20/6/19 Authour's Note: Slight revisions and editing.

It wasn't hard to see that the Hourglass probably wouldn't even appear on a top 50 list of the top bars in Konohagakure, with its general lack of interesting décor, slightly sticky floors, and music playing at a level that was too loud to comfortably converse, but too quiet to really lose yourself dancing in. However, it also happened to be one of the few establishments in the city that didn't primarily populate its drink menu with varieties of sake, and instead touted a wide selection of hard spirits and more exotic cocktails to its clientele. The novelty alone was enough to attract a middling crowd of patrons on most nights, and over the years it had grown to be a particular favourite of mine.

Which was probably why I found myself sitting here now, berating myself at my own stupidity.

Idiot. You're a fucking idiot, that's what you are.

Cradling a tumbler of single malt whiskey in my hand (another selling point for the 'Glass; they made use of actual glassware until around midnight, when the crowds typically started picking up), I let my gaze drift around the room, focusing on nothing and no one in particular. From my seat at the small round table, I could directly across the dance floor at the largely deserted bar, behind which a single bartender was pacing back and forth, occasionally stopping to disinterestedly wipe whatever surface he happened to be in front of with a faded washcloth. To my right was the club's entrance, the slightly grimy glass affording a brown-tinted view of the snow falling on the street outside. To my left, a wide staircase jutted up to the balcony hanging around the entire room like a factory catwalk.

Ino had never really taken to this place like I had. It was a wonder she had spent so much time here at all, really.

So of course, you invite her here anyway. Your ex-girlfriend, to a bar she doesn't even like, and for what?

To avoid answering my own question, I took a slow draught of the fiery liquid in my glass. For what? Honestly, I wasn't even sure. I hadn't really intended to invite Ino out tonight, it had just… happened. I hadn't even spoken to the woman in around eight months, outside of polite chit-chat here and there whenever I happened to run into her. What had changed this time? Why had small talk suddenly felt inadequate?

I closed my eyes and my head dropped to the tabletop with a muffled thud. There wasn't much point denying it any longer.

I loved her. I loved her, and I hoped that there was some way for us to salvage what we had, some way to undo how much I had screwed up. That was why I'd invited her.

I lifted my head, pointedly ignoring a few stray pink hairs that had stuck to the table's surface, trying not to think about what substances I had practically rubbed my face through. Glancing at the wall behind the bar, I located the cracked-faced clock: 9:28. As much as she strived for personal perfection, Ino was practically always late, so I stood up and stretched, turning toward the stairs to take a quick trip to the facilities before the main event.

Behind me, the bell above the door rang pointedly as it swung open.

Dammit. Now I'm flustered, and I have to piss.

Desperately hoping that there would be someone else walking through that door so that I could relieve myself, I forced myself to casually turn to look at the entrance. No such luck.

Ino was standing just inside the bar, and as she cast her gaze around the room, I felt my heart stop. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a ponytail at the top of her head, her bangs carefully arranged to drift down the side of her face like a golden waterfall. Her makeup was as impeccable as always, her sky blue eyes expertly framed with just the right amount of mascara, her lips dazzlingly shiny and pink. She was dressed in a sleeveless grey top with slits cut on the sides, offering an alluring view of the soft skin beneath. Her legs were clad in shiny black leggings that had a deep purple stripe running down the length of the outside of her right leg, her feet sporting a pair of stylishly functional grey sandals. As she noticed me, a smile spread across her features, and she started toward my table.

She looked beautiful.

I hastily sat down, trying to ignore my short, flat hair and serviceable but unexciting makeup job. I wasn't fooling myself in the slightest, trying to deny my nefarious hidden agenda this evening, but I had still been careful not to do myself up in a way that might have given the wrong impression. Now I couldn't help but wish I had at least taken a tiny bit of time to "doll up" a bit. (Kami, I was even using her slang now.)

Ino reached the table and gracefully lowered herself into the seat across from me. Placing her hands on the table, she continued to smile warmly at me. "Hello, Sakura. Long time no see!"

I swallowed inaudibly, quashing the hundreds of replies that flew into my head at the sound of her voice. Instead, I schooled my expression into a smile in return.

"It really has been… it's good to see you, Ino." Glancing over her bare shoulder, I inclined my head toward the bar. "Gin and tonic, right?"

