(This story may sound too tragic or "emo" to some people, but I thought that Bobby may react this way post "Untethered". I mean, c'mon, the man is brilliant, and "Sometimes the most brilliant people have the most persuasive demons". (Quote from "I, Robot")
Robert Goren stumbled into his apartment in search of vodka, painkillers, anything to make himself feel better. With the kidnap of Eames, the death of his mother, and him sneaking into a mental institution to save Donny only to fail, he was feeling out of control.
I have to be in control. I have to be on top of this. I have to get back to way I was.
But he realized that he could never change, that he was too messed-up, too damaged to change himself. He realized that he had no one, no family, no friends, not even Eames. He realized that she no longer looked at him with praise; she looked at him with pure disdain, as if she felt sorry for him.
I don't need anyone to feel sorry for me, I don't need her pity. Yeah, I see the looks on their faces when I walk into 1PP, I see and I ignore, because that's all that I can do now. But there comes a time when you can't ignore anymore, and you just have to give in.
He searched frantically for his deliverance from this hell. He knew there were other ways to solve his problems, but he couldn't deal with it. He couldn't go on living this way. He searches through his drawers in search of pills, any pills until he finally found a couple of prescription bottles of sleeping pills and antidepressants. He spins around and finds a bottle of vodka on his counter. He figured a swig of it and a handful of the pills would do the job.
My love life is non-existent. No woman would ever truly love me; no one could ever truly spend their life with me, not that they would choose to. I thought that Alex might be the one that would understand me, but she was like everyone else. She couldn't stand me, couldn't stand my methods, the way I worked.
My mother, God Bless her soul, she didn't appreciate me either. She was always saying that Frank could take care of her better. That Frank was the better son. If only she knew the truth about her precious son, the homeless gambler with a drug problem and grandson that she never knew about.
Here goes nothing…He swallowed a huge fistful of the pills, and gulped down the vodka like there was no tomorrow.
The strange thing about suicide was that once you thought about it, the thought never completely goes away, no matter how hard you try. Bobby Goren knew that he was smarter than this. He knew that suicide wasn't the answer to anything, he knew better than to run away from his problems. Damn it, Bobby Goren always dealt with this kind of shit head on. But, there comes a time when you can't deal with it that way anymore, you just have to give in to the darkness.
He takes a few more gulps of Vodka, and then he set the bottle down heavily on his counter. He can't feel anything in his arms anymore. He can't feel any muscle in his body. He feels numb and cold. He loses all sense of emotions. His legs finally give in and he falls over, hitting his head on the sharp corner of the counter.
Maybe this is for the best. Eames would never have to worry about me again. She would never have to spend another sleepless night worrying about me. The world will go on, everything will be okay in the end, it always is okay. I could have done better, maybe paid more attention to her and tell her how much I really did value our partnership instead of just pushing her away. I'm so sorry Eames, I never meant for it to happen this way.
To Be Continued… (Eames is worried when Bobby doesn't show up the next morning at work).