This fiction is an EPOV of New Moon - written very much in the style of Midnight Sun. As such, I have re-purposed the dialog from the book whenever Edward and his family are with Bella. But the thoughts, feelings and the story line of Edward and his family away from Bella have been created by me.
That being said, ALL of the Characterizations all belong to S. Meyer - with absolutely NO copyright infringement intended whatsoever, and this story is meant purely for entertainment purposes only.
PARTY
It had been almost a century since I truly wished that I was still human.
I took a deep breath, even though it was completely unnecessary, and huffed it out quickly.
Damn. Damn, damn, damn.
I sighed again. Alice, who was standing next to me, glanced up with a raised eyebrow.
What's your problem today? She silently asked me. I shrugged and shook my head. Well, whatever it is, stop it. Bella's on her way, and it's her birthday, so act happy.
She glared at me and went back to fussing with the box she had just picked up off the car seat. She could be so annoying sometimes.
Damn. I thought again. Why wasn't anything ever easy?
Ever since I had finally come to terms with the reality of my new existence, (or thought I had...) and accepted that I was what I would forever be, (Did I?) I hadn't given myself over to brooding about my lost humanity. I'd fooled myself into believing that it didn't do any good to pine for what was, and what should have, or might have been. I finally forced myself to move on with my life, if that's what you want to call what I have, and get over it.
That had all changed in the last six months.
Now, I spent every waking minute (and since I never slept, that was basically every minute) viciously wishing for the impossible. The reason for the change was at this moment pulling her battered old Chevy truck into the parking lot, searching with her liquid brown eyes for both a parking spot, and for a glimpse of me. As she pulled into the parking spot just down from my car, she finally met my stare and blushed a very becoming shade of red. That blush, coupled with her shy smile, was enough to fire not only my unending thirst, but also the long dead craving for humanity.
Damn.
This, apparently, was my day for wallowing.
Alice, who, until she heard the truck wheezing its way down the aisle, had been absent mindedly picking at the bow of the silver wrapped box she held, suddenly froze, her gaze unfocused as she looked ahead with her overly gifted mind into the future. I knew instinctively, before I trespassed into her head that she was looking to see if her gift would be well received. I saw what she did, and couldn't help but grin a little as she frowned slightly, and then shook her head, her golden eyes refocusing on mine. Noting my smirk, she stuck her tongue out at me.
"She's going to be difficult about it, isn't she?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer. Judging by the scene that Alice had just visualized for me of Bella's reaction to her birthday gift, it seemed that it wasn't only my day for wallowing. "I told you that you shouldn't have bothered." I sighed and shrugged.
Alice kept silent and just squared her shoulders and plastered a smile on her face, waiting for Bella to climb out of the truck so she could tackle her. She hated having her gifts rejected, but she was still excited to be giving them. I could tell she would make the best out of the outcome, no matter what happened.. which, of course, she already knew. It was just how Alice was.
Annoying. But... I loved her.
Bella climbed slowly out of her truck, slamming the door as she did so, her eyes fixed on the silver box Alice was all but juggling in her excitement. She frowned slightly, and that little worry crease appeared between her brows as she walked slowly in our direction. I sighed, silently wishing that this beautiful, pale girl who went even more pale, if that was possible, at the thought of anyone giving her anything, would just learn to like being spoiled. It would make my life so much easier.
Walking slowly towards us, slinging her backpack over her shoulder, Bella looked to me like she would rather be far away from Alice at this moment, but of course, Alice was having none of it. Pretending she didn't already know how Bella would react to her gift, she skipped with excitement across the lot that separated Bella from where I stood, leaning quietly against my car, quietly waiting with a small smile I had plastered on my face.
"Happy Birthday, Bella!" Alice chimed happily, reaching out to hug her. I almost laughed as Bella winced.
Quickly, she glanced around to make sure that no one had heard Alice. "Shhhhh!" Bella hissed, completely mortified. Alice made a face at her, but continued on in her abnormally happy, pushy little way.
"Do you want to open your present now, or later?" she pressed eagerly as they walked back in my direction together.
