A/N - well, this is a complete piece of comedy. I don't know, I guess it could have a meaning. But, I wanted to, on a whim, set up a Hogwarts Teacher's chatroom-style fic. Can you imagine what they do behind the scenes? Anyway, it should be obvious, but Tabby Cat is Minerva McGonagall, Sherbet Lemon is Ablus Dumbledore, Snakes and Silver is Severus Snape, Perfectly Pink is Umbridge, Charmed is Filius Flitwick, Mutated Plants is Pomona Sprout, and Firebolt Flyer is Xiomara (going with that name) Hooch. This conversation is set between Dumbledore leaving Hogwarts in the fifth year, and McGonagall getting stunned. Don't know if the Quidditch info. is corecct, but... let's go with it.

Disclaimer - Don't own in, Don't have a chance to own it, just having fun.

Tabby Cat has signed on.

Sherbet Lemon has signed on.

Tabby Cat: Hello

Sherbet Lemon: Hello Minerva, how are you this evening?

Tabby Cat: Oh Hello Albus, I'm dong fine.

Sherbet Lemon: That's great.

Sherbet Lemon: How's the school doing with my absence?

Tabby Cat: The students are in an uproar, Albus... the Weasley boys turned the entire upper corridor into a swamp before riding off on their Cleansweeps yesterday.

Sherbet Lemon: Did they! Always the bright ones those boys!

Tabby Cat: Bright eh? I doubt it. Lucky, perhaps.

Tabby Cat: And the teachers are in a mighty fine state, won't do anything to help that horrible Umbridge. :)

Sherbet Lemon: Speak of the devil... Here she comes.

Tabby Cat: What? How do you know.

Sherbet Lemon: Trust me. I'll see you soon, Minerva dear.

Tabby Cat: All right then, bye Albus.

Sherbet Lemon has signed off.

Perfectly Pink has signed on.

Tabby Cat has gone away.

Perfectly Pink: Hello?

Perfectly Pink: Anyone?

Perfectly Pink: If I find anyone on these boards speaking against myself or the ministry they will be... direly punished.

Snakes And Silver has signed on.

Snakes And Silver: Go to hell, Umbridge.

Snakes And Silver has gone away.

Perfectly Pink: Identify yourself, scoundrel!

Perfectly Pink: I'm warning you.

Perfectly Pink has signed off.

Tabby Cat has come back.

Snakes And Silver has come back.

Tabby Cat: Good one Severus.

Snakes And Silver: Thank you, Minerva.

Tabby Cat: Didn't know you signed on here.

Snakes And Silver: I lurk... and by the way, that little conversation between you and Xiomara Hooch was completely uncalled for.

Snakes And Silver: Both of you, as members of the Order, and seemingly educated people know that the Death Eaters tattoo is on the left arm... not the left ah- how to put it kindly... buttocks.

Tabby Cat: Hooch just was picturing your, how you kindly said, buttocks. It makes no matter as to where the tattoo actually is.

Charmed has signed on.

Charmed: Whoa... wrong end of the conversation.

Tabby Cat: Hey Filius. We were just having a discussion on Severus' buttocks.

Charmed has gone away.

Tabby Cat: Come back, I swear we are done!

Charmed has come back

Snakes And Silver: Sorry you had to endure that Filius.

Charmed: Eh... no problem.

Mutated Plants has signed on.

Mutated Plants: Is it true?

Tabby Cat: Hello Pomona.

Charmed: Hey Pomona

Snakes And Silver: Is what true?

Mutated Plants: Dumbledore's Army? Is it true what I'm hearing?

Charmed: I'm afraid so.

Tabby Cat: Looks like Potter did something right for once.

Snakes And Silver: What do you mean, right? Dumbledore is gone because of that boy's breaking of the rules.

Mutated Plants: But if the rumors are true...

Snakes And Silver: They are!

Mutated Plants: ...then that means that Mr. Potter taught those students more about Dark Arts in five weeks than anyone has in a year!

Tabby Cat: Exactly!

Charmed: This is a good thing?

Tabby Cat: What... you want them to not be able to defend themselves. You're starting to sound like Umbridge, Filius.

Snakes And Silver: Which is her polite way of saying get your head examined.

Tabby Cat: Perhaps.

Charmed: I'm just saying...

Snakes and Silver: Just drop it, you won't win against her, Filius.

Mutated Plants: I agree on that one.

Charmed: All right then Minerva, you win.

Tabby Cat: Thank you.

Tabby Cat: Oh dear.

Snakes and Silver: What?

Tabby Cat: Here comes trouble, with a capital U...

Charmed: What do you mean Minerva...

Tabby Cat has gone away

Snakes and Silver has gone away

Mutated Plants has gone away

Charmed: Where are you all going?

Perfectly Pink has signed on.

Charmed: Oh... bloody hell.

Perfectly Pink: Hello?

Charmed: Hello ah-

Perfectly Pink: Headmistress, I believe is my title.

Charmed: Yes... it just, slipped my mind.

Perfectly Pink: Well, your mind is a little... shall I say, slippery.

Charmed: Oh, I agree, but it does take one to know one Headmistress.

Perfectly Pink: Are you the only one here.

