Hiya~ I hope you like this story. I really needed to write this. I've been so frustrated lately in this is what I need. So please review what you think of it.
Songfic!
Warnings: Language, Yaoi, Lime-ish
-BAD-
Monogamy or whatever you call it
I'm starting to think it ain't for everybody
Most of us rushing into it anyways, you know what I'm saying
You ain't rushing for love, and I ain't up here to judge
Let's neglect the what if's and make it do what it does
Let's get.
He could never commit.
No matter how much he cared about the other, he just couldn't stay.
Because he had too many problems. He couldn't be what he deserved.
When the lights would turn off he was on.
And when the lights would turn on he was off.
Naruto Uzumaki, Age 24, laid in bed next to sleeping redhead he had been "seeing" for two months now. His named was Gaara, he was 26 years old, and he met him at a bar that his friend, Sakura had dragged him to. When he met Gaara he was sitting at the bar, bored. Even though many men came up to him and tired to buy him a drink and asked him to dance. No man had appalled to him that night, so he was just waiting on Sakura when she was finally ready to leave. And he knew that would be a while, seeing as she was getting guys after guy to buy her a drink. Then he saw him. He was sitting a little ways down the bar staring down at his drink, his blood red hair and amazing teal colored eyes.. Naruto looked at him curiously for a moment, before getting up from his sit and walking over to the stranger, his hips swaying as he did so. He never took his eyes off him. He felt his heart beat loudly in his chest from just staring at the man and thought that maybe his night wasn't a total waste.
Naruto knew what he would do next.
He would seduce him, have the redhead lead him to his place and have the stranger fuck him until he couldn't see right. This was what he always did. He wonder if it was bad, but it was all he knew, love wasn't in his vocabulary... Not anymore.
Not after him.
It's hard to say that he's ever really loved or made love when he's never really experienced it. Making him think what he had with him was all a lie. Maybe it just felt like it was love at some point, but once those feelings went away and he wonders if that feeling was real love. In turn he questions whether he's ever actually made love to that person or was it just a simple fuck. He started to believe that he'd never have a true connection with anyone to have with passion and love attached. But he's experienced having sex without any of those attachments.
And he was use to this.
Is it bad that I never made love, no I never did it
But I sure know how to fuck
I'll be your bad girl, I'll prove it to you
I can't promise that I'll be good to you
'Cause I had some issues, I won't commit
No, not having it.
The rest was a blurred after Naruto sat down with the redhead, but he knew as soon as he sat down it was different from anything he had ever experienced with another man. Gaara was kind and sweet, but mysterious at the same time. He wasn't like other men, he was hard to read. The other men were simple. They would read "Lust" or "Rough Sex" in their eyes, but he didn't. His eyes were cloudy and confusing, it was driving Naruto mad. And when Gaara had said he didn't just want his body. It had caught Naruto by surprised, but he believed that at the end of last call he was going to have the handsome in a bed and was going to have him.
But it didn't end that way.
Gaara told him that he wasn't into what Naruto had wanted from him and Naruto knew what he meant and he couldn't give that to him. The redhead was the type that wanted a commit, a boyfriend, and he couldn't give that to him that. Even now, two months after they had met, went out together and had finally had sex. He couldn't be with him in that way. It wasn't because he didn't care about him, it was because he did. But he had too many issues in his life right now to be faithful and be tied down. Plus...
He would just end up hurting him.
No he could never be what the other wanted, but he could fuck him like no other. He could only prove that he was Mr. Right Now with great sex, but he can't promise he would stay loyal.
But at least I can admit that I'll be bad noooooo to you (to you)
Yeah, I'll be good in bed but I'll be bad to you
Bad that I never made love, no I never did it
But I sure know how to fuck.
"At least I can be honest..." He thought looking over to the sleeping redhead. He had finally convinced Gaara to have sex with him and he expected it to feel like all the others...
But it didn't.
It felt better than everything he had ever experienced with any man. His touches were soft, his kisses warm. Gaara had even entered him differently. He never knew sex could feel so wonderful and Gaara was the one behind it. But he knew that it wasn't going to last. When it was happening he tried to explain that after it, he wasn't going to be able to stay, but Gaara didn't seem to hear him. When they were done Gaara had whispered the words he knew he could never say.
I love you...
