A/N: After watching the movie by the same title, I felt compelled to write a story along similar lines. It's not the happiest of Christmas stories but I couldn't get the idea out of my head! I hope you guys enjoy it, it's the first multi-chapter fic I have been brave enough to consider posting! I intend to get the whole fic up by Christmas time so I will work hard to get it finished!

The Christmas Shoes

Ziva smiled as she watched her two boys messing around as they hung the decorations on the tree; Tony would disappear behind the 6ft tall fern and reappear wearing two baubles as earrings, and Elijah would creep up behind Tony and toss handfuls of unstrung popcorn down his father's shirt. She laughed under her breath; never did she think she would be one to celebrate Christmas, like, really celebrate it. Since she moved to America she had taken the time to join in the traditions with the rest of her colleagues, to participate in secret Santa, to provide gifts for needy children as the rest of the office did, but she never felt the need to have a tree or decorations like the rest of them, she was happy to stick to her menorah for her 8 day celebration and be done with it. But when she found herself pregnant with Tony's child after an encounter brought on when she had almost lost him to a gunshot, she realized she could no longer hide the feelings she had buried for him and the two of them had made a go of things not only for their child but because they owed it to themselves.

When the little boy had made his appearance in the world almost 10 years ago, the two of them had spent the most time arguing over what to name him. Tony had wanted to carry on the family name and christen the boy "Anthony". Ziva refused saying one Tony was enough and suggested a few traditional Hebrew names. Tony had declined her choices because he could barely pronounce them, let alone spell them, and so they were back to square one. Their colleagues and team mates had all chipped in ideas, but nothing seemed to fit the little guy. It was only when, two days after his birth, Ziva received word that her father had passed away when the vehicle he was travelling in was hit by heavy gunfire that her mind was made. Eli David may not have been the best father but he was her father and she was saddened that her son would never get the chance to know him. She suggested Elijah, not directly after her father but a subtle reminder of who she was and where she came from. Tony of course would have agreed to anything at that point, as long as she was happy he wasn't going to argue, and if he was honest, he liked the name anyway.

The two of them took to parenthood better than anyone could have expected. They just seemed to fall into a routine, they knew when the other needed a break and stepped in and they knew when to stand back and give each other some bonding time. They managed to get a good mix of their cultures into everyday life for their son and as a result, Elijah was now fluent in both English and Hebrew. They celebrated all the Jewish holidays as well as the Christian ones; while Tony wouldn't exactly claim himself to be a practising Christian, he was proud to say his son was well rounded in his world views at such a young age.

"Whadd'ya think mom?" The excited and bubbly tones of her son snapped her out of the daydream she hadn't even realised she was in. He bounded his way to the front of the tree and stood with his hands proudly outstretched directing her attention to the tree with a beaming grin stretched from ear to ear. Ziva glanced up and down the decorated fern; barely a single branch remained clear, there was a light or a bauble or tinsel lining almost every one, some homemade decorations Elijah had crafted over the years in school, others things Tony had bought as gifts to remind her of things that had happened; the glass duck that symbolised the lake house he had taken Ziva to just after she told him she was pregnant; the hotel key card strung on a piece of gold thread, a memento from their first undercover assignment together, the first time Tony knew there would never be a more perfect woman for him; Elijah's tiny ankle band, fastened to him after birth and removed only once he was safely home with his parents; yes, the tree was perfect, completely and utterly over done, it would never win in a prettiest tree decorations contest but that didn't matter because to her it was beautiful.

"It is gorgeous." She smiled. "I have never seen a better tree!" She watched the elation spread across her son's face, he had done this for her and he had made her happy, that was all he cared about. She saw the way his dark eyes flicked up to his father and they shared an unspoken congratulations and a mental high five.

