"Remind me why he's here again?" Dilan muttered out of the corner of his mouth to Aeleus.
"'Cause tomorrow we all leave for Christmas break, and we gotta celebrate it right, dude," Aeleus replied with the air of someone who had explained the concept several times before.
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean ihe/i has to be here to celebrate with us. Come on, he sucks the fun out of everything. He's like a vortex of suckage, sucking— what?" Dilan asked, breaking off in bemusement as Aeleus dissolved into convulsions of laughter.
"I'm not leaving, so I suggest you stop whining, Dilan," Ienzo interrupted briskly before Dilan's brain caught up to him and he realized the implications of his word choice.
Somewhat recovered, Aeleus fought to regain a straight face. "Relax, bro — Rudol will be here soon. He'll distract you."
Dilan mumbled something indistinct under his breath and took another swig of beer to keep himself occupied.
Ienzo crossed his legs neatly from his perch on Aeleus's lap and looked around the apartment with a critical eye. "I can't say I care much for your holiday decorations, though, Aeleus. Honestly, do I need to teach you everything?"
"What?" Aeleus stared at him in surprise, thoroughly taken-aback. "It's festive!"
"Your idea of decorating is to drink as much as possible, take the empty cans, and string them up on the tree. That's festive?"
"It's recycling!" he protested.
"Yeah, and they're decorations that mean something to us!" Dilan added. "It's sentimental!"
"Tch." Ienzo flicked his hair out of his eyes. "Sentimental, really? Let me tell you—"
His tirade was abruptly disrupted by the sound of someone knocking on the door, and Dilan immediately bounded off the couch to answer it in his eagerness to shake off Ienzo.
"Hey, Rudy!" he said upon swinging open the door to reveal his grinning boyfriend looking up at him.
"Hey," the snowy-haired, red-cheeked blond replied, rubbing his hands together to regain some feeling in his fingers. "Baby, it's cold outside. I'm freezing."
Dilan quirked an eyebrow, holding the door open to let him inside. "Well, yeah, that's what you get for not wearing a coat when it's like, twenty degrees outside."
"…Oops. I knew I was forgetting something. Well, I'm slightly drunk on eggnog," he reasoned, as if that explained everything. "I just came from Lulu's and Rennie's party, so there you go."
"You and your alcoholism mystify me," Ienzo said from across the room, unable to keep the disdain out of his voice.
"Hullo to you too," Rudol replied, following Dilan to the couch. He grabbed a handful of Christmas M&Ms from the bowl on the coffee table and collapsed on top of Dilan's lap, feet dangling over the arm of the couch. "Besides, eggnog's not even that strong. And you have to get drunk at Christmas parties. It's like, traditional. You guys got anything?"
"Beer's in the kitchen." Dilan jerked a thumb over his shoulder.
"Mmn, that requires getting up. I'll just steal some of yours, shall I?" He plucked Dilan's beer out of his hand and took a hearty swig before handing it back to him. "So. Warm me up, won't you?" he instructed, slinging an arm over Dilan's shoulders and leaning up to kiss him. Dilan grinned and returned the kiss, wrapping Rudol in a bear hug to lend him his body warmth.
"Careful, Dil," Aeleus sniggered, lacing his hands behind his head and leaning back in his seat. "You don't want to go getting him drunk now…"
"Why?" Ienzo demanded to know, always the one out of the loop. "What happens when he gets drunk?"
Rudol laughed. "I think he's referring to my tendency to jump people's bones when drunk, Ienzo. I can't help it if I get horny with alcohol in my system."
"Well, that's not a surprise. After all, you suffer from satyriasis. Is there anything that doesn't turn you on?"
"Yeah, your boyfriend," Rudol shot back. "Oh, wait – yeah, no, there's nothing." He grinned cockily.
There was an exceptionally long pause as the other three occupants of the room stared at him.
"… That was a joke," he added quickly. "I swear."
"Don't even joke about things like that," Ienzo stated, his voice icy enough to parallel the frost on the windowpanes.
