Disclaimer: I own nothing, just borrow characters and twist story-lines. There's also a lot of fluff. I love fluff, I can't help it. I also enjoy reviews.

Note: This is my first GLEE story. I use commas often to indicate a pause. This one starts with Santana's thoughts moments after Brittany broke her heart.

Spoilers: end of season 2. haven't seen it? Don't read it. (unless you don't care)

After Santana's confession to Brittany she storms off to the girl's bathroom and slams the door behind her. With her head in her hands and sobbing uncontrollably, she starts pacing back and forth in the small space. She's trembling; her breath is labored. She feels like her heart is going to pound through her ribcage. She paces back and forth a bit before her legs start to feel weak. She holds the wall for support, her other hand on her chest. Her sobs become more violent and she lets her knees give out. Her legs are useless and she can no longer hold herself up. Now on the floor, she slides herself over to the wall and lets her face feel the cool surface of the tile. She pulls her knees in tight to her body and hugs them, resting her head on them and crying into her own lap, one hand clenching her stomach. The broken girl sat on the floor like this crying until her head stopped pounding. Now it was spinning, full of racing thoughts.

She took her journal out of her bag which was sitting on the floor next to her and began to write. Because after what just happened, she was going to want to remember this so it never happened to her again.

{Santana's writing, her most intimate thoughts- a side of her no one sees, not even Brittany}

Britt and I were always best friends.

I always thought her way of looking at the world was different, more literal than everyone else's. It made her who she is today. She's stronger than she gives herself credit for and I have always tried my best to show her that. My heart knew I loved her before my head realized it.

I was always the tough one. If some kid knocked me down on the playground, I got up and kicked them right back. Britt would come over to me and ask if I wanted to hold her hand, because that was what made her feel better. I always took her hand and we'd go find somewhere else to play. We were five.

One year she stayed at my house for Easter. She never dyed easter eggs before and in my house it was a tradition. When my mom came into my room and told us it was time to dye eggs Brittney started crying. She was sad because she didn't want to kill the baby chickens. I explained what it meant and she grabbed my hand and everything was ok again. We were six.

We've been cheerleaders since we were seven years old. Brittney was afraid to sign up so I joined the squad with her because she was my friend. First day of practice she was nervous, so she asked me to hold her hand. We were seven.

We went to each other's houses after school sometimes. We'd practice our cheer routines, even make up some of our own. As the years went by, nothing really changed. She would make up the dance moves and I would write the words. We were a great team. We were nine.

We'd watch movies when we had sleep overs and when she'd get scared she'd reach over and hold my hand. It was innocent; comforting. She loved to pretend she was a princess. She'd often act out the scenes from whatever movie we just watched. She was always the damsel in distress and I'd have to play the prince and rescue her. Sometimes I'd even kiss her on the cheek when I rescued her from whatever evil was after her. We loved playing pretend. We were ten.

It wasn't much different when we were at school. She used to get picked on a lot, teased because she didn't grasp a concept right away or because she said things that didn't quite make sense to everyone else. People told her she was stupid and when she would cry, I was there to hold her hand. I always had the quick come-back for the kids who made fun of her. I had to protect her because, you see, I was her prince; I was her knight in cheer-leading armor.

High School started and we stayed that way. Walking down the halls looking hot in our Cheerios uniforms with our pinkies linked, and nothing mattered. We were hot bitches who were happy and nothing could bring us down. Everyone knew us as Santana and Brittany or Brittany and Santana. We started meeting new people, spending time after school at other people's houses. I was spending alot of time with Puck making out behind the bleachers. Brittany started her boy career by making out with a lot of football jocks one after another after another. She started asking me for kissing advice and that's when it started. We would go to her house after school and kiss, cuddle and sometimes even fall asleep in each other's arms. I'd wake up and she'd be laying on her stomache next to me trying to figure out her math homework. I'd do my best to help her, but as I often didn't pay attention in class we'd go right back to the 'sweet lady kisses' neither of us could resist. During out math test the next day she put out her pinky and I wrapped mine around hers letting her know she could do it. My thoughts went back to our 'study session' and I had to give her her hand back to let myself focus on my own test. That was last year. We were sixteen.

My feelings started changing, or maybe I began to notice them more. I started having this twinge whenever I'd see her give her special smile to someone that wasn't me. Especially if that someone was a boy. When she told me she was dating Artie exclusively, my heart sunk and I vowed to win her back, but she was never mine to begin with. I had to do SOMETHING. We kept up our regular routine after school: cheerios practice (or glee depending on what day of the week it was), then we'd go to one of our houses to do homework. Which really meant we'd do a lot of kissing. It never went past kissing and cuddling but I felt so much from those sweet, soft kisses. So I thought she had feelings since even though she wasn't with any boys besides Artie, she still let me kiss those delicious lady lips. I felt like we were closer than ever before.

She never had the confidence in herself, but when it came to her friends she would always stand by them no matter what.

I let my walls come down and told her all my secrets. I told her my true feelings. I told her I am a lesbian. She was the only person I told. She never judged me. And I thought telling her my feelings would lead her to telling me she felt the same. But she didn't. In glee club we sang a duet and I was too embarrassed to sing a love song. It was Britt that pushed ME to sing one. She said she'd stand by me and not only support me, but she said she'd do it too. She said we'd stand up together and tell our friends how we feel. Her words echo in my head: Come on fondue for two and I'll ask you to prom. All you have to do is say yes. So naturally, I thought it would be OK for me to tell her how I felt... about her.

So, I did.

I told her I loved her and that I wanted to be with her and for a moment, my heart leapt, because she said she loved me too.

But then she said something I couldn't wrap my mind around. She said she couldn't be with me... because she loves someone else. I confessed my love for her and when she told me she couldn't be with me because it wouldn't be fair to Artie, I fell in love with her more. At the same time, my heart broke and for the first time in my life, my best friend isn't here to pick up the pieces...or even to hold my hand. I told her it wasn't fair for her to lead me on. She didn't understand. All those kisses we shared, the songs we sang together, to each other... the innocent touches of our hands now meant something more to me... but to her, nothing changed. She was still the same carefree Brittany she'd been since the day I met her.

I am crushed. My heart breaks every time I look at her. I can't see what she sees in him. I can't believe she loves him and loves me too. You can't love two people at the same time, not equally. But I guess that's why she's with him and not me. She must love him more or differently. I stood by her side her whole life and fell in love day after day after day. She never felt the same. She loves me... but she's not in love with me.

My stomach is aching. My chest is heavy. I have a lump in my throat and the only person that can make it go away is the person who put it there in the first place. I miss her. But i can't be near her, not feeling this way. Not knowing she doesn't want me.

Things are different now.

I never realized that all those years while I was being Brittany's prince... I never made a single friend other than her. Now I'm alone with my sad broken heart.

The tears don't stain my cheeks any longer because I've been crying for so long. My eyes are puffy. Glee club is about to start and I can't go in there looking like this.

She put the pen down and exhaled a deep sigh. She was still a little shaky. She had to compose herself.

"Here," A soft hand held out a tissue, "Take this."

To Be Continued...

*So...WHO HANDS HER THE TISSUE? Comments? Please review.