Author's Note: The idea for this came immediately after the episode 'Back in the Ring' (with a couple of helpful prompts from ncruuk), therefore it ignores the events of 'Indefensible.'
"Come on, surely you can see the funny side by now?" Bernie chuckled at her colleague and took a long sip of her wine, the alcohol very welcome right at this moment. They'd settled on a table a little way away from the main throng of patrons gathered around the bar. Serena still looked put out by her nephew's scathing assessment of her 'inefficiency' in how she ran the Acute Admissions Unit. Of course, she saw the irony but a small piece of her ego had been bruised all the same.
"I'm sure I will do one day, just not right now. Especially as I haven't had enough of these," she raised her glass in an almost 'toast' like gesture, "...yet." Bernie chuckled and was about to deliver another quip in return but they were interrupted by the young blonde event host who had greeted them when they'd arrived.
"Enjoying your evening ladies?" Serena glared at the chirpy young thing but Bernie smiled encouragingly and politely nodded, it wasn't the girl's fault her colleague was in a bad mood. "I see you haven't touched your traffic lights? Would you like me to explain the rules?" Bernie snorted into her wine glass, her evening was just getting better and better!
"We're not interested, thanks." Serena snapped at her and waved her traffic lights, still set on red, in front of her face. Fortunately the young woman looked between them, took the hint and walked away to chat with some of the other patrons. "I just wanted a quiet night in my favourite watering hole after a long and frankly frustrating day at work. Is that too much to ask?" Serena bemoaned and although Bernie understood, she was a little more relaxed about it than her colleague.
"You were a little rude to her, she's only doing her job." Bernie looked around them and saw the new girl Jasmine chatting to Ollie, traffic lights hanging around their necks and set to green. She smirked and pointed them out to Serena. "It seems to be working for some people and look - Guy's over there sitting all on his own…" Bernie hinted at her colleague with a slight elbow in her side and Serena's eyebrows raised skyward.
"Guy Self? You've got to be kidding me?!" Although there were certain elements of his physique that appealed to Serena, he didn't have the sort of personality she was looking for in a man.
"Yes I am. Lighten up will you?" Bernie watched two reasonably young men tentatively begin talking to each other, their traffic lights on green, and she felt a familiar pang in her heart. If only it had been so simple for her back in the day… And it was at times like this that she missed Alex and being part of a couple, albeit in deep secret, more than ever. But she was working her way back to her, slowly but surely piecing her life back together so that she could find Alex and give her whole self to her and their relationship. Her maudlin thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of Jason, Fletch and Raf. While they were busy getting themselves comfortable and offered to do a drinks run, something occurred to Bernie and she hopped out of her seat. "I'll be right back," she called over her shoulder at her colleagues.
Once Raf and Fletch had returned to their table with the fresh round of drinks they looked around the venue for their missing colleague. Bernie appeared to be in deep, animated conversation with the young blonde woman from the events team.
"'ere, would you look at that?" Fletch nudged Raf and watched as Bernie leaned ever closer into the younger woman's personal space. She pulled out a piece of paper from her back pocket and passed it to the woman.
"She's not?" Raf asked, not quite believing how brazen Bernie was being.
"She is!" Fletch exclaimed excitedly as the younger blonde scribbled something on the paper and handed it back with a big smile.
"What?" Serena couldn't quite understand what the lads were getting so excited about. Bernie turned around and headed back to her table, a coy smile on her face.
"Way hey!" The boys called out in unison and Bernie held up the piece of paper in victory; she grinned from ear to ear and a slight blush rose in her cheeks.
"Name and phone number." Bernie placed it on the table to show she wasn't bluffing. 'Heather' was written in bouncy bubble letters and her mobile phone number underneath. A small heart had been drawn at the end of her name instead of a full stop.
"Age?" Fletch retorted, knowing it was obvious the woman wasn't even in her thirties yet. Bernie shrugged nonchalantly. "I'm going to have to start asking you for some tips." He said in awe of his colleague.
"Ah, you see, there are a couple of things that go in my favour there. One, girls love a woman in army uniform and two, I'm female…." It look Fletch a couple of moments for the penny to drop and his face fell in disappointment.
"It's always the good looking ones…." He mused sadly.
"Ha!" Bernie exclaimed and laughed at the same time, which kicked off peals of laughter around the table. It only worsened as she felt comfortable enough to properly let herself go and her natural, unique laugh rang out loud and proud.
"I didn't know you liked girls Ms Wolfe? I thought you had been married to a man?" Jason asked innocently. He judged neither way but it wasn't a conversation subject he and his aunt had ever had. Serena stiffened in her seat and couldn't quite work out how he'd take it.
"Jason! That's not something you should ask a person, no matter how curious you are." Serena had to admit that she'd been burning to ask Bernie outright herself, ever since news of the affair with her comrade had swept through the hospital. They'd spoken about the divorce and the kids not speaking to her but nothing deeper than than that so far.
"It's alright Serena, I don't mind. Yes Jason, I was married but I prefer girls, women. I always have done really, but years ago it wasn't quite as accepted as it is today." It felt good to be able to say it openly and honestly for the first time and it wasn't as bad as Bernie had been expecting it to be.