"Oooh, I seem to have hit a nerve with the wife," Rudol jeered before turning to address Aeleus. "Sorry, mate, you don't do anything for me. I got all I need right here."
"Likewise," Aeleus replied, shaking his head in amusement. Ienzo sniffed and leaned back against his chest. Aeleus automatically wrapped his arms around his waist, nestling his head on his shoulder. "Aw, it's Christmas, Ie! Lighten up!"
"Seriously, dude," Dilan chimed in. "I thought getting laid would finally dislodge that stick up your ass, but it looks like it's still jammed up there."
Ienzo positively bristled. "I do not have a stick up my ass, figurative or otherwise, regardless of what you think, Dilan. And even if I did, I fail to see how having sexual intercourse with someone would change my attitude."
"Yes. Yes, you do have a stick up your ass. And hey, I'm just saying you would've thought that jamming something as big as Ae's dick up there would do something about it." He shrugged.
"…And just how do you know the size of his dick?"
Rudol laughed out loud. "Thanks, Dilan. I'm just glad I'm not the only one to put my foot in my mouth tonight."
"I'm feeling really uncomfortable right now," Aeleus commented to no one in particular.
Dilan cleared his throat. "Uh. This conversation is going bad places."
"Yeah, let's change the subject," Aeleus said quickly, glancing sidelong at Ienzo to gauge his state of mind at the moment, but his face was carefully blank and inscrutable. "Presents, anyone?"
"Excellent idea!" Rudol said brightly, clearly enjoying the awkwardness of the situation and the fact that, for once, it did not revolve around him.
"Okay, off my lap, Rudy. Gotta go get my presents."
"Kay. I got yours right here, so I'm all set." Rudol obligingly slid off his lap.
Dilan hefted himself off of the couch and headed to the kitchen, where he had deposited his presents earlier in the evening. Ienzo was right behind him, having dropped his own gifts off on the counter when he arrived.
Ienzo bumped Dilan's shoulder as he passed him and hissed, "Don't think I've forgotten this."
Dilan's first instinct was to laugh incredulously. "Are you serious?" Ienzo stared at him bald-facedly. "Oh, yeah, you're always serious. What, you think I'm scoping on your man?"
"Something to that effect, yes."
Dilan couldn't help but snigger as he scooped up his presents. "Dude. No. Just… no. Come on, we're bros, we've gotten up to a lot of crazy shit together. Doesn't mean we're screwing." He paused and shuddered. "Bad mental images. Thanks. Anyways, the point is, you don't have anything to worry about, so calm your tits."
"…I hate you so much."
"The feeling's mutual, trust me." Dilan ruffled Ienzo's immaculate hair and returned to the living room, leaving Ienzo to stew in his own rage. After a few minutes of silently fuming, he pulled out the pocket mirror he always kept on hand and fixed his hair, grabbed his gift for Aeleus, and rejoined the group.
With everyone present, Rudol was the first to speak up, waving two envelopes in front of Dilan. "I was looking for a Christmas card for you and saw one that was perfect. And then I saw another one that was even better. And I couldn't choose, so I got them both, cause you're worth it."
"Damn straight I am." Dilan grinned and accepted the first card. He opened the envelope and snorted at the image on the front of the card. "'Oral sex is always a great gift idea!'" he read aloud, flipped the card open, and continued, "'Let it blow, let it blow, let it blow!' Dude, is this a—"
"A voucher," Rudol supplied, smirking as he pointed unnecessarily at the coupon he'd stuck on the inside. "One blowjob, anytime, anywhere."
"Oh, anywhere?" Dilan asked, raising an eyebrow and snickering.
"Anywhere."
"I would hope to god that it wouldn't be when we are present," Ienzo interrupted, a disapproving look on his face revealing what he thought of the makeshift gift.
"Hey, maybe that'll make you stop pissing me off, Ienzo! Cause if you do, I'm gonna call Rudy over and we'll scar you for life."
"I'd do it too," Rudol affirmed, nodding.
"Have you no shame?"
"Nope!" he answered cheerfully.
