Evasive Manoeuvres

Summary: Tony has problems with authority, but Gibbs's response is complicated by, uh, paddle-eaters and McGee? Warning: contains the spanking of an adult. Don't like? Don't read!

Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, I just play with 'em.

A/N: This is part of my discipline series that began with The Lesson and contains references to various other stories in the series, but should make sense on its own. It's not a cross-over, but there's a reference to a character from JAG in this one. No tags to specific episodes; set in late season 2.

Thanks to PaperHat, who wondered if paddle-eating monsters would rescue Tony, and draggon-flye, who gave Gibbs some of his best lines.

Warning: this story contains the non-sexual spanking of an adult. If you have a problem with that, click on that 'back' button now. You've been warned.

Tony followed his boss out of the elevator. Gibbs had been chewing him out since they'd left Falls Church, and he showed no sign of stopping any time soon.

'Tony, that was so far over the line, I can't even begin to imagine what the hell you thought you were doing!'

'C'mon, Boss! It was a slip of the tongue. I already apologised. What more do you want?'

'Your tongue wouldn't have slipped, if you hadn't been thinking it before you said it. And what I want is for you to grow the hell up and start acting like my senior field agent instead of like some frat boy!'

'So now you're the thought police? You're really telling me what I can think about someone I'm talking to in the hallway outside a courtroom?'

'When the thought is wildly inappropriate and results in you acting inappropriately, embarrassing this agency, and embarrassing me, then yes, I'm telling you to get a goddamn grip on your adolescent sense of humour.'

'I should have known that's what this was about. I embarrassed you in front of a Marine.'

'This is about the fact that you called the Judge-Advocate General of the United States Navy 'General Piss-well!'

'Oh, for God's sake, Gibbs! The man's name is 'Creswell'. You really think he hadn't heard that before?'

'He sure as hell hadn't heard it from an NCIS Special Agent!'

'I apologised! And as I've already told you, it was a slip of the tongue! I wasn't planning to actually say it!'

'And that's the only reason you're still on my team. We've already had a conversation about you being disrespectful to officers. If we have to have it again, I won't care if it was an accident; I will make sure you're assigned to sea duty. Maybe six months on a carrier in the Gulf will help you get your head around the fact that you work for the Navy.'

'Sea duty?! What the hell?! Gibbs, I'm not actually in the Navy, you know...'

'Yeah? Well, you are an NCIS agent. Which means you can be assigned as NCIS agent afloat. There's one on every ship that leaves port.'

'You wouldn't seriously...'

'Try me. Now get your ass over here before I change my mind about letting you stay.'

Tony swallowed hard as he watched his boss open the bottom drawer of his desk. Gibb reached down and shuffled a few items near the top of the drawer, then more systematically sorted through the contents when he didn't find what he was looking for.

'Tony... do you know anything about why your paddle is missing?'

Tony's first wood-working project, undertaken at Gibbs's insistence after a day of attention-seeking, had been given a home in Gibbs's desk, much to Tony's chagrin. Tony had become reacquainted with it on several occasions, each of which had increased his loathing for the implement.

'Maybe termites got it, Boss?'

'And the strap? Termites don't eat leather, Tony.'

The heavy leather strap, of the kind that used to be classroom staples, was also a denizen of Gibbs's drawer and also more familiar with his ass than Tony would prefer.

'Maybe Abby borrowed it? For some, you know, Goth thing?'

'And just how did Abby know it was there? As far as I know, you and I are the only ones who knew that.'

'Because Abby knows everything?'

In the quiet voice that Tony knew invariably presaged impending doom, Gibbs asked, 'Do you really want to add lying to me to the trouble you're already in?'

'I guess... I might know something about why they're missing,' Tony ventured tentatively, technically answering the question he'd been asked.

Gibbs just looked at him, one eyebrow raised.

'It's, umm... McGee's fault, Boss.'

Gibbs blinked, frankly stunned by Tony's monumentally foolish effort to evade responsibility.

'And how, exactly, is it McGee's fault, Tony? I'm fairly certain he didn't know they were there, either. And I wouldn't have thought that would be something you'd be all that eager to share with him.'

'Uh, you remember a couple of weeks ago when you had us practising our hand-to-hand skills down in the gym on a slow afternoon? When McGee actually managed to throw me, and I landed funny? And Ducky insisted on sending me to the ER, and one of the docs gave me some painkillers before he let me go?'

'Uh-huh...'

'Well, they made me a little bit loopy for a while...'

'A little? Tony, you were trying to get Kate to dance with you to some Italian folk song that only you could hear, when I dragged you out of here!'

'Yeah, well... I think I might have hidden the paddle... and the strap... before you took me home. Because, I, uh... thought you might... uh... use them... on me.'

