"Let's Go Outback Tonight"
By Sharan McQuack, Launchpad's wife.
Since I stole this idea from a Scooby Doo movie "Legend of the Vampire", I respectfully dedicate this story, with Disney's kind indulgence; to two friends I never met: William Hanna and Joseph Barbara.
Especially since I am Highly Annoyed at WB for putting Fred, Daphne and Velma into Limbo and for Messing with the Formula.
(And WB also has a pro-geek and anti-good looking guy attitude problem. It just doesn't seem to be costing them as much. No idea why not. Maybe because WB tends to sell to a slightly older audience?
Somehow, I don't think Disney will mind. I'm TRYING to make a point here: there is nothing wrong with cartoons aimed at kids. In fact, there's a lot RIGHT about it.
PS: Blueblood22- put in your email address and I'll apologize properly. I'm just sick and tired of geeky nerds, that's all. Why aren't you reading Gemstone comics? Ugly Twerp's there, so is Mr. McD, the Trins, a butler who is so much like Duckworth it might as well be him...
Launchpad and I were flying Mr. McDuck and the Trins and Webby to Australia.
We were talking turns flying because it's a LONG trip to Australia. Whenever we were both awake, we killed time by rehearsing lines for skits and plays we participate in to raise money for the Junior Woodchucks. I've played parts like "Beth" and "Bella" and "Leona" in various shows, he's been "Joe" and "Zigzag" and "Turbo".
"Why are we flying to Australia anyway, Mr. McD?" Launchpad asked.
"There have been some mysterious cave-ins and sinkholes disrupting my opal mines there. Sundowner has asked for my help." Mr. McDuck explained.
"I'm also afraid I'm going to have to demote Sundowner back to his old job and hire a new Ranch Manager. Sundowner is a good man, but he is disorganized and messy. His reports have been late, inaccurate! I hate having to put him back in his old job and hire someone new over him...but he's no good at the job!" Mr. McDuck replied.
"Sounds like me! That's one reason I never tried to set myself up in business- I KNOW I'd be no good at it!" Launchpad said.
"Well, just see if you're any good at landing this stupid plane!" Mr. McDuck replied.
"It would help if there was something remotely resembling a runway! There aren't that many pilots left who know how to land in rough country." Launchpad said.
"Hmpf." Mr. McDuck snorted.
"Hallo, there Mr. McDuck! Now...before you scream at me, I know you've been unhappy with my reports. So I did something about THAT. I hired me a secretary. She's doing a photo study on the plants and animals living in the Outback and is willing to work for room and board, as it's a lot more comfortable staying here than camping in the Outback." Sundowner began.
"But if something doesn't stop all these cave-ins we've been having lately, it won't matter! Not only has it stopped mining of opals, it's getting closer and closer to the sheep pastures- it'll start swallowing them up, next!" Sundowner finished.
So Sundowner took Me, Launchpad and Mr. McDuck and the kids to the opal mines. They were a mess. Pits were everywhere, as were sinkholes. It looked like the surface of the moon.
"You can see why we haven't been able to mine for opals lately. This keeps happened. And it keeps getting worse- more and more holes open all the time! More and more places where the land sinks in...and they keep getting bigger all the time! I can't figure out what is causing it...or how to stop it. And the holes are getting closer and closer to the sheep pastures. It's only a matter of time before we start losing sheep!" Sundowner said.
Then the ground started to shake.
"Earthquake?" I asked.
"Must be another sinkhole forming!" Sundowner said.
"Let's get back to the ranch!" Mr. McDuck said. We got into the Range Rover and started back. But the bridge we crossed to get there was down. It was one of the rope-and wooden plank bridges. The "earthquake" had loosed the posts holding the ropes on the other side; they had fallen into the river they crossed.
"There's no way to ford that river, the current is too swift to swim in!" Sundowner said.
"There's a tree on this side tall enough to reach the other side. It's not very wide, but I could chop it down, cross it and fix the bridge." Launchpad said.
And he chopped down the tree, it fell across the river. "Launchpad..." I began
"I know. Be careful." Launchpad said.
"Actually, I was going to ask if you'd mind if I crossed the stinking tree-bridge. SOMEBODY has to, and...I love you, Launchpad, but you are a klutz. You're liable to fall off, God forbid. Balancing is one of the few athletic things I'm actually GOOD at." I said.
"You WANT to cross it?" Launchpad asked.
"Not exactly want to. SOMEBODY has to, or we're stuck here. And I'm more likely to make it across safely than you are, if you don't mind my saying so." I replied.
"What happens if there's another "quake" when you're halfway across?" Launchpad asked.
"I grab onto the bridge and pray, what else?" I replied.
Launchpad gave me a kiss for luck said "YOU be careful."
"I will" I said and crossed, looking only at the tree-bridge and NOT underneath it.
Actually, I had to hang on and pray a lot, even if there wasn't a quake while I was crossing. The tree-bridge was NOT nice and even like the balance beam in gym class. So I hung on and inched across and tried NOT to think about "Bridge to Terabithia" even if I doubt a GIRL would do something as dumb as cross a 'bridge" like this if building a proper bridge was a do-able. "Maybe ONCE, in an emergency to fix a bridge, like I am...but all the time? Fool GUY stunt, that what THAT is." I thought.
So I fixed the bridge and the range rover crossed it and I got in. "Hey...did you notice...no more quakes? And there are no pits and no sinkholes on this side of the river? And the trees- they're green here, not dried up and dead like the trees and the vegetation on the OTHER side of the river. Why?" I asked.
"Well, it is the dry season.. almost no rain. (1) But everything's green on this side of the river...and almost all dried up on the other. That IS strange, isn't it? Sundowner, drive us back to the river- where we can climb down to look closer." Mr. McDuck said. And Sundowner did so. So we ended up crossing right back over the same stupid bridge.
We climbed down to the riverside and looked around. Right near the river, there was green vegetation on both sides. But further away from it and there was green vegetation on one side and dead plants and trees on the other.
"Weird." the boys chorused.
"Oh, the poor trees! We have to do something!" Webby said.
Then Launchpad noticed where a landside upstream had fallen down on the "dead" side of the river. We went to investigate and saw that it blocked off what had been the "mouth" of an underground river: part of the river USED to go underground there. With the rocks blocking it, it did so no longer.
"That must be why the vegetation on that side of the river has died, this underground river used to provide water for it. With it blocked the plants and trees close to the river are NOT getting any water there." Mr. McDuck said.
"Launchpad- can you unblock this mess?" Mr. McDuck asked.
"I'll need some help. Sundowner- could come back to the Range Rover with me and help me bring down a large tree branch we can use as a lever...and the car jack?" Launchpad asked.
"Sure thing, mate" Sundowner replied.
A few minutes later, they returned and we all worked at moving the rocks and letting the water get back underground. It took a while before the water was any more than a trickle. I peeked inside the hole we uncovered.
"Why, it's huge- like a tunnel! Hey, THIS must be what was causing all those sinkholes and pits! The water kept the soil moist and the trees held the soil together. The water pressure helped hold the tunnel up. But without the water, the trees died, the soil dried up...and the land started collapsing. Into pits and sinkholes!" I said.
Well, it took a while, but with the underground river back in place, the sinkholes and pits stopped forming. Fortunely, none of sinkholes or pits blocked up the underground river...or at least not enough to stop it. Dying trees soon recovered. Dead trees were replaced with seedlings.
The opal mines were soon back in business.
And we went home.
The End.
(1) I have no idea whatsoever if Australia HAS a dry season or not.
Opinions on whether or not I should write in a romance between Sundowner and secretary, please.