50 Shades Of Kyle: A story of many personalities in one very insane boy
Starring: Murtagh, NAthan, Petar, Kyle, Denise, Gaian, and special guest, Kenny!
Part One : The Beginning
One
Kyle was a very messed up boy. He often visited a therapist for issues regarding his multiple personalities. He named each of them, who had their own special features. His personalities were hallucinations Kyle had each day. The boy saw them all as people. They were his friends. He would hang out with his personalities as friends, and he would posses their traits when he was with them. Kyle was insane.
First there was Gaian. He was the confused one. When Kyle spent time with him, they had fun laughing and making sexual jokes. To other people, it appeared that Kyle was in a confused state of panic. Kyle would repeat one word. "What?". No one knew what he wanted or how to stop this, but he would be like this for hours.
Next was Nathan. He portrayed anger. Not just being mad when somebody stepped on your foot, but a searing hot anger that coursed through Kyle's body for hours. Kyle of course, didn't know this. When hanging out with Nathan, Kyle imagines having fun with a boy who is sexually attracted to pans. In reality, anyone around Kyle would have to restrain him due to his rage of fury and his growing need to punch everybody in the room.
After Nathan was Petar. Petar was… something Kyle was not. For some reason, being around Petar didn't have much of an affect on Kyle's personality. Petar was calm. He was chill. When it did affect Kyle, it affected majorly. It gave him similar effects to heroin, as others thought Kyle was… floating. The calmness in his body led to a lighter-than-air sensation. Petar was Kyle's best friend. Did I mention that Kyle was only 13 years of age? Kyle and Petar were the biggest pranksters around each other. When Kyle was with Petar, it made for a good day. Kyle wasn't freaking out in the real world, and in his messed up little mind, he was happy.
Next was another one called Nathan. Since Kyle already had a "Nathan" stored in his brain, he preferred to call him by his last name, Murtagh. Murtagh was the only personality with a last name and there is a good reason why. Murtagh was Kyle's childhood best friend when he was around five or six. No one knows what happened to him, but one day Kyle was informed that Murtagh had mysteriously died. This left Kyle feeling empty. That's what Murtagh is in Kyle's little dream world. Emptiness. So when Kyle would talk to Murtagh, he would rarely respond. Even in Kyle's head. This was probably the scariest personality to experience when around Kyle. He would stop suddenly, then curl up on the ground, barely breathing. No one can ever put him out of his trance. He would just have to wait until Murtagh was gone.
Then there was his fifth and final personality, which was Denise. She is what made Kyle weird. There was this lacking of nonsensical behavior from Kyle. He was to normal, to uniform to the norms of society, so he created a personality for himself. It was to make him weirder, less boring. It was Denise. She kept Kyle from following instructions in school, and doing what everyone else was doing. Kyle was often seen to society as a basket case when he was around Denise. He would subconsciously mutter odd phrases in different languages. Denise often caused Kyle to start maniacally laughing at very bad times. She caused kyle to laugh amongst the crying at his grandmother's funeral, and often, Kyle walks back and forth with a creepy smile clutching at his hair.
Everyone that Kyle has ever befriended has left him, well everyone except for one. He was in a constant state of swapping between his real world and the fictional one in his mind. He couldn't tell which one was which for the most part. There was one boy who didn't seem to have a personality connected to him. That left Kyle thinking, can I have a real friend? His name was Kenny McCormick, and he never left Kyle.
He's just a figment of your imagination. They all are.
Kyle believed it. Everything his mind said to him, Kyle believed it.
Nobody likes you, nobody talks to you. You're just a messed up kid.
Two
Kyle in his fictional world was very different than the real Kyle. The fictional life was amazing, but Kyle didn't actually know Kenny in it. Kyle loved a television show called South Park. The thought of Kenny in the real world, at the back of Kyle's head sparked the idea of the show. He was a genius, Kyle was. If all the ideas Kyle has in his fictional world could be interpreted in the real one, he would be world famous. A writer, a poet, an actor, too bad he was just a lunatic. Was just a lunatic. Kyle could actually go to school in his dream world, he could have friends. He could finish courses unlike the countless hours of therapy he undergoes in reality. His real and fictional world usually run parallel to each other, just in different locations.
In his dream world, Kyle plays the trumpet. He's quite good at it too actually. In the fictional world is where he hangs around with all his all joke around with him and it's actually not a bad life. Kyle often fanboys about Kenny, and writes dark poems describing flashbacks from his real life. Nobody knows about Kyle's multiple personalities in his dream world except for a select number of people, including Kenny and his parents. He lives the life of a normal kid, which is next to impossible when you got a severe mental illnesses.
In his real world, he is confined to therapists and mental institutions. Kyle hasn't been to school since he was six, shortly after Murtagh died. His mental state started rapidly deteriorating, and his parents had no choice but to send him off. He lived at 'GreenWood Institute for the Kids of the Clinically Insane' up until he turned ten, which then he moved to an institute for teens. It wasn't much better, actually it got a lot worse. Kyle hates it with so much passion, that he has tried to escape nineteen times, but Kyle doesn't know that. Since he spends most of his time in his fictional universe, the escapes are just the countless times Kyle has snuck out of school. Kyle has to attend hours of therapy each and every day, but it's usually only two halves of a conversation because Kyle is almost always talking to his own personalities instead of the therapist. The doctors have diagnosed Kyle with multi-personality disorder as well as, schizophrenia, severe anxiety, and depression, but none of these seem to pinpoint the problem Kyle has.
The odd thing about the two dimensions is that Kyle has a completely different inventory in the two of them. The only thing that seems to be transferred between the two worlds is a black notebook. Kyle wrote everything that happened to him down in the notebook to keep track of what happened to him because he could never seem to remember.
But Kyle kept the notebook well hidden. In it listed all the adventures of Kyle Testa and his personalities. We've found the notebook.
And we're going to describe it to you.
Three- Fictional
Kyle, Nathan, Gaian, and Denise decided it would be a good idea to form a band quartet. Bad idea, but they decided to stick with it. Their music teacher, Mr. Music-Teacher, was the biggest ass in the history of existence, so of course he said no to the four of them being in a music group together. Kyle decided that he didn't care for what the music teacher said so he just walked out of the classroom. Denise and Gaian followed him while Nathan stayed to record Mr. Music-Teacher freaking out about Kyle's 'level of disrespect'.
