"DARIA'S LANE"
Excerpt 01:
"Party
me Hardly"
INTRODUCTION:
What if: Jane was born as a boy and Trent was born as
a girl?
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
This fanfiction is modelled after
the original Daria Episode 102 "The Invitation" written by Anne D. Bernstein.
I have used/borrowed/stolen the transcript, without permission from "Outpost
Daria". That is why certain dialogues and events are repeated, but not
all.
OPENING
SEQUENCE
MUSIC:
"YOU'RE STANDING ON MY NECK" BY SPLENDORA
EXT. SIDEWALK
IN LAWNDALE – DAY
Daria and
Quinn are on their way to school. Daria is smirking behind Quinn.
QUINN: (annoyed)
Daria! You
are following me.
DARIA:
You are not
going anymore to middle school you know. Hence you have to share the agony
of high school with your beloved sister, which includes walking in the
same way to school.
QUINN:
And why were
you smiling before? As if you knew I am going to be embarrassed.
DARIA:
I was only
laconic.
QUINN:
Lactose… nic?
A boy, with red jacket, long dark hair and blue eyes, sneaks up behind them. It is Zane.
ZANE: (loud)
*BOO!*
QUINN: (frightens)
Eep!
DARIA: (nearly
frightens)
Huh?
ZANE: (smiles)
Hey. Good
morning Morgendorffers.
QUINN:
Eww!
DARIA VOICE
OVER:
Hey… Zane.
DARIA:
Go to hell
Zane.
ZANE:
And Daria
is as cheerful as always.
QUINN:
Now listen…
*Zane*, if you want to have any chance of dating me, then you should change
your behaviour.
ZANE:
Perhaps, but
I want to enjoy life before I undergo a lobotomy.
QUINN:
Lactose… tomy?
DARIA VOICE
OVER: (chuckles)
Good one.
DARIA: (annoyed
deadpan)
Why don't
you molest some cheerleaders?
ZANE:
No thank you,
but my collection of sexual transmitted diseases is complete.
DARIA AND QUINN:
(shocked)
EWW!
Zane chuckles evil. He leaves them by walking faster. Quinn glares behind him.
QUINN: (outraged)
Captain of
the Lawndale High track team or not… he is such a… such a…
DARIA:
Jerk.
QUINN:
Yes.
DARIA: (deadpan)
After 15 years
we finally agree on something.
DARIA VOICE
OVER:
His blue eyes
sparkle like an ocean in space.
INT. LAWNDALE
HIGH – ART CLASS WITH MS. DEFOE
Daria is
sitting with Brittany on a table. Both are drawing sketches. Brittany seems
to have problems.
BRITTANY: (talking
to herself)
No not again!
Ah! I have forgotten all about perspectives. How was it again? Lefties,
Rightists…?
DARIA:
Centrists?
BRITTANY: (to
Daria)
Uhm Daria?
Can you help me? I think I forgotten everything about perspectives.
DARIA:
That is not
the only topic.
BRITTANY: (starts
sketching on her sheet)
I mean when…
for example I am in the mall… and the way down the end is the… Cashman's
department…
DARIA: (pulling
some lines on Brittany's sheet)
Then everything
is pointing to the entrance… this single spot on the horizon. That is the
one-point perspective.
BRITTANY:
Of course!
I remember again: The one-point perspective. And the two-point perspective
is like a long street, which stretches from one horizon to the other. Just
like in the "Road Runner" cartoons.
DARIA: (impressed
by Brittany's regained knowledge)
"Jeopardy"
here she comes. We still haven't had two-point perspectives, where did
you learn it?
BRITTANY:
From Zane.
DARIA: (beat)
Zane?
BRITTANY:
Yes, Zane
Lane. My *ex*-boyfriend.
DARIA: (beat)
Aha.
BRITTANY:
You know:
It turned then out we had nothing in common.
DARIA: (beat)
Aha.
BRITTANY:
But at least
he thought me how to draw.
DARIA: (bitter)
I think, that
is not the only thing he thought you.
