A/N: I just want to "have fun" with the story… Flame me all you want. I just might even take it down. This is a parody. I don't even really like Twilight. I just want to see how many people I am going to get pissed off. Will be VERY short and I will only continue if readers want me to. By the way, it's not even that funny. I just wanted her to die. Sorry…

Takes place at the ballet studio. And I don't really remember the books that well, so deal with me not getting things right.

Edward's POV:

I sucked in the warm taste of Bella's blood. Her eyes rolled back, begging me to stop. I kept sucking and felt my strength turn to me.

"Edward, you must stop." I heard Carlisle behind me. "The poison is gone." He warned me but it seemed like he was a mile away. I only gripped her arm harder and felt the frenzy exuberate me more.

I glanced at her body. It was convulsing on the floor. But then it suddenly stopped. I threw myself back and looked at her blank face. Her blank, pale, dead face.

"Bella?" I asked her unmoving body.

"Looks like you killed your only shot at love. You are screwed for eternity." Emmet slapped me upside the head, while chuckling.

"No, she can't be dead." I ran to Bella's body and shook her harshly. "Bella, wake up!" Her eyes looked hopelessly at me.

"You tried son, but it nothing will bring her back." Carlisle said, patting my back.

Rosalie walked in and looked at me grieving over my one true love's dead corpse.

"Who died?" She asked. "Oh… Well I'm sorry, Edward. Next time, don't try to hard and you might actually please someone." Rosalie snickered and came to my side.

"Can I try a bite?" She squatted next to the blood stained floor and took one perfectly manicured finger to lip up some blood. She sucked on her finger and almost rolled over on the floor with a satisfied look on her face.

"I LOVE her! Get away!" I growled. Rosalie walked back to Emmet.

"He'll get over it eventually. Just buy him a puppy. What do you think, Chihuahua fit his personality?" I heard Emmet bicker with Rosalie over which dog I was going to get that would fill my attention span.

I picked up Bella's body and started at a run to the hospital.

"Oh my gosh, Edward! Can I have some of that? Human blood will fill my tummy up for a year!" Emmet pleaded.

*OFFICIAL PAGE BREAK*

I laid Bella's body on a gurney and they whisked her away to the ER.

"Would you like to take a seat sir, we will let you know her condition as soon as we can." A nurse led me to a few chairs. I sat down and Emmet, Rosalie, Carlisle, and Alice filed in the hospital.

"Where's Jasper?" I asked. Alice answered my question.

"I had to leave him in the locked car. We saw a car accident victim and he couldn't handle the amount of blood." I nodded and understood. "Hear anything yet?" I shook my head no.

After waiting fifteen minutes, a doctor came to see us.

"Are you the family of… Umm…" He checked his clipboard. "Bella Swan?" I stood up and everyone followed my example.

"We tried everything we could but we couldn't get the bleeding under control. I'm sorry for your loss. Please let me know if you have any further questions." He stated.

"No WAY. You really killed her?" Alice exclaimed. "Wow, I thought you would have the guts to stop feeding, but… Oh my gosh that's hilarious!" She doubled over with laughter.

"She's really dead?" I asked, helpless.

The doctor gave me a funny look and ran to a phone. Thirty minutes the police came and arrested me for murder.

And that's how I was sentenced to jail for 30 years. But my sentence gave out and the guards were surpised that I didn't' age a bit.

When my sentence ended, Carlisle picked me up outside, and Emmet and Rosaline came out of the car, a brand new poodle cuddled in their arms.

"I named her Bella!" Emmet said, with a smile played on his face. "Very feminine. Don't kill it too!"

A/N: Ok, yeah, I had fun writing that. I don't know if you readers will think it was fun, but I had fun writing. Honestly, I used to absolutely love twilight, but as I grew up, I realized how stupid it was. Buffy the Vampire Slayer shows the power woman can provide to a culture, and not just have a boy protect you. Have a wonderful day, and I encourage you to read my other stories.