He had come to terms with the fact that he would never be able to say that to someone, but then Gaara comes along and says does words to him. He had heard many men say it to him, but he never believed them. He knew they were only saying it because of the great sex, but when Gaara said it he knew he meant it and it made his chest constrict and he didn't fully understand why.
Bad girls ain't no good, and the good girls ain't no fun
And the hood girls want a smart ***** college girls all want a thug
So it seems we fiend what we don't need.
What's a guy to do? If he was to try and be what Gaara wanted, wouldn't he find him boring? The answer was yes in his mind. Everyone wanted what he gave. They wanted someone that would give them the time of their lives at night and be gone by the morning without being told. Someone that doesn't have to brag about their sexual escapades, because they wanted to be able to figure it out themselves when they gets them into bed. He knew this and had accepted this.
He sighed sadly.
He shouldn't even be thinking about trying to be what Gaara wanted, because he could never be that. He didn't deserve Gaara and Gaara didn't deserve him.
"Forget about the questions you have about the possibility of having a real relationship, " I voice in his head told him. "just get down to what you know you can do."
He nodded to himself. The voice was right, he needed to stick to what he knew and a relationship wasn't it.
Got a thing for a queen who know when to leave
I ain't bout to judge you, don't judge me
He hoped that Gaara didn't think to badly of him. He never cared about what a guy thought about him before, but with Gaara he was hoping didn't judge him to badly. But he felt that was just wishful thinking. He was simple whore, a slut that seduce, used, and left his victim before the sun came up. It was his life ever since he was left by him.
"Sasuke..." He thought sadly. Sasuke was Naruto's first and last real boyfriend... And the one that made him this way. He had met him through Sakura when he was young and naïve to the way men really thought and actually believed in true love and living happily ever after. Sasuke was the most handsome that had ever paid attention to him and made him feel special. He call him beautiful and tell him the he loved him. He had just fall for him instantly. They dated for almost five months, than Sasuke started to change. He wasn't the sweet and caring guy, Naruto had falling for. He became mean and cold, and instead of making feel special to the other man, he made him feel worthless.
It took him five more months to finally leave the verbally abusive male, but it was too late for his hopes and his dream of having a happily ever after. Because to him, being with Sasuke had opened his eyes to the world and how it actually worked.
After Sasuke he became use to being used and using. He got use to having one night stands, and in the heat of the moment when the sex was so good they exchanged "I love you's", when all they really loved was the sex.
And he had Sasuke to thank for it all.
You ain't gotta really sing about your rap sheet
Cause I heard you (bad nooo) In the literal sense I mean that
Rough sex saying I love yah
But to kiss them saying you mean that
I know I just be calling her mean ass
Oh the irony, got the bomb indeed
But the problem is it's probably a deep past
He wanted love, just couldn't find it.
He wanted him, Just couldn't have him.
He wanted happiness, just couldn't make it.
Why? He had bad past and was told no.
"This isn't for you..."
Since the they he was born, Gaara had always been alone. Sure he grew up with two older siblings, an uncle and a father, he was still alone. His uncle and father hated him and his brother and sister neglected him. He didn't grow up not understanding why, oh no, Gaara was told almost everyday of his life why he was treated this way. They never let him forget it.
He killed his mother.
When he was born his mother died from massive hemorrhaging, but his uncle and father didn't hear that. In their minds that were twisted in grief they somehow heard that Gaara had killed their wife and sister. And ever since then they would abuse him and let him know that it was his fault. As for his brother and sister, they would just call him names like "monster" and "demon" simply because they heard daddy and uncle say it. This would have broken a simple child, but Gaara was smart and he was strong, he didn't succumb to darkness that called for him after every beaten.
But he didn't come out on the other completely unharmed.
When he finally moved out of his home to go to college, he realized he had no idea how to interact with another human being. That made it hard for him to hold on to any type of relationship, be it romantic or friendship, sometimes he couldn't even tell the two apart.
This went on for two years.
Then he met him.
He was sitting at a bar drowning himself in a glass of whiskey. He had just been dumped by yet another lover, but he found himself not caring as much he thought he would. Maybe it was because this was the second guy this month. He was really hoping this one was the one, but according to Haku, his latest ex, he wasn't. But he was still hopeful, his misses or mister right was out there somewhere and he was going to find them and be happy. He was going to prove his family wrong and love someone.
Then he sat down next to him.