BRITTANY: (getting
carried away in her memories)
Yes I know
it is hard to believe, that I fall once for him, since he is the school-bully.
Not that I have the hots for bad boys…
DARIA:
You mean jerks.
BRITTANY: (sentimental)
No I mean…
he is the best athlete of our school and he has won a lot of prizes for
the Lawndale High. He is a real track star. Further there is that certain
cuteness, when he shows his rebellious side.
DARIA VOICE
OVER:
Yeah.
DARIA:
Actually his
behaviour is more revolting than rebellious.
BRITTANY:
You don't
like him?
DARIA:
I never could
consort with sport jocks.
BRITTANY:
Consort???
Well to be honest Daria you are not that kind of girl Zane would be interested
in.
Daria glares
at Brittany.
INT. LAWNDALE
HIGH – CORRIDOR
Zane is
pulling books out his locker. Kevin and Mack are about to walk up to him.
KEVIN:
Uhm Mack?
Can you do me a favour and tell Zane he is not invited to Brittany's party.
MACK:
Why me?
KEVIN:
As far I know,
he has never attack coloured people.
Mack glares at him.
KEVIN:
Uh I mean.
Since he respects you as football captain, and you have more brawns than
me…
MACK: (still
insulted from Kevin's previous remark, he interrupts in a bitter tone)
Not to mention
more brains.
KEVIN:
What about
the brains?
MACK: (rolls
his eyes)
Whatever.
Mack walks to Zane leaving Kevin behind.
MACK:
Hey Zane.
Kevin says you are not invited at Brittany's party.
ZANE: (smirks)
Yes I understand.
See you at the party then.
MACK: (smirks)
No way keeping
"In-Zane" Lane from a party?
ZANE: (smirks
evil)
Sure, "Mack-Daddy".
I just can't disappoint my foes.
MACK:
How come?
ZANE:
I don't know,
but I always keep trying.
MACK:
Well since
you are tied to defend your bad reputation. We will see you at the party.
Mack walks back to Kevin.
KEVIN:
Hey Mack.
Did he got the message?
MACK:
In a way:
Yes.
KEVIN:
Cool.
INT. LAWNDALE
HIGH – CAFETERIA – DAY
Daria is
sitting alone. She gets join by Brittany.
BRITTANY:
Huh-huh Da-ri-ah!
May I take a seat?
Brittany takes a chair and sits down.
DARIA: (sarcastic)
Sure. No need
to be *reluctant*.
BRITTANY:
I was thinking…
DARIA: (annoyed
and sarcastic)
You were thinking?
We should celebrate this quantum leap, let's party.
BRITTANY:
Hey… How could
you have guess? Because I will have a party on Saturday night.
DARIA:
Is it one
of those parties you celebrate, when the parents are out of town?
BRITTANY:
Yes and you
can come… I mean this one time… you know… to thank you for helping
me out in art…
And since
all the cheerleaders are invited, they expect that all girls are not more
attractive then they.
DARIA: (deadpan)
Now, I really
feel appreciated.
Zane walks up.
ZANE:
Hey Brittany.
(he notices
Daria)
You sitting
with her? I must have been dimension-warped into a parallel universe.
BRITTANY: (annoyed)
Oooww, Zane!
ZANE:
With your
parents being out of town: It is Saturday Party Time! Okay, that I come
uninvited?
BRITTANY: (bitchy)
Didn't Kevin
say to you, that you are not invited!
ZANE:
In away yes.
But, that is why I come uninvited! Even though *Daria* would be there too.
DARIA: (offended)
Since there
will be plenty of people posing. You will find comfort and happiness.
ZANE: (teases
her)
And you will
find pain and sorrow. Can't resist it huh?
DARIA: (glares
at him)
I am not nauseated
by your chauvinistic stereotyping: Since you are popular, all unpopular
people look alike anyway. No wonder preppy boys like you, ever bother to
see things from an other perspective.
ZANE:
What makes
you so sure?
DARIA:
Ever tried
to see things from my point of view? I think not.
Zane snatches Daria's glasses away.
DARIA:
HEY!
ZANE: (imitating
her voice)
Hi, I am Daria.
