TITLE: Grief To Grace
SPOILERS: "Grief Counseling" (3x04)
"This is the guy that used to have my office! Who used to sit at my desk!"
Michael hadn't thought much about dying until today... until Jan called to inform him of Ed Truck's passing. The man had been driving home, all by himself, and was hit by a semi. Decapitated, even. As if beheaded wasn't a bad enough way to go... he had to do it alone. And that notion was what made Michael snap today.
He was all alone. No girlfriend -- the thing with Carol hadn't really taken off, nor would it ever, and he was pretty sure Jan hated him -- no family of his own, save for his mother in Palm Springs. He didn't even have a pet to go home to at night. Just his lonely little condo.
Michael was afraid of dying alone. And little did he know, just two-and-a-half hours away, someone else was having the very same thought.
Jan never let dying bother her. Not when her grandparents died, nor some of her aunts and uncles. They had all died of either natural causes, or from terminal illness. That never fazed her, as it was just the way of life sometimes. But this, the sudden passing of the Scranton branch's former regional manager... this suddenly had her terrified. He'd died in the blink of an eye, all alone. No wife or family surrounding him, nobody to hold his hand as he took his last breath. One fraction of a second and his life was over.
All throughout the day, whenever she thought of that, Jan felt as if she couldn't breathe. It just reminded her of how very lonely her own life was. Divorced, with nobody to spend time with after work, no real girl friends -- she'd always been more independent, anyway -- and certainly no fiance or husband... not even a boyfriend. She'd pushed Michael away until he gave up and chose another woman. Now she had no one.
So deep was she in her self-pity that she almost didn't hear the phone ringing in her office. Numbly, she reached over and picked it up. "Jan Levinson."
"Jan, hi. I'm sorry to bother you," came the soft-spoken, female voice on the other end. "This is Pam. It's about Michael."
Jan's stomach turned, and she sat forward. Her heart began to race without her conscious consent. "What's going on with Michael? Is he alright?" For a fleeting moment she feared, irrationally, that he was dead too.
"Um, no. Not really. This whole thing with Ed, he's just... I think he's taking it really hard."
Jan closed her eyes and breathed a sigh of relief inaudibly as she could. "Why do you say that, Pam?" she asked calmly.
"He just keeps going on and on about how Ed was alone when he died, and how Ed was the one that used to sit at his desk, in his office. Jan, this is going to sound weird, but I think... I think Michael might be afraid that he's going to die alone. And that nobody will care."
Jan's heart leapt into her throat, having thought those very same things about herself only moments before. Still, she had to maintain that professional air. "Pam, I think you should speak to Toby about this, since he's in HR. Or, more importantly, I think Michael should speak to Toby about this."
"Michael and Toby don't really have the best relationship," Pam explained.
"And Michael and I do?" Jan snapped her eyes shut, regretting the words the moment they left her mouth.
Pam's silence on the other end said it all.
Jan sighed. "Look, Pam. I'm sorry. I wish there was something I could do, but being almost three hours away, I'm afraid this is out of my hands." It almost pained her to say those words, and she damned herself for ever developing feelings for Michael Scott.
"Okay." Pam's voice was even softer now, if possible. "I understand."
"But please tell Michael to call me if he feels the need to talk, okay?"
"I will. Thanks. Sorry to bother you, Jan."
After hanging up, Jan sighed heavily and swung herself around in her chair to face out the window. There were just three hours left of her day, and then she could go home and try to put it all behind her. Home. Then it hit her once again. Her home, where she lived completely alone, without even a pet to greet her.
She reached over and hit the button on her phone that would connect her with her boss. "David, it's Jan. Something's come up, and I'm going to need to take the rest of the day off. Possibly tomorrow as well. Please have anything important forwarded to my blackberry, okay? Thank you."
She then hung up, rose to her feet, grabbed her coat and purse, and headed for the lobby. Three hours left of the workday, and only two-and-a-half until she would reach Scranton.
TBC
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This fic was also pseudo-inspired by the song "Grace" by Kate Havnevik. It's where the title came from, anyway :)