Game Over

Time froze.

His heart stopped. Then triple hammered. Then it did a few black flips. Then it stopped again. And finally did a little jumpy thing before racing erratically. He couldn't quite breathe. Couldn't catch his breath, she had taken all the air from the room. His ears were ringing. Sounds faded to a background noise overpowered by the pounding of his heart.

He had just seen her for the first time. His whole world faded out as he looked at her, he thought he would faint. She was all his eyes and heart he could see. She was all his eyes and heart wanted to see.

And she didn't notice him in the slightest.

When MIke was a little younger when he had his crush on a girl in his old school. Two old school's ago. She never knew. Nobody knew. He had to keep that to himself, to avoid the foregone humiliation from his friends. From her friends too, he was sure. He tried to hang out with her at recess. It was enough for him to just be in her presence. At least for a little while. Eventually he started thinking dangerously. Dangerous ideas like, what would it be like if they were together? If he could hold hands with her for a few minutes a day?

A few overwhelming obstacles would have to be cleared first of course. She had to notice he was a living, breathing human. That was a big one. She had to know, that he had a crush on her. Like liked her. But that relied on her knowing he was in her plane of existence.

And if by some miracle those two things could be overcome. There was a really big next step.

Somehow she would have to break up with her boyfriend.

That never happened. They were together for two years, eight months and seventeen days. MIke wasn't really keeping track. He often thought about what he'd seen on TV and heard adults say. That teen romance lasted two or three weeks in the summer. They were so full of shit. It made Mike want to scream it in their faces. He knew how he felt. It must have been strong for his crush and her boyfriend because they went a whole lot longer than two weeks.

As far as Mike knew they were still together when his dad moved the family for the first time.

At the next place he lived. He had another crush. She didn't know who he was either. It was some totally random girl who had told him that.

The following year he was sure he'd fallen in love with a girl that he was also sure he would never forget. Mike had come to realize a few things that year. First, he fell in love too easily. Even if he was sure he would be fully committed to any potential relationship, he seemed to fall for the first pretty girl he saw in school. Next, he was also sure that girls had almost zero interest in him. He was not a jock, he was probably the nerdiest kid within a hundred mile radius. And he obviously didn't have the looks that appealed to girls, they never gave him a second glance. And lastly if his dad's job had them moving around a lot. He was never going to have any kind of serious long term relationship. Not as a teen.

This particular girl he thought he loved, did give him a second look. He had found out through a mutual friend that she actually liked him. Mike didn't really know how to deal with this information. He was unprepared. He ended up asking her out, via the mutual friend, he never talked to her directly. He had never kissed her and never even held hands with her.

He remembered an awkward moment when they were waiting in a line up, and that same random girl had asked those very things, "What, you've never even held hands?"

Mike was embarrassed, his total lack of confidence when it came to girls put him at a disadvantage, he should have walked over and held her hand. Had he thought of it back then he might have.

So everyone knew they were going out. 'On paper' only as Mike liked to think about it, because here was no actual evidence that they were going out. Nobody ever saw them together, but was generally known in school that they were going out.

One of the jocks had asked him if he was going out with her, almost with a hint of jealousy in his voice. She was without a doubt in Mike's mind, the prettiest girl in the school. That seemed to be general knowledge also. And she was Mike's girlfriend. On paper.

What was also on paper was the note she'd written him, that she was breaking up with him. Mike had never read the note. He knew what it was, and just crumpled hit up and threw it in the garbage. It hit him like a ton of bricks. He endured further humiliation when a girl who sat in another row, told him with others listening in, that "she wants to break up with you." It was like they knew he hadn't read the note. Stick in the knife and twist a little bit.

Mike got it the first time, he didn't need to be kicked in the head a second time in as many minutes.

The ironic thing of that particular relationship was, that it lasted three weeks. Just like adults said it would. His next girlfriend he had lasted three months during the summer. He was fortunate enough to be able to hold her hand. And kiss her. His first kiss from a girl. He didn't think her heart was in it though. Not like his was.

He was totally bummed out it only lasted three months, but he there was no heartpain like there was with the girl he was sure he loved.

Mike would carry that pain with him for a long time.

It was his reminder. It was his reminder that if you loved a girl, you needed to be dedicated, faithful to the relationship. To her. You needed to love her. Not just tell yourself that, or throw the word around to your friends or her friends.. You needed it to be that.

So Mike made a promise to himself. If he ever felt strongly about a girl again, that strongly, and she returned his love. He would be with her forever. Through thick and thin. All the clichés. No matter what hurdles they encountered. No matter what others said or thought. He would be completely and totally hers. He would often look up to the night sky and promise her that:

"Wherever you are… I promise...I promise."

To be fair, maybe she hadn't seen him because school cafeteria was busy, lots of students walking around to get to the tables he was sure they usually sat at.

Why not just go over and sit at her table? He still needed to sit so the worst that could happen is that she didn't talk to him. Well, not smiling at him at all, would be bad. Or she could tell him to go away. There was always that.

What Mike was truly not prepared for was what she actually did.

Mike walked over and trying to be as polite as he could, asked if space beside her was taken.

She looked at him, a little wide eyed. A little puzzled, and finally a blank expression took over her face.

"Go ahead."

Mike sat down arranging his books. "Sorry, I'm, uh, new at this school. I didn't know if you or your friends had this table on a regular basis."

"It's fine. You can sit there." She gathered her books, got up and left.

Mike was stunned. Game over. Thanks for playing.