"I'll take you up on that, Rudy," Dilan said, wrapping an arm around him and pulling him close to his side. "Thanks."
"Open the other one!" Rudol said, excitedly pointing at the second card as he laid his head on Dilan's shoulder.
Dilan slit open the second envelope and quirked an eyebrow at the cover of the second card. "'Rub this spot.'"
"Is that an anus?" Ienzo asked, revolted with the crudeness of it all.
"Well, someone's mind is in the gutter. That really where your mind first went? Pervert." He flipped open the card and instantaneously burst out laughing. Rudol grinned like the cat that caught the mouse.
"What? What is it?"
Dilan was laughing too hard to properly explain. "Well, you were right, Ienzo." Dilan handed over the card so he and Aeleus could see for themselves. The picture was clearly originally of the rear end of Rudolph the reindeer, exposed anus and all… but Rudol had taking the liberty of pasting a photo of his face over the reindeer's head. The text above read, "Rudy hopes you enjoy your holidays as much as he just enjoyed his!" Rudol had also scrawled on the bottom of the card in his nearly illegible handwriting:
"Merry Christmas, love! – Rudy xoxo
P.S. Christmas sex, please?"
"You are disgusting," Ienzo informed Rudol as he returned the card to its owner.
"Ienzo…" Aeleus said warningly. "Play nice." Ienzo merely tossed his hair in response.
"I'll take that as a compliment, Ienzo. And Dilan, look what fell out of the card when you opened it," Rudol added, pointing out the cash that had fluttered to the floor. Dilan picked up the forty dollars and turned to him, a question on his face. Rudol grinned up at him somewhat sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. "I told you I'd pay you back. And, well… I did. I think that's the right amount total. And I'm sorry for being an ass."
"Ahh, c'mere, you." Dilan leaned down to kiss him. "You didn't have to, you know that, right?" he said gently. "It's in the past."
Rudol smiled wryly. "What can I say? I'm a man of my word. I treated you like shit for a while there and if I didn't pay you back for the money I stole, I would've felt guilty for the rest of my life."
"In that case, thanks. I love you, Rudy," he said sincerely. "Here, open your gift." He tossed Rudol a small, rectangular package.
"Hmm. Intriguing." He ripped off the wrapping paper, and a pack of Jerry's Nugget playing cards fell into his hand.
For once in his life, Rudol was speechless. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before managing, "What— Dilan, how the— where did you get these? They're not exactly common, and Christ, that must have cost you a fortune. And it's the blue pack, you knew that's the one— I. I." He looked up at Dilan, at a complete loss for words.
"I knew. And yeah, there's a funny story behind that," Dilan said, looking far too pleased with himself. "I spent Thanksgiving dinner at my grandpa's house, and I spotted an unopened deck of cards just gathering dust on a shelf. I asked him about it, and it turns out that he actually bought those from the Jerry's Nugget Casino back in 1970 for fifty cents when they were first printed. And he never opened them – I don't think he ever realized their worth now. But he wasn't using them, so I asked if I could have them, and he said sure. So there you go." He grimaced a little. "I feel kind of bad because I didn't really spend any money on it…"
Rudol grabbed Dilan and, for lack of a better term, snogged the hell out of him before he could finish his sentence.
When Rudol surfaced for air, Dilan grinned foolishly. "I guess that answers that question."
"I still don't even know what to say," Rudol admitted, still somewhat shell-shocked and gazing reverently at the deck of cards in his hand. "Just that you're pretty much the best boyfriend to exist and I love you so fucking much, it hurts." He carefully placed the cards on the coffee table and, snuggling up close to Dilan's side, motioned at the other couple. "Your turn!"
"Well," Ienzo said. "I'm not quite sure I can top a rare deck of cards, but I still think I did a decent job at picking out a suitable Christmas gift for you, Aeleus." He handed his boyfriend a carefully wrapped package, which Aeleus proceeded to ruin by ripping off the painstakingly perfect wrapping paper.
"Dude!" Aeleus exclaimed, breaking out into a wide grin. "Grand Turismo 5!"
