Change

by Disherona

Tuesday was chicken pot pie night. It had been since she had met Adrian Monk. Tuesday probably would always be chicken pot pie night, because Adrian Monk would never change. Adrian didn't want change. Routine was a comfort to him. Even if there was a chance that change would save him, Adrian Monk was not interested in being saved. He wanted to be comfortable.

Sharona had realized five years ago that things weren't going to change for her, either. It didn't matter how much she tried to change, things remained the same. She tried dating different types of men, but Sharona was always attracted to the wrong men. They were either married, or lairs or criminals - occasionally they were all three. No matter how hard she worked, she was always overworked. No matter how much she tried to scrimp and save every penny, her bank account was always overdrawn. She always tried to do her best to make things better for her family, but her plans fell short. That never changed.

But something needed to change. Change was what caused her to leave Adrian Monk; her employer and friend. He was her reason for existing for seven years. A man who couldn't live without her. It wasn't that she wanted to abandon him. Being Monk's nurse was therapeutic for him, but it was starting to be debilitating to Sharona. Getting away from "Monkland" as Captain Stottlemeyer had called it, was an attempt to give her and Benjy a normal life. When she left, she had hoped that Adrian would find someone who could take care of him and care for him, and she assumed that that whoever he chose would be similar enough to her that Adrian would remain comfortable.

No one knew this, but when Sharona remarried her ex-husband Trevor, it wasn't because she fell in love with him again. It was because she knew Benjy wanted to be with his father, Sharona wanted a normal family life and Trevor was willing to try. She was plagued by thoughts of growing older and still doing the same job; handing a grown man wipes and driving him around all day, making his dinner, and being chased and threatened by murderers on a daily basis. This was only to be interrupted by late night calls to kill roaches and dating losers time after time, while her paychecks routinely bounced out of her bank account and she struggled to make ends meet. Her life was never very appealing, but it wasn't even fun anymore.

And then one night she was offered a way out from a most unlikely source. She and Trevor were alone after he dropped Benjy off from a Warriors game. Trevor stuck around afterward to talk. Sharona had a little wine and Trevor had a mug of hot coffee. They talked about life and quite unexpectedly, Trevor asked her to move back to Jersey with him. He smiled. He made promises. He charmed her, and she remembered the good times; mostly from a time before Benjy was born, and they were both young and free and had few responsibilities. Sharona fell in love with the idea of a normal life and family, and gave him another chance. She said yes on a whim. And then she ran away, again, on a whim. She felt horrible about that decision ever since.

Unfortunately, both Sharona and Trevor had changed considerably since they were a young married couple. They tried to get to know one another again but realized that they no longer had anything in common. They hadn't when they were both younger; but other things occupied them. They spent most of their young married life arguing and making love. They traveled, and didn't care much where they were or where they would be the next day. They didn't worry about responsibilities, because they didn't have any, except for each other. Then Benjy came along, and everything changed for Sharona, but not for Trevor. When Sharona didn't want to leave Benjy with friends or family and live like she didn't have an infant to take care of, Sharona was done with the wild life, so Trevor sewed his wild oats elsewhere.

When they remarried, they didn't have the heated arguments they shared when they were young, nor did they engage in the equally passionate lovemaking. They were just living in the same space together; not really in love with one another, but not really hating one another either. There was no passion at all, but Sharona put up with it, and Trevor remained faithful. After a couple of years Sharona decided that she could do better than Trevor, even if it meant being on her own. At least neither one of them had to be with someone they weren't in love with any more, and maybe they could each find happiness elsewhere. Sharona also decided that though she would be happy to find a good man who would love her and treat her well, she wasn't going to make it her top priority. Sharona could take care of herself and Benjy. They both agreed to a divorce. They wished each other well, and Trevor promised to be there for Benjy. He moved out and moved on with his life.

That was almost two years ago. And although Sharona wanted to contact Adrian, the Captain, or even Randy, she just didn't feel like she could intrude on their lives again, especially with the guilt she still carried with her.

But tonight, Sharona had to call Benjy and tell him that the lawsuit that would have funded his education had fallen through. She apologized and rationalized and gave her son the same speech she gave him too many times - that money was tight and that they would find a way, even if she had no idea what that way might look like. He was disappointed, but he understood. Nothing ever changed.

Later, when she and Natalie were making dinner with Adrian (it really was like riding a bike), Randy called to check in with her. Randy sounded relieved when she told him that they found Adrian at the graveyard, in front of Trudy's grave. "That makes sense...in retrospect", he said. Then he asked if they could talk. Sharona agreed to meet him at the hotel restaurant after making Adrian's dinner. She had never told Adrian, but after years of chicken pot pie Tuesdays, she couldn't stand chicken pot pie any more. She bowed out of dinner, saying she was going to have a late dinner with a friend - not sure why she didn't just say Randy - everyone at the table knew him. She sipped wine while Natalie and Adrian ate. They talked about old times. Old cases, and new ones as well. Sharona was impressed by Natalie and her ability to be a comfort to Adrian Monk, as well as her sweet nature.

That was two hours ago.

Sharona noticed the time. Randy would be at the restaurant in 20 minutes, so Sharona decided to shower, to scrub some of the disappointment of the day off of her. She changed her clothes, choosing a semi-sheer, flowy bright red top worn over a pretty camisole and jeans. Not that she was dressing to impress Randy. It was just dinner with a friend.

As Sharona applied her makeup, quickly and precisely, she planned what she would say to Randy. She never intended for Randy to know that she knew that he had been attracted to her. She didn't know why she said it in the first place. Maybe it was because at the time she was frustrated with Adrian. And Natalie. And the lawsuit. And her uncle. And his murderer.

Sharona had known since she had met him that she would never have dated Lieutenant Disher. At the time, the main issue was that they worked too closely together, so no matter whether the relationship ended up being good or bad, it would make the situation awkward. Randy also seemed a bit immature, but from what she knew about him, he was a nice guy. If she went on a date with him she might discover that he spent his spare time kicking puppies or taking lollipops from a toddlers. That's what happened when she dated. That never changed.

She did a final check in the mirror, she made sure her hair had perfect curls, and turned this way and that to make sure her outfit looked fine. It was time. She took a deep breath, collected her purse, and stepped out of the door.

As she left her hotel room, she thought, Isn't odd how nothing in my life changes.

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