Go to hell.
Zane smirks at her and gives the glasses back.
ZANE: (uses
again his normal voice)
My voice is
too high and my face is too expressive. It won't work… By the way: You
look good without glasses.
(while
Daria is embarrassed, Zane turns back to Brittany)
Until Saturday
then, my ex-babe.
He walks off.
DARIA VOICE
OVER: (still embarrassed from Zane's previous action)
He has seen
me without glasses and said I look good… Brittany is staring at me.
BRITTANY AND
DARIA: (looking at each other)
Jerk.
INT. LAWNDALE
HIGH – MUSIC CLASS
The class
is empty, except for a young woman, who sleeps at the teacher's desk with
a guitar in her hands.
The door gets
open by Daria. The noise wakes up the sleeping beauty named Trinity.
TRINITY:
Huh?
DARIA:
Hey Trinity.
TRINITY:
Hey Daria.
DARIA:
Sorry for
disturbing you.
TRINITY: (she
stretches)
No problem.
I needed a break anyway. I have been practicing for 2 hours straight.
DARIA:
Sleeping with
a guitar in your hands counts as practicing?
TRINITY:
As long as
you don't drop it.
Both smirk.
DARIA: (she
lays a tape on the desk)
I am just
bringing your demo-tape back.
TRINITY:
What do you
think of the songs?
DARIA:
Well, they
have a beat and you can dance to it. If you have no shame.
TRINITY: (laugh-cough)
Good one Daria…
I guess I am not doing that bad.
DARIA:
Please don't
take this as an affront, but it is also hard to believe, that you are a
high school substitute teacher.
TRINITY:
It is hard
to believe, that you are a high school student.
DARIA:
I find the
situation unbelievable myself.
TRINITY: (smiles)
You are pretty
cool.
DARIA:
Thanks.
Daria has a Mona Lisa smile. She doesn't know what is was, but there was something in the aura of Trinity, that made her feel being understand and appreciated for what she was.
TRINITY:
You know what?
You should see me perform this weekend at the Zon.
DARIA:
Is that important?
TRINITY:
I think more
than 8 people would higher my motivation.
DARIA:
Of course
I come… Damn, I am invited to a party.
TRINITY:
Never mind,
an other time perhaps.
DARIA:
I could skip
it.
TRINITY: (raises
her eyebrows)
A teenager
skipping a high school party?
DARIA:
Well… it would
be boring anyway. On the other hand I can't disappoint my *beloved* sister.
CUT TO FLASH
BACK
EXT. THE HOME
OF THE MORGENDORFFERS – DAY
DARIA VOICE
OVER: (in a teasing tone)
Wouldn't it
be great if Brittany would invite me too? Maybe I should ask her…
QUINN VOICE
OVER: (aghast)
You can't
go! You will ruin everything!
DARIA VOICE
OVER: (in an evil tone)
I think, as
a good sister you should help me to broaden my social horizon.
QUINN VOICE
OVER: (raised voice)
MOM! DAD!
DARIA IS RUINING MY LIFE AGAIN!
CUT TO PRESENT
INT. LAWNDALE
HIGH – MUSIC CLASS
TRINITY:
Is the party
at Brittany Taylor's house?
DARIA:
How you know?
TRINITY:
My little
bro goes to there too.
DARIA: (surprised)
You have got
a little brother?
TRINITY:
Yes, he is
about your age... I think you will like him.
DARIA:
Uh… and what
makes you such a hasty conclusion about my preferences?
TRINITY:
He is into
painting dark and violent stuff. So I think he would appreciate your insight.
Daria raises her eyebrows.
TRINITY:
And I have
promised to give him a ride to the party. What do you think? I could
pick you up on the way.
DARIA: (excited)
Why not?
(normal
tone)
Uhm… I mean
yeah.
The recess bell rings.
DARIA:
Well I must
go now to my *self*-*esteem* class. Bye Trinity.
TRINITY:
Bye Daria.
After Daria
has closed the door behind her. Trinity falls again asleep over the desk.
END CHAPTER 1
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