A/N: Hey, everybody. So, I read Day of Doom. And...uh...herm... If you want to read my 'rant' about it, scroll to the bottom of the page. Just ignore it though, if you don't want to.
So, basically, I really don't remember writing this at all. I woke up this morning, and I remembered the story and what it was about, but I didn't remember actually typing it. And I was like, "Wha...Okay." Just a short little thing about kinda like the aftermath. (My brain is MUSH today and I don't know why! -.0)
And, yes, MANY DoD spoilers throughout this. You've been warned. Don't blame me if you accidentally see something. o.o
So, yeah, rant at bottom of the page, story in the middle, aaaand...disclaimer right now.
Disclaimer: I don't own The 39 Clues.
Hope it doesn't totally suck .-. And DON'T YELL AT ME FOR THE SLIGHT JAMY IN THIS. IT IS CANON AND I WILL WRITE CANON IF I FEEL LIKE WRITING CANON. BUT AMIAN FOREVER. NEVER FORGET IT.
Normal.
That was a word Amy hadn't used in a long time.
It was almost as if it wasn't even in her vocabulary. It's not like she ever really used the word, much less to describe herself or her family. Almost like her mouth couldn't form the syllables, as if she was a toddler just learning how to speak.
It just didn't seem right.
And now, after everything she and her family had been through, she was expected to just...live a normal life?
The Cahill's enemies were vanquished; the Vespers were gone for good. There was nothing left hovering around the family to keep them on edge anymore - no reason to keep training like a maniac, living in fear of what tomorrow could bring.
She had spent almost two years of her life dedicated to just that - afraid of everything, sure that no matter what she did, it would never be enough. So she had trained harder. And harder. And harder.
As it turns out, though, it HAD been enough. The evil people that had plagued her dreams could never cause her physical or emotional pain again.
But if that was the case...then why did it still hurt so much?
She often fell asleep crying, just reliving the horror of it all. Her family tortured, the will to stay strong nearly beaten out of them. The emotional toll it had taken on their worried and scared family members. So many senseless deaths, caused only because evil people in this world had no regard for the value of a human life, no sympathy for the 'weak' or 'soft'. All they lived for was wealth and bloodlust. All they lived for was the satisfaction of removing another stepping stone in the way of their goals. All they lived for was themselves - and no matter the cost, they would stop at nothing to get what they wanted.
Senseless deaths... Two of which were only teenagers, people with good in their hearts, who sacrificed themselves to save their loved ones and the world.
Evan Tolliver. He had risked everything for her and her family. And how had she repayed him?
She cheated on him. And she'd never gotten the chance to even apologize before he was shot and killed by another of the same evil people who cared about nothing but themselves.
Sometimes, she sure felt like one of them. One-and-the-same.
Amy felt a pricking behind her eyes as she thought about it again. She didn't want to... But sometimes the thoughts entered her mind anyway, wriggling through her conscious, pushing only the bad thoughts to the surface and nearly erasing the good ones to make room for another fresh round of tears.
She wiped the back of her hand across her cheek, willing the salty tears to go away, to stop forever.
But they wouldn't. And she didn't think they ever would.
Amy wasn't the only one suffering, though. And she realized that, tried to comfort as many grieving people as best she could.
Everyone had their own ways of dealing with the recent past, it seemed. Jonah Wizard still hadn't fully recovered from the ordeal. Amy tried to be there for him. He'd opened up to her, and she had listened. He was so glad Phoenix was okay. But he still believed he was a murderer. And not even the fact that Luna Amato was one of the evils could sway him to think any better of himself - he described in detail the way it had felt to pull the trigger, felt the heat of the gun as it shot the bullet through the air, heard the sound of the old woman's chest being ripped open by the speedy projectile... Felt the crushing horror of reality at the fact that he had just taken the life of another human being. All it had required was a small finger-squeeze, and every amount of life left in her was cruelly sucked away. And Jonah refused to forgive himself.
Nellie Gomez projected a strange cheerfulness as her coping mechanism. She acted like she was fine: humming as she cooked dinner, rocking out on her iPod at every chance she could get, laughing at everything and making it seem like she was okay.
But she wasn't.
Amy could see it - occasionally, a mention of a certain word or phrase would ignite something, a memory or an event that the twenty-two year old couldn't quite get rid of. And one spark would lead to another, and another, until she excused herself and left the room. Amy would follow shortly after to make sure she was really as okay as she said she was.
But she wasn't.
Amy wouldn't be able to count how many times she had held her guardian as she sobbed and cried, recounting everything that she had faced with a fresh sense of terror. It broke Amy's heart to watch such a strong-willed, tough-as-nails adult she'd known for years break apart like that.
Even Sinead Starling seemed to be having a hard time healing. Amy wasn't nearly as close to her as she had been before, but it still left a pang of grief reverberating inside her every time she saw the genius become angry at a project because of her own distracting thoughts and throw something across the lab in a brief moment of rage, only to collapse to the floor and silently cry into her hands. The Vespers had promised her healing for her brothers and a safe haven for all of them - that was all she had asked for. And they hadn't kept their promise. Though, evil people with their minds set on world domination hardly did anyway.
Still, it was awful that even a former Vesper herself was affected so severely by the actions of her previous leaders and acquaintances.
But probably the most heartbreaking to Amy was Ian Kabra. And he was the WORST at dealing with it.