For a long while, we talked aimlessly, steering the conversation all the way from "nothing in particular" to "everything we could think of." She told me excitedly about how she'd been assigned her first Genin team at the beginning of the month, and that the three of them were already progressing at a rate that she could hardly believe.

"It's the strangest thing! They couldn't be more different from each other, in terms of their personality and all that. And yet, their team chemistry is unreal. I don't think any of us were able to match the level of coordination they have this early; I've barely even had to do anything." Ino laughed shortly. "It's a sobering experience, realizing that you're responsible for teaching them just about everything they know, but at the same time, accepting that they've formed a bond among the three of them that you will never truly be a part of."

I couldn't help but smile at that, thinking of a certain trio of 12-year-old misfits on the day they'd met their sensei so many years ago: An overexcited knucklehead with only a basic understanding of ninja theory, a brooding prodigy with a chip on his shoulder the size of a paving slab, and a lovesick kunoichi who had been far too naïve to know any better. "I can imagine it'd be a pretty unique feeling."

The conversation carried on. I told her about how I'd started at the hospital as a part-time understudy, scaling back my mission load to adjust to my new responsibilities. At this, I imagined that I saw a slight frown cross her face, but before I could see for sure she was grinning cheekily at me. "You're not telling me you're retiring, are you? One of the second coming of the Sannin, relegating herself to splinting broken bones and writing prescriptions?"

I swatted her upper arm lightly at that. "Knock it off, you know me better than that… I've still got tons of fight left in me. But I like what I'm doing there, and this way I have something lined up for if- when- I finally decide I'm tired of trying my luck out there on active duty."

Ino's teasing grin softened at that, and she turned her attention to her glass, slurping down the dregs of the drink with a face like she had just swallowed in insect mid-flight. "Right, I'll need more of this. Another?" she indicated my near-empty glass with a flick of her finger as she stood from her seat.

I stifled a grin, and instead pursed my lips thoughtfully. "I suppose I could be convinced to drink a bit more. You buying?"

Ino rolled her eyes as she reached across the table and snatched the glass from my grasp. "Just this once- don't you push your luck, forehead." As she turned to head to the bar, she tossed her hair in a picture-perfect arc, and I couldn't help but be momentarily transfixed by the sight. Business in the club was picking up, and she quickly disappeared through a crowd of people on the dance floor.

Shaking my head to return to reality, I couldn't help but smile to myself. This was going so well! We were talking, it felt comfortable, it felt natural. Even if nothing else came of tonight, I told myself that I had managed to rekindle our friendship, which was a triumph in itself.

But that's not what you want. A small voice whispered in my mind. You came here tonight looking for more than a friendship. You know perfectly well that if this doesn't work, things are going to go straight back to how they were. Because you can't have her in your life unless she's REALLY there.

Luckily, I had enjoyed just enough of the Hourglass's refreshment to let the nagging voice fall to the background of my mind. Standing up with only the slightest of wobbles, I threaded my way across the steadily-flooding room to where Ino had just turned away from the counter with a drink in each hand. Surprised, she raised her eyebrow as she saw me approach.

Empowered by my loosening grip on sobriety, I plucked my drink away from her with one hand, then grabbed her wrist with the other. "Come on! Let's dance!"

For a split second, I could see apprehension in her eyes, and my cheerful mood teetered on the edge of a black void that suddenly yawned inside my head. But then her face cleared, and I saw the slight flush that had slowly spread across her cheeks- whether from the heat, inebriation, some secret feeling, or a combination thereof, I didn't care. "Alright!"

Turning, I dragged her into the thick of the revelers clustered on the dance floor.

"Maaaannn… I needed a night like thish..."

Ino threw herself down onto one of the stools at our table and nearly toppled over backward with a shriek, only managing to right herself through a wild flailing of arms and practically throwing herself forward onto the table. Raising her face from the wooden tabletop, she huffed indignantly, crossed her arms, and proceeded to plant her face into them with a groan and a thud. I couldn't help but burst out laughing at the entire situation: Ino's near-pratfall and subsequent 'recovery', the pronounced slur that emerged whenever she had perhaps had a few too many, and most of all, the fact that after eight months of practically no contact, I was shitfaced in a club at 2am with the woman I loved.

"I know, right?" Luckily for me, my speech patterns were just about the only thing about me that alcohol didn't immediately and ruthlessly cripple. The brain forming the words, however, was another story, and as I pulled my stool up to the table and flopped down beside her, I looked at Ino and leaned in toward her ear.