He was beautiful. Long blonde hair that stopped at his ears, a gorgeous heart-shaped face, and his eyes... They were breath-taking, even in the dimly lit bar. But it was something about his eyes. They were full sadness, hurt, and confusion, like he didn't really know what he wanted anymore.
Things went by in a whirlwind after that. He found out his name was Naruto and he just wanted a simple fuck. He didn't just come out and say it, but hat was the vibe he gave off and it wasn't right, not for him. He could deep down this wasn't what the blonde wanted, but he wasn't sure that the blonde knew this wasn't what he wanted or needed yet.
And somehow he convinced Naruto to date him and in the two months since they had met he tried to make Naruto happy and quit his promiscuous ways. And slowly he began to fall for the blonde, more then had with anyone, which made want this to work more then he wanted any other relationship he had ever had.
Then one day Gaara invited Naruto over to watch a movie or two and the next thing he knew they were having sex.
Gaara knew what the blonde was doing in bed as soon as he laid him down, Naruto wanted it rough and fast, but that wasn't how Gaara wanted to do this. He could also see the emotional detachment Naruto had and he felt that it probably stemmed from some bad experience in his past, something that related to why he started down this path of self-destruction. Even though Naruto has those issues, Gaara was willing to put in the effort to make it more than just tjhe one night stand that was a long time coming. He hopes that if he satisfied him sexually that will lead to more of an emotional and sexual connection to make him want him more.
And hopefully he would never leave.
conceive an ocean by going between legs
Beg, nope, bed, floor, dope
Go, for it, couch, now
Slow, mo-tion, around, put it down
Lord knows she was going for the morning, hold up
He touched Naruto in ways he knew he had never been touched, he kissed him with so much passion, that he wanted him to feel him on his lips long after they were done. He wanted to know what making love felt like. He wanted him to feel it all. He wanted him to that he...
That he loved him...
Is it bad that I never made love, no I never did it
But I sure know how to fuck
I'll be your bad girl, I'll prove it to you
I can't promise that I'll be good to you
Cause I had some issues, I won't commit
No, not having it
But at least I can admit that I'll be bad noooooo to you (to you)
Yeah, I'll be good in bed but I'll be bad to you
Bad that I never made love, no I never did it
But I sure know how to fuck
He was confused, Not sure what to do.
He had to leave, he had to go.
Because if he stayed it would be disastrous.
For both him and the person that had his heart beating like no other.
And thinking things he would have never thought of on his own.
Naruto looked over at the sleeping redhead once more before he slowly rolled out of the bed. He scanned the dark room for his clothes. When he found them all, he picked them up and quietly walked into the attached bathroom. When he was in the bathroom he sat his clothes onto the sink and looked in the mirror. He looked a mess. His hair was disheveled, his neck was covered in hickeys, and he was sticky. This was normal. He always looked this way after a sexual encounter.
But he never was this satisfied.
He was more satisfied then he had ever been in a long time. He felt...
He shook his head. He shouldn't be thinking about anything except for leaving before Gaara woke up an things got complicated. He knew what he was doing was wrong, but this is his lifestyle. This was all he knew, at least he was honest to himself and he was pretty sure Gaara knew what he was getting into when he decided to try and be with him.
Let me tell you about, look
She hurt feelings, she break hearts
She stay quiet, she play smart
She take pride, in going out
Getting hollered at, and saying nah
She no saint, but she don't pose
Gaara was smart. He knew this is what he did, he felt that he knew. He hurt feelings and broke hearts, many of them and he never cared. But with Gaara... His chest began to hurt painfully at the idea of doing this and didn't fully understand why. He had come to terms that he cared about Gaara a little bit, but not a great deal. Not to the point that he was going to give his lifestyle up, not enough to tear the walls around his heart down, and not enough to say the words he so desperately wanted to say...
Right?
He shock his head.
He had to play this smart like he always did, he can't get sidetracked because one guy gave him a little attention and touched him differently. He still didn't know this guy, he could turn out to be another Sasuke for all he knew. He sighed. His isn't him. He was the type that enjoyed getting dressed up, looking real pretty and stepping out, just to turn down every man that tried to hit on him or get his number. He enjoyed messing with guys mind and making some of them think they had a shot with getting him to drop his pants. He did didn't he? He's obviously no saint and he doesn't make himself out to be one.
He glared at himself in the mirror.