'Why?'

'I don't remember.' Seeing the raised eyebrow, Tony continued, 'No, really! I don't! I was... uh... pretty out of it.'

'Ok. And how is that McGee's fault?'

'If he hadn't been so un-McGee-like in the gym, I never would have gotten hurt and I wouldn't have been on the drugs so I wouldn't have thought it would be a good idea to hide the... uh... things.'

'Well, now you can unhide them.'

'You not going to... uh... spank me for that, are you?'

'Of course I am. Come on, where'd you put them?'

'Gibbs! I was out of my mind on drugs! Legal drugs! You can't possibly punish me for something that I did then!'

'That was nearly a month ago, Tony! You obviously remembered what you'd done and didn't return them to my desk.'

'Uh...'

'Just get the damn things, Tony,' Gibbs said, exasperated. After an afternoon in court, he'd been looking forward to an evening with his boat and a bottle of Jack. Then Cmdr. Coleman had insisted on introducing them to the new JAG, and now it appeared that his detour to deal with Tony's latest misconduct was going to take longer than he planned.

Tony pointed at the shelves behind Gibbs's desk.

'The paddle's behind you, Boss. Behind those binders on the top shelf... no, the ones on the left.'

Gibbs retrieved the paddle and looked expectantly at Tony.

'And the strap is in your filing cabinet. Under 'F'. For, uh...'

'I think I can guess,' Gibbs replied with a snort as he hauled open the drawer. He found the strap nestled in a file folder and returned it to the desk where it belonged. He kept the paddle in his hand as he gestured for Tony to get into position.

Tony breathed a sigh of relief that his boss planned to use the much-hated paddle rather than the even more-hated strap. He stepped nervously up to Gibbs's desk, moved a stapler out of his way and leaned over it, holding on tightly to the opposite edge.

Gibbs came around the desk to stand next to his wayward agent.

'This is for your behaviour this afternoon, Tony. Tomorrow, we'll deal with you not returning the paddle and the strap once you sobered up.'

'You're going to paddle me two days in a row?!' Tony asked, horrified, and started to stand up.

'No, I'm going to paddle you today. I'm going to be using the strap tomorrow.' Gibbs laid his hand on Tony's back and pressed him back down onto the desk before continuing, 'I will not tolerate you defying my authority, Tony. If you want me to start disciplining you on the record, that's fine, but you come to me and we'll discuss it. Until then, you do not try to control how I punish you by hiding things.'

'But... but... I'm still going to be sore tomorrow, Gibbs! If you strap me on top of... I... I won't be able to...'

'Isn't it a good thing that tomorrow is Friday? You'll have the whole weekend to recover before we deal with your attempt to avoid responsibility for your behaviour by blaming everyone except yourself.'

'Gibbs!'

'One more word, Tony, and I'll let McGee paddle you for trying to blame him for your actions.'

Tony sputtered, not entirely sure that his boss was bluffing.

The paddle landed without warning and Tony grunted at the sudden pain. The next two strokes followed in quick succession. Tony moaned and drew in a shaky breath. Two more hard swats had him digging his nails into his palms and pressing his lips tightly together in an effort not to cry out. No matter how often Gibbs reduced him to tears, he still tried to take his spankings without admitting how much they hurt. Another three strokes had him gasping loudly, however, and the first tears spilled down his face. He cried out with each of the next two strokes, hoping desperately that Gibbs would stop at ten. His ass was on fire and he knew he would not be able to sit comfortably the next day; being whipped as well would be agony. When the spanking continued, Tony sobbed in despair. The twelfth swat landed harder than the rest, right on the sensitive spot just above his thighs where he would feel it most when he sat down. Tony struggled to catch his breath, not moving until the throbbing pain started to subside.

'Tony, you've got to learn to think before you open your mouth. If I hadn't been there to convince General Creswell to let me deal with you, you might be spending tomorrow explaining to Director Morrow why he had to explain to SecNav why one of his agents can't tell the difference between JAG headquarters and a high school locker room.'

Tony staggered to his feet.

'I know, Boss. It won't happen again.'

'See that it doesn't. You won't like the consequences if I have to remind you again.'

'Are you really going to spank me again tomorrow?'

'What do you think, Tony?'

'I think I should have burned the paddle, given the strap to Mrs. Mallard's corgis as a chew toy, and asked Fornell for a job.'

'What makes you think you'd do any better with Tobias?' Gibbs asked with a laugh.

'He...he...you're not telling me that he...'

'I don't know, Tony, but he would, after I told him how to get your attention.'

Tony choked. Gibbs grinned.

'C'mon. Let's get out of here.'

Gibbs grabbed his coat and headed for the elevator, leaving a still sputtering Tony trailing in his wake.