Morgana/Arthur AU fan mix fan fic: A Thousand Dying Sunsets.
note: I always wanted to write my own Athurian legend. This is pretty much my lazy way of doing it.
01. Birdy - People Help the People. people help the people, and if you're homesick, give me your hand and I'll hold it / people help the people / and nothing will drag you down.
The monotony of royal life was something that greatly vexed the youngest child of the Pendragon clan. Being merely a child of eight, with wild unkempt blonde locks, Arthur demanded adventure. In his books that learned to read from, he had often read of pirates and vagabond kings whom lived day-to-day and took whatever they wanted. As a prince, Arthur could hardly imagine the barren mores and endless oceans that were spoken of. As the future hope of a bloodline, his safety was the priority and that meant that he never got to see anything exciting. He was locked up in the castle, kept far away from any potential ill and was taught how to be brave and princely. Arthur hated it. He much rather play but there were not really any to play with.
Until one day when the guards came to the castle with a child, orphaned and alone. With hair as dark as night and eyes blue as the ocean, she had the spirit of a wildling. He had often heard about the savages across the boarder and this girl was everything he had imagined her to be. The guards said that she was a lower nobleman's daughter, who was put in a nunnery until there was a fire and she was the only who survived.
With such an exciting tale, Arthur immediately seized at the opportunity to befriend this ghoul from the north. However, the girl was angered over her new accommodations, as she was wild as a bore and required the fresh ocean air. The castle was her cage and as far as she understood, Arthur was part of the regime that kept her captive. The girl did not like the look of the prince and spit in his hand.
"I don't speak to cowards," she said simply.
From that day on, Arthur made a point to show her that he was actually a pirate in disguise and he was just as much a captive as her.
02. Rosi Golan feat. William Fitzsimmons - Hazy. what if I fall and hurt myself? would you know how to fix me / what if I went and lost myself? would you know where to find me
"Sixty-eight, sixty-nine… seventy! Ready or not, here I come."
The seasons had changed suddenly and the brave little boy had grown up to be a resourceful young man. With the key senses of a hunter, he took a moment to gaze over the limited terrain of the glade that was his and Morgana's favourite place. As it was the only place they were allowed, they knew every stick and stone, so their games usually finished quickly. As his only companion from the age of eight, the fifteen year old prince could easily sense her presence and predict her every mood.
Predatory desires welled within him as he tried to imagine himself in her shoes. Morgana liked to push the boundaries, show off her own skill and intelligence and hide away in the most difficult corners of their glade. Trying to figure out Morgana's mind was like trying to struggle against quicksand. Finally, he heard the break of a branch and excitedly, he ran against his target and without looking, dove into a bush, pushing Morgana to the ground.
"Ow!" Morgana exclaimed, laughing warmly.
Momentarily out of breath, Arthur pushed his body weight against Morgana's, smiling vaguely as his eyes locked with hers. There had always been something of a witch inside Morgana. Seemingly without the least of effort, she seemed to always get her way. When he was younger, he had been envious of how easy everything seemed to come to Morgana, as he would struggle to keep up.
He knew that some said she had actual witch blood in her. Others claimed that she was Uther's bastard child. The most ridiculous rumour he had heard about his childhood playmate was that even at a young age, Morgana had made it her business to devour the souls of men. Popular gossip and superstition liked to attribute anything that went wrong to the lady Morgana. Luckily, Arthur never listened to their lies. He knew better.
"Got you," he smiled.
"Seems like you do," Morgana agreed, her eyes glittering darkly, secretly pleased. "When I met you, you could barely hold your own against a castle pigeon. Now you've turned into quite the lion."
If he was a lion, Arthur wondered what on earth she was. But then again, that was the eternal question, wasn't it?
03. The Killers - Somebody Told Me Well somebody told me / you had a boyfriend
Who looked like a girlfriend / that I had in February of last year / it's not confidential i've got potential
Morgana was the most stubborn and annoying being on the planet. That was what she was. When they had been young, they had made a game out of arriving to banquets dirty and full of mischief. Those were the rules. This year, there had been no expectation of change and Arthur had arrived thinking that it would be another year of laughs and sarcastic jokes. Not… this spectacle.
