Author: Jenny or Jen (FWvidChick)
Rating: PG-13 for innuendo, naughty thoughts and such.
Theme: Awkward sexy induced torment for Clark Kent.
Summary: Clark is faced with a problematic response to his wife's frequent and 'scorching' love making.
Disclaimer: I own nothing (obviously) and I just enjoy writing it. Its called fandom. I own nothing but the characters I made up and the plot.
A/N: This started from some random comment someone made ages ago (and i don't even remember who) about Clark putting things on fire cause of Lois. My mind went crazy with it and i started a one shot..got stuck then today it just spilled out of me like no tomorrow (tho i needed to work on other things ). So here you go. It's not my usual style, this has been interesting.
BTW is slightly AU..You'll see.
Thanks to Summer (hughie87) for beta-ing this story! And fixing my numerous mistakes and for the Summary suggestion
Hope you all like!
A Tale of Premature Combustion...
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Clark had a problem. A serious problem that was getting worse and he wasn't exactly sure how to brooch the subject with Lois. It was because of her that he was even having this problem. Not that he was blaming her, he wasn't, but she was definitely the instigator. Or rather the igniter.
It started after the first time they had made love and had come as quite a shock. He was, after all, in control of every other ability (he currently had) and had thought he had out grown this particular hormonal reaction. He wasn't a teen boy anymore yet there it was.
The first time he'd watched Lois parade to the bathroom stark naked from the bed, he felt the heat build up and then BAM!One of the candles on the dresser near the door had burst into flames, the whole candle. After a second of shock he had scrambled at super speed out of bed and blew out the tiny fire.
Lois had cracked a joke upon seeing the mess that he should practice outside and not in the house. He had been relieved that she hadn't known the truth of it and from then on had found ways to hide the growing issue.
It amazed him that it had yet to happen right in front of her; it was only by sheer will that he had managed that much control.
The issue however was not diminishing. It was getting worse. Lois didn't even have to be naked to trigger it. Heck, she didn't even need to be around either.
One such case had been at the Daily Planet. Lois was out meeting a source and Clark had been working on one of his own articles. A crisis for the Blur sprang up and off he went. When he got back he took his time in the elevator as his thoughts went to her.
It was innocent enough at first. It was funny how the train of thought went.
It had gone something like this -
When will they fix the panel? One of these days I'm going to hit it too hard in order to get it to work and my whole fist is going to go through it.
… Maybe I can fix it myself. I've done some rewiring quite successfully. It could just be a lose wire in the panel anyway. Hit stop and fix it in seconds.
Hmm…The stop button feels a little loose anyway. Who's been hitting it? Not me, because Clark Kent can't remember when making out with Lois to suspend time and use the stop button.
Lois…I wonder if she'll be wearing…
And then much to his extreme horror he lite said panel on fire. Putting it out just as quickly had made the situation from becoming unexplainable and lucky for him the fact of the matter was everyone complained about the elevator panel so when he gave a story about it suddenly sparking, no one blinked an eyelash. Not even Lois. Though she did remark on it later suggesting he had become frustrated and got a little rough with it.
He pointed out that it would have a hole in it, not burst into flames. Clark's only comfort was he hadn't lied directly to her, but he still couldn't get himself to admit to his ever growing problem.
Needing to find control Clark had taken his problem to the barn.
And found he with the merest thought of Lois could obliterate pumpkins, paint cans and such. With just the slightest musings on one Lois Lane, they would cause his eyes to burst with flame. Her legs were the cause of many of the pumpkins, along with starting a conversation with her over the phone. Her voice had done it; sent him right over the edge. Five pumpkins exploded in a fraction of a second. Lois later commented about it smelling a bit like roasted pumpkin.
The paint cans hadn't been set up for practice. Rather, he had been doing chores hoping to clear his thoughts. It had been going well until Lois came out to see him. Her tight jeans and the pretty plaid top that accentuated her breasts while revealing nothing had a really bad effect on him. It was shameful really. The heat at first had been located lower which was far easier to handle even if it drove him mental. Of course, now that they indulged in such intimacy he had quite freely suggested some fun in the bedroom, or porch swing if she preferred.