"Oi it's the insane psycho loser!", said one of Kyle's classmates. Kyle didn't like him too much, so he did what the average logical, not insane person would do. He punched him in the face, hard, because that's the way Kyle rolls. Denise and Gaian went with Kyle and walked out the front doors of the school.
At this time of year, it was nearing Christmas, so it was fairly frigid outside. Kyle didn't care, his senses stopped properly functioning years ago. Ever since Murtagh died, he hardly felt anything. All his emotions are his friends except for Murtagh. Sometimes Kyle sees Murtagh as a dark shadow in the corner of a room. A shadow that no one else ever seems to notice. The shadow hardly moves but when it does, it flows freely. The darkness drips like syrup down the wall. Kyle has never seen the face of the shadow, but somewhere at the back of his mind… he knows it's Murtagh, watching him from behind the grave.
"What's with you today?", asked Gaian, who noticed the fact that Kyle kept looking behind his shoulder every couple of seconds. Kyle, who noticed a strange dark shadow lurking behind the frosted grass trailing them, pointed at the shadow before looking at Gaian with wide eyes. Gaian, who didn't see anything strange looked confused and snuck a glance at Denise. She looked back at Gaian and shrugged.
"I dunno, I'm supposed to be in english writing that speech i'm never gonna finish". It was true. They had got excused from english class, taught by Mrs. English-Teacher, to ask Mr. Music-Teacher about the band quartet that they wanted to create. But of course they had to get rejected, and they had to throw a hissy-fit and walk out of school. Whatever. They finished the rest of their walk, not talking to each other. Gaian and Denise occasionally shared a concerned look every time Kyle looked behind him.
They finished their walk around the neighbourhood back at their school, just in time for the end of last period. They managed to miss math, with Ms. Math-Teacher, history, with Mr. History-Teacher, and science, with Miss. Science-Teacher. Now they joined into art class for the last five minutes of the school day. When their art teacher, Mrs. Colester, asked where they've been they just shrugged and walked to their respective seats. Kyle looked at the empty seat beside him and sighed. There was one personality that never seemed to be in his dream world. The one who represented… Kyle didn't even know. Kyle has never experienced the emotion since he has never met the holder of the emotion. He asked around the school for him but no one seemed to know who or where he was.
No one in his fictional world knew anyone by the name of Kenny McCormick, and that bothered Kyle greatly.
As Kyle walked home he started pondering, and for someone like Kyle, thinking was dangerous. He started thinking about who Kenny was and why no one knew who he was. Was he going crazy in his dream world? His fictional world was his 'safe haven'. It was supposed to be a place where he could act as a normal teenager, where he wasn't crazy. But was he? Was he going crazy?
Sometimes he would get little flashbacks of this guy. He sensed that it might be Kenny. Not very often, but sometimes, sometimes he would hear a muffled voice, or a blur of orange with a tuft of blond hair. It would usually appear right before Kyle fell asleep causing him to bullet out of bed in fright. Kenny. Kyle has never met him, but he wants to spend more time with him than anyone else in the entire universe.
Kenny is love.
Kenny was life.
Four- Reality
The sound of blaring alarms was the first thing Kyle hear when he snapped out of his 'daydream'. That's what the psychiatrists called his little episodes. He often heard his many doctors talking about his other life. It was only two doctors that studied profusely on his 'daydreams'.
"It's not possible for him to be thinking something. The brain activity spikes up, it overloads, he probably just thinks of a white space". That's Dr. Saul. He never believes Kyle when he recites all the stories and adventures he's had with his friends. Dr. Saul is the main neuro-expert on Kyle's case. He monitors Kyle's brain activity when he goes into a 'daydream'. Dr. Saul is the boss of a neuro-student named Jamie, who is Kyle's favourite doctor because Jamie actually listens. Jamie believes all of Kyle's absurd stories.
"Have you heard his stories, Dr. Saul? They are so intricate. There is no way he could of made it up. This kids a genius, he functions half a brain at a time and separates real and fiction into different parts. His 'real' half of his brain shuts down when he is in his dreamworld, but both brain parts work in the real world. He can't remember anything of the real world in his dreamworld! I think that's fascin-"
"Oh, shut up son! That's ridiculous" Kyle snorted. Dr. Saul was an asswipe.
Kyle's thoughts got interrupted by the sirens once again. Even though Jamie said that he should be able to remember what happens in his dream world when he's in the real world, sometimes Kyle can't remember what happens at all, but usually he gets little flashback a couple hours after he exits his dream world. Kyle also often gets flashbacks of what happens in the real world while he's in the fictional world, even though Jamie said that was impossible. It's confusing as shit.
Kyle was in a stopped car. The car was stopped at a building and Kyle had suitcases with his belongings in them. He looked out the tinted window to see what was outside. On the building read a sign 'Rosedale Mental Institution'. Kyle's eyes widened. Rosedale wasn't a normal mental institution, Rosewood was an institution for the criminally insane. What did he do?
Kyle was screaming and crying. No one could help him. He was so angry but acting confusingly weird at the same time. Then suddenly he stopped. Completely stopped. He grinned wider than thought possible and slightly tilted his head towards the wall on his left. Then, quick, in smooth cat-like motions, he lept towards the bedside table and reached for the bowl that held his breakfast. Acting faster than anyone could stop, Kyle smashed it on the ground and walked out of his cell like he owned the place, the whole time in a trance-like state, clutching the shard of broken ceramic in his hand.
The hair was shook out of the eyes of the insane boy realized what he did next in the fictional world he created for himself. He remembers what he did to the boy who insulted him. Kyle sulked into his chair as his eyes grazed the building facing him.
All the staff and some other patients of 'Riverside Institute for Troubled Teens' watched in horror as Kyle walked confidently through the East wing of the building. With the broken bowl fragment in his hand, Kyle approached his therapist, who currently had his back turned to file paperwork. With quick thrusting motions, almost like punches, the sharp bit punctured his upper abdomen and chest. Nobody helped him. Most were shocked and in disbelief. Some were curious on why the boy used sudden actions instead of the usual graceful plunge often used to kill.
"Someone get the anesthesia!"
Kyle sat in the vehicle with his head in his hands. He allowed a single tear slip out of his misty eyes. Just one, it was always just one tear. It was an accident! Gaian was altering his perception, he made Kyle confused and unaware of what he was doing.