His eyes were annoyingly transfixed at his childhood ally, whose mere appearance had only moments before caused somewhat of a sensation in the otherwise absolutely dull affair. Even though it caused his physical pain to admit it, Morgana was a revelation. Dressed in the finest silk imported from France while the wine-red shade accentuated her features to make her seem almost unearthly. Before his very eyes, Morgana had transformed from a tomboy who could throw the meanest punches punches to this… joke.
He didn't know that he was fuming until his father told him that he better cheer up. For the first time, Arthur felt completely deserted and barren, somehow. Just a few feet away, Morgana looked like the picture of perfection and temptation with effortless grace. What she was wearing could not even be described as a dress. It was a gown. Made for Aphrodite herself. There was no doubt that Morgana was a revelation and now she was spending most of the dinner flirting with foreign ambassadors, rather than laughing at them at the table with him. For some reason that was a very depressing revelation.
04. Sweet Talk Radio - Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow? Can I believe the magic of your sighs? Will you still love me tomorrow? / Tonight with words unspoken / You say that I'm the only one / But will my heart be broken / When the night meets the morning sun?
"Oh, Arthur, you are an absolute nightmare!" Morgana's eyes were sparkling blue like thunder. She could not believe what she was hearing. To be fair, Arthur had always been a bit of a twat but he had never been this unreasonable.
Within a couple of months, her closest friend had implicitly decided that she was no longer worthy of his time. Arthur, who had never in his life given hunting that much of a thought, was suddenly spending all of his time hunting with his knights and refused her to accompany him. She was missing him terribly, but she was going to admit that over her dead body. Right now, she didn't miss him at all, right now she wanted to strangle him. The fact that would probably send her to the stake was merely a technicality.
"You are a woman," Arthur emphasised with increasing pressure in his voice, "You're not supposed to go hunting." The level of hypocrisy Arthur was displaying was astounding. With his conversion to his new religion - hunting - they seem to have lobotomised his brain along with it.
"Says who?" She knew very well it was an unspoken rule in Camelot but the man she knew would never have given two figs to unspoken rules. When they were children, they had been thick as thieves.
"You'll…" Arthur's face awoke with emotions as he tried to mask his hesitation, "… provide an distraction!"
"That's the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard in my entire life, Arthur Pendragon! If you don't want me to come with, fine, just tell me. Just stop being such a bloody child about it and tell me what it is I have done?"
"What?" For the first time during their seemingly endless fight, Arthur's expression broke into genuine astonishment. His face softened and for a moment, Morgana saw her childhood friend beneath the layer of hurt pride.
"I must have done something because for the last couple of weeks, you have treated me as though I have the plague." She didn't have the energy to be angry about it any more. She had been plenty angry and upset about this already, so now all that remained was for the brutal truth to face the light of day.
"That's… absolutely… absurd!" Arthur's reaction puzzled her increasingly. The future king of Camelot grinned slightly and had his gaze fixed at her ear. Arthur was uncomfortable. Whenever he was scolded by Uther, he would look past him as though it would make the criticism wash over him. Now he was doing the same to her. As she moved closer, he bolted as though she was made of fire. Any attempt at eye contact was rejected.
Morgana's mind was spinning. What was going on? She had never seen Arthur like this. Not to her. Reviewing the last couple of weeks, she tried to imagine what could have possibly evoked his discomfort. With the stress of his upcoming elevation with titles and land, it was given that he would be stressing out about things. She had assumed that the majority of his recent questionable characteristics derived from that pressure but seeing that his avoidance of her was more deeply rooted than initially anticipated, Morgana contemplated.
Had he heard the fruitless gossip that she was Uther's bastard? No, he had known that for years and once, he had actually beat up a boy who had called her names in the square. So it definitely wasn't that. Arthur was many things but he was loyal before anything else. Had he been angry at her that time she beat him at cards? No, his pettiness was never long lasting.
"Arthur, please," she said finally, "Tell me. You're my only friend. I cannot stand it when you're hating me so."