"Yes, I don't know why I'm fueling your video game addiction, but I figured it was something you would actually want and use, so…" Ienzo shrugged delicately.
"I know why," Aeleus said, a sly smile creeping across his face. "It's cause you loooove me."
"Congratulations, this is one of the very few times I will admit that you're right," Ienzo replied, but he couldn't help but smile fondly at Aeleus's apparent glee. "Merry Christmas, Aeleus." Despite his usual distaste for public displays of affection, he didn't resist Aeleus tugging him down into a proper kiss that lingered for just a few seconds too long.
"Uh, mine's kind of lame compared to yours," Aeleus said awkwardly after they broke apart, "but here you go."
"I'm sure it's anything but lame," Ienzo said graciously, accepting the gift bag and removing the first layer of tissue paper. When he pulled out the newest Flaming Oceans CD, he wasn't able to restrain from emitting a high-pitched, gleeful squeal. He instantaneously clamped his mouth shut, looking mortified and glaring at the others as if daring them to comment.
Rudol's mouth was twisted into an odd smile as he did his best to prevent from laughing. Dilan, who usually had no such self-restraint, mercifully decided to indulge in some holiday goodwill and refrained from viciously teasing Ienzo for his girly outburst. To suppress his laughter, he buried his mouth in the crook of Rudol's neck. Aeleus, however, was able to keep a perfectly straight face, which Ienzo was immensely grateful for.
He composed himself. "Aeleus. How on earth is this lame? This is exactly what I've been wanting!"
"Well, I mean, it wasn't hard to figure out… You've been talking about it nonstop for weeks. There wasn't a lot of meaningful thought behind it, I guess is what I'm saying. Like, I never told you that I wanted that game, and Rudol never said he wanted those cards. It's kind of lame that I wasn't able to come up with something on my own."
"Au contraire, Aeleus. It shows that you actually listen to me when I go off on tangents and are able to translate that into a wonderful gift." He beamed at him, a rare enough occurrence alone. "And that means a lot to me. You're sweet." He reached for Aeleus's hand and squeezed it.
"There's, uh, actually something else in the bag too," Aeleus added.
"Hmm? What— ohmygod." Ienzo reached into the bag and was about to pull something out of it before turning bright red and quickly shoving it back into the bag. He turned to Aeleus and, lowering his voice dramatically, hissed, "Aeleus, why couldn't you have waited until we were alone to give this to me?"
"What?" Dilan said, beginning to grin. "What is it? Come on, take it out and share it with the class, Ienzo!"
"No," Ienzo bluntly shot him down. "And Aeleus, if you tell him, I swear to god that you will most definitely not be allowed to see me in this."
"All right, all right!" Aeleus laughed, holding up his hands in surrender. "I won't tell them." He didn't find it prudent to add, "…until you leave the room, that is." He didn't want to risk having his balls cut off in the middle of the night. Or, to be more realistic, be denied the chance to see Ienzo in his gift. Hell hath no fury like Ienzo scorned.
"Bet you ten bucks I know what it is," Rudol muttered to Dilan, smirking widely.
"How about not?" Ienzo replied snidely, returning the CD and tissue paper to the bag.
"Or not, that's cool," Rudol said amiably, reaching for Dilan's beer and taking another swig.
"Ienzo. You just— okay, no," Dilan cut himself off, "I'm not gonna say it. Just cause it's Christmas and I don't feel like invoking your wrath on me."
"Good choice, bro," Aeleus commended him. "And dude, I got you something too." He lifted a brown paper bag to show him.
Dilan grinned. "If that's what I think it is, then great minds think alike." He retrieved a similar bag and handed it over.
"Brown paper bags? Really, now?" Ienzo asked, folding his arms and staring at the two of them. "You can't even afford to actually wrap gifts properly?"
"Hey, we're dudes," Dilan explained. "We only put in the effort for our significant others. Who gives a shit about what it's wrapped in, it's what's inside that matters, am I right?"
"I don't know whether I should be flattered that you actually took the time to wrap my gift, Aeleus, or disgusted that the two of you have no sense of what is socially acceptable gift-giving etiquette."