She admired the bond the two of them shared; they had always had something special, even from day one, Tony only had to look at the little boy and he would stop crying and simply stare at his father in awe. Elijah looked up to his father in every way possible. He shared his love of movies and trivia, he followed fashion and style and he certainly had his father's sense of humour. He was always more Tony's son than Ziva's; he took after him in so many ways; while he shared her olive skin, her perfect complexion, those dark, brooding eyes and that glossy black hair, he also had Tony's strong chin, his cheeky smile and that crooked head tilt where he stared you down with those puppy dog eyes until you were putty in his hands; yes, there was no denying he was the son of Anthony DiNozzo.

"It'll look better when there are presents underneath it." Elijah grinned raising his eyebrows.

"Who said you're getting any this year?" Tony asked in a mocking tone.

"Come on Dad, I have to be on the good list this year, I got all my homework done, on time, including extra credit, I read that entire newspaper to Gibbs when he lost his glasses, I stayed late to help Abby clean up her lab after that foam stuff exploded everywhere, I didn't make fun of McGee even when he turned up in that shirt that looked like a cat had rubbed itself all over it, I made you and mom breakfast in bed and I kept my room tidy for a whole month!"

Tony looked down at his boy and laughed.

"Yeah, maybe, but I think you'll find Gibbs didn't lose his glasses, they broke when you sat on them, and Abby only had to clean her lab when you decided to play chemistry genius, I had to spend 3 hours cleaning those pancakes off of the ceiling when you made us breakfast and you were on a school trip for one week of that month and then on vacation for another two so really you only kept your room tidy for a week. I will give you the homework thing, and the jumper thing, I had so many cracks to make about that shirt… what was he thinking?" Tony and Elijah fell into fits of laughter recalling McGee's fashion choice and just as one would compose themselves, they would look to the other and the cycle began all over again.

Ziva sighed; she would miss this more than anything else in the world.

The snow soon began to blanket the streets of Washington D.C. and it truly felt like Christmas was approaching. As Tony made his way into work that morning he was greeted, as he was everyday now, by Abby bouncing around at the elevator.

"How is she? Is she ok? Should I call by later? I should bring something. Would she like soup? Do you need any help with the Christmas plans? How's Elijah? He's doing ok right? He doesn't know yet does he?" She spouted off a list of about 20 questions every morning and every morning Tony gave the same response.

"Abs, everything is fine, I promise you if anything changes I will let you guys know. First. All of you. You're family."

Abby gave a gentle nod and slowly slunk back to her lab. She knew how hard this was for him, at least she thought she did; it was hard for them all so it must have been at least ten times as hard for him, having to sit back and watch the woman you loved with all of your heart deteriorate before your eyes.

Tony made his way to his desk, he could see all eyes were on him but he tried to block it out. He hated it. He hated feeling their pity burn into him, the way they shot him those glances, the sympathetic yet pitying eyes that bore into him. It was bad enough now, he didn't even want to consider the way they would look at him once… he pushed the thought aside, he wasn't ready to admit what was coming, maybe that was why he didn't want to see those looks, to appreciate that they just wanted to help, for now, everything was fine; it had to be.

"Tony, h-"

"She's FINE McGee, just drop it alright!" Tony spat, he hadn't even realised that he had clenched his fist so tight that he had broken the skin on his palm.

McGee stepped back a little shocked, Tony didn't need to look at him to know that pout was etched across his face. He closed his eyes and licked his lips.

"I'm sorry Tim, I just… this is the one place I can get away from it but if everyone keeps on… I'm sorry." Tony shuffled the papers on his desk avoiding eye contact; he was lying and everyone knew it. You couldn't forget something that stared you in the face everyday. That empty desk across from him, her empty desk, it sat there like a cruel and brutal reminder of everything they had lost, which was made ever harder by the fact that she was still there when he got home. The agency had done him the courtesy of not replacing her, at least, not yet, which he was more than grateful for, but he knew when it happened, it wouldn't be long before the empty desk was filled with a new recruit.