His complexion turned surprised and his gaze became slightly hazed. He was less guarded than he had been for months, which Morgana supposed was a development. "I could never hate you," he replied softly with such honestly that Morgana knew she could believe it.
As she was finally able to put words onto the emotions that had been welling up inside her for such a long time, she was overwhelmed. Emotions that she thought she had reconciled long ago returned and words were lost as she tried to find the right ones.
"What is it then?" She moved closer, allowing her hand to gently stroke his cheek. She looked into his eyes, his good, honest eyes that she always knew she could rely upon. He flinched as her pale skin touched his, as she drew small circles on his cheek with her thumb. It was a familiar gesture. One that she had done many times. But as they were standing there, Morgana could not help as though they were standing at the edge of an abyss, able to see their eventual doom unfold in front of them.
Any friendship that they had would only be temporary, she had realised that now. Was it not the weight of his obligations, station or time, she would later leave him in some capacity. They were living on borrowed time and it was only now that they realised the inevitability of their demise.
As a tear fell down her cheek, Arthur's defences finally wore down. His stern exterior was now completely dissolved and the face that was standing in front of her was very much like the one he'd had when they were children. Open and honest, Arthur divorced himself from his misgivings and gave her his most precious commodity - his trust. "I'm so sorry, Morgana," he repeated softly, whispering and mumbling it over and over like a secret only shared between the two of them. For some reason they were now both crying but somehow it felt like the most natural thing in the world.
"I don't want to lose you," Morgana confessed, smiling a little over how ridiculous they both were. But somehow it was just perfect, even though it was very ridiculous.
"You'd always have me."
The weight of his response made Morgana pause. She looked into his eyes again, staring into them as though for the first time, and all of the questions she had once had now represented themselves as evident answers. From that second, she realised that she was full of him. Her heart, her soul… he had all taken them into his possession a long time ago. Suddenly it was as though his name was embodied on her entire anatomy and despite that this was a recent revelation, it remained as if it was the most evident thing in the world. As though it was the only thing in their crazy would that would make sense.
Their eyes met and a wolfish hunger took over them both. When their lips finally met and crashed into each other, the weight of the love they shared seemed to suffocate them both. But oh, what a glorious way to die.
05. Greg Laswell - Lie To Me. Go ahead and lie to me / I'll believe in anything you say tonight/ Go ahead and lie to me / Write 'I love you' while I sleep / And hide it for another day to find
A dark, empty, bottom-less pit. Numb and deserted. Emotions were simultaneously swirling in him while also numbing him to his core. Morgana… his… they were… related. Even the contemplation of truth made him sick to his core. It wasn't so much for the fact itself but the implications of it. He should be finding her revolting but he fact that he didn't was what made him feel sick. The love he felt her remained unchanged, even though rhyme and reason told him differently. She had marked his soul. Every that ever mattered, anything that he had ever done… She had always been his first. His first friend, his first love… His first loss.
The prospect that now he would never see Morgana again, much less speak to her again, awoke in him such agony that he could not comprehend how he was still alive. While she escaped in horror and mortification, he was left behind, unable to move on with the shell that used to be his heart. He felt broken and ill used.
"Arthur…" He had not realised his door had opened and as he looked up, he saw her standing there. His judge, jury and executioner. His greatest love but also his greatest enemy. Standing in front of him, veilding the unearthly power over him that she had always possessed. His heart was overjoyed and terrified at seeing her again. This would confirm their separation and she would disappear.
He must have been crying because Morgana was soon by his side, soothing his sobs. Her arms wrapped around him like comforting blankets but also heaving chains, keeping his heart forever hostage. He wanted to hate her, be disgusted by her… But all he could do was love her.
His lips found her, kissing them as if they were searching for air. This right had been his only hours ago but now had forever been removed from him. His hands found her neck and they softly explored the familiar area, Morgana broke away from the kiss but remained in his proximity. Never, he irrationally hoped, to be removed.
"I have to go," she whispered softly.
Arthur shook his head. No, no, no… He would defy everyone, give up anything to keep her with him. They could just stay here, as companions, and live as what they were now doomed to be - brother and sister.
Looking at him for the last time, Morgana kissed his hand and left him in his misery.