This chapter's short, but it's just introducing the pain, and what happened. It'll be longer next chapter.
Don't own Twilight characters.

Sometimes I wondered why I ever loved Jacob to begin with. Why I ever believed his tragically clear lies. Why I enjoyed his company.

My answers were:
1. He was hot and I was desperate
2. He was hot and I was crazy
3. He was hot and I was gullible

Good answers, I think. All pretty much true.

Too bad I know for a fact that the real answer is:
1. He was sweet, hot, amazing, wonderful, perfect, and I was gullible enough to eat up the lies which were: He loved me, too, and would never cheat on me.

I guess I was too caught up in the fact that someone actually said they loved me - someone actually wanted me. Or so I thought. I was too caught up in the moment, and too stupid to realize; Oh, hey, there's a thong that doesn't belong to me, and clearly not Jacob. Oh, and there's his new lipgloss that he's never worn because he didn't buy it. Because it belonged to the blonde he'd been sleeping with.
Tanya? Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's who that girl was.

It's been a year and I'm still madly in love with Jacob Black, the man who took my heart, cradled it until was full of love, and then threw it back in my face. Then he took an AK47 and shot it down until it was nearly non-existant. Yeah, I still love the man who did that to me.
I still cry myself to sleep, knowing that I was just a toy he used, knowing that I don't deserve better because I had the idiocy to believe the lies. I still cry myself to sleep knowing I'll never be able to love another, because he gave me the best three years of my life... Until he slept with a girl he met on our cruise, of course.

That's what happens when you give a guy like Jacob your whole... Whole BEING. He crushes it without a care, like one would crush... Something crushable? Like an orange, maybe.

Yeah, that's it! I was Jacob's orange. He only wanted me until I was out of use. He found me, the perfect idiot. The perfect "orange." He squeezed (or crushed) the juice out of me, made me into a perfectly sweet cup of orange juice. Then he drank me and threw away the useless remaints, and moved onto another orange. It took him three years to make me a dead orange.

Maybe the orange analogy doesn't make sense. But it's hard to explain in great detail how the man you once loved, and still do, took you and broke your heart after filling it up.

I can't believe I fell for that stupid, arrogant, cruel, rude, asshole of a man!

That sweet, adorable, perfect man...

Again, sorry it's short. Just had to introduce that part. Plus, It'd be hella longer if I continued with what I have on paper.
Review please!