Sam: "You were gone. I was here. I had to keep on fighting without you..."
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Sam almost stopped what he was saying, hating the desperation that sounded in his voice, the raw need for his brother to be constantly at his side.
Dean seemed to get it, because comprehension slipped across his eyes fro a second before the anger at Sam not telling him that he was using his powers once again settled on his face.
Sam mentally flinched. He didn't want Dean hating him, didn't want him angry for lying to him, he wanted him to understand, to know what it was like to be left alone.
He felt so selfish saying it, knowing his brother had been in Hell, but God dammit he had needed him in more ways than he wanted to admit. He had been pissed that Dean had waited so long to ask for help. That anger had spurned him on, making him call on Ruby who had crawled her way back from Hell to help Sam.
He'd had to do something, anything, to take away the pain. He did what he did to survive. Without Dean.