Disclaimer: Harry Potter and the crew all belong to the master of the world, JKR. Scott Riddle, son of Voldemort, belongs to the great and powerful Kate S. (we miss you!). Whose Line is it Anyway belongs to Drew Carey (maybe) Random video game characters belong to Nintendo, Square Soft, and the like. The Evil Rabid Jigglypuff of Doom belongs to pokebattles.com Aqua Version. The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy belongs to Douglas Adams. Anime dudes belong to their respective creators. The End. Be Happy.
Scott Riddle: Hello and welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway, Harry Potter edition. Today's cast... Justice, like lightning, HARRY POTTER. The invincible, RON WEASLEY. In brightest day, HERMIONE GRANGER, and, gets changed in phone booths (a/n dear God help us) DRACO MALFOY!! And I'm your babe like host Scott Riddle, come on down, let's have some fun.
(walks down a bunch of steps to desk. Loud cheering and swooning is heard in the audience. Hermione glares.)
Scott: Welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway, the show where everything's made up, and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are just like the Creevey brothers. They just... don't... matter! What happens if you've never seen the show is that I'm going to bring these guys down to the stage and make them do everything off the top of their heads, then award points. I don't know why, cause like I said, they don't matter!!! Then at the end of the show I pick a winner, and the winner gets to do a little something special with me (swoons in the audience) and the losers get fed to the Evil Rabid Jigglypuff of Doom (a/n, again, dear God help us) I should perhaps mention that Hermione has a better chance of winning then the rest of you... COMBINED. (makes kissy lips at Hermione. She bats her eyelashes. Harry, Ron, and Draco simultaneously roll eyes and look depressed.) Anyway, our first game tonight is a little game called... Super Heroes. This is for all four contestants (Ron, Harry, and Hermione stand up and walk to the side near Scott's desk. Draco walks center stage.) First of all we need the name of an unlikely super hero for Draco from the audience.
Ford Prefect: The Hitchhiker kid!!
Son Gohan: The Not-So-Great-Sayaman.
Donkey Kong: Oooh eeeh ooh aaah aaah!!!
Voldemort: Hehehehehehehehe. Voldie Oldy Moldy Boy!
Voice: Acts Like a Valley Girl Man!
Scott: I like that, Acts Like a Valley girl man then! (Draco looks at Scott with an expression of pure horror) Now we need a crisis.
Peach: Too ditzy to stand up
Bowser: (under his breath) you should talk!
Voice: Running out of hair spray!
Scott: I don't know who you are, but I like your style. Ok Acts Like a Valley Girl Man, you're running out of hair spray! What WILL you do?
Draco: Oh! My! God! Like, where's my hair spray. I like, like, like, have a date with like 25 different dudes in like, 5 damn minutes! Like oh! I'm like totally out! Like OMG! Like...like...like...like... like... like...
Hermione: (Jumping in from side) Sorry I'm late! What's the problem?
Draco: Thank GOODNESS you're like, here, Mudblood Girl.
(Hermione grabs Draco by the collar of his shirt. Scott points his wand at Draco)
Hermione: WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME! PREPARE TO DIE, VALLEY GIRL BOY!!!!!!!!!!
Scott: I get first dibs on ripping him limb from limb!
Ron: That's not fair! You should share!
Harry: (preschool teacher voice) Because sharing is caring boys and girl.
(as Scott prepares to cast the grow nasty tentacles on face curse, he is suddenly given a document from offstage left)
Scott: Bad news Herm, we can't hurt him physically.
Hermione: AND WHY NOT! THE LITTLE BASTARD JUST CALLED ME A MUDBLOOD. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR...
Scott: Well the main reason is because Lucius Malfoy just bribed the CEO of the station.
(Camera zooms up to audience where Lucius and other Death Eaters are waving a sign reading, weaeae luv u Drako!!!) (a/n yes, that's what it said. Unfortunately, in my happy little world, Lucius cannot spell)
Hermione: (calming down) Don't worry sweetie pie, I have another way of handling dung breath over there. (throws Malfoy on ground)
Draco: (panting like a dog) air............air........
Draco's manager: Ah uh uh! Draco, honey, baby, poogie! Stay in character hon!
Draco: (glares at his manager) air...........like...............air................like..............
Ron: (leaping on and striking a stereotypical super hero pose) I came as soon as I heard!
Hermione: (grinning evilly) It's a good thing you've arrive, Constantly Tortures and Torments Acts Like a Valley Girl Man Boy!
(audience howls with laughter. Lucius starts crying like a poor widdle bunny wabbit. Ron looks like his birthday, Christmas, and every other holiday had just occurred. Draco shudders and begins to pray)
Ron: (doing the hokey-pokey on Draco's back) What's the trouble?
Draco: We're.........like...............gasp...............gasp...............out..................of.................like....................hair.................... like.....................spray...................like.....................like.................li- (faints. Ron sticks old smelly gym socks up his mouth and nose)
Harry: (walks on laughing hysterically) Whasssssssssssssssssssssuppppp?
Ron: Oh thank God! Look, it's the Yodeling Break-Dance Kid!
Harry: (doing the worm) Yodeleheehoo! What's the pro-ob-lem? Yodeleheehoo!
Hermione: We're out of hairspray for that pile of shit, the great and marvelous valley girl.
Harry: Yodelehee, go to CVS-s, yodelehee (worms off stage)
Ron: I'm on my way! (stomps on Draco's head on the way out)
Hermione: Bye! (walks away)
Draco: (drools on the carpet. Medi-wizard revives him. He gets up and runs back to his seat like a scared little bunny rabbit)
Scott: (hits buzzer thingy) That was great. One thousand points to Harry for his flexibility. One thousand points to Ron for helping Hermione. 100 thousand points to Hermione for... well... being Hermione. And... um... negative a lot points to Draco cause I just don't like him)
(commercial)