smile against Margot's neck; she was already imagining the expression on Moonstone's face when Margot introduced Spinel to him.
THE END
N.A.²: Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it! Comments are always welcome.