"I hate how we ended things."

Even as I said it, I saw Ino's body stiffen ever so slightly. For what felt like an eternity, she didn't speak or otherwise react, just stayed on the table with her head down. Finally, just as the idea that I might have spoken out of turn was penetrating the haze of my thoroughly liquored brain, she turned to me. She didn't look upset, thank Kami, but there was an expression in her eyes that I couldn't quite read.

"We wanted different thingssh." She shook her head. "No, never mind. That.. had nothing to do with it. I had no idea what I wanted… and I was sshhcared." She whispered.

I reached out awkwardly and placed a hand on her forearm. She didn't shrink away from the contact, so I took that as a positive sign, and the hand remained where it was. As I did, I thought about our past relationship.

Ino, used to being so completely and utterly in control, had never been entirely comfortable with her sexuality. It wasn't how things went, after all: she was the prettiest girl in the Academy, all of the boys would flock after her, she'd eventually settle for one, get married, and that would be that. The first stirrings of our decade-old friendship becoming something more had thrown her entire framework into disarray.

I shook my head, frowning. "If you were scared, I certainly didn't do much to help matters. I wanted so badly for you to be proud of who we were, what we had together."

Ino turned to look into my eyes, and I was momentarily lost in the sky behind those immaculate lashes. "You pussshed me."

My jaw dropped, and for a moment I was lost for words. Had I pushed her? I mean, I had always known that as long as Ino had those walls in her mind around who she was, our relationship would be locked into a similar set of barriers. But… I'd only tried to make her see how wonderful she was, how much it meant to me that she accept herself…

"Did I drive you away?" I asked dumbly. The words felt thick, like I had spoken them through a mouthful of honey.

Ino pulled her arm away from my grasp and sat up straighter. Now that we had broached the topic- the ugly, festering business that had hung between us for eight months like a two-person ball and chain- I could tell that she was getting uncomfortable. But despite that, the influence of alcohol was clearly stronger than her discomfort, because she refused to look away, to disengage. "You refused to let me work through things myself! I needed TIME, and you were always so impatient, wanting me to start waving rainbow flags everywhere I went and shit!"

My bleary confusion was draining, and none too slowly, anger was flowing in to take its place. "I just wanted us to have a life together!" Without thinking, I slammed my hand onto the table, and with a sharp crack it split down the middle. Luckily, I hadn't been focused enough to chop all the way through, but Ino jumped back all the same, her eyes fixed on my hand.

The sounds of the club faded into the background as I stared at the table. Neither of us spoke. What the fuck had I just done? What kind of monster was I?

Ino swung her eyes up, and I could see rage simmering in her eyes- but whatever she saw as she gazed at my face, it defused her, and rage gave way to a deep sadness. Seeing her face like that made me want to grab her in a hug, kiss her like she'd never been kissed before, then go off to fight every single person who'd ever wronged her one by one. Would I count myself among that group? I honestly couldn't say for sure.

Ino "Sakura… I wasn't ready. We weren't in a… a good place."

I lifted my hand from the table, feeling the splintered wood shift slightly beneath my fingers. Reaching out my hand, I laced my fingers through hers. "I love you."

For the first time since that fateful night, I looked into those beautiful blue eyes and saw tears pooling at their corners. For a moment, Ino seemed to struggle for breath, as she decided what to say. Finally, one of the sentences won out, and she composed herself.

"I loved you too. Mmaybe I still do. I'm not really ssssure of anything anymore."

Accepting that this was probably the best I was going to get, and hating that simple fact, I nodded my head meaninglessly. I wasn't agreeing with her; I knew that deep down, those feelings were still there. But she was still as conflicted as ever, and if I hadn't been able to get through to her then, I certainly wasn't making any progress tonight, with an entire bottle of whiskey running through my body, and tear tracks on her face that I had caused.

We sat in silence for a few moments longer before I stood and stumbled my way to the bar for another drink. I didn't bother to ask if Ino wanted anything. The bartender- a woman this time, with half her head shaved and her remaining hair dyed a nearly offensive shade of neon yellow- looked doubtfully at me, but proceeded to pour my drink regardless. After doing so, she leaned toward me. "Maybe take it a bit easy for the rest of the night, okay?"

