I Could Carry You On My Back
Title: I could carry you on my back
Rating: PG
Category: Flangst (that strange fluff/angst hybrid)
Warning: Minor spoilers for Tao of McKay and spoilers for McKay and Mrs Miller
Summary: Sometimes the silliest things can make us realise we are in love. And sometimes, all that follows that realisation is despair.b
It was generally agreed that on the night before missions, at approximately 23:00 Atlantis time, Rodney McKay should be removed from his lab at all costs and sent to bed. The reason being that Rodney was a grumpy, arrogant, and generally hard to deal with, individual at the best of times, but when suffering from lack of sleep, the complaining went up a notch that drove even the most patient of individuals over the edge.
The job of dragging Rodney away from his work normally fell to Sheppard. Though Sheppard had tried to insist they take it in turns, as they all suffered if McKay was sleep deprived, the argument from Teyla, Ford and eventually Ronan had been that since he was team leader, he should deal with it. However, this evening Sheppard was spared the task as he was already off world with Lorne's team- filling in for Lorne who was in the infirmary after contracting appendicitis. Sheppard's team was joining him tomorrow to help search some old – and probably completely abandoned - ruins.
In Sheppard's absence, Ronan has reluctantly agreed to the task. It was not like it would be particularly hard, one glare and McKay should be running (albeit complaining loudly) to his quarters. Ronan would just rather be flirting with the female marine on gate duty.
As they past through the gate room, with Ronan trailing a grumbling McKay and smiling in a somewhat predatory manor at the aforementioned marine, Rodney suddenly stopped.
"Hey," he said, turning to Ronan, "how come I get sent to bed like a child but Elizabeth is still working in her office?"
Ronan resisted the urge to roll his eyes, a habit he had picked up from Weir herself, "Cause I wasn't told to get Weir to bed so she wouldn't whinge like a 5 year old the next day."
"Right, well, that's not fair. Come on."
At this, McKay began to climb the stairs towards Weir's office, completely unaware Ronan hadn't bothered to follow.
"Elizabeth it's past eleven, I think if I get sent to bed now then you should be getting some sleep as well," Rodney said in an indignant tone. He only realised how childish that sounded after the words came out of his mouth. Luckily, they weren't registered by Elizabeth at all, as she was currently dozing with her face resting on her arms.
"Ok, well, I see you are. But then again your office probably isn't the best venue for sleep, so, wake up." It had no affect at all. He tried leaning towards her a bit, "Elizabeth, wake up!"
Poking was the only option left, so Rodney did so, if somewhat gingerly. He just felt Elizabeth Weir was not the kind of person you prodded awake. It was successful though, as she jerked awake.
Once over the initial confusion of waking up in her office with Rodney McKay standing over her looking impatient, Elizabeth sighed and asked, "What is it Rodney?"
"I think you should go and get some sleep, since I'm being forced to lead by example, I came up here to make sure you weren't working."
"I was sleeping. You poked me and woke me up. Is that all?"
"Well, no, I don't think your office is a good place to sleep. What's wrong with your quarters?"
Elizabeth sat up, resigned to probably arguing with Rodney for the next ten minutes, "Rodney to tell the truth I've just reached the point where I'm too tired to even be bothered to move to my quarters. I was up all last night writing some hastily demanded report for the IOA and I was just proof reading it when I must have dozed off."
Rodney jumped in straight away, clearly having started thinking of solutions to her predicament before she could so much as finish her sentence as only a scientist would, "That's fine. Ronan can carry you! He was sent to get me to go to bed. Ronan!"
Turning and expecting to see Ronan behind him, or at least lurking outside the office, Rodney actually noticed for the first time he hadn't actually followed him.
"Ok, well, forget that. I can carry you," He said suddenly, as if he himself was not expecting to utter those words.
"You can carry me?" Elizabeth replied sardonically.
"Yes," McKay was now speaking as this was the best idea he'd ever had. "Jeannie and what's his name, her husband, they've been teaching me how to interact with Madison. Apparently I'm not good with small children…anyway, Madison likes piggybacks and now I know how to give them. So I can carry you."
Elizabeth was starting to feel more awake. She was also becoming more convinced she was asleep, because she never thought she'd see the day where Rodney McKay offered her a piggyback. To be more accurate, she had never even considered the idea before. She pinched herself, discreetly on the leg, just to be sure she was hearing right.
Elizabeth would later claim that a fit of insanity overtook her. Or that her tiredness affected her decision. But before she knew it she was standing on her chair laughing as Rodney tried to encourage her to just 'hop on to his back'.
After the first set of giggles subsided, she climbed carefully onto his back rather than hop on, and Rodney made his way out of the office. The laughing continued as they struggled down the stairs into the gate room. Ronan and the female marine stopped their not so subtle flirting to stare. The gate room staff knew a near death experience had changed McKay a bit, but this was still something to behold. And as for their fearless leader, clearly she had lost her mind…
About half way across the gate room, Rodney's mock panting actually turned into the real thing.