Kyle's lawyer looked through the city files for one that read 'Gaian Valdegamo'. His eyebrows furrowed as he looked through the 'V' section for the third time. There was nothing on Gaian no matter how much Kyle insisted. Many people have told the man not to take the case, that Kyle was nothing but an insane murderer. But that's not true. Kyle isn't a psychopath, he's a thirteen year old boy with his whole life ahead of him. The law graduate allowed his eyes to gaze over the diploma framed on his office wall. There's nothing else he can do. He has just killed the future of a teen.
Five- Fictional
Kyle really didn't want to go to school today. He felt horrible about himself. How foolish was he to think that Kenny was a real person? He's a famous fictional character from South Park, not Kyle's friend. But boy, Kyle thought he was hot. It's almost like Kyle's mind had created the perfect boy for Kyle to fantasize over, got so close to making Kenny in his class in school, but decided to make him famous. Kenny is just out of Kyle's reach and it pains him. Something about Kenny… it's almost like- NO! It can't be. Kenny can't be real. Kenny is just an emotion. A personality.
Kyle managed to drag himself out of bed to the breakfast table. His parents weren't there. They never were. The lonely boy ignored the pain in his chest when he realized that his parents could of died months ago without him noticing. He felt different as he walked the twisted sidewalk to school. It almost felt like all his feelings were vacuumed out of him. Kyle didn't notice a dark shadow creeping around the swaying blades of grass around him.
"Hey man!", Petar exclaimed happily. Kyle became very paranoid. Why was he happy? He's not supposed to be happy! He's Petar! He has to be chill! Kyle isn't supposed to have a happy personality! That's not how it works! Is the world ending?! NONONONO!
"Kyla, honey, are you okay? You're sweating and shaking!", Denise pointed out. Kyle started to panic even more. Why is Denise caring? She is supposed to be weird and stupid! Isn't Kyla girl name? She called me honey! Does she like me? She does know I'm gay right? Kyle turned pale as his five friends looked at him worried. Then he passed out.
Overwhelming anxiety was not an uncommon thing for Kyle. He couldn't escape all his mental health issues just by creating a new world for himself. That would be to easy. Imagine it as walking down a long road with a backpack full of heavy clean slates. Now imagine your old, lighter, used slates laying in piles around the road. Eventuality the weight of the clean slates becomes too much and you have to swap it with a lighter, used slate. The backpack would be the equivalent to Kyle's made up world in his head. Overtime his real life seeps into his fictional one when the pressure of being normal becomes too much.
Kyle woke up at Gaian's house, completely and utterly confused. Kyle sat up and looked around. He assumed Gaian was in the next room due to the soft playing of The South Park Movie in the background. The hazy boy's ears perked up when he heard a certain muffled voice came through. Kyle quickly rushed over to the next room to see Kenny on the television take his hood off. The lovestruck boy's eyes almost bulged out of his head as Kenny talked. Gaian looked at him weirdly before offering him popcorn. He got no response. Kyle was already out the door.
Kyle ran as fast as his little legs would take him to Petar's place.
"Petar, I need your help. Please".
Six- Reality
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Kyle heard something like the wind blowing a tree towards the car window. Quite frankly, it was pissing him off.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Kyle groaned and tucked his head deeper into his arms. One more time and he'll go up and snap the branch right off the tree.
Tap. Tap… Tap…
Finally! It stopped. Kyle was extremely relieved. The wind must of stopped.
… Tap… TapTapTapTapTap..
Quick taps that Kyle felt through the window set him off. Kyle snapped his head up and slowly peered out the window. He saw a flash of orange and then a sign.
'My name is Kenny. I'm here to get you out of here. Follow me do everything I say. First of all, open this goddamn door! "
Kyle stared out the window in awe before finally coming to his senses. He slowly tried to lift a hand to wave at Kenny, only to discover that his wrists were handcuffed together. Awesome. Real attractive Kyle. Perfect first impression. First impression? Kyle has surely met Kenny before hasn't he? He slowly opened the door with his attached hands and stepped out of the car. He opened his mouth to scream at Kenny for practically kidnapping him, but he got interrupted by Kenny himself.
"SHH! They'll hear you kid! My boyfriend, Kyle, is waiting for us in the parking lot behind the building". Kyle crooked his neck up when he heard the name.
"You're boyfriend took my name pal…", Kyle mumbled looking annoyed. He shuffled his feet behind Kenny into the parking lot.
The car ride was pretty boring. Kyle thought other Kyle, who will now be called Broflovski, was alright but he would not stop complaining about Christmas spirit. Broflovski was just a bitter Jew at Christmas time, not that Kyle hated Jews or anything, he just liked holiday spirit. Broflovski didn't seem stereotypically gay or anything but Kenny, Kenny was a flaming homosexual. Kyle started thinking of ways to escape. He could jump out the window, but he would probably get caught by Kenny… or die. He could open the door, roll out and climb up a tree, but again, Kenny would probably catch him… or he would fall out of the tree and die. Any option would lead to Kyle being caught, or death. Thinking about it, Kyle doesn't actually mind death. It wouldn't actually be too bad. No more mental asylums, no more therapists, no more people looking at him like he was mental. But death meant no more Kenny…
It's alright. Kenny had a boyfriend. He didn't need Kyle, Kenny would be happier without him anyways.
Kyle shook his head so that his hair fell in his eyes. No, he couldn't die. If he died, all his friends would be gone. All the emotions that lived in his head, his only friend, they would disintegrate into nothing. Gaian and Petar. Nathan, and even Murtagh. None of them would have ever have existed, and he couldn't do that. Kyle couldn't do that to his friends.
But… but Kyle didn't have friends.
Seven- Fictional
Kyle laid awake on his bed, frozen in paranoia. He looked around his room, watching the figures on his posters and paintings morph into the contents of his worst nightmares. Shaking and sweating with fear, he slowly pulled the covers off him as Murtagh slid down the wall like paint. Just seeing Murtagh made Kyle suddenly stop what he was doing. His eyes were glazed over and distant, but alert. All the posters fell off the walls and the glass of his mirror shattered.
He then went downstairs and grabbed a kitchen knife ready to stab himself in the heart.
Kyle began to sob he couldn't witness being insane any more. He plunged the knife into his body falling to the ground. Kyle was dead and so was his friends. Forever.
Kyle shot out of bed screaming. The glass in his room was intact and the posters were still on Kyle's wall. He couldn't take it. This was supposed to be Kyle's good life, the one where he wasn't insane. This was his dream world, his escape, yet he still felt his sanity slipping through his fingers like grains of sand. There really was no point to living. Maybe his dream wasn't a nightmare, but a guidance rather. It was the figure above telling him to do something with his life, after all Kyle was clinically insane, not some sadistic fuckface asswipe who pretends to be insane for entertainment.