"Ah, okay. She's pretty, I'm pleased you got her phone number." Bernie chuckled and shook her head.
"I didn't get her phone number for a date! I noticed a Forces pin badge on her t-shirt and asked her about it. She's in the reserves so I offered to give her some advice if she ever needed it." Besides the fact that the woman was hardly her type and younger than her own son, there was only space in her heart for one person and Alex already occupied it. Had done for quite some time now.
"Why you!?" Fletch playfully shoved her shoulder and Bernie smiled innocently.
"But I'm sure I could have, if I'd have wanted to." She winked at Serena whose eyebrows rose.
"What?!" Bernie shook her head at her colleague, she knew that Serena had been uncomfortable about discussing her sexuality. They'd spoken of everything besides and it felt a bit of an elephant in the room.
"Nothing. Later maybe?" There was a serious edge to her voice and Serena decided she'd heed Bernie's suggestion so she shrugged and went back to supping her shiraz.
"Oh to be young again and in love…." Serena sighed wistfully as she watched various pairs of green traffic-lighted couples snogging the night away. Bernie leaned against her and put her head on her shoulder. They'd ended up seated next to each other after getting in the previous round of drinks and they were all feeling slightly merry by this point in the evening. Bernie felt her colleague stiffen, ever so slightly but she'd still felt it. Raf and Fletch were engaged in a conversation with Jason about something or other, she hadn't really been paying attention, especially since it was clear it was something to do with computers and way above her level of comprehension.
"But with the wisdom that age brings too." Bernie said wistfully, because she'd not been brave enough to be herself until she was much older, which had been helped somewhat by changes in societal attitudes and new rights and protections in law.
"Maybe." Serena glanced down at the top of Bernie's head, shrugged her off gently and the blonde couldn't help but feel a little hurt.
"Sorry… I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable." Bernie said weakly and played with the rim of her wine glass, her eyes down and her good mood slightly dissipated.
"Your head's rather hard, my shoulder was protesting… wait, that's not what you meant was it?" Serena clued in once she'd seen the disappointed look on Bernie's face.
"Wasn't it?" Bernie looked up at her colleague again and there was a challenge in her eyes. They were going to talk about this, here and now, before it got out of hand.
"I'm too drunk and tired for riddles Bernie." The army medic sighed deeply and geared herself up for the conversation they'd been avoiding for weeks.
"I might be gay but I'm not going to pounce on you Serena. Not unless you want me to of course!" She winked and chuckled half-heartedly but she knew that she shouldn't have made the quip as Serena's eyebrows rose in surprise for the third time that evening. Bernie sighed once again and shook her head. "I can be friends with a woman and not want anything more than that you know?"
"Of course I know that!" But she'd said it too quickly, too defensively for Bernie to believe her.
"Then why haven't we spoken about this before and why do you flinch every time I get near you?"
"I don't!"
"You do!" There was a long pause as both women recovered from their slight exertion as they'd argued.
"You're right, I am a bit uncomfortable but I don't want to be." Serena admitted reluctantly, a little ashamed that she felt that way, even in the slightest. "It's just that I've not really known any women… men yes, plenty but not women, not knowingly anyway. Well, there was this one girl in university, there were rumours…. anyway, that's besides the point." Bernie sighed yet again and realised that she'd have to spell it out for her colleague.
"Serena, I don't have many friends here, I've always moved around before I could really get close to anyone. And I wasn't your typical mum, so didn't meet parents at the school gates or anything like that. Most friends that I did have were in the army and male as there wasn't much in the way of choice." Bernie looked Serena square in the eye. "What I'm trying to say is that I could really use a female friend right now, someone who is equal to me and understands the pressures of work and a little of what I'm going through at home... and nothing more."
"Ah…" Finally Serena felt she understood and relaxed somewhat. Not that she'd really thought that Bernie was going to try anything on of course, but there had been that little element of doubt at the back of her mind anyway. "I'm sorry. I just didn't know how to…"
"Talking about it is a start. If we're going to be friends then I can't keep anything back from you and the same goes for you. Otherwise this isn't going to work; I've spent too much of my life hiding who I am to do it with you as well."
"Yeah, I can see that. I am sorry you know, I didn't mean to make you think that it was a problem, because it's not I promise." Serena smiled kindly at Bernie and she nodded her head in return. She believed that her friend truly meant it and hoped that they could be properly honest with each other now.
"Thanks and if I have ever given you cause to make you feel uncomfortable I'm sorry too."
"Well, you are a little outrageous in your flirting but I put it down to all those pent up hormones in the army." Serena picked up her glass and gestured with it before taking what felt like a long overdue swig.
"Flirting? You think I've been flirting? Oh Serena, if I'd have been flirting with you you'd have known about it by now, believe me." Bernie chuckled heartily then and Serena joined in, genuinely relieved to have sorted things out.
"Friends?" Serena smiled and made an overture by sticking out a hand out to her colleague.
"Yes, friends." Bernie took Serena's hand and they shook firmly, sealing their newly established friendship based on real honesty.