"Both?" Aeleus suggested with a shrug.
"Whatever." Dilan rolled his eyes and weighed his present in his hands. "I think I know what it is. On three?"
"Yeah. One, two, three—"
"Iced!" the two of them shouted simultaneously as Dilan pulled out a strawberry acai Smirnoff Ice and Aeleus withdrew the same exact thing, albeit mango-flavored.
"Oh, you suck," Dilan said, sniggering while Aeleus cracked up.
"Hey, you know the rules…"
"Yeah, yeah." The two of them popped the caps of their respective bottles and good-naturedly got down on one knee and chugged their ices. Rudol applauded appreciatively, but Ienzo simply shook his head in disbelief.
"I swear, I grow dumber and dumber the more time I spend around you imbeciles. I can feel my brain cells dying off one by one due to your sheer stupidity."
"Stop being such a buzzkill," Dilan advised him, sitting back down on the sofa and dragging Rudol back onto his lap.
"Come on, you gotta admit that it's hilarious, Ie," Aeleus said as he wiped his mouth and climbed to his feet, rejoining Ienzo.
"Whatever you say," Ienzo answered mildly, raising his eyebrows.
"Well, I thought it was rather amusing," Rudol piped up, resting his head on Dilan's chest. He'd been sneaking sips from Dilan's beer since he sat down, and the alcohol he had consumed all evening was starting to go to his head. "So… how 'bout that Christmas sex?" He nuzzled Dilan to coax him into agreeing.
Dilan exchanged glances with Aeleus and, before the other had a chance to say anything, called, "Dibs!"
"Dammit! All right, then." Accepting his loss, Aeleus climbed to his feet.
"What does he mean, 'dibs'? Dibs on what? Aeleus?"
"Hey, Ie, is your roommate home?" Aeleus asked, ignoring his questions.
"No, he already left for break. Why?" Aeleus scooped him bridal-style up in reply, and Ienzo squawked in protest. "What are you doing? Put me down! And answer my questions!"
"He claimed the bedroom first," Aeleus said matter-of-factly. "I'm taking you home." Without putting him down, Aeleus picked up the bag that contained Ienzo's gifts, found Ienzo's satchel, and grabbed his coat. "Anything else I forgot?"
"No, I think that's everything," a somewhat mollified Ienzo said grudgingly, still slightly put out at not having a say in anything.
"Cool." Aeleus turned to Dilan, who was trying to keep Rudol from jumping his bones then and there. "See you later, bro. I'll be back tomorrow before you have to head home. Have fun tonight." He smirked knowingly.
"Oh, we will," Rudol replied for him, lacing his words with innuendo.
"You too, dude. See you tomorrow. Merry Christmas, Ienzo." Dilan grinned at the two of them before returning his attention to Rudol and his wandering hands. "C'mon, let's take this to the bedroom."
When the door shut behind them, Ienzo admonished Aeleus, "You know I don't like it when you refuse to let me speak."
"Hey, I'm sorry." Aeleus pressed a quick, apologetic kiss to his forehead while they boarded the elevator. "You can talk all night long, I promise. I just wanted to get outta there quickly. Mostly because all I want for Christmas is you." He grinned cockily as he added, "And you in that getup wouldn't hurt either."
"I'm still mad at you for giving that to me in front of those two idiots, you know," Ienzo said sternly. "It couldn't have waited until we were alone? But… I do like that underwear… But I'm still mad."
"Aw, you can't be mad at me forever. Besides, it's Christmas!" Aeleus replied, pushing the front door to the apartment building open and carrying Ienzo outside.
"This is true. Fine, I suppose I forgive you." Ienzo looked up at the night sky and the light, feathery snowflakes that were descending upon them. He smiled and wrapped his arms around Aeleus's neck. "Kiss me — it's beginning to snow."
Aeleus obliged without a moment's hesitation. "Merry Christmas, Ienzo," he murmured.
"Merry Christmas, Aeleus," Ienzo breathed against his mouth, passionately kissing him again amidst the snowflakes drifting around them.