Kyle stayed locked away in his room for the next few days. Both Gaian and Petar tried countless times to get him out, but with no result. Often, Murtagh visited Kyle. He would be lurking in a corner or under Kyle's bed. Kyle used to think that Murtagh would hide in the shadows, which was creepy, but he now knows the truth. Murtagh doesn't hide in the shadows, Murtagh is the shadows. There were countless incidents of Kyle sweating and shaking under the covers, cowering in fear and anxiety. Panic surged through his veins as full blown anxiety attacks hit the boy. Many would feel sorry for him. Many didn't know of the bottle of Lorazepam only a few feet away, which Kyle refused to take.
His mother often worried about him. It wasn't his real mother though. It was the fictional one Kyle had created in his head. His real mother, if not dead, would probably be whoring herself out on the streets, getting drug money from men and women alike. Kyle never liked his real mother for she would often neglect him. At first he thought it was a good idea to make his dream mother perfect. She was so kind and caring, the exact opposite of the real one. Kyle thought it would make him feel better, to have the mother he has always dreamed of having. In truth, it only makes him more depressed realizing how fucked up his life has become. His fake mom, no matter how nice, could never fill the human sized hole in his heart.
His dreams became torturous, often reminding him of the life he could not have. Sometimes they were very complex, something that at first seemed odd, but hid a greater meaning. A analogy Kyle deciphered when he woke up. It often made him shed a tear or two. Those, he could handle. The simple ones were the most. There was one that Kyle simply despised. It was just a clip that lasted seconds. A mother and son, holding ice-cream on a warm spring day. The green tree leaves in the backround with the sun peeking through. Bicycles moving in the background, people walking by. The mother and son would throw their head back laughing like they've just heard the funniest thing in the world. The light would shine off their teeth every time they did it. No matter how many times it played in the hours Kyle slept, each time still hurt Kyle the same, if not more. Each and every single time sent a deep pang and a sense of longing through the lonely boy. Kyle would give the world- Kyle would give both his worlds just to do that just once. Just to laugh with his mom. His real mom
Kyle sat up, knowing he would have to get up eventually. He opened his door to reveal Petar, who looked like he was just about to knock.
"Not now Petar, what you need can wait!" Kyle raced down the stairs suddenly realizing what he needed. "Once again Petar, I need your help."
Eight- Reality
As soon as the car stopped, Kenny jumped out, taking Kyle with him by the wrist. They ran with Broflovski right behind them until they reached a house, isolated in the small grouping of Colorado mountain towns. Kyle noticed something strange when Kenny finally let go of his hand, but decided not to bring it up. Kenny decided to give Kyle a house tour to make him more comfortable with his surroundings.
"And this is your room.", Kenny ended the long tour. It was a pretty decent sized house. Kyle didn't want Kenny to leave. Kenny was heading towards the door when he got interrupted.
"Wait!" Kyle remembered the thing he saw earlier and decided to question the blond about it. Kenny slowly walked back to the bed, which Kyle sat on, and waited patiently for him Kyle to speak. They were in a chilly mountain town and Kenny was dressed how he always was, in his orange parka. Sometimes he would pull up the hood so that nothing showed but his eyes and strands of long hair. Kyle slowly lifted the left sleeve of Kenny's parka up, revealing a single imperfection, a scar. A fully healed scar than ran down from elbow to wrist on the inside of Kenny's forearm. The older boy looked away uncomfortably until his eyes looked back at Kyle's green ones, clouded over with tears.
"You- You tried to kill yourself!" Kyle looked almost happy, maybe he really was insane. Kenny looked at him with the 'no shit sherlock' look, almost laughed with disbelief at the ignorance of the boy. Kenny hardly noticed Broflovski walking into the room.
"Oh right! Your arm surgery! I forgot about that!" Broflovski said with a smile. Kenny brought his hand to his forehead and sighed deeply. Kyle flopped back onto the bed bed as Broflovski continued to grin, running a hand through his out of control, red hair. What an idiot.
"No you dumbsht! I only said that so you wouldn't say anything!" Kenny tugged at his hair dumbfounded. Kyle stared into knowing eyes as Kenny became frustrated and stormed out of the room. Broflovski stood silently at the entrance of the room and stared at his shoes.
"I'm not gay.", Broflovski finally whispered, voice cracking mid sentence. Kyle tilted his head up as a silent plea to expand the thought. "He was just so lonely. I thought I was, gay of course, but after our first kiss… I knew I wasn't."
"It was my first kiss. I had no idea what to do.", Kyle laughed, his eyes sparkling with tears. He kept his head held high, reminiscing the past. "I remember, Kenny was a lot more experienced than I was, so he let me experiment on him. The first time, I leaned in, and smacked my nose right into his. He was my best friend, and I was the only person he had at the time. Fresh out of a poor family, he was, so we ran away."
Broflovski walked away. Kyle could hear him admitting his true feelings to Kenny just under his feet. Poor guy. A couple moments of silence, followed by a door slam was all Kyle heard clearly. Kyle decided to raid the medicine cabinets to see if the pair owned any Lorazepam. All he found was Xanax, but that was good enough. They were basically the same thing anyways. Kyle did not always like to take medication to calm his anxiety. He didn't like the feeling of a crash after the meds wore off. It was like opening the floodgates to anxiety. When he did take the medication, he would always take the recommended dosage… then several couple more. It wasn't like Kyle took the medication to get high, but if he needed the medication, why not get high?
Kyle spent a good part of the rest of his day woozy. If he felt the effects go down, he would just take more pills. The brunette always had an attack right after coming down from a high, and he had run out of pills. There he laid, pace down under the covers, waiting for the inevitable to happen. Slowly he felt like there was something creeping up on him. Then all of his senses became hyper aware. He felt the world slow down in front of him, blurry from the speed which he was moving at. Kyle panicked as he felt every nerve and sensor in his body collide with the unfamiliar sheets, every taste bud in his mouth wet with his saliva. All the little sounds Broflovski made while cooking became painfully amplified. His eyes noticed every single little thing, from the little splotches of dirt on the window, to every shade of the mountains beyond the window. It wasn't long before tears started pouring out of Kyle's eyes and his tormented screams echoed around the empty room.