"I know." McGee said softly. "I wasn't going to ask… I mean, not that I didn't want to know because I did, we all do but I was actually… uh…" he trailed off; the whole situation was difficult for everyone to deal with, he was terrified of putting his foot in it. Tony twisted his head and looked at the agent standing before him. He widened his eyes as if to tell him to hurry up. "Uh… I just wanted to know if you managed to file that paperwork with the local P.D.?" he asked tentatively.

"Yeah McGee, I did it." Tony sighed. Normally that sentence would have dripped with belittlement, like it was such an obvious answer, but ever since she left, all that seemed to edge his tone was sadness and confusion. The only time he really seemed happy was with his son.

McGee slowly stepped towards Tony and looked down at the agent who had in every way been his superior from day one, he had admired Tony, not that he'd ever tell him that, but the man was great at his job, he was good with people, he was an excellent investigator and, though you might take a few jibes and pranks, when it came down to it, he was a good friend; to see him like this, a shell of the man he once was, was difficult, and everyone was sick of just standing back and watching it happen.

"You know nobody would think any less of you if you took some time out." McGee spoke softly.

Tony tilted his head and looked at McGee; there was so much anger in his eyes, such venom in that one look that ordinarily McGee would have stepped back, backed away in fear maybe, but not now, no, he had grown since those days and he knew Tony was only fronting his own fear over loosing someone so precious to him.

"I'm not trying to upset you," He admitted. "I just think you need to know these things."

McGee stared Tony down in silence for a few seconds before he watched his face soften, the anger fade, leaving behind the shattered man he had come to know recently.

Tony nodded.

"I know." He whispered. "Thanks McGee."

McGee opened his mouth and hesitated. They all wanted to know a lot of things but they didn't ask out of politeness, out of respect, but they all knew time was of the essence now.

"Tony," he began, unsure how to phrase it; being a writer meant he had a certain way with words but things were a lot easier on a typewriter when you could go back and edit things, things didn't work that way in real life, once he said it he couldn't ever take it back, he needed to get it right. "Uh, you know we all love Ziva, we all want the chance to… um… we… I guess what we want to know is… when… wh-"

"I get it McGee." Tony cut him off. McGee breathed a silent sigh of relief; he didn't want to have to say the words so for once he was grateful to let Tony interrupt him. "The doctor says this is the last Christmas she will see; he thinks she will be lucky to see the New Year. If you want to say your goodbyes, you need to do it sooner rather than later." His voice was so calm, so blunt; it was like he was delivering facts, which in a way he was. McGee considered that maybe he hadn't dealt with the news yet, that maybe he was side shelving it for Elijah's sake, but the quiver of Tony's hand, the way his foot was bobbing up and down below his desk gave away the true devastation he was feeling.

McGee brought his hand to his face, rubbing his fingers across his mouth and then chin, mostly to stop the audible gasp from escaping his lips. He couldn't lie and pretend that he hadn't expected this news, it had been a long time coming, but now that it really was a reality it didn't make it any easier to digest. McGee swallowed the lump in his throat that threatened to spill a wealth of emotion he had suppressed since it happened because he knew that was not what Tony needed.

"She's a fighter, she's come back before." He offered trying to sound optimistic.

"Not this time." Tony stated matter-of-factly. "She's fought all she can, there's nothing left in her, she held on this long, it would be selfish to ask her to hang on any longer." He confessed. And he was right; she had fought for long enough.