Why was he thinking so much? He was suppose to gone by now.
With that being thought, he began to get dressed.
She don't wear make up by the boat load
Riding through lake shore with the nose up
She don't really date much but it slows her up
She got haters, but we all do
Heard you winter time cold, shawty fall through
Baby look at they approach how they court you
All those minds games nevermind cause they all lose
Other guys work hard to try to woo him — from courtship to mind games — but he's not paying them no mind. They all fall short at the end when it came to Naruto. He was he king of mind games. Every man is the same to him, even if Gaara acted all nice to him he only wanted sex in the end and that's want he got! And... That's what he wanted too right? He can't be mad at Gaara when he wanted the same.
He leads a promiscuous sex life, and dating would just slow him up from his usual ways...
I ain't tryna kiss up, suck up, feed gas
I ain't like them ***** you sucking your teeth at, nope
Play big, trust me I'll humble your mean ass, look
Shawty is actually in prevent
Cause the one in front is working deep threat, yep
Bed, floor, couch, more
More, shower, Lord, perm
Done, love, nah
Called in the morning cell number wasn't on, goddamn.
Naruto gasped when he felt a wetness on his cheeks. He focused on himself in the mirror again and saw that he was crying.
"Who are you trying to fool," He whispered to himself. "You've fallen for him..." He whispered sadly. He knew it was true he finally was coming to terms with it. He understood now. The pain in his heart because of what he was doing to him, the reason behind why he cared what Gaara thought about him, all of it. He knew now, but it didn't matter. He was too damaged for Gaara anyways. Even if he does wish to stay with the redhead he can't. He wasn't right for Gaara, he wasn't ready for Gaara. He wasn't ready for any type of relationship if it didn't only involve intimacy.
And he knew it was going to break Gaara up inside when he found him gone the in the morning.
Is it bad that I never made love, no I never did it
But I sure know how to fuck
I'll be your bad girl, I'll prove it to you
Now dressed, Naruto looked himself one more time before turning to leave the bathroom. But before he leave an idea hit him. Turning back to the mirror he began to go through his over night bag and pulled out something.
A moment later, Naruto tip-toed out of the bathroom and across the room to the door. He opened the door slowly started slipping out as quietly as he could. He looked to Gaara and mouthed three simple words he knew he could never say to his face.
'I love you...'
Before leaving out of the door and Gaara's life forever.
He loved him, He knew this.
He wanted him, He understood this.
He craved him, He got this.
He loved him...
An hour later Gaara began to stir his bed. Rolling over in his bed his arm extending over the other side. This is when bolted up out of the bed. Everything that had happen hours before came flooding back and looked around, hoping that Naruto didn't do what he thought he did. He looked to the other side of the bed and saw that the blonde was indeed missing. Looking around he saw that the bathroom door was open and the light was on. Running over to the bathroom he looked in.
"Naruto!" He called, but no one was there. "Dammit!" He yelled in frustrated. He had a feeling that Naruto would run off if he didn't watch him. He was hoping that maybe, just maybe Naruto felt something for him, enough for him to stay until the sun came up. Enough to try with him and leave his sexual lifestyle for good.
He shook his head.
Then something caught his eye.
Turning his head to the right his eyes widen in shock.
It was message on the mirror writing in red lipstick. He turned to it fully and read the message:
"I can't promise that I'll be good to you
Cause I had some issues, I won't commit
No, not having it
But at least I can admit that I'll be bad to you..."
"Naruto..." He whispered in shock. He felt his eyes full with tears before they over flowed and fall down his cheeks. But as he cried he couldn't help, but to smile. Naruto was gone, yes, but in reading the message, Gaara felt that Naruto would be back, When his love was ready he would come back.
He broke hearts, including his own.
He played smart, but was clueless.
He loved him...
But hated himself.
Naruto walked down the street with tears in his eyes. He looked behind himself to see the tall apartment building where Gaara lived. He turned back around wiped his face.
Yeah, I'll be good in bed but I'll be bad to you...
"I'm sorry Gaara..." He whispered. He didn't mean for all this to happen but he was just...
Bad that I never made love, no I never did it...
Bad...
But I sure know how to fuck!
Done, I've been in this mood all day...
Song: Bad by, Wale ft. Tiara Thomas
I'm not really a rap person, but this song is so real, that I just fall in love with it.
Please review and tell me what you think.