These are the days where Kyle really wants to kill himself. Everyday is a struggle for him, constantly weaving in and out of two worlds. Constantly being picked on by the little things that didn't matter. These are the days where everything Kyle has ever feared crawls out of the hole they lived in just to make Kyle's life miserable. The insane soul laid in his bed for hours, watching as the sky became dark and the stars that littered the sky like freckles came up.
Kyle never took the time to get clinically diagnosed with insomnia. He didn't want to put a name to it. Kyle didn't want to believe that he had trouble sleeping. It was more that he had better things to think about, and he couldn't sleep when his brain was all empty. Kyle quite enjoyed having a window next to his bed. He liked looking at the stars, how they shone so bright. They could all already be dead, but no one would know for years. Sometimes, when Kyle couldn't sleep, he would think about all the people he hated lined up into one big row. Then he imagined a truck crashing right into them. Most of the time it was a complete stranger driving, but sometimes, when Kyle was really mad, Kyle would picture himself behind the wheel of his father's old pick-up.
The boy's thoughts got abruptly interrupted by his own bedroom door opening then shutting. It was completely dark, but Kyle didn't mind getting murdered. He just laid there pretending he was asleep. He heard the figure sigh, then fabric hit the ground. Then, Kyle felt the body climbing into bed beside him and snuggling into his body. Kyle felt soft hair as Kenny's head found his chest. This was so gay. Kyle couldn't but wonder what Kenny was doing at 2 am, smelling of alcohol and piss. He was a fourteen year old boy in a small mountain town for god's sake. Kyle meant to ask, but he fell asleep to the sound of Kenny's muffled sobs before he got the chance.
Nine- fictional
Kyle was never the type to get help when he needed it. That's why Petar didn't believe it the first time Kyle admitted that he needed help. Kyle was closed minded and liked keeping to himself. When Petar first heard of Kyle's desire to find Kenny McCormick of South Park, he laughed. Petar tried explaining to Kyle that Kenny wasn't a real person, that Kenny was played by an actor but Kyle wouldn't have it. Kyle insisted that Kenny Mccormick was a real person who lived in a small Colorado mountain town. Petar being the chill person he was, agreed to travel to Colorado with Kyle to make him happy. Kyle's mom, being the perfect mother she was, decided to let Kyle go on his own, fully paid for with Petar. What a life.
"You're holding the map upside down!" Petar tried to reason with Kyle but just ended up yelling at him. They've travelled hundreds of kilometres from their home in Canada to the mountains of Colorado. They didn't find anything but a big building which they entered.
"Excuse me, do you know where I find Kenny McCormick?", Kyle asked a man inside the building politely. They even had a water fountain that was two stories high! The man gave them a confused look then chuckled.
"I'm sorry kid, Kenny is not real. He's just from a TV series called South Park. We film it here." Kyle stared at him with a blank face. No! That can be true. Kyle senses that Kenny was real, that he had talked to Kenny before. It was impossible that Kenny wasn't real! Kyle had vague memories of speaking and joking with him. Petar and Kyle left the studio in disappointment and regret. They had travelled all the way to Colorado for this?
Kyle spoke to Petar on the plane grimly. "Dude! I swear i've talked to him! He's a real person with real memories."
"Are you sure it wasn't just a dream? That happens sometimes with, you know, ones that you remember well," Petar took a puff of smoke from a cigarette. Could be weed, Kyle never knew. Why not get high, it's almost as if Kyle had said that before.
"No he was real," Kyle whisper-shouted at Petar, while tugging at his hair almost hard enough to rip out. "He has to be, i don't think I could live with myself if he wasn't."
"It kind of sounds like you're attracted to him or something man, I dunno."
Kyle stayed silent after that.
Kyle tossed his travel bag up onto his bed. No. Kenny was real. KENNY WAS REAL! No matter how many times Kyle told that to himself, it just didn't seem true. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Kyle knew that Kenny was real, hidden in the dark places of his brain. The real places. In the real, shitty world, Kenny existed to Kyle. In this world, Kenny was just a made up being from someone's imagination. Almost like Kyle's brain played god and took away the most precious part of Kyle's real world when Kyle was in his 'perfect' world. But, why? There were always way too many questions but too few answers.
Kyle met up with Nathan at a local café. It seemed like Kyle was getting crazier by the minute for the second time. Why was such a curse riddled upon him? If he goes completely mad in this world, would he create a third world for himself? Or would it be more because he could make another world from the real one to the second fake one. Would his real world stay the real world? Kyle was so distracted by his thoughts that he didn't notice Nathan frantically waving his hand in front of Kyle's face. He only acknowledged His friend when Nathan's hand accidentally nicked the end of his nose.
"Hey watch it dude!" Kyle sounded genuinely pissed when he spat his comment at Nathan. Nathan, who was taken aback by the rudeness of his friend, frowned. There was obviously something wrong that happened to Kyle, making his irritable and bitter.
Nathan sighed. "Kyle, i'm sorry. I just want you to know that we're always here for you and we'll stand by you for whatever you deci-"
"Yea, yea, yea, you care for me and la de la de da. It's just that repetitive bullshit i hear from everyone." Kyle sighed annoyed. This was everything that he heard in the real world. It brought back all the sick memories of his family and, at the time, friends. Everyone told Kyle that they would be there for him but when Kyle really needed them, they all left him. The next time Kyle saw them, they were kicking dirt in his face and calling him names. Don't make friends. Don't fall in love. Trust no one. It was a mantra Kyle lived by.
"You know what? I'm just gonna go." Kyle took his bag and tucked in his chair, while releasing another deep sigh. "See ya later… I guess."
Ten- Reality
It was almost midnight when Kenny McCormick slid down the floor of his bathroom. He was alone now, no one would bother him so he could work on his masterpiece. Broflovski went out and never came back. It crushed Kenny like a truck. His best friend pretended to love him because he was lonely. It made Kenny feel like shit, and it sent pangs straight through his heart. How could someone do something that cruel? Faking love, Kenny could understand, but faking sexuality! Was Kenny that much of a loser?
Kyle on the other hand, Kyle was still in his room. Kenny didn't have to worry about him interrupting because well, Kyle wouldn't respond to anything. He just sits in his chair with a lopsided smile and doesn't move. He was acting super chill and Kenny had absolutely no idea why. Kenny wasn't worried though. Kyle did come from a mental institution after all.
Kenny McCormick was never the 'cool kid'. He came from a poor family, and got away with wearing a parka everyday in the cold mountain town of South Park. Kenny always had problems with confidence and the way he looked, as well as issues with anxiety. At the age of nine, Kenny convinced himself that no one was capable of loving him. His parents were redneck hillbillies, and his friends did nothing but make fun of him. Broflovski and Kenny met so long ago, neither of them remembered when. But this was probably the end.