Message received: I was cut off. It didn't bother me, I had a feeling I wouldn't be staying around here much longer anyway. I handed her a crumpled bill, drained the plastic cup in a single gulp, slapped it back onto the bar surface, and turned to return to the ruins of our table.

As I approached, Ino looked up at me. She had somehow managed to clean herself up right there at the table, under (basically nonexistent) club lighting, in the minutes it had taken me to cross the dancefloor and back. I felt a sickening mixture of burning jealousy at how effortless everything seemed to be for her, and utter love for everything else about her.

I must have been staring a bit too hard, because Ino looked away pointedly, finished the remains of the drink that she had managed to rescue from my wanton table destruction, then rose shakily.

"Well Sakura, it'ssh been… fun… But I think I should be heading home. I have a long day tomorrow."

I knew immediately that she was lying, but I was too numb to care. However, as she walked away from the table, I grabbed my coat with one hand and seized her wrist with the other. She turned to look at me, her face an unreadable mix of emotions.

"Wait… let me walk you home. So that I can at least make sure you get back safely."

Her face still betraying nothing, Ino regarded me with silence for a few seconds. Then her face softened, the tiniest bit, and she nodded her head.

"Alright. I'd like that."

We headed to the club entrance, and with every step, I could feel the effects of that last drink I'd pounded sinking their claws deeper and deeper. I'd be lucky if I could even remember my way to my own apartment, let alone be able to safely escort Ino home.

The next thing I knew, I was lying on Ino's bed with my face planted firmly between her thighs, feeling sweat beading across my naked body, her moans sweeter to my ears than the finest symphony.

The sunlight flitting across my face gradually pulled me from my slumber. I forced my sticky eyes open, then immediately regretted doing so and shut them again, as the force of the hangover flowed through my body like a river of molten lava. Grimacing in pain, I steadied myself, and immediately began trying to set my chakra to work, purging the remnants of alcohol from my body. It didn't help much, but after a few minutes the agony had receded somewhat into more of a dull roar, and I was able to open my eyes again.

Sitting up and rubbing my temples, I realized with a jolt that firstly, I was naked, and secondly, this deep purple comforter was most definitely not mine. Where in the hell-?

Then the door swung open and Ino walked into the room, bringing the events of last night flooding back with her.

Wow. Okay, so… that happened.

As I struggled to collect myself, Ino sat down on the edge of the bed. Even looking like she'd been awake for less than ten minutes, with her hair thrown back in a messy bun and clad in a pair of shiny black booty shorts and an oversized t-shirt, she still managed to look more beautiful than anything I had ever seen.

I reached out and lazily stroked her thigh with my index finger. "Man… my hangovers have not gotten any better recently" I took a stab at starting a conversation, trying to defuse a bit of the awkwardness that I knew she was probably feeling.

Ino ignored me and continued to stare straight ahead, not speaking. Finally, she shook her head.

"This was a mistake. We shouldn't have done this."

I lifted myself up onto my elbows and frowned through the cobwebs in my head. "Ino, look… I know we have more than our fair share of skeletons in our closets. Even so, last night was not a productive way to address what happened. Why don't we talk about-"

"Sakura." Ino interrupted. "I'm engaged."

I never imagined that two words would be able to tear down my entire world. And yet, there they were.

Engaged.

I stared blankly at her. Did I know this? Had I heard this from someone, anyone? Had I repressed the memory because I didn't want to accept the reality?

No. I was far from the sanest person on the face of the Earth (Kakashi held the belief that no ninja was truly 'sane', and I was inclined to agree), but I wouldn't have forgotten a revelation of that magnitude.

Somehow, as every cell in my brain was screaming at me, I heard myself ask, "To who?" My own voice sounded tinny and distant, as though I was somehow speaking from another room. Why would I ask that? I don't give a shit who to! She'd let me fuck her, and she was engaged!

Ino looked at me, clearly just as surprised by my line of questioning as I was. "Choji." She whispered. "It's recent, no one knows yet."

Choji.

I sat up straight. The conversation from the night before was playing on repeat in my head, and my personal voice of reason was shouting at me to stop, but I didn't hear it.

You pushed me.

I just wanted us to have a life together!

I loved you. Maybe I still do.

"I can't believe this." I whispered. "We've been apart for eight months, and now you let me screw you, then tell me you're engaged?"