Since the death of his sister, he hadn't been remotely close to the same egotistical, higher-than-thou Lucian agent he was before. Amy could hardly look at the shattered emotion plainly written in his expression without turning away for fear of more tears falling. And every attempt she made at consoling him ended with more hurt feelings and the sound of footsteps leaving the room.
Natalie Kabra had died for a cause she believed in with every particle of her being. She had gone out with a fire behind her eyes - just an ember compared to the roaring flame of pure hatred at the organization that had put her in a situation where no thirteen year old should ever have to go through. She had run up to the Doomsday device, her final resolution to destroy the very machine that had put everyone she cared about in danger. She had sacrificed herself for the people she loved - and it was so Cahill-like, Ian had said, that it left him filled with pride, even if she wasn't there for him to tell her that.
But even that didn't make it any less painful for Amy to watch her friend carry himself as if every last bit of will had been stolen from him, leaving nothing but an empty shell that walked around with hardly a purpose.
And it was even more painful to her because Ian wouldn't let her do a thing to try and help. He was suffering, and there was nothing she felt she could do to ease it.
So there she sat, staring at words on a page in a random book that didn't actually register in her brain, trying to wrap her mind around the idea that she or anyone in her family could ever really be 'normal' again.
She was resigned to the fact that it would never happen. Not completely, anyway.
Amy was so caught in her thoughts that she didn't notice the worried brown-eyed gaze on her until the owner of the eyes spoke.
"Are you all right?" Jake asked, lifting her chin with a finger so he could clearly look into her eyes.
Her green, tear-filled eyes.
His expression softened into that of gentle understanding. "I'm sorry about Evan, Ames. He was a great guy - really."
Amy gave a dejected sniff and stubbornly wiped at her eyes. "It's not just that," she replied. "But I'm fine." She dropped the book on the mahogany table and it landed with a thump.
He wiped a thumb across her cheek, ridding her face of the tears she'd missed. "No, you're not. You just tell yourself that."
She laid back on the couch and rolled over so she was facing the upholstered couch-back and not him. "You don't need to try to comfort me or anything, Jake. I said I'm fine."
He rested a hand on her shoulder and peered over in an attempt to look her in the eyes again, but she covered her face with her hand. He sighed.
"You know, that's kind of my job."
Amy mumbled into the couch, "No, it's not."
"Yes it is," he countered, sitting back in his chair. "And if it really isn't, then how is it your job to comfort everybody else?"
Amy rolled over again and looked him dead in the eyes, propped herself up on her elbow. "They're my family, Jake. I listen. I help. Or I try to, anyway. But that's the way it works - it's how I'm wired, I guess. If they suffer, I suffer, too. And I can't bear to watch my family suffer."
Jake leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "That's my point. I listen. I try to help, too. And right now I'm trying to help YOU."
"But I don't need you to!" she snapped, feeling immediately bad for doing so. "I'm sorry," she amended, looking once again at the upholstery. "It's just... I'm worried. About everyone. Dan, Phoenix, Hamilton..."
Jake looked intently at her. "...Ian?" he finished after her sentence trailed off.
Amy nodded. "He's just so...distant. He walks around, but he doesn't talk anymore. He locks himself in his room for hours. It doesn't even seem like he's capable of human interaction anymore... I'm worried about him."
Jake nodded slowly. He took her hand in his absentmindedly and played with her fingers, staring at the carpet. "I never really liked the guy..." he started, and at Amy's snort, he added, "I guess you knew that already, though.
"But sometimes... You just have to let people cope. In their own way. And all a person really needs then is time. Time to think; time to cry. Time to heal the scars."
Amy closed her eyes and sighed.
"Time just...heals. And sometimes, that's the best way to do it. Just give him time, Amy. It'll all work out eventually."
Amy sighed. "I guess you're right. Thanks, Jake."
Jake stood up, giving her a small smile that quickly turned into an arrogant one, coupled with a shrug. "I'm always right, aren't I?"
Amy grabbed a pillow off the couch and threw it at him. "Well, you were a few seconds ago. Then you ruined it with your cocky attitude."
Jake laughed and caught the pillow. "I was kidding," he said, backing out of the room. "But seriously. He'll heal. You just need to give him time."
He walked out of the library, closing the door quietly behind him.
Time.
That was a word that didn't seem to apply to the family, either. It seemed like before the Vespers were defeated, time was one of the only things they never had. But now that they did...
Maybe time was what everyone needed. Maybe it would help all of them if they just spent a little time to think.
Maybe they could finally let the pain go.
It was inevitable that they would all keep the horrible memories - possibly forever. And nightmares would still haunt them from time to time.
But the fresh pain would hopefully disappear; the internal wounds wouldn't be reopened so often. They could all build themselves back up, piece by piece, until they were nearly whole again.
Normal. Time.
They were words Amy hoped she would use a lot in the future.
Um...*Shrug* Let's do some random thing-a-ma-bobs.
1. What did YOU think of DoD?
2. Turtles, Unicorns, or Turtlecorns?
3. What's your favorite band?
4. How many toes do you have? XD (My, my, that's getting a little personal... I hope that's not a touchy subject for any of you...)
Quote Of The Day (Inspired by DoD): Life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death. -William Goldman
(Princess Bride? Anyone? My fangirl feels. BUTTERCUPxWESTLEY 4EVER.)
Anyway, I hope you liked it. Read, Review, Favorite, Flame it, don't care what you do with it, just do SOMETHING. Until another piece of inspiration wedges itself inside my brain, Adios!
~Callie~