Kenny hardly had any alone time time to work on his art, since Broflovski was always with him. Now that he was gone, Kenny had all the time in the world. Reaching over to the very bottom drawer, he took out a small precision knife, one made for carving precise patterns into wood. Kenny never used it for wood. Lifting up his left sleeve, he looked over the single flaw made all those years ago. Lifting the opposite sleeve, Kenny revealed his work. It was almost finished. His inner forearm was split into three sections, each with a sentence over them.
Who I was…
Who I am…
Who I could be…
Each and every letter was individually carved with a blade and scarred over, and topped off with a fancy font. Under the words, Kenny carved in pictures to match. Every intricate detail was made with the knife that laid in his hand. Out the door Kenny ran until he got to his spot. Know one knew about this place, not even Broflovski. It was a little flat land in the mountains where a swing set was built. It was long abandoned now so Kenny claimed it for himself. He held the comfortable weight of the knife in his hand as he looked over his arm, adding to the patterns already there.
Who I was…
A boy wrapped in a parka and blankets sat outside a run down house with his head hanging down. Inside the house, two silhouettes were fighting, supposedly about money, no one but Kenny knew. Across the street, there were children from the local school, pointing and laughing. The poor kid. The one all donations go to. Sitting on the front porch wearing ripped clothes, the boy stared at the ground hoping for a better future as the autumn leaves blew down the street.
Who I am…
The same boy had grown. Bigger and taller. Hand in hand with another boy, they fled their hometown, leaving the small fraction of the world they knew behind them. They didn't run with courage, they ran with fear. The boy, still wrapped in a overworn parka, ran from the shadows and monsters that haunted his nightmares. No one knew. Living in a world of fright, the boy was running for his life, never returning to face his old one. He dragged along the boy in his arms. They ran and ran until the monsters turned to trees and the sun turned to stars.
Who I could be…
There was a boy who wasn't afraid to be himself. He wasn't afraid of talking to people because that boy was beautiful. Breaking free from the chains that constricted him all his life, the boy once again left his old life behind him. He was at the end of his journey. This boy was done with running. This particular boy would let nothing get in his way. He saw himself as just the person he wanted to be, the boy he dreamed of all his life. When Kenny McCormick was little and his parents got in fights, he imagined himself as a superhero coming to save the day. This boy was Kenny's superhero. Standing on top of a big podium, this boy had his head held high and a smile wider than Canada. This is who he could be…
Kenny looked at the excess details made in the last hour. Droplets of blood escaped and ran down his arm, collecting until it could drop onto the ground and be free. In the meer sixty minutes Kenny was here, he managed to create an impressive pool of blood on the dry dirt. The ground was stained red with the countless drops of blood. Kenny looked at the scars on his arm. They were probably the only true thing of beauty on his entire body. How much he wished he could grow into the third boy, every single night he wishes it on a star. Kenny looked up at the stars above him and closed his eyes, imagining a world of perfection. He opened his eyes back on his arm and watched of the beautiful scars. The white ones appeared silver in the moonlight reflecting off of it. The fresh ones Kenny had done just now are bubbling tiny droplets of blood that form along each mark. Everyone asked the same thing when they see it,
"Did it hurt?"
The logical thing for Kenny to say would of course be, yes. Truthfully, no, it didn't hurt. Kenny hardly felt it. Kenny didn't really feel anything those days. He looked down at the ground for… God knows how long. Could've been hours or maybe just seconds. Kenny heard the swing beside him squeak, and he jumped in surprise. Sighing in relief, Kenny raised an eyebrow at Kyle who sat on the swing next to Kenny.
"Are you alright?" Kyle asked, looking into the sad eyes of Kenny.
Kenny gave a confused look back at Kyle "Yea, why wouldn't I be"
Kyle motioned his head towards the alarming pool of blood below Kenny. Oh yea. Kenny had forgotten about that. His mind was racing at a billion kilometres an hour. Kyle was in his spot. No one was supposed to know about this. Without thinking, Kenny leaned in and kissed Kyle right there and right then. Kenny didn't realize what he was doing until he pulled back with wide eyes.
"I am so sorry! I shouldn't have. I thought you were Broflo-"
"It's ok.", Kyle reassured the blond. "I think I liked it.
Eleven- fictional
"You know what Petar?" Kyle sat was laying on the roof of his house with all his friends. They decided to have a sleepover after realizing how much stress Kyle was experiencing. It was true. Often in the shower, Kyle would accidentally rip out clumps of hair.
"What now Kyle?" Petar looked very annoyed while grabbing the chips from Gaian's side. Everyone else was sleeping except for the pair, Kyle and Petar. This was the fourth time that Kyle had interrupted Petar's slumber, and the Serbian dude couldn't bother with trying to fall back asleep.
"You know Kenny?" Petar blew an over exaggerated sigh over in Kyle's direction. "No! Dude I'm serious. Oi seriously you Serb, listen to me. Kenny is real and i know it. Fake people don't get to you. Kenny burrowed a way into my heart and he refuses to come out. Im telling you Petar KENNY IS REAL!"
"Wow Kyle! I never knew you felt that way!" There was sarcasm in there, Kyle didn't notice it. "I never knew…"
Petar's eyes filled with tears. "I never knew you… You THOUGHT OF ME AS A SERB"
Kyle's sad eyes turned dark. Petar's laughs could've woken up the whole town! A heavy lidded Gaian looked up, and went directly back to sleep. Kyle, illuminated by the stars above, crawled over across the rooftop to Petar. Then he smiled, and smacked him straight across the face. Bitch. Petar looked up and opened his mouth a few times, but quickly closed it, resembling a fish.
"You know what Petar? You forgot something," Kyle talked quietly but creepily. The moonlight reflected on the teeth exposed by his creepy smile. Petar was literally shaking in fear. This has never happened before. As Kyle was getting happier in the real world, his imagination slowly crumbled to dust. Slightly tilting his head, Kyle chuckled at Petar's cowering body and the question in his eyes.
It was a few minutes before Kyle gave Petar the chance to speak. The boy's vocal cords tightened in his chest and he managed to sputter out a few sensical words.
"W- Wha- What did I forget?"
