A/N: Won't make much sense to you, but tell that to Kakashi. Enjoy.
When you really love someone, you want the best for them. This is what Kakashi tells himself as he strips the clothing off of the young boy's body. He reminds himself over and over that there just wasn't any other way. He convinces himself that he's doing Naruto a favor. He's saving him. Even though, Kakashi knows that somewhere deep inside, a part of him knows that he's saving himself.
No matter what he thinks is right for the boy, he'll never allow himself to believe that all he had to do was try. If he granted himself the luxury of thinking that he had a chance, he would have failed. He knows that he's selfish for taking away any chance the blonde ever had, because Kakashi can't live with him. Kakashi's life isn't the way he thought it would be; admittedly, he expected something would be different. But he never expected to fall in love with a bratty, loud, arrogant thirteen year-old boy. At once, he knew it was impossible to have the son of his sensei, for the very obvious reasons his decision was based upon.
And Kakashi thinks to himself, as he digs a make shift grave in the Hokage's Yard, who can blame him? He had lost everything, and how insensible would it have been to lose something he never had in the first place? It wouldn't make sense to anyone one else if he said that, he knows, but it makes sense to him. And he already knows that contracting himself is a flaw he's been dealing with for as long as he can remember. It's his pathetic attempt to change. It obviously doesn't work, but at least he knows that only he'll be hurt by the decisions he makes.
He picks his burden up, and realizes, belatedly, that he has never touched the boy's skin. And he realizes that only way he can relish in its softness is if there are no heavenly blue eyes staring at him as if he's a monster. There aren't, but he's not grateful for that.
He lays Naruto in the hole. It's a shallow grave, and Kakashi isn't sure he wants to acknowledge why he didn't dig it deeper in the first place, but he supposes it might be because having a corpse in his apartment isn't the kind of close he wants to be with Naruto and three and a half feet under insect-infested dirt is about as close as he's going to get.
Putting the soil over him hurts, but Kakashi's heart feels lighter than it has in months.
It takes him until he only has a shovel scoop of dirt to see that he hasn't covered the dead blonde's face. He grimaces but doesn't cover it immediately.
Then, after more time passes he finishes the burial and steps back. In his head he's screaming so loud he can't think, but his eyes never shed a single tear. Naruto is at peace now. No more heckling, no more beatings, no more hatred. He would never have to worry about the world wanting him dead and an old man like him wanting something no young boy should have to even think about giving. And Kakashi….
Kakashi doesn't have to worry about being useless anymore. Naruto hated it when he never trained him, hated when he ignored him and scolded him in front of others. But killing him was the most helpful thing Kakashi has ever done. And he hopes Naruto doesn't hate him for that.
END
Sorry, I was feeling weird and this came out.