Warning : Past child abuse, Past Rape/Non-con
Note : Please agknowledge that english is not my first language, please be tolerant, I'm still learning, it's not an excuse, just an explanation. No Beta. I've listenned to The Death Riders songs, while writting this. I song 'Mary' is one if the best ! Hope you enjoy !
Bobby and Dean stepped outside in the car trash. The older man could see that the boy seemed anxious and stressed. It was not something unusual, but it always leads to unpleasant stuff. Dean was sitting on a old destroyed car, he tried to make himself smaller, head bent, shoulders low, staring everywhere but Bobby.
« What is it ? » He asked impatiently.
Dean gave him a look he has never seen on his face before, he didn't talk yet, just played with the dirt with his foot. After a moment Bobby turned and walked toward the door.
« If you don't want to talk, I've work to do. »
« No ! » He talked in a quick desperate way.
Bobby faced him again. Dean was nervous.
« Come on tell me. »
« It's Sammy. » His tone was low.
« Continue. »
« He had become tactile. » He said in a voice even lower.
« What ? Talk louder boy. »
Dean redressed himself, crossed his arms, tried to look more confident.
« He had become more tactile. » He repeated in his confident voice. But it was all fake, Bobby wasn't an idiot.
« What do you mean ? »
Dean was back to his submissive position.
« You know.. » He whispered.
« I don't, you mean he hug you more or something ? »
« No, hum, not quite that.. that's.. that's not what I'm talking about. »
« Look, if you want him to stop, talk to him. »
« I can't. »
« Talk louder, I hear nothing, jezz. »
« I can't. » He said again louder.
« Why ? »
« I just can't. »
« That's not complicated, come on, I have other stuff to do more important than that. » Again he turned, but Dean stopped him right away a hand on his shoulder, fast and panicked.
« No ! No ! Bobby ! You have to help me. »
He watched the boy for a moment.
« Are you scared ? »
Dean tried everything to not look in his eyes. He stepped away, still nervous. Something was wrong, Sam was more tactile with him, but it made no sense, why Dean would be scared about it ? Why he needed to talk with him about this ? He didn't have all the information.
« What do you mean he is more tactile ? »
He seemed disgusted, still playing with the dirt.
« You know.. tactile. »
« Why can't you tell him to keep his hand for himself ? It's not that hard. »
« I can't. »
« Why ? »
« You have to help me Bobby. » He asked so desperately, eyes more wet than usual, on the edge of breaking. « Talk to him please ! » He begged.
Something was definitely wrong.
« To tell him what ? »
« To stop. »
« Why can't you tell him ? »
« Because I can't. » He said, frustrated.
Dean looked, at this instant, like a kid, a small boy. He was a grown strong man, still he had kept many childish behavior, but right now, it wasn't the same man who was talking to him, it was a little boy, a child. Bobby had no idea what had provoked suck a reaction. He continued to observe him act, terribly nervous, small, a small animal who want to flee. If he returned to a child mind state, maybe the best thing to do was talking to him like he would talk to a child.
« Where he touches you ? »
Dean fixed him. afraid thought Bobby. He turned his head. Ashamed now. He repeated his question.
« You know. »
« Well, obviously I don't. » He cut.
« You know.. private place.. and all. »
Bobby chuckled.
« Oh come on, what are you trying to say ? That Sam tries to touch your cock ? » He laughed. « Is that a joke ? You make me lose my time for this kind of crap. » Again he tried to leave, Dean stopped him.
« Bobby, Bobby, Bobby ! Please listen. »
« You say shit. Come on boy, he's your brother. »
« You're my only chance, you have to believe me. »
The old felt a pinch in his heart at the view of Dean, so scared, begging, eyes full of tears, trembling chin, nervous and shaky. Terribly desperate. It all felt wrong. Dean couldn't fake this kind of reaction, he knew that, not at this point. But what he was saying was unbelievable.
« Bobby ! »
He should try to play Dean's game.
« Talk to me boy. »
« No, just talk to Sammy, tell him to do nothing, please. »
« Why would he do such a thing with you ? »
« Because. »
« Because what ? »
« Just because. » Still this hurtful desperate tone. « I don't want, I don't want, please tell him. »
« And why you can't tell him yourself ? »
« Because I can't. »
He couldn't believe what he was gonna say next, but he has to try.
« Did someone touch you.. on your private part, when you didn't want to ? »
Shame again. Noticed Bobby.
Dean seemed disgusted and more afraid than ever. He took few step back, putting distance between the two of them, arms crossed, still trying to make himself smaller as if it would help.
« Who ? » He asked hard, pressing, trying to push Dean so he can talk.
« Can you just talk to Sammy ? »
« Who ? Dean. » He approached the boy.