Ino shifted ever so slightly away from me, trepidation painting her features. That one tiny movement made me realize what I was doing to her, and I hated myself for it, but at that moment I hated the situation we were in even more.

"Sakura, I-"

"You're doing it again! You're trying to run away from the truth, to convince yourself that you're normal, that you can fit that fairy-tale ideal that you built for yourself! This isn't who you are, and we both know it!" My voice was rising as I spoke, and I made no effort to stop it. "You're trying to hide, like you always did!"

The silence that settled after I stopped speaking was the most horrible thing I have ever experienced. Ino's eyes were wide with shock, and for a moment she looked stunned. Slowly, her face changed, her eyes narrowing, tears starting to gather in her eyes all over again.

"And you're trying to force me to be comfortable. Like you always did."

She was crying freely now. And once again, I'd been the cause of her tears.

With that realization, my rage came crashing to the ground. As I tried to wrangle my stampeding emotions, I felt my own eyes start to burn.

She was right. Everything she'd said, about what I'd done, how I treated her. No matter how good my intentions, I had been constantly trying to make her conform to my outlook, my ideals. And just like eight months ago, I'd broken her again. How many times could I fuck up so badly before the pieces wouldn't fit back together?

"Ino… I… I don't know what to say…"

Tears still flowing, Ino shook her head. "There's nothing to say about it, Sakura. It's done. I am so sorry for leading you on, and for bringing you back here, and not telling you the truth. Believe me, I have never been more sorry. But nothing has changed."

I leaned forward and placed my head in my hands. I remembered how optimistic I'd been about my chances last night, and this morning, the memory of that positivity was making me sick. There had never been a chance of a reunion, and she herself had made sure of it. Every attempt she'd made to help Ino accept herself had had the opposite effect.

Ino stood up from the bed and walked toward the bedroom door. She placed one hand on the door handle, then paused. She turned back to look at me, and I've never seen her look so sad.

"Choji is away on a mission, he won't be home today. I won't tell you that you should leave."

The subtext was so apparent it was almost laughable. I won't tell you that should leave, but you should REALLY leave.

I nodded numbly, letting the comforter drop without thinking, exposing my naked torso. Ino's eyes lingered on my bare breasts for a second, but her face didn't betray any emotion. Without another word, she turned and left.

For a few minutes that stretched like hours, I lay back on the bed. This was the end, then. Ino was going to marry Choji, and live with him, and have his children. I had taken my final shot, and I'd missed. Ino was headed down a different road now, and it was a road that had no place for me.

Rising to my feet, I slowly bent down to gather up my clothes from the night before. Clipping my bra back on, I slowly surveyed Ino's bedroom.

So many familiar decorations, so many belongings that I'd grown so used to seeing. So many memories.

Fully clothed, I left the bedroom. There was already no sign of Ino. Maybe she had left, maybe she was just avoiding having to see me leave. At this point, I was almost glad that she wasn't around, because I don't think I could have handled the shame of having to walk out under her gaze.

Walking toward the doorway to the outside world, I noticed a folded piece of paper taped to the front door. Inscribed on the outside was a single word.

Sakura.

I gazed at the note. For a moment, I considered just leaving, and letting whatever last word Ino had in mind remain unsaid. But I knew I couldn't do that, any more than I could have gone without trying one last time to salvage the love I'd lost.

Reaching out, I pulled away the tape and opened the note. Mercifully, and yet somewhat disappointingly, the message inside was short.

Sakura-

I didn't want to leave you on the note that we did in there. Again, I want to tell you how sorry I
am. I know you probably don't believe me, but I really wish that things had worked between us. You will always be my oldest friend, and I hope one day we can go back to what we had, all those years ago. But if you can't, I understand.

Choji is so kind to me, and I know I'll be happy with him. I don't expect you to be happy for me, but I hope you can at least find it in to you try.

All my love,

-Ino.

I read the note twice, almost as though I was searching desperately for some hidden meaning that I knew wasn't there. Carefully folding the note, I moved to place it on the end table in the landing, but paused. Instead, following some urge I didn't totally understand, I placed it in my pocket.

Swinging the door open, I stepped outside, deeply inhaling the slightly stale Konoha air. I turned back one last time, surveying the view of the apartment, taking in the familiar scent of Ino's living space. I knew that one way or another, I'd never set foot in the place again.

Swinging the door shut behind me, I started down the street.