Kyle reached for his back pocket and took the small fold in knife from the plastic casing. He admired his weapon in the moonlight, the red stained metal from years of use. The grip was worn and weary, but it worked well. Kyle turned towards Petar and slowly admired the patience of the boy. Always there to help Kyle. That was pretty pathetic don't you think? The fact that Kyle's friends actually stayed with him no matter how much bullshit he does. Pathetic. Kyle brought the knife up to Petar's face slowly.
"Oh, all the things I could do to y-" Kyle never got to finish that sentence as Nathan interrupted them. Petar and Kyle were facing away from Nathan, but the latter brought his knife down to Petar's throat, a silent command to remain quiet. Nathan shuffled back into bed, but Kyle didn't take the knife off of Petar's neck.
"DUDE! They're gonna see us!" Petar was yelling with fear. Kyle looked around, wide eyed and panicky, making sure no one had heard Petar. Then he put more pressure on Petar's throat. The knife was so constricting that any movement, even a word, would kill Petar. The message was clear. "You talk, you die."
Petar was frozen in fear, which probably was good for him. Kyle smirked and moved the knife slightly, causing a small red line to trail after the knife. Petar had obviously forgotten, maybe it was time to remind him. "Petar, did you forget? This is MY world. I can do anything"
"OH MY GOD PETAR! DON"T DO IT!" In the seconds it took to mutter out that sentence, Kyle had already transferred the knife to Petar's hand and woke everybody up. They all ran over to the duo while Petar was still frozen in panic. Kyle faked a sob while Nathan grabbed the knife out of Petar's hand. Kyle had to make this believable. What would a good best friend do? "I-I really th-thought I would have to s-see him d-d-die!"
"What the actual fuck dude?" Denise was trying to get Petar out of shock as Kyle continued to sob. She was majorly pissed off. "That was so stupid Petar…"
"Yep, suicide is stupid and for fucking emos." Kyle broke character just to deliver that line. He had been waiting all year for a chance to say that. It felt wonderful. When Petar finally came back to the (kinda) real world, he didn't say anything. He just kind of lowered his head then went to bed, admitting defeat. Kyle for once in his life, felt really bad about it.
Before he went to sleep, Kyle whispered something genuine in the direction of Petar. "Im so sorry."
Petar however, was already asleep.
Twelve- Reality
It was game night for Kenny and Kyle when Broflovski walked through the door. He did still have the key. Immediately after he walked in, he started to pack boxes labeled with his name. He was packing to move out. Forever.
Kenny entered the room after his bathroom break but froze as soon as he saw Broflovski. It dragged him down like an anchor, seeing Broflovski's items everywhere. No! He couldn't take them. It hurt seeing his former partner's belongings everywhere, but it would absolutely crush him if they were gone.
"Kyle? Kyle you came back for me?" Kenny's voice was small, one resembling a small child. Kenny knew Broflovski was never coming back, but there was no bad in asking. In fact, the blonde's question was enough to halt the angry packing. Broflovski turned around, and as soon as he saw Kenny's face, his frown faltered. He looked into Kenny's eyes for what may have been the last time. Irises made of the ocean. Broflovski found himself chuckling at all the stupid romantic things he used to say to Kenny, his own eyes tearing up.
"As blue as an ocean," Broflovski couldn't help but whisper it one last time. The packing was done, Kyle was almost done making snacks in the kitchen, stupidly unaware of the events in the room adjacent to his very own. Kenny looked down at his feet. He wasn't stupid, he wasn't ignorant. There was no where for Broflovski to go but out. So he did.
As soon as he door closed, Kenny found himself longing to tell Broflovski about his eyes. Kenny whispered the poem that was never heard by Broflovski. And it would never be heard. "As green as the leaves that would would climb so high, then fall so low. Dying every year as winter arose bringing cold and darkness."
Kenny collapsed into a ball on the ground as soon as Kyle walked in with chips and 7-layer dip (homemade of course). Kyle immediately put everything down to assist Kenny. He dragged him onto the beaten down couch and stroked his hair. Kyle felt bad. Really bad. Something must've happened to Kenny while Kyle was having another 'episode'. That's what the psychiatrists called them anyways.
Kenny didn't move much while he was laying on Kyle's lap. He laid there like a cat as he quietly sobbed. Kyle didn't really know what to do. He did spend his life in institutions so you really couldn't blame him. Awkwardly stroking Kenny like a pet, Kyle started thinking about the blond boy on his lap. He felt a connection between Kenny and himself. It was so odd, it felt like Kyle was in a cheesy romance novel written by some 13 year old girl. Kyle needed to make Kenny feel better Broflovski style.
"Ya know Kenny, you and Broflovski technically aren't together anymore…" Kyle hinted suggestively at Kenny who lifted his head up revealing tear stained cheeks. "And my name's Kyle too. Im sure you've got a lotta practice with that one"
Kenny blushed and stood up. He walked out the door to his secret spot. This time, Kyle didn't try to stop him, knowing perfectly well what he was going to be doing. It was hours before Kenny arrived back at the house. The boy barely acknowledged Kyle on the couch before heading to his room. Kyle contemplated heading to his own room, but decided not to. When Kenny came for a snack, Kyle finally snapped.
"I'm glad you took the time to say hello!" He yelled at Kenny, who walked with his head down.
"I'm sorry", Kenny said quietly, not looking at anything but the ground. He tried not to get into an argument with Kyle "I was in a rush"
"Oh a rush. I see. You were to busy to spend hours saying one word to me"
"I'm sorry."
"No. Don't even say you're sorry because you're not! You never are!"
"I'm sorry Kyle!"
"Save it for someone who cares Kenny. Two people leaving you in the same day! Im sure youll have plenty of sorrys after that!"
"I'm sorry Kyle but I don't know you have to act like a bipolar asshole all the time. There is nothing worse than living with someone you can't control. The only reason you're here is because I wanted to help you, but obviously that was a mistake. Look, you can leave now and go back to your shitty life if you want to"
"Well… Well at least I don't mutilate myself when a little boy breaks my heart!"
Kenny flinched. He took that pretty seriously and started to feel self conscious about his special pastime, his favourite pastime matter of factly. This Kyle kid really had no limits. Today his favourite person left him, Kyle tried to take advantage of him when he was down, and his favourite thing in the world got insulted. His art.
For the second time that day, Kenny McCormick walked straight out the door.
Thirteen- Fictional
"Bye Petar! We're really gonna miss you!" Gaian waves goodbye to petar one last time before he got sent away to an institution. Petar could deny it all he wanted, but he was spotted trying to commit suicide. His friends waved goodbye as Kyle stood behind them regretting everything.
