Comfort
Edit: Changed a bit of the final portion to make it seem less abrupt. Enjoy!
New Edit: So I've just changed this story from a one-shot to an ongoing series. Few things to take note of: I will mention when this scene occurs at the beginning of the story so there's no confusion, and this story will basically follow the anime in terms of adventure and events. This first chapter picks off after Manato's death, and this goes the same for all subsequent chapters, unless otherwise mentioned. If you have any questions or suggestions to improve this series, feel free to PM me!
Time Frame: After Manato's death, and the very night when Shihoru catches the two of them together in each other's arms having a heart to heart talk. Not sure what episode that is.
Haruhiro couldn't fall asleep.
Quietly and gingerly to avoid rousing his snoring friends, he slipped into his footwear and crept out of the room, heading for the small sheltered area outside with the old-fashioned open-air stove.
The night sky filled with thousands of twinkling stars was gorgeous as per usual, like a canvas of black velvet sprinkled with gems of varying brilliance that lit up and brought life to an otherwise dull background. You would think that he would have gotten accustomed to the scenery by now, considering the number of days he had already been there, but every time felt like the first time witnessing the awe-inducing beauty of the new world he had been thrust into. He would never get tired of just surveying the breathtakingly surreal environment around him, enjoying the lazy fluttering of the leaves in the cool night breeze, gazing at the dimly lit town of Ortana barely visible in the distance.
From the dew-drops that collects on the surface of the leaves of a vivid, healthy green every morning to the rustic, pastoral state of the structures similar to their lodging spanning and dotting the country sides to every crisp, refreshing breath of air he gathered in his chest… it all made him feel undeniably alive.
And with that feeling follows the crushing disappointment, the suffocating guilt… for that's the total opposite of his former comrade, Manato.
He still found it hard to wrap his head around the fact that their leader was dead. Buried six feet under after their last raid went horribly wrong and an arrow from a goblin archer in hiding unerringly found its intended mark on his back, grievously wounding him. Manato had pushed on with the rest of them in full retreat despite the fatal injury, putting up a strong front when he was bleeding out the entire trek back to safety. By the time they had discovered the arrow protruding from his back, it was too late.
He was too far gone.
If only I had paid more attention to him…
If only I hadn't asked him to heal all our small cuts and nicks…
If only we had tried to protect him more…
Anguish had Haruhiro bowing his head and gritting his teeth together tightly to hold in the sobs threatening to escape his mouth. He had not cried when Manato closed his eyes for the last time, and he hadn't cried when the High Priest ascertained his friend's departure from the world. He didn't cry when the burial took place in the hillside a short distance away from their house, and neither did he cry when Yume sought him out on their return journey back and cried into his chests with large, body-wrenching wails. He had felt numb to it all, his mind still in a state of denial and refusing to accept that he – no, they – had lost a significant member of their party, the one who had pulled them all together and made them a group in the first place.
Their selfless and intelligent leader.
He had been far more than just the guy who led their party and found a way to make ends meet. Over the past few days, Manato had become a friend to, someone he felt he could confide in and talk freely to without worry of being judged. It helped that they had a lot in common, but the way that they connected almost instantly –
It hurt to breathe, his chest constricting painfully at the idea that he'll never get to spend time conversing casually with Manato again or to get to know him better. He was a great person. He didn't deserve to die. I should have been the one to take the fall… that way, life could still go on. I'm useless anyway.
And now, in the silence of the night with the gentle wind as soothing as the caress of a loving mother, all the pent-up frustration and sadness were fighting valiantly against his stubborn will to be let out, to be expressed in the most vocal of manners that will at last allow him to find a measure of peace. Sinking down to a sitting position against the stone wall facing the cooking stove where the glowing embers of the fire from dinner still hissed away in exposure to the chilly air, Haruhiro hugged his knees close to his body, suddenly feeling very, very alone.
A few minutes could have passed that way or it might have been a few hours with him gazing unseeingly into the small, flickering flame burning out slowly, but he gradually became aware of a presence approaching him, familiar and comforting in a way he couldn't possibly explain.
"Haru?" The feminine voice tentatively called out, and when he didn't respond – or couldn't, his throat felt way too dry – she took a few more cautious steps towards him and rested a warm palm on his shoulder.
He tensed, and the hand immediately withdrew. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you," Yume hurriedly stammered, and Haruhiro heard two quick steps being taken backwards. "I'm just going to leave – "
"No. Don't." Turning around, interrupting and effectively freezing the floundering girl who was in the middle of making a hasty escape, he beckoned to the space beside him with what he knew had to be the saddest smile in history. "Stay. I need the company." When he saw that she was still hesitant, her eyes darting back to her room, he continued with the word that was on the tip of his tongue.
"Please."
Yume bit her lip, wrung her hands before finally nodding once in acquiescence. "Move over," she said quietly and Haruhiro obediently did so, scooting over to give her some space to sit down next to him. There was no lack of space in the sheltered hut, but she shuffled closer to him nevertheless so that the line of their bodies were almost touching, just a hair's breadth away and he felt better instantly, having the heat of her next to him to ground and anchor him, keeping the poisonous thoughts from festering inside his mind.
"Couldn't sleep?" she asked.
"Yeah." He inhaled a deep breath and blew it out slowly. "You too?"
"Not really." Her smile was faint when she looked at him. "I woke up and saw a light from outside and came to extinguish the flame."
"Oh." Haru couldn't get himself to maintain eye contact. He was feeling too vulnerable and porcelain-like, as if a single careless touch will cause him to shatter into a thousand pieces. "What about Shihoru? Is she…"
When he trailed off and struggled visibly to find the right word, Yume giggled. "Asleep? Fine?" she supplied helpfully.