Seven years ago she had been on a case when she had been captured by a small underground political party who still bore a grudge against her father. With him dead the next best thing was to attack his daughter. She had been imprisoned in a storage unit on the Oregon coast, beaten, drugged, interrogated for information she didn't even hold. For 3 months that was her life, she had no contact with NCIS, with Tony, with her son, they didn't even know if she was still alive. Of course they had pulled out all the stops to find her, dedicated an entire taskforce to looking for her, following up each and every tip no matter how ridiculous it seemed. Many agents worked well over the hours they were legally supposed to pull at a time because when it came to Ziva, everybody was dedicated to bringing her home safely. It was only when one of her captors tried to evade police, who wanted to pull him over for a broken tail light, that her location was discovered. Tony, three year old Elijah, McGee, Gibbs, Abby, Ducky, even Palmer had flown straight to Oregon where they found their colleague, friend and partner in a coma. Doctors hadn't held out much hope for her; her captors had given her a crude form of truth serum, something they had concocted themselves out of a mix of dangerous chemicals. In small doses she might have been ok, escaped with minimal damage, but a 3 month prolonged period of usage had taken its toll on her body. It was wasting her muscles and poisoning her blood. If they could wake her from the coma she might have a year or two tops, but the drugs had damaged her organs beyond repair. A transplant might have worked, but the poison had worked its way to almost all of her major organs, there was just no way they could replace them all. That news had hit Tony like a high speed train; his world had literally caved in around him. He couldn't be a father to Elijah without Ziva, he couldn't be an NCIS agent without her as his partner, he didn't even know how to be Anthony DiNozzo without her anymore. For the first time in his life Tony had prayed for something, he prayed for her to wake up, to get better, a year or two would never be enough when he was expecting an eternity with her, but that year or two would give him the time to say everything he wished he had told her every single day. If she didn't wake up from that coma he knew his life would never be anything more than a shadow of what it should be with her in it.

To his complete and utter elation she did wake up; not only that but she made an amazing recovery. After barely a month away from work, she returned to her job as good as new. While the others tried to wait on her, tried to pick up the slack, she pushed on with work and tried to regain a sense of normality. However, as the doctors predicted, with the passing time she began to weaken. Slowly at first, she'd get out of breath climbing large flights of stairs, she'd lost some power behind the blows she would usually use to render someone unconscious, but on the whole she hid the changes well. She finally gave in and returned to the doctors who provided her with yet more daily pills and jabs just to get her body through the day and for a long time life was almost normal. She saw Elijah celebrate his 5th, his 6th, his 7th birthday without so much as a concerned thought towards how many more she would get to see; she continued her work with NCIS, tracking down killers, solving crimes; there was no way she was going to let a group of terrorists ruin the life she had created for herself. But in the last year the team had noticed a dramatic change in her. She had lost weight from her already slim frame, she was growing tired, and distant, she was struggling with tasks that ordinarily wouldn't have affected her if she had her hands tied behind her back. If she was honest with herself she had been struggling for a while long before the others noticed, but she wasn't ready to admit defeat.

Two months ago, after collapsing at work for the 3rd time in 6 months, she was forced to admit that she was no longer the woman she once was, that she had served out her time at NCIS and now she needed to be at home, to live out what life she had left with her family. It hadn't been an easy decision to make, and, had Tony not literally forced her to stay at home that first day, she would most likely still be here, in the office, staring back at him from behind that desk.

Tony blinked back tears as it finally seemed to hit him that never again would he see her positioned in that chair, looking over at him from beneath those thick, dark lashes, flashing him that dazzling, yet oh so deadly smile. She'd never be there for him to spit ball paper work at, she would never tease him with her dulcet tones whispered in his ear when she popped up from who knows where completely unnoticed.

McGee looked at Tony; he watched as Tony laid his head in his hands and pushed his thumbs hard against his temples. He wished there was something he could do, anything, just to make it better, but then, everybody in the office had that same wish and it still wasn't enough to change things.

"What am I supposed to tell Elijah?" Tony mumbled, his voice barely audible.

McGee clenched and unclenched his fists and shuffled his weight from foot to foot; he was sure that there was no real answer to this question.

"Tony, you know we'll all-"

Suddenly Tony pulled himself to his feet, cutting Tim off.

"Uh, she, gets kind of tired in the evenings, it would probably be best if you guys called around on the weekend, so you can come in the day." He spoke, passing by McGee and wandering down the hallway. McGee simply watched, helpless, as his friend disappeared from view.