Deny. Deny. Deny.
That was the game Kyle was playing. He would deny everything Petar asked and if things went to plan, eventually Petar would think it was all a dream. Was it a dream? No. But as long as Petar thought it was a dream, Kyle was clear. The group thought it was best to send Petar somewhere he could on suicide watch. Kyle didn't give his input, but no one questioned that. All Kyle ever did was stand behind all his friends, using them as a shield from the world, but they could never shield him from the guilt that was eating him from the inside out. Deceiving people, it isn't hard to do, but it's hard to cope with. Every living, breathing second, you have to live with the knowledge that you are creating a morphed reality for someone else. Someone else is suffering because of you. Most people can't handle it. Kyle can. Gaian headed over across the street to talk to his grandma.
"Isn't it sad to see Petar go? I always thought he was the happiest out of us all", Denise sighed as she watched Petar go.
"He never cursed much, he never smoked, he never drank, he never got high off his ass", she glared at Nathan while she counted that last one off her fingers.
"Guys.. Something not right!" Gaian said holding his phone panicked. He looked over the cars to where his grandmother was formally standing.
"Ya Petar's not here. Is your memory alright?" Nathan gave Gaian a raised eyebrow as he continued to worry about his friend.
"No it's not that. I just had a perfectly normal conversation with my Grandmother." He looked down at his phone and scrolled up. "I didn't notice anything weird"
"What's… What's weird about that?"
"Well according to my mom, my Grandma's been dead for two months.", Gaian slowly looked up and across where his Grandma was standing. She was still there.
No, Kyle thought. This was bad. Very bad. Thing aren't adding up. The impossible is happening. His 'perfect' world was crumbling to pieces in front of him and nothing could stop that. As Kyle starts to get more insane, he slowly loses the ability to control and maintain his world. The laws of physics and biology start to rewrite themselves. The dead walk among us once again. There were multiple ways Kyle could stop complete catastrophe. He could regain his full mental capacity. Or he could kill himself. If he died naturally, it wouldn't work. He needed to intentionally kill for this world to thrive. Or you know, be not insane, but for a boy like Kyle, that was very difficult.
It hurt. Knowing that he couldn't even get this world right. It was all in Kyle's imagination, but the still managed to mess it up. Kyle wasn't happy anymore. He began thinking less and less of himself. He was such a failure that he didn't even use his imagination right! All his friends, he was killing them. If all of this world disintegrated, they would go down with it.
"Kyle! Kyle are you alright?" Gaian was frantically waving his hands in front of Kyle's face "Kyle! What's going on? We're kinda freaked out…"
Kyle couldn't move. He couldn't speak or respond to Gaian. It was scary because he tried his best but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't move. It felt like he was paralyzed and it looked like the world wasn't moving at the same speed that he was. Kyle started to panic as his friends seemed like blurry blobs moving around him in slow motion. Kyle tried to shout but with no avail. Random images of suicide bombers danced in his vision, and all at the same time, the bombs exploded and Kyle slowly regained his function.
Kyle moved around his arms and legs while his friends looked at him concerned. They all tried to speak with him simultaneously and Kyle made out as much of their jumbled words as he could. "Dude are you okay?! You looked like you got turned into a statue. And you're so pale!"
"Guys. I need to save you guys. I can't go insane-!", somewhere near the end of that sentence, Kyle started to creepily smile and cut himself off by maniacally laughing. He laughed so hard that he had to clutch his sides so he wouldn't fall over. His friends shot yet another concerned look at their counterpart and shrugged at each other. They didn't know what to do. None of them knew what Kyle meant by 'saving them.
Were they dying? Could they be saved? Kyle had passed out long before they got the chance to ask him about his previous statement. Nathan sighed. There was nothing they could do but take Kyle up to his room to get some rest. Maybe he would say tomorrow.
Fourteen- Reality
Kyle didn't know what to do. He hardly ever did. Kenny had left hours ago without giving a single clue of where he was going. Kyle knew at the back of his kind where Kenny was, and exactly what he was doing, but he tried his best to block that thought out. Kyle didn't really know what he did wrong. True, he spent most of his life without proper human contact but it should be common sense. Were Kyle's people skills actually that bad? Someone would actually prefer sitting out in the cold carving images into their arm to spending time with him? Kyle may of seemed cold in the argument but he really did want to change!
Kyle made a plan. As soon as Kenny got back, if Kenny got back, Kyle would ask him what he could of done better. Along with a cup of cocoa, Kyle would treat Kenny like a king. So focused on his own life and his own problems, Kyle never took the time to learn more about Kenny. The hoodie clad blond boy probably had so much of a backstory, Kyle couldn't even imagine what happened to Kenny causing him to act like this. Sometimes, if Kyle couldn't sleep, he would lay still in his bed, only to hear muffled sobs in the room next door. Something damaged Kenny greatly, and Kyle made it his mission to find what that was.
Turning on the television, Kyle cringed to see that he was on the news. Finally released to the public, Kyle was labeled as 'escaped mental patient'. He was a hazard to the people around him. It has been a full day since Kenny had gone. 1 day. That's 24 hours. That's 1440 minutes. That's - No. Kyle was going to drive himself crazy worrying about Kenny. Why did Kenny mean so much to him? It didn't make any sense. It just didn't add up properly. First of all, Kyle was as straight as a rular… That someone bent… And ran over with their car a few times. Okay, Kyle wasn't straight but he couldn't be attracted to Kenny! It just, it didn't make sense. None of Kyle's life made any sense.
Finally, after more days than Kyle could keep track of, Kenny stumbled through the door. His eyes were bloodshot and he smelled of alcohol and drugs. Kyle had no idea where that came from since Kenny was very underaged.
"Where the fuck have you been! I have been sitting on this couch for years waiting for you!" Kenny completely ignored him. He had a massive headache, hell he was probably still drunk. He went straight to his room and slammed the door. Kyle didn't know what to feel about that. Kenny obviously had many emotional issues not allowing himself to trust the people around him. Broflovski was gone and Kenny was mad and Kyle had no idea what to do with his life.
Kyle went through Kenny's bookshelf trying to find a good book to read, but found nothing. Instead of the novel he was hoping for, Kyle's fingers pulled out a small black journal that was falling apart due to years of wear and tear. The whole thing was filled up with the messy handwriting belonging to Kenny, making Kyle wonder is their was a more recent one Kenny still writes in.