Chapter One

Monday

I never meant to fall in love with Rachel Berry. I didn't. But she was there, and she always wears these sad excuses for skirts, and I just couldn't help it. It wasn't my fault, okay?

I was just so pissed all the time about Quinn and the baby that she refused to admit was mine. God, Finn was a fucking idiot, and Quinn wanted him to be a father? Hell no. I would take care of that baby. I'm not a deadbeat.

Anyway, I was just so mad, and we had to do this ballad assignment in Glee and pick names out of a hat, and it just figured I'd pick Berry. I wasn't joking when I said she made me want to light myself on fire, and I'd be lying if I told you I didn't hide all the lighters and matches and shit at my house from myself when I got home that day.

After that was done, I got a text from Rachel. I wondered how the hell she got my number, but she does creepy shit like that.

Noah, we need to rehearse our ballad. I've got a few ideas I'd like to run by you. Meet me in the auditorium at 5?

I rolled my eyes. First of all, who the fuck wanted to go back to school after they already left for the day. That was insane. And I did not want to spend any more time with Man-Hands Berry than what was totally and completely necessary. Even if she was Jewish.

But I went along with it, because I knew that for the next week, she'd be bugging me like crazy about this stupid assignment.

Sure

That one word I typed out to her and hit sent without really thinking changed a lot. Because I met her in the auditorium, and things got crazy.

I actually felt an emotion other than joy at other peoples' pain or pure rage at Quinn and Frankenteen. It wasn't like, love or anything fruity and gay like that, but it was … I don't know. I thought she was cute.

Cute. Jesus, I wasn't the kind of person who thought girls were cute. There was either fine as hell or fugly. Middle ground didn't exist. And right then, in that moment, Rachel Berry was fine as hell.

"Noah," she said when I walked in. I felt an overwhelming urge to kick her ass for calling me Noah, but she was a chick and the Puckzilla didn't roll that way. "I've got to be honest, I've been having a lot of trouble finding a ballad that describes my emotions toward you. This is most likely because I don't really understand what my emotions toward you are. I'm sure you can relate."

I rolled my eyes. This bitch was crazy. "Alright, Berry, here's the deal." I got up on stage and stood a few feet away from her, far enough so that I didn't catch crazy girl disease and close enough so that she didn't want to come closer. "If this partnership or whatever the hell you wanna call it is gonna work, you have to get something straight. You are insane."

She had the decency to act offended, but we both knew I had a point. "I'm offended by that accusation, Noah."

"But it's true."

"Hardly."

"Anyway, you're bat-shit crazy. And unless there's a song that says 'Get this chick away from me, she's fucking insane,' I have no idea what to sing to you, either."

She paused for a moment. "Well, there are a few, actually. Obviously they don't express the emotion in such crude terms as you chose to, but "Don't Stand So Close to Me" by the Police comes to mind."

"Sounds perfect."

She sighed. "Noah, here's what I was thinking." She was pacing now, which was annoying as hell. "Neither of us have any legitimate or appropriate emotions toward each other, so finding a ballad to express our inner feelings will be difficult. So, I propose we sing songs that express how we're feeling about life in general. Mine would of course be …"

I tuned her out then, mostly because I didn't give a shit what she wanted to sing about. And unless there was some song out there about a getting a girl pregnant and then watching her pretend the baby was your best friend's, I doubt I would find anything.

"Alright, please, just stop talking," I said when I thought I heard her mention something about costumes. No way in hell was that happening. "I seriously doubt there are any ballads or whatever out there about what I'm feeling right now, so just tell me what to sing and I'll sing it."

I seriously hoped that would be the end of it and I could just go home and have some dip, but she had other plans.

"Noah, despite your obnoxious nature and crude comments, you are a living, breathing human being with emotions, no matter how much you may choose to deny it."

I roll my eyes. "What's your point, Berry?"

"My point is that right now something is on your mind. Something is going on in your life, some emotion that you need to express. Am I wrong?"

It wasn't a question, really, because she was Rachel Berry and she was never wrong. But it felt like she was fucking reading my mind. Did she know about Quinn's baby being mine? Or could she tell that he that she was freaking adorable right now, ignoring the fact that she was being a total pain in my ass?

Adorable. Puckasaurus just described something as adorable. I should've known then and there that I was fucking whipped.

I sighed. It was obvious at this point that Berry wasn't going to get off my ass about this emotions shit, so I just went with it.

"Alright, fine. What did you have in mind?"

She beamed an annoyingly charming grin. "Well, I've decided to settle on Don Henley's hugely emotional ballad 'The Heart of the Matter.' But this isn't about me. What are you feeling right now, Noah?"

Well, Rachel, I'm feeling that there is nothing more I want to do right now than to kiss you like I've never kissed anyone before.

Wait a damn minute. Did I seriously just think that? Shit, I could've thought something manly like I wanna fuck your brains out or I wanna make you scream my name, sexy. But no. I wanted to kiss her and make her feel special.

But no fucking way was I telling her that.

"I'm feeling like I want to get out of here before your crazy rubs off on me," I said. She didn't seem offended at all, like people called her crazy every day. Which wouldn't be surprising.

"Noah."

"Berry," I said mockingly.

She sat down on the piano bench behind me and I turned around leaning against the instrument. She huffed before she spoke again. "Noah, if this partnership is going to be successful, you simply must be honest with me."

"I am being honest with you." No, I wasn't.

"Fine. Other than that, what are you feeling? And it has to be deeper, more emotional. Close your eyes and look into your inner soul and find that burning emotion you want nothing more than to let out."

I almost laughed. This chick was insane, but she knew what she was talking about. But no way was I telling her what I was actually feeling, which was anger, boredom, and if I have to say it … affection. Fuck no was I ready to sing her a love song or whatever whipped pricks did, that came much after this night.

She must have sensed the fact that I wasn't telling her shit that night, so she stood up with a scoff. Who the hell scoffs, anyway? When did I join the cast of the Rachel Berry soap opera?

"Fine, Noah. Obviously you're going to stay reserved about your feelings. So think about it, about what emotion you'd like to convey, and we'll talk in the morning about song selection. Sound good?"

I was in no position to argue with her, because I'd long since noticed the length of her skirt that seemed more similar in size to a belt, and I was getting kind of distracted. So I just nodded and she left.

When I got home that night, I was fucking confused. Confused about feeling a positive emotion toward Rachel fucking Berry. Rachel I'm-probably-hiding-under-your-bed-and-stealing-your-socks-to-use-as-puppets-because-I'm-cracked Berry. And not only that, I wanted to feel more of that positive emotion, whatever it was. But I wasn't about to sing about that in front of people, so I decided that I better get cracking on this emotion shit because if I didn't have any idea in the morning, Berry would beat me with a baseball bat she probably stole from someone's house.

So I spent some time on Google, trying to find a song that said "I'm fucking pissed, so don't mess with me or I'll bust your face in." I finally found something that would work and went to bed because I didn't want to be awake and thinking about Rachel Berry.