It was the night before our trip to Jacksonville, and I found myself lying on the sofa, staring at the ceiling. The soft noise and glow from the nearby television was ignored—my mind focused solely on everything that had happened so far, and everything I feared might come next.
I slowly closed my eyes, waiting for sleep, when a soft knock at the door drove it away. I turned off the television and stood up, knowing who would be on the other side of the threshold. When I opened the door, she greeted me with a small smile.
"Hello, Peter."
"Hey," I said, opening the door wider so she could enter. When she did, I could tell that she was bothered by something. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing…" Olivia looked off to the side. "Could we… go for a walk?"
"Sure. I know a good place." I paused. "It's not very close by though… we'll have to drive to get there."
"Okay." She handed me the keys to her car, and I quickly grabbed my jacket.
Olivia hesitated at the door. "Will Walter be okay by himself?"
"Yeah. He's asleep, so he should be fine." We got in the car and drove off in the direction of the place I had in mind. As we drove, I could sense Olivia shifting around in her seat, and I turned the radio on, searching for a station that played soothing music. When I finally found one, I let the soft sounds of classical piano music fill the car.
"Listen," I said softly, "It'll help you relax."
I saw her nod and close her eyes. I hoped that Bach's Prelude in C major would help us both to stay calm. Seeing her so unsettled was beginning to affect me. Turning my attention back to the road, I pressed down on the gas pedal, trying to reach the park as fast as I could. When we finally arrived, I killed the engine and we sat in silence for a moment.
"We're here." I exited the car and I heard Olivia do the same. Locking the doors, I looked up at the night sky. The clouds had left, leaving only a crescent moon and thousands of stars. I could feel Olivia standing next to me, unusually close, and I slowly turned my gaze to her. She had been watching the sky as well, and when our eyes met, I noticed a fear that I had never seen in her before. We began walking in silence, becoming more aware of our surroundings as time passed. It was a lonely park, with benches placed near trees and areas where children would play during the day. When we passed by a bench, Olivia tugged at my arm.
"Peter?" Her voice was unusually soft. "Could we sit?"
"Of course."
We sat down and stared at the sky again as a chilly breeze passed by.
"Nice night," I said after a moment.
"You like the cold?"
"Well, it's not that cold," I said. "It's just… It makes me feel… pure."
It was quiet again for a while longer until her voice barely broke the silence.
"…I'm worried."
I turned to her, placing my hand on her shoulder. "Don't be… It'll be all right."
"You can't possibly know that."
I laughed to myself. She was right, but what else could I say? "Can't we just pretend while we're here… that nothing else exists? Just you and I."
She smiled a little and I smiled along with her. But as soon as it appeared, Olivia's smile faded. I could sense all of the bottled up sadness and trepidation radiating from her, but all I could do was stare. I felt helpless—she was slipping away, but there was nothing I could do to help her, to pull her out from that dark abyss she was plunging into. I was running out of ideas.
In the moonlight, I watched as a silvery tear fell slowly down her cheek. She must have noticed me watching, because she sighed and quickly wiped the tear from her face.
"Olivia…"
In that moment, I couldn't even fathom what was going on in her head. Who was she thinking about? What was she thinking about? Was she thinking about the outcome of this war that we have only begun to fight? I wished that I could be in her head, if only to feel what she was feeling. If that could connect me to her, if it could give me the ability to lift her burden, that was what I desired. All I wanted in that moment was to know her fears and thoughts, so that I could tell her that she was not alone. That way she wouldn't be able to deny it.
"Olivia, I want to help you. What can I do?"
I just wished I could save her; take her away from this mess that we're all in.
She shook her head. "No… I have to do this. I don't want you to get hurt."
I laughed again. "You're always looking out for others before yourself. Don't worry about me too much. I've been through a lot too."
She fell quiet, and I wondered if she had given up. Before I could speak, she moved closer and instinctively I opened my arms, allowing her to fall into my embrace. When she did, I felt her warm breath on my neck.
"I'm sorry," she said slowly. "I..."
I patted her head, hoping that I could calm her. "Hey, it's okay. You can take a break from being tough, 'cause you have lots of people who will protect you."
She laughed and wrapped her arms around me tightly, as if I were the last bit of sanity she had, and she was intent on keeping it.
"I'm not going anywhere," I whispered. "It's gonna be all right."
And this time, she didn't retort. Instead, she held me tighter, and I held her. In that moment, I felt like we were meant to be this way, together.
"Olivia, let me help you, please. I won't let you do this alone," I said, looking at her adamantly. I knew we were both scared, but I had this strangely reassuring feeling that in the end we were going to be fine.
She smiled once more, this time it was one of relief.
"Okay."
