Itachi Uchiha loved his younger brother. At times, however, Sasuke found him quite overbearing. His love was constant, yet static. Don't get him wrong, Sasuke loved his older brother more than the Earth itself. He was also not so unaware of himself to not think that his desire was selfish. It was, however, what he wanted, and that could not be changed.

Itachi always thought the best of his little brother. Sasuke was grateful, and he returned the favor by always thinking the best of his elder brother. Their father, Fugaku, was always at work, so Itachi was the only father-figure Sasuke had. Despite how nice Itachi was, Sasuke was somewhat miserable.

Itachi would never put his foot down. Of course, he always knew what was best and Sasuke would always give in to him (because, honestly, Itachi was always right), but Itachi never once yelled at him. He never glared or screamed or even raised his voice, really. Itachi Uchiha would smile gently, explain why Sasuke was wrong, and then wait for Sasuke to understand because Sasuke was smart so of course he would understand.

Their mother, Mikoto, never raised her voice, either. Sasuke would never mistake her for timid, though. During one particularly stupid (on his behalf) argument, Mikoto, apparently having had enough of him, decided not to yell, but slap him across the face. Itachi Uchiha was, for some reason, horrified (Sasuke remembered the argument and would cringe constantly. He really was an idiot). He had confronted Mikoto about it and had gone so far as to scold her.

She, however, was a silent stone wall. When Itachi was done, she said four words in a monotone voice. "Are you done, dear?" She then slapped Itachi, too. Itachi had stepped back, startled, while Mikoto calmly explained the fallacies in my logic and how a son shouldn't berate their mother. After the whole thing was over, she had smiled at both her children, apologized (but made sure that they knew they kind of deserved it), and then made Sasuke's favorite dinner (and since it was Sasuke's favorite, it was Itachi's favorite). It was an odd day.

That aside, Sasuke had learned something in all his years of life: When it came to his younger brother, Itachi was always right. For Sasuke, Itachi knew best. Itachi was the best elder brother in the world, and the father he never really got to have. Itachi wouldn't have even had to be Sasuke's father-figure if their actual father had been home. Fugaku Uchiha wasn't, though. Fugaku Uchiha was the Uchiha Clan Head. He was the Chief of the Police Force. Fugaku Uchiha was important and since Sasuke wasn't oblivious (and he could take a hint), Sasuke understood that he was not.

By now, many textbooks already mentioned not only his father but also his older brother. Itachi Uchiha was the Clan genius. He was an ANBU, he had his full Sharingan, he was the pride of the Village. Sasuke would be mentioned in a footnote if even that. Mikoto? She's commonly referred to as "Fugaku Uchiha's wife". Sasuke knew this because, on a bit of a whim, he checked-out three textbooks on Konoha history (a rather interesting read, actually, though not exactly presented in the best of ways. Really, would it have killed the author to make it a bit funnier?).

Sasuke was walking back to the Public Library, textbooks in hand, with the most random facts floating through his head. Madara Uchiha was the one who named the Leaf Village. Contrary to popular belief, Hashirama Senju did not create the forests surrounding Konoha. Zashima Koroguri, the last member of the now-extinct Koroguri Clan, lead the first attack against the Cloud Village in the First Great Shinobi War. Tobirama Senju's favorite food was fresh fish. All facts that would really get him nowhere in life (except possibly the one about Zashima Koroguri, that one seemed pretty important and would probably be on his graduation exam).

Sasuke opened the door to the Public Library, taking in the dim lighting and the odd smell. Not a lot of people came here anymore, and anyone who did was considered a "nerd". Not that Sasuke cared, really, since being a nerd implied that you were intelligent...which is more than most people could say about themselves.

He was obviously startled to find it jam-packed.

Sasuke carefully made his way through the crowd, weaving around all the bystanders and background characters in the epic saga that was his life. It took him quite a bit of time before he could maneuver himself to the front desk to talk to the librarian. He would have waited in line like a normal person...but the textbooks were heavy and he had just walked across the Village with them. The man he had cut in front of was startled for a moment, then made to shove him out of the way. That is, until he saw the fan on Sasuke's back. It was unlikely that anyone would recognize who he was just by looking at his face (though everyone would think twice when he mentioned that he was Sasuke Uchiha), but no civilian would dare to question a member of one of Konoha's two founding clans.

