Paperclip Wings
Summary- There were so many things I wanted to say to you, and now that you're gone, I can finally say them.
Dear InuYasha,
Well, I guess we're here. At the end. I always knew that I'd have to leave the Feudal Era, but it was never really at the forefront of my mind. I kinda just pushed it away, you know? Like a pesky fly. Because I didn't want to have to deal with the possibility that I'd never see you or anyone else from that time ever again.
It never occurred to me that you'd be the one to leave first. You were always so strong, so unbreakable; not infallible-- you certainly had more than your fair share of flaws. But you always got back up. Every time. I guess that last time, you just didn't have the strength to do it again.
Funny.
My chest hurts whenever I think of you now. Sometimes I think that what we had—our tentative romance—was the stupid kind of forever love I'd always looked for. Stupid. I forget frequently that fairy tales ceased to exist my 15th birthday. I never thought that an adventure would hurt so much.
It probably doesn't help that you died. It probably doesn't help that there's nothing left for me in my time.
What a happy ending this was.
So, I'm under the God tree right now; the only somewhat connection I have to the Sengoku Jidai. It's night. It's snowing. I've got a flashlight. I'm trying to write this letter to the dead as a closure, but it's not really working. I don't want to let you go. Even though you ruined my life, hurt me, broke my heart multiple times, pushed my away, shut me out, I still don't want your memory to leave me.
Stupid forever love doesn't like to let go.
And you know what? I just keep getting hurt, over and over, again and again. Because things always hurt more once your down. You hurt me with your presence, and now you hurt me with your lack of it. When does the pain cease to exist? When is it that you've taken so damn much that it turns numb? Because I'd really like to know.
If only you'd stopped being so destructive. You're even more so in death, I think—maybe because there's no more warm life to hang onto. Only your grave. Only your death. I wish you'd started to see past Kikyou's, because maybe you'd have seen me, the stupid little girl who thought love came to those who waited.
Not that it helps now, with you being dead and all.
Hah, aren't I cynical?
I'm making up for all the times I didn't have the strength to make you see my love, to see my silent confession. You never cared, did you? You just… never did. And then you died. You left me all alone.
I think I hated you.
But for whatever it's worth, I did love you.
For some goddamn reason, I still love you.
Forever Yours,
Higurashi Kagome