I chuckled quietly, and shaking my head. I knew, without Bella telling me, why she was so upset about getting gifts given to her and having to suffer through yet another birthday. As a human, she continually aged.. changing every second, while I, as a vampire, was frozen as I was for all eternity at seventeen years old. Bella was turning eighteen today, a full year older than I, and she was not happy about it. She was even less happy about the fact that I could stop her from aging any further, and I completely refused to do so.
"No presents." Bella muttered in a dark voice, refusing to let Alice's chipper mood lift her spirits. Alice finally seemed to get the hint and stopped trying to hand Bella the gift.
"Okay... later, then." She turned to smile back at Bella, and I smiled, seeing in Alice's head the gifts that Renee and Charlie had conspired together to sneak into the house for Bella's birthday. "Did you like the scrapbook your mom sent you? And the camera from Charlie?" I chuckled again as Bella raised her eyebrow at Alice, and then slightly shook her head like she should have known Alice would know about her presents. I still had trouble believing how accepting Bella was of me and my strange family of vampires.
Bella sighed. "Yeah, they're great."
Undaunted, Alice pushed on. "I think it's a nice idea. You're only a senior once. Might as well document the experience." she insisted. Bella was unimpressed.
"How many times have you been a senior?" she threw back, slightly caustically.
"That's different."
When I had first met Bella, I was literally seconds away from killing her. Her sweet human blood called out like a siren's song to the monster inside me. The only thing that had held me in my seat at the instant I had caught her scent, was my love for my adopted father Carlisle, and the desire to be the son he believed me to be. It's pull on me was stronger than anything in my existence as a vampire ever had been before. It had taken -and was still taking- all of my decades of learned self control in the presence of humans to even be near her, much less to touch her.
Kissing Bella was a totally new adventure in pain for me... my throat parched and the venom flowed freely at the mere thought of touching my lips to hers. Perhaps because I had inadvertently just visualized it, my throat erupted in flames and my mouth was suddenly swimming in venom. With some difficulty, I pushed the images away, got a grip on my runaway imagination, and swallowed hard.
Feel the burn. I snorted mentally. As always.
It was a pain that I gladly succumbed to though-positively roasted in, if I must be honest-and on the rare occasions that I felt strong enough to try it, my self control was again tested to its limits.
I'd been around her so much lately that the thirst for her blood had become a pain that I was getting somewhat used to. I still had to concentrate very hard on ignoring it, but it was getting much easier to tune out then it used to be. It would only take one slip of my concentration one way or the other, though, and Bella was dead. Every time I left her and came back, I had to get used to the effect it had on me all over again. But it was worth it.
Oh, was it ever worth it.
Discreetly, as they drew nearer, I drew in a cautious breath to reacquaint myself with her sweet scent. It had only been a few hours since I'd slipped out of her bedroom window, where she had slept through the night fully clothed, curled up in my cold embrace.
I'd only had to run home to change and pick up my family for school, but I still had to blink hard as her still potent aroma hit the back of my throat and smoldered on the back of my tongue. It almost felt as if I had been away for days. Her blood was as deliciously aromatic to me now, as it was the first time I caught her scent when she walked in front of the fan in Biology on her first day at Forks High School. I doubted that would ever change.
Finally, my already limited patience wearing thin, and after what seemed like an eternity, the girls reached me. I reached my hand out to Bella, amazed as I always was when she did not shrink back from my icy touch. She took my hand quickly, twining her warm fingers within my cold, hard ones, and looked directly into my eyes, totally fearless. I heard her heart thump erratically in response to my gentle squeeze of her hand, and I couldn't help but smile down at her.
As she gazed back at me with her warm, brown eyes, I just couldn't resist touching her. I lifted my free hand and gently traced my finger around the outer edge of her perfect lips. My own long dead, and silent heart felt like it should have started not only beating again, but doing it in double time. We could have probably danced a jig to it.
I felt again the crush of wanting so badly to be human. Damn.
To love her as completely as a human boy could. In every way.
But that could never happen.
Damn, Damn.