« Please. »
« Dean ! »
« Please don't ask more. » If tears didn't run on his cheeks, they were definitely running on his voice.
« Why do you need me to talk to Sam ? »
« Because. » He approached the boy again.
« Why can't you talk to Sam ? » He grabbed Dean by the shoulders, trying to force him to face him.
« He's familly. » He murmured after a long time.
« And you don't think he would listen if you tell him to stop what he's doing ? »
Dean shook his head in a 'no' response. Bobby took a time to think. If he considered what Dean said as a truth, then he could only go on dark conclusion.
« Did someone touch you on private part when you didn't wanted to ? »
He nobbed a 'yes'.
« Was it someone from family ? »
The shame and disguste marked Dean face.
« Was it your Dad, John ? » Bobby asked.
Dean broke, tears falling hard and big, he tried to pull away, but he was weak. Bobby didn't know what to think. He wanted to say bullshit, all that was fake, but at the same time Dean was not faking a thing.
« I don't believe you. » Once again, he tried to leave, Dean grabbed his arm and forced him to stay.
« You remember when we were here as a kid ? » He asked in a shaky voice.
« Yes. »
« I was always sleeping with you, in your bed. »
« Yeah no matter how many time I kicked you out of it, you always came back, I always finished to give up. »
« For once I didn't wanted to sleep with dad or in a room where he could come at night. »
« Why ? Because he was touching you ? » Dean nobbed. « Why would he do that ? »
« Like I know ! » He was still crying. « You have to help me, tell Sammy. »
« Why Sammy would do anything like that to you ? »
Dean moved as if he was an animal in a cage.
« He saw us. He saw dad do things to me few time. »
Bobby waited for Dean to continue.
« I never wanted dad to do the same thing he done to me to Sammy, I always took everything on me. I said no Bobby, I cried, I screamed, I punched, I said no, all the time Bobby, all the time ! He never listenned to me. Sammy saw us few time, he heard what dad was saying to me. » He continued to cry, stopped few time before talking again.
« Dean.. »
« And now Sammy tries to act like dad, he says the same thing dad said to me. He tries to touch me, he tells me I can't say no, that I'm his. I don't want, but I can't say no, I just can't, it just don't go out. » He groanned frustrated and angry at himself.
He crouched, his back on a car, his face in his hands. He looked so small and vulnerable. Bobby looked at him, not knowing how he was supposed to act after what he heard. He knew that the boys didn't have a pretty childhood, always on the road, crappy motel, sometime alone for long time. John wasn't always here for them, Dean quickly took the role to take care of the family and of Sam. Their childhood wasn't pretty, but that ? Did John really done this kind of thing to his son ? Dean was the alive proof, it made him sick, if he had known he would have killed John, if John was still alive he would kill him as slow as he could. But none of that could repair what had been broken in the two boys.
Dean had been so victimized, never listened, that he couldn't say no anymore to his family concerning the sexuality. And Sam, protected by Dean, undergoing John influence in an uncounscious way, now tried to take his place.
No matter why Dean never rebelled against his dad, still staying in his shadow, John broke him, making him so afraid, so submissive to him. Stealing Dean strength so he could never flee or fight. Keeping him in a leash to do everything he wanted. He had, in a way, transformed him into a slave.
Sam, more protected had succeeded to go out of John influence, more strong, determined, matching in an uncounscious way his father. Having true power and confidence, not like Dean. Broken in a complete different was. Now that they were again on the road and the crappy motel, John not here anymore, Sam was taking his place, was trying to have what he had, Dean. Dean has his. Has an object for him to use. It was how he learns to see his brother, it just never expressed itself until John disappears.
The older brother had searched peace and protection in him. Bobby had no idea how it had been important for the kid to sleep with him.
He reached for him and forced him to get on his feet so he can hug him tight. Dean stuck his face in his neck. He was a small fragile child in his arms.
« I didn't.. I didn't.. I didn't wanted to.. I didn't.. I've never.. I've said no, he didn't listen, I said no.. Help me Bobby ! I'm too weak, I was always too weak, I had fight, I wasn't strong enough. »
« Shhhu boy, I'm here. »
« Maybe I should I've fight more. »
« You fought enough, you did everything you could. I'm sorry, I'm sorry Dean, I didn't see. »
« Help me. I'm too weak. I don't want.. I don't want this.. It will restart and I don't want. »
« You're not weak, you're strong, very strong. I'm proud of you son. I wish you told me this before, but I'm proud, you did everything you can. I'm proud of you for telling me this today, it's hard, but you did it. I'm going to help you, I'm going to talk to Sam, he won't touch you. »
Dean nobbed.
« He won't touch you. »
« Yes. »
« You're free. »
« Yes ! » He said breaking even more.
End.