Her coy flirtatious smile ruined that tiny bit of self-control. She had leaned close, trailing a hand up his chest and around his neck to give him a deep sensual kiss. The kind that involved tongue induced foreplay. Clark knew the only reason he hadn't shot anything with his heat vision was because she was in his arms. Apparently no matter how bad it got his body at least wouldn't risk frying her. But that didn't mean he hadn't closed his eyes as tight as possible while her lips and tongue teased his own.
He had moaned both in response to the kiss and to the heat behind his eyes, causing Lois to pull back and say, "My goodness Smallville. You'd think we hadn't spent an hour before work just on indulging ourselves." She bit her lip in that extremely sexy way. "I have one more phone call and maybe you might find me at the swing."
Turning away from him she missed his eyes going red and Clark had quickly turned to the side and the paint cans exploded. He had forgotten they were there.
To say Lois had given him a strange look was an understatement but once more it was obvious she had no clue to his problem. Only raising a brow on his lame excuse of the change in temperature making them burst.
"Well at least it's barn yard colours now decorating that wall, " Lois said, amusement rolling through her voice.
The woman would be the death of him some day. He knew it.
By the time they were engaged he had hoped the problem would have vanished. It calmed for a week, a reprieve he surely needed and at just the right time with the magic influenced drunken klepto fest he had. Clark was sure if the problem hadn't taken a mini vacation he would have burned down half of Metropolis that night. Her animal print dress had admittedly caused some very dirty thoughts. Still did when he let himself think about it.
After that night it came back full force only giving him a break when he had been in the Phantom Zone. That he knew was because he had no powers there in which to ignite things. Though, when thinking about it, it would have been a very different experience if he had of had powers. One thought of Lois despite Zod's ridiculous grinning (with overtly white teeth) face and he'd have been a barbequed on his throne. Darkseid influenced or not.
Thinking of Lois Lane had power. For one thing, Clark began to realize that his heat vision induced by thoughts of her was hotter than average. He had begun to suspect so. When testing out the theory, Clark found it to be true and felt panic rise in him.
This was beyond the most ludicrous situation he had ever been in.
Having super-hot heat vision that also when timed, or attempting to time it, was also faster, Clark had no choice in the end but to tell Emil of his 'issue'. He wondered how the good doctor managed to keep a straight face.
Emil had only nodded and helped with the tests, confirming again that yes, Lois-caused-combustion was more intense then in normal circumstances.
How did that even work?
The wedding only had been okay. Seeing Lois in her dress had stirred his heart in a much different way and then battling Darkseid and becoming Superman was hardly going to make him randy.
But their Honeymoon, when they finally got to it, was a disaster emotionally and combusti-ually speaking. There were lacy things and bare skin and lotions and edible things that even thinking about made him blush. But those things also sent a heat through him straight behind the eyes and KERPLOW! Hotel room singed. Well, it would have been if not for the extraordinary effort on his part.
Hopefully the little island getaway wouldn't notice that they were missing a few towels, a painting or that the bottom of one of the curtains was a bit heat frayed.
Who knew that Superman's current worst enemy was himself; the sexual part that was deeply in love with his wife? She did things to him that he was certain couldn't be explained by science; including making him have this premature combustion issue.
After the honeymoon Clark was determined to get it fixed when he caused one of Lois' favorite lacy things to burst into flame when he saw it hanging in the bathroom. He feigned ignorance when Lois couldn't find it later; comforting her by saying he didn't need her in lace when she was beyond sexy without it.
When Lois had stared at him for several moments, Clark was sure he had been caught out. She generally knew when he was lying. But suddenly, much to his relief, she had giggled and pounced him. They never even made it to the bed.
Life got busy as Superman. Foes left, right and center, a Justice League to form, people to save and natural disasters in troves. And it all gave miniature breaks from times when he was forced to hide burnt items or paint over singed walls. Lois accepted quite happily that during love making he was bound to burn a symbol or two into their bedroom ceiling but Clark still for the life of him had the secret of catching things aflame because of sexual thoughts of her. Or even just generic thoughts of her.