I fought back the despair that threatened to crush me, forced a smile to my lips and said, "So, as discussed, I am not allowed to wish you a happy birthday, is that correct?" She continued to gaze up at me, and I could clearly see the rebellion warring with the love in her eyes as she answered me. For a moment, I was distracted by that thought.
Love. She loved me. The knowledge of that was so sweet it almost hurt.
"Yes, that is correct." She answered grouchily, and I sighed.
Well, at least she loved me. I could deal with the rest.
Pushing my hand through my hair in slight frustration, I said, "Just checking. You might have changed your mind." I could see from the hard change to her expression that there wasn't a chance of that happening. I tried again. "Most people seem to enjoy things like birthdays and gifts."
Standing beside me, Alice laughed. You wish! was her sarcastic thought, accompanied by a mental snort. I was so caught up in memorizing Bella's face, yet again, that I'd almost forgotten she was there. What a pain she could be. I rolled my eyes at her and then turned to watch her as she tried her hand at changing Bella's mood.
"Of course you'll enjoy it. Everyone is supposed to be nice to you today and give you your way, Bella. What's the worst that could happen?" She shrugged, not expecting a reply. Of course, I should have known that Bella wasn't going to let the opportunity to take a poke at me slip by.
I could see her watching me out of the corner of her eye as she said, "Getting older." and her voice shook with some emotion that I couldn't pinpoint. Even though I tried very hard not to react, I couldn't quite keep my jaw from silently locking in place.
Alice was unperturbed. "Eighteen isn't very old." she said airily. "Don't women usually wait till they're twenty-nine to get upset over birthdays?" she looked up at me expectantly. They do, don't they? She directed the thought at me, but I wasn't about to answer, waiting for Bella's reply . I couldn't help being bothered by Bella's attitude, especially knowing the reason behind it. I shrugged at Alice, but stayed silent.
"It's older than Edward," Bella muttered. She just wasn't going to let this obsession with becoming a vampire go, it seemed. This time, I couldn't help the sigh that escaped.
Alice tried to lighten the mood, keeping her voice chipper. "Technically," she shrugged, unconcerned.
What is age to a vampire? she thought. With huge difficulty, I managed to bite back a curse, so very glad that she hadn't thrown that one out there verbally.
"Just by one little year though." she finished, sure that her argument would win.
In spite of the exasperating way that she went about it, I did have to be grateful to Alice for continuing to try to do what I was so far unable to do - make Bella see that remaining human and living out her years in the normal way was nothing to dread. So far, though, she had had about as much luck as I had... which was none.
I argued with her constantly that we could be together forever without me having to kill her to do it. It was the one thorn in our otherwise happy, rather short lived relationship. She had only been around my family and I in the last six months, so she had only seen the results of hundreds of years of dedication and hard work that it took to retain the humanity that becoming a vampire had stripped from us. In her mind, we made it look easy... when it was easily the hardest thing I had ever done in my entire life. No.. she just didn't understand what it was like. And, if I had my way, she never would.
"What time will you be at the house?" Alice asked suddenly. I had to hide a smile at the reaction on Bella's face. It was obvious that she would rather be torn apart and fed to one of Emmett's grizzly bears before having to endure anything else birthday related, much less the party that I was sure she suspected Alice of throwing in her honor. Suspected correctly, of course.
"I didn't know I had plans to be there." Bella pouted.
"Oh be fair, Bella!" Alice wailed, crushed that she might have to give up her birthday party plans if Bella continued her stubborn streak. I could have told her that it was like arguing with a mountain made of granite for all the good it would do. I had first hand knowledge."You aren't going to ruin all our fun like that, are you?" She batted her golden eyes at Bella hopefully, trying in vain to make her see reason.
Help me out here, big brother! Alice's mental voice yelled. I shrugged slightly. She should have known better, in my opinion. She had previously seen a little of how stubborn Bella could be when she wanted something. Or did not want something, as in this case. Now she was getting a full dose of it. I had never seen her equal in all my years of living.
If she tries to back out of this, I'm making YOU tie her up and carry her to our house. Alice silently threatened. I ignored her, watching Bella, as usual. In my peripheral vision, I saw Alice narrow her eyes, and I knew it was directed at me.