Charmed: Upon your presence... yes.

Perfectly Pink: The others have something to hide then?

Charmed: No, I'm afraid I'm just extremely unlucky.

Perfectly Pink: I know you are all working with Dumbledore...

Charmed: Working for him was more like it.

Perfectly Pink: I will find proof! And have you all promptly removed from your positions.

Perfectly Pink has signed off.

Charmed: Oh thank Merlin.

Snakes And Silver has come back.

Firebolt Flyer has signed on.

Snakes And Silver: Ah - Filius, have you survived?

Firebolt Flyer: Hey all.

Snakes And Silver: Good Evening Hooch

Charmed: Hello Hooch.

Firebolt Flyer: What have you survived now Filius?

Mutated Plants has come back.

Firebolt Flyer: One of Pomona's wretched experiments?

Mutated Plants: I resent that.

Charmed: Something much worse.

Snakes And Silver: Yes... much worse indeed.

Firebolt Flyer: What then?

Snakes And Silver: Our current Headmistress.

Firebolt Flyer: Enough said.

Tabby Cat has come back.

Tabby Cat: Everyone okay?

Firebolt Flyer: Hey Minerva.

Tabby Cat: Oh Hello Xiomara.

Charmed: Look, I have 40 feet of parchment to grade so I'm cutting out of here.

Snakes And Silver: It wasn't all from Granger was it?

Tabby Cat: Severus!

Snakes And Silver: I can't help it.

Charmed: No, Severus. It wasn't. See you all.

Tabby Cat: Bye Filius.

Snakes And Silver: Good evening Filius.

Firebolt Flyer: See you.

Mutated Plants: I'm out off here too.

Charmed has signed off.

Mutated Plants has signed off.

Firebolt Flyer: So Minerva, how's it going?

Tabby Cat: Just fine, and you?

Firebolt Flyer: Pretty good.

Tabby Cat: It seems Severus found out about our little conversation about the tattoos.

Firebolt Flyer: You didn't Severus?

Snakes And Silver: I'm afraid so.

Tabby Cat: I told him we both knew very well were Dark Tattoo actually was, you just wanted to picture, as he so kindly put it, his buttocks.

Firebolt Flyer: Oh you're making me blush Minerva.

Snakes And Silver: How flattering...

Better For The Beasts has signed on.

Firebolt Flyer: Here's Hagrid...

Better For The Beasts: 'Ello everone. Anyone out there want one of the blast ended Skewrts.

Firebolt Flyer: Uh... no.

Snakes And Silver: I don't believe so, Hagrid.

Tabby Cat: NO

Better For The Beasts: Then I'm going to let them go before Umbridge has a fit.

Tabby Cat: Better do it quick.

Better For The Beasts has signed off.

Snakes And Silver: Would any of us really like one of those beasts?

Tabby Cat: He has a good heart.

Firebolt Flyer: All right, well, I'm out... Quidditch tomorrow.

Tabby Cat: Gryffindor is going to win.

Firebolt Flyer: Bet you're right.

Snakes And Silver: I doubt that, so long Xiomara.

Firebolt Flyer: Good evening all.

Firebolt Flyer has signed off.

Tabby Cat: That leaves us Severus.

Sherbet Lemon has signed on.

Sherbet Lemon: Hello Minerva, I'm back.

Snakes And Silver: Hello?

Tabby Cat: Welcome back, Albus.

Sherbet Lemon: Hello Severus, didn't see you here.

Snakes And Silver: I tend to be very translucent.

Sherbet Lemon: Don't talk like that.

Tabby Cat: He's right, Severus.

Snakes And Silver: Are you ever wrong, sir?

Sherbet Lemon: Every other Tuesday, during Lent, and on the Fourth of July.

Snakes And Silver: Unlike Filius, I have 40 inches of parchment from Granger alone, and then the rest of my dunderheaded fifth years...

Sherbet Lemon: Severus.

Snakes And Silver: I mean, my brilliant yet clumsy fifth years, who are in no way dunderheads.

Sherbet Lemon: Better.

Snakes And Silver: Dunderheads.

Snakes And Silver has signed off.

Tabby Cat: You can't blame him Albus.

Sherbet Lemon: I never said I did.

Tabby Cat: Oh Albus.

Sherbet Lemon: What Minerva?

Sherbet Lemon: Something bothering you?

Tabby Cat: We just all miss you here.

Sherbet Lemon: I'm touched, and I miss my home also.

Tabby Cat: I have papers too... and it's Quidditch tomorrow.

Sherbet Lemon: Gryffindor-Slytherin if I'm not mistaken.

Tabby Cat: Yes dear.

Sherbet Lemon: Good luck then.

Tabby Cat: We need it.

Sherbet Lemon: I'll see you soon, Minerva dear.

Tabby Cat: I only hope Albus.

Tabby Cat: I only hope.

Tabby Cat: Love, Albus, I send lots of love.

Sherbet Lemon: And it is tenfold returned.

Tabby Cat: Good evening.

Tabby Cat has signed off.

Sherbet Lemon: Tenfold returned.

Sherbet Lemon has signed off.

Love it, hate it, think I should continue? Don't care... just review!

Thanks!