A/N: So I saw this comic called What the Colonel Wants by Arkham-Insanity on deviant art. Check it out. It's funny. I did, however, change the words around a bit. Sorry…but I swear, I only elaborated! By the way, it's not shonen-ai. Just humor.
Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or the original plotline for this. I do own two FMA bags, with signatures from Vic Mignogna, Travis Willingham, and Laura Bailey, AND a brand new state alchemist watch, AND a personalized voicemail by Travis Willingham. The rights to the show, however, still escape me…
What the Colonel Wants
Ed was halfway between sleep and awake when a pair of boots sounded their way down the hall toward him. He tried to shake off the sleep for a moment, then decided it really didn't matter if he looked awake or not. The army-issued boots stopped in front of him a few seconds later, and Ed groaned inwardly. That meant Mustang.
Prying his eyes open, Ed saw Colonel Bastard himself looking down at him. There was a frown there, and Ed knew precisely why.
"Edward, you haven't mopped these floors!" Mustang didn't offer any preamble to his yell, so Edward was snapped awake with the force of it.
"So what," the blonde said in the most bored tone physically possible. "There are a lot of floors I haven't mopped yet." As if the Fullmetal Alchemist didn't have anything better to do than mop floors in Mustang's office. Sure, that was the order for today, but when was Ed ever good at following orders?
"You better start mopping those floors if you know what's good for you!" Apparently today wasn't one of Mustang's good days. The stupid man was moving straight to yelling and threats. Normally there would be a short joke in there somewhere, and Ed was glad for its absence, but it meant Mustang was in a rather pissy mood and would be no fun to play with.
The blonde rolled his eyes and sat up, grabbing his forgotten mop in the process. "Is that all you want in life?" Ed mused/griped out loud. "Clean floors?" Sure it didn't seem much to ask for, but why acknowledge that when it was much more pleasant to annoy his commanding officer?
"Actually, no…" Ed recognized a ramble on its way, so mostly ignored the colonel in favor of dully pushing the mop around the floor. Mustang went on as if Ed were hanging on his every word. "You see, when I was little, I wanted to be the best alchemist ever. Not very specific dreams, but a goal none the less. Then when I was older, I wanted to join the military. And once that was achieved, I wanted to be a state alchemist with rank as a colonel!"
Mustang looked very proud of himself, and in the spirit of being mind-numbingly bored with cleaning the rest of the office floors, (Which he had. It just seemed to be this particular hallway Mustang wanted clean.) Ed decided to keep the bastard talking.
"What do you want to be now?" Ed asked just as the dark-haired man began walking away.
Mustang moved faster than Ed had ever seen previously, and was suddenly right up in his face so that ED felt his hair blow back from the force of his shout.
"OBEYED!"
Ed felt just massively stunned as he stood watching what was apparently a very angry colonel walking away down the hall, practically fuming. After the shock wore off, Ed's face returned to what could vaguely be called a pout. God, what crawled up his ass and died? he thought bitterly, fixing the mop with a glower.