"Ok, no offence Elizabeth, its not that you're heavy but you are a bit heavier than a five year old so I'm just going to have to stop here for a second." And stop he did, though he still held her on his back.
"Its ok, you can put me down Rodney. I think I've regained enough energy to be able to walk back to my room." Aware that the gate room staff was watching, Elizabeth said this with as much seriousness and authority as she could manage.
"But you should know, if you collapse half way there I will take you to Beckett, and he hates being woken at this time of night."
In a move that somewhat surprised Elizabeth, Rodney practically swung her off his back rather than just letting her jump down, and she found herself facing him, his hands on her hips. Like it was the most natural thing in the world, he leaned down and gave her a quick kiss, pulling back slightly to give her one of his cheekier smiles.
And for one blissful moment, Elizabeth smiled back. She planned to put her hand on the back of his neck, pull him back and kiss him properly right there. But then she remembered who she was, who he was, and all she felt was despair.
And from somewhere, she found the strength to run.
She wasn't around when the team left the next day. She knew she was hiding, but she also felt that Rodney must now hate her for running off like that. She hadn't even said a word. The team returned that evening, unscathed for once. Sheppard came to her office and told her it was hardly worth holding a debriefing about. Then he told her she was coming to eat dinner with him in the mess now, and she found herself following as meekly as a child.
In the mess, Sheppard chose a table well away from others, sat himself down in front of her and preceded to simply look at her with his eyebrows raised. She knew what he was asking. She wondered what Rodney had said to him, she couldn't actually imagine him talking to him about it.
"We knew something was wrong with McKay due to the lack of complaining. Ronan told us about the…incident…he witnessed last night. Teyla thought it would be a good idea if I came to talk to you, and since it's affecting a member of my team, I have to agree."
"John, I think I'm in love with Rodney."
This news seemed to confuse Sheppard, not because he hadn't been expecting it, but rather because Elizabeth had said it in such a resigned tone, "Isn't that a good thing? Cause I think it's pretty obvious the feeling is mutual."
Elizabeth firmly fixed her eyes on the plate of macaroni cheese in front of her, "No, it's not a good thing, because we absolutely can not act on it. I know we're not military, and strictly speaking there are no regulations or rules preventing it, but it would never be approved of. He's the chief scientist and I'm the leader of this expedition. He reports directly to me. The IOA would have a field day next time they try to get rid of me. They'd be perfectly justified to question every decision I ever make concerning Rodney or scientific projects."
She managed to look back up at him, a somewhat determined look on her face, "And for all I know, they could be right to."
"Oh," was pretty much the only thing John could think of to say for the moment. One carefully chewed forkful of vegetable lasagne latter, he was a bit more articulate. "You've probably guessed by now I'm not one to always follow the rules. To anyone else I would say 'screw the system' and tell them to just go for it. But I know you won't. So I am going to give you another piece of advice: go tell Rodney what you just told me. It'll make things a lot easier."
It was good advice, Elizabeth realised as she thought it over. She smiled for the first time since, well, probably shouldn't think about that again just now…
"Thanks John. Do you know where Rodney is?"
"In his room sulking I think. And it was nothing. Personally a sulking, moping, depressed McKay is so much harder to live with than the arrogant sarcastic version."
She did find McKay where John had indicated, though she was forced to let herself into his room as he'd just grouchily shouted "go away" when she'd rung the bell.
He looked up at her from his desk, and before that initial look of surprise could change to anything else that Elizabeth might not want to see, she just started to talk.
"Rodney, I want you. I do. I even think I love you. But I know that for the sake of the expedition, and for both our careers, I can't. We can't. It would be frowned upon by everyone from the IOA to the guy who serves dinner in the mess. Because I'm in charge, and I have to stay impartial, and having to ignore what I want with you is a sacrifice I have been making for a while now. But what's most unfair is now I know you have to make that sacrifice too."
He didn't speak, but Elizabeth was starting to learn this was normal for him in emotional situations. He found any sentence that wasn't going to include sarcasm or 5 syllable scientific words difficult to form. But he did move. He stood, he crossed the room to her, and he pulled her into his arms.
Once her head was safely buried in his neck, he spoke, "We should get better treatment considering how much we save the day, don't you think?"
She smiled, but she didn't move her head from its current position.
"Perhaps, when they finally kick us out of Atlantis for good, we could go to dinner. A restaurant with absolutely no citrus on its menu, naturally. And perhaps, just until then…"
She lifted her face to his, and let herself just this once, have a moment of what she wanted.
A/N: I liked this when I first wrote it. Now I don't. Sometimes I am sooooooo female.