"Both, I guess."
"She's definitely asleep. She was snoring away when I left. Is she fine? Honestly? I don't know. We all have different ways of dealing with change, Haru. She might seem fine on the outside, but we never really know until we ask her and she's truthful to us." Yume eyed him steadily, and once again, he averted his gaze to stare down at his knees. "Just like you. I think the real question is, are you fine, Haru? I know that Manato was important to you. You were much closer to him than the rest of us."
"I'm fine," he muttered, but the lack of conviction was obvious.
Yume poked him in the side of his rib accusingly with her elbow. "You're lying."
"Okay, maybe I'm not fine," Haruhiro conceded grudgingly, and Yume nudged him again. "Okay, okay, I'm not fine at all. I'm sad, okay? I never imagined that he'll leave us so soon, and under such circumstances." Damn, his vision was getting blurry and the side of his eyes felt damp. He quickly wiped any moisture away with the back of his hand.
"It's okay to cry, Haru," Yume reminded him gently, reaching out with her thumb to brush at the corner of his eye and coming away with a bead of wetness. "Remember how I cried for a few minutes straight today afternoon? I felt so much better after that."
"I don't want to." He shook his head obstinately. "Crying will be admitting that he's gone, Yume, and I'm not sure if I'm ready to face the truth yet. When I went to sleep, I saw the nicely folded stack of clothes on his bed and I – " Haruhiro bit down on his lip. "It still feels like he's around. Watching over us like he always does."
"Maybe he is." There was an edge of wistfulness to her tone as Yume turned to peruse the night sky. "In fact, I know he is. We all don't know him for very long, but he's that kind of person that'll never let any harm come to his friends."
"He didn't deserve to die, Yume," Haruhiro muttered. "If anything, it should have been me. I don't bring anything to the team – "
"DON'T YOU DARE SAY THAT, HARUHIRO!"
He jerked up at the anger-filled shout, and found himself looking into the gleaming depths of Yume's light brown eyes. "Take that back, Haru," she demanded shakily, her hand gripping his bicep hard enough to bruise, "take that back!"
"But it's true – "
"No, it's not." Yume shook her head violently, passion brimming in those beguiling twin orbs. She got into a kneeling position opposite him and grabbed onto both of his shoulders. "Don't ever think that you're worthless or of less value than Manato was to us. You mean a lot to us. You mean a lot to me!"
It took him a full second to register what the redhead had just said, and when comprehension dawned, Haruhiro gaped at her. "W-What?"
She was blushing, her cheeks a shade of dusty red, but she pressed on. "I like having you around, Haru. You… I feel safe around you. There's just something about you that makes me comfortable. It's easy to be with you. I'm normally awkward around people, but I don't have that problem talking to you."
A warmth blossomed inside his chest, chasing away the shadows that had once inhabited it. However… "I don't know how I feel right now, Yume," he admitted, and the sadness that curtained over her expression almost made him change his words, but he didn't want to lie to her. "I'm just very conflicted. Manato is gone and we need to adjust to life without him. A new Priest is needed, and a new leader, and it's all just too – "
"I understand." Yume silenced him with a finger to his lips. That simple gesture made his heart start to pound rapidly. "We can just enjoy what we have for now."
"Y-Yes." Haru nodded, and Yume rewarded him with a blinding smile. God, she's enchanting. Returning to her position next to him, they lapsed into a comfortable silence as they basked in each other's company.
Yume spoke up some time later. "I know I shouldn't bring this back up, Haru, but I know that you're still hurting and I don't want that. You can tell me anything, okay? I promise that you'll feel better afterwards. I speak from experience."
He looked to his side and only saw genuine sincerity and encouragement on her pretty face. He wanted to, God, he wanted to, but he wasn't sure if he could.
"Come on," she prompted, probably sensing he was about to yield and she was right, for he did.
"He was our leader, Yume." His voice was gruff, laden with bitterness. "We wouldn't have made it this far without him. He, he… He's the only reason we're still alive right now! And how did we thank him? We let him die right in front of us." And suddenly, he was on a roll, his emotions too tumultuous and overpowering for any shred of rationality to shine through. "He became my friend. He understood me. He told me about making it through all of this together, as one party. The night before he… he died," Haru somehow choked out, "he even mentioned how he thought we were progressing very well. Working and co-operating with each other like a true party. No longer individuals, but a group. Becoming friends."
Haruhiro didn't know how he managed to hold back the tears threatening to spill over, but he somehow did.
Yume nodded, pleased with his admission even though her eyes were glossing over as well as he recounted how Manato had helped their unlikely gang to bond together despite their painfully obvious differences and gain a foothold on this new, alien world where survival proved to be harder than expected. "He really changed our lives, huh?" she sighed, twisting a loose tendril of her hair around a finger. Haruhiro noted absently that her hair looked even better let down and flowing freely over her shoulders. "We're all affected, one way or another. Ranta too, even though he might not act like it. Don't think you're alone in shouldering the burden of his death, because you're not. We're all going to help each other move forward." She leaned forward with a small smile, and her sweet, natural scent pervaded his senses. "And I'll always be here for you, Haru. Never forget that."
And just like that, the dam broke. Maybe it was because Yume was beside him and it felt right. Or maybe because the waterworks were already long overdue. First, it was a single tear that squeezed out from his eyes, and before he knew it, it all came pouring out like a downpour. He bent forward into a foetal position as he let loose everything inside him: the rage towards the goblin archer, disappointment at his own incompetency at protecting his friend and lastly, regret that they hadn't been able to save him.
All the while, Yume patted and stroked his back, mumbling words of comfort and reassurance as he squeezed every last drop out, letting him know that she's there for him, just like how he had been there for her that afternoon.
END