Once it had been just him thinking about what she wanted for dinner. A particular moment that left him bewildered and worried. Sooner or later she was going to pounce on him like a bat out of hell and he was going to have to explain why her lingerie collection was a few pieces short.
He dreaded the day more and more.
It wasn't to say that he hadn't tried to tell her. He had on several occasions opened his mouth and began, "Lois, I need to tell you…" but something always, without fail, interrupted. When he'd come back either Lois didn't ask or was too busy undressing him from what she considered to be her favorite work clothes. Or he'd shake his head, say it was nothing and then the undressing would begin.
Everything of the last almost two years finally came down to one moment. It became the moment where he could not in any way deny it to her. How could he when this time her back had not been turned? Just thank all that was good that he had been in his Superman costume and saving the day so the general public had seen the event like it was all part of rescuing Lois Lane.
Why that woman decided that she needed to dress up like that to go undercover for a story was beyond all his comprehension. More proof she was going to kill him one day.
So now here they were, standing in front of their bed. Lois was still in her skimpy, sexy weathergirl outfit and him in the Supes costume. Their eyes would meet and then they'd both look away.
Clark took a deep breath knowing that at any moment she'd breach the silence as 'Mad Dog Lane' and his ruse would be up. How had this become bigger than keeping his Blur identity a secret? Would she be mad? Would she be ashamed of him? Despite everything, saying the latter was not likely he still worried.
Lois Lane could still surprise him; it was part of why he was deeply in love with her. He never ever knew what to expect. And yet he knew her heart.
Pressing her lips together, Lois took her own deep breath and glanced down at her outfit. She should have known it would have backfired. But what was life without taking a risk? You can't get the story if you're not willing to jump in headfirst.
"So… You going to tell me what that firework display was all about? I mean thanks but I know that's not at all what you meant to do."
Clark groaned. "Heh… Well, Lois, I never meant for it to go this far."
Her eyebrow raise sent alarm bells ringing in his head. She's gonna kill me!
Starting to pace Clark rubbed his sweaty palms on his legs. "It started back after our first time. I don't know why I just-"
"Put things on fire?" Lois offered up.
Clark stopped and turned to stare at her. "What? How?"
"How do I know? Oh please, Smallville!" She was calling him Smallville. That had to be a good sign he hoped. "I figured it out after that really expensive teddy went missing. Remember the one…" Her grin was all tease and no mercy. Clark swallowed his mind casting back to that one; the one that had been hanging to dry in the bathroom.
He felt that familiar heat rise right up from his groin to the back of his eyes.
Lois' smile widened as she continued, noting his internal battle. "I remembered how feisty you got when I wore it. All for, what, three seconds? I figured you'd want an encore so when it went missing and you attempted that poor excuse for a lie, though your line was very… charming. I knew something was up. It didn't take much to put two and two together."
Clark could only nod dumbly as she slowly sauntered over to him, beginning to undo her top. "Why did it take you so long just to admit it?"
Squeezing his eyes shut for a second to regain some control, Clark stuttered, "I…I… tried but it just seemed… I mean I was..."
"Ashamed? Oh my silly, sexy Smallville. I take it as a compliment. In fact, I think I might enjoy this with you. "
"Loiiiiis…" Clark hissed. Her hands trailed up his chest, her body pressing into his own. The suit was now very tight.
"Shut up and kiss me, Superman. This weathergirl might faint from all these high-rising pressure systems. It does make it awfully hot after all," Her tone took on an over the top southern accent.
Swallowing, Clark pulled himself up taller, no longer desiring to fight the heat or worry. His wife was the most amazing woman.
Turning aside he lit a row of candles alight with that once secret heat and in a deep voice responded, "Why, ma'am, I can save you from this heat…" And swooped her into his arms. Though their clothes hit the floor, the room temperature rose and a symbol or two was burned into the ceiling, the bed remained un-scorched.
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