It was odd. This man had every right, and every reason, to confront him. Cutting in front of someone in a public line was actually a finable crime in Konoha. If taken to court (which was unlikely to happen, but then again, this was a hypothetical situation), the man would have definitely won the case (despite the fact that he was charging a minor). However, when most saw the Uchiha fan on someone's back, they immediately lost all of their complaints and arguments. It was a blessing and an annoyance at the same time.

The man, despite being obviously miffed, stayed silent, his hand back at his side. Konoha law aside, no one wanted to get on the Uchiha's bad side. The whispers of how the Uchiha were responsible for the Kyuubi attack remained, though instead of openly condemning the Clan, the people feared and respected them.

Oh how powerful they must be to control a Bijuu! How dangerous they must be to fight with the Yondaime Hokage! Oh how skilled they must be to not have a single casualty during the attack!

And, of course, the most important of all:

Oh how generous they must be to have made sure all the civilians and children were safe from danger!

They didn't seem to realize that it was the Police Force, not the Clan, who ushered the defenseless to safety. While the Police Force is mainly made of Uchiha, it also had Hyuuga, Nara, Inuzuka, and clanless members. As for the Uchiha Clan as a whole?

Coincidently, most of the Shinobi Clan members were out of the Village on missions. Was there something bigger going on there? Sasuke did not know, nor did he particularly want to know. After all, ignorance is bliss.

The librarian might have disagreed, but she was a librarian, so that was a given.

Speaking of the librarian, she leaned over the counter and squinted at him. "Young man, you have to wait in line just like anyone else, you hear?"

Sasuke nodded. "I know, but these books are pretty heavy and I had to carry them across the Village."

The librarian sniffed. "Fine, but only this once. So, you want to turn them in?"

Sasuke nodded, handing them over to her. The woman looked over them, then glanced back up. "My my, it really has gotten crowded here, hasn't it?"

Sasuke once again nodded. "Last time I came in here, it was completely empty. You could have heard a pin drop."

"Indeed," the woman agreed. "It's so nice to know that all the young folk are getting back into reading." She paused, then looked over the counter at him again. "Listen here, young man, and listen good. TV shows and movies and all that nonsense will get you nowhere in life, got it? All that stuff is going to rot your brains and give you cancer, you know. Reading? Reading is where the fun is at. Everything from the longest epic to the most powerful jutsu has been written onto a book or scroll. Those televisions are going to get us into more trouble than they're worth, got that?"

Sasuke blinked. "Right," he said. "My family doesn't even own a television."

"Good, your parents have got a good head on their shoulders."

My mother has a good head on her shoulders. "Thank you," Sasuke said instead.

"Yes yes," the librarian said. "Now go, get another book, take it home, read it, and learn a thing or two. This world needs more readers."

"Yes Mrs. Tanegashima," Sasuke said obediently.

The librarian, Mrs. Tanegashima, nodded, and Sasuke walked off, his hands finally free, ready to devour his next textbook.

Few knew Itachi Uchiha's secret. What was this secret?

Itachi Uchiha, heir of the Uchiha Clan, and prodigy of not just the Uchiha, but the whole Village, hated reading. From textbooks to novels to mission reports, he hated it all (which eventually led to his aversion to writing). It took him a great amount of willpower to sit down and open up a book and study. He would constantly, in his head, curse the man who had invented the written word.

What was wrong with just remembering something? People were getting by just fine before books came along!

Of course, then the sane part of his brain would point out how easily history could be lost when all there was to document it was someone's memory and words. Then his desperate part would shoot back with a snarky comment and mention the fact that you could make a video. The sane part would say how easy it was to edit film, then the desperate part would shoot back with how easy it was to erase words and white-out ink, then the two sides would argue on who was right, and it was at this point that Itachi would realize that both sides were stupid and that he still hadn't read a single word.

Lucky for him, he was a prodigy and his brain worked at twice, maybe thrice, the speed of a normal person, so the whole debate would only take thirty seconds to a minute which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't very much time. Through the whole thing, though, Itachi's face would stay calm and composed and his eyes would flit across the page as if he were reading something and not listening to the two screaming voices in his head.

In the end, Itachi was completely capable of reading and writing the necessary things (though—and this was quite a shock to everyone who found out—Itachi commonly wrote the wrong characters for words. He had his hiragana and katakana down pat, but he would constantly confuse two kanji that looked the same for each other, even though he could read with absolutely no problem. His father, mother, and many tutors had tried to work on it with him but no matter what they did, the problem persisted [the most insulting part was that his handwriting was beautiful]).

As a consequence of his hatred of the written word, Itachi loved television. It gave him a story without him having to read a single thing, information without having to decipher the complicated way creators wrote, and news without having to stare at the same boring font every morning.

And so, completely convinced, Itachi Uchiha went out and, using his own money, bought his family a television. Because surely his family loved television as much as he did. He could not, for the life of him, understand the look of pure, unadulterated horror on Sasuke's face when he returned home from the library.

Sasuke's grip on his textbook tightened. "Big Brother, why is there a...a television in our house?"

Itachi, confused, said, "I bought it. Isn't it great?"

"No!" Sasuke snapped at Itachi (and wasn't that an uncommon occurrence). "No, it is not 'great'! It's going to rot our brains or...or give us cancer! I'm telling you, if we don't get that thing out of our house, we're going to wake up one day with an extra limb or something!"

Itachi frowned. "That's not how it works, Sasuke."

"Mrs. Tanegashima says that televisions are more trouble than they're worth!"

"Mrs. Tanegashima is an old woman whose salary hinges on the fact that people come to her library and read," Itachi replied.

"I'm pretty sure that's not how libraries work," Sasuke said.

"And I'm pretty sure that this television won't give us cancer. There, we're even."

Sasuke glared at his brother, but Itachi just smiled calmly back. Sasuke was suddenly reminded of how infuriatingly perfect Itachi was and how there was essentially nothing about him for Sasuke to hate, despite how much he wanted to. Itachi Uchiha was kind and smart and basically everything Sasuke needed.

And so Sasuke backed down. "Fine," he said, "but I'm not using it. In fact, I will not come within two meters of it, got that?"

Something close to hurt flashed across Itachi's face (at which point Sasuke realized that Itachi had gone out and bought that expensive piece of junk with his own money, presumably because he thought Sasuke and Mikoto would enjoy it [in that case, Sasuke prayed that his mother would like it because Sasuke had gone too far to go back]).

Then Itachi's face smoothed over. "I'm sorry, Sasuke, I thought you would like it. You don't have to use it."

"...will you?"

"I bought this for all of us," Itachi said.

It wasn't exactly an answer, but Sasuke could read between the lines. "Of course." And that was that.

It was at that point, though, that Sasuke felt a shudder go through the very universe itself. Sasuke interpreted it as the universe crying at the travesty of such an unholy device entering Sasuke's house. He was wrong, though. Oh so very wrong. At that moment, Sasuke should have marched straight into his bedroom, slammed his door shut, and refused to come out until he was well into his twenties. Maybe thirties. He should have quit the shinobi program and lived off of his inheritance as the Uchiha Clan Head's second son.

He should have done anything except go into his kitchen and study just to be extra sure that he passed his graduation exam on Monday with flying colors. But that was what he did because he just couldn't take a hint.

And so the universe shuddered again.

tbc

So, this is more of a guilty pleasure for me than anything. Don't expect much plot. This is going to be a humorous, slice-of-life thing that's going to have slow updates and center around the Uchiha family. In fact, I will do my best to make sure that each scene will feature either Sasuke, Itachi, Mikoto, Fugaku, or some combination of them because those are who I'll be focusing on.

Also, I changed characterizations. A lot. I also used larger paragraphs than I normally do. It's an experiment, really. I like it, but I've been reading this on a computer, so I don't know how it looks on a mobile device.

And...yeah. That's it for now, I think. I wonder if I'll regret posting this later, but I wanted it out in the world in case someone appreciates it. Remember to Favorite, Follow, and Review! Until next time, this is SSSRHA, signing out!