"I thought my birthday was about what I want." Bella muttered.
It looked like we were going to have to double team this effort to make it happen, so I decided it was time to step in and let Alice off the hook.
"I'll get her from Charlie's right after school," I said, completely ignoring the evil look Bella shot my way, but finally earning a smile from Alice. Thank God. I had to live with her.. it was easier to have her happy.
"I have to work," she protested. Alice beamed, and Bella looked at her suspiciously.
"You don't, actually," she said, rather smugly. "I already spoke to Mrs. Newton about it. She's trading your shifts. She said to tell you 'Happy Birthday.'" Let's see her worm her way out of that one, she thought, satisfaction coloring her mental tone. I grinned.
"I - I still can't come over," Bella sputtered, and I could see her searching her mind frantically for an acceptable excuse. For probably what was the millionth time since I'd first met her, I wished yet again that she wasn't the one person on Earth whose mind I could not read.
"I, well, I haven't watched Romeo & Juliet yet for English." she finished, the look on her face one of relief, thinking that she had potentially thrown Alice off her game.
Alice snorted. "You have Romeo & Juliet memorized." I coughed to hide a chuckle. That was probably true.
"But Mr. Berty said we needed to see it performed to fully appreciate it - that's how Shakespeare intended it to be presented. " she rushed, with a slight edge of desperation to her voice. I couldn't help but roll my eyes.
Alice pressed on. "You've already seen the movie." she accused.
"But not the nineteen-sixties version. Mr. Berty said it was the best."
Alice finally gave up her gloating smile and narrowed her eyes at Bella. Uh, oh, I thought.. this can't be good. "This can be easy, or this can be hard, Bella, but one way or the other -" I decided to interrupt her threat. I didn't need Bella's ultra-stubborn side to show itself, and I had a feeling that if Alice continued with the treat, I would indeed need to hog tie Bella to get her to the party, as Alice had mentally suggested earlier.
"Relax, Alice. If Bella wants to watch a movie, then she can. It's her birthday. " I said in my most compromising tone. Bella was triumphant.
"So there." she added, and I fully expected her to stick her tongue out at Alice, which, under the current circumstances would not have been good. My sister could be just as stubborn as Bella when she put her mind to it. If it got to that point, we'd be here all day.
"I'll bring her over around seven," I continued, earning a narrowed eyed glare of my own from Bella. "That will give you more time to set up."
Oh! Great idea! Alice thought with wicked satisfaction. Have I mentioned how much I love you lately? I bit back a smile.
"Sounds good." Alice laughed. "See you tonight, Bella! It'll be fun, you'll see." she surprised me by grinning at Bella so wide that she exposed all of her venom coated, gleaming teeth, something none of us ever did without a good reason behind it, then leaned forward quickly and kissed Bella lightly on the cheek and flitted off to her class before either Bella or I could react.
Frowning slightly, I wondered what was behind the purpose of Alice reminding Bella of her vampiric arsenal like that. Intimidation, maybe? Hm. I'd have to ask her about that later. Quickly smoothing my brow before Bella could notice my consternation, I turned back to her as she looked up at me with a pleading look on her face. Thanks, Alice. I thought sourly.
"Edward, please-" she started to beg, but I cut her off by lightly placing my finger against her lips and staring deeply into her eyes. It was a tactic that I discovered usually worked best to distract her, and it didn't disappoint me now.
"Let's discuss it later," I said. "We're going to be late for class."
It took some fancy maneuvering and some serious dazzling, as Bella would call it, of the female administrators on my part - which I still felt somewhat ridiculous doing - but I had managed to work it out so that Bella and I had almost every class together. Now that I had learned to recognize the uneven pounding of hearts, the scarlet toned blushing, stammering, and the sputtering as reactions that I could use against them, the ladies in the office had no hope of refusing me anything that I wanted. All I had to do was turn on my own somewhat dubious charm, and they were putty in my hands.
A part of me still felt like a cad implementing the tools (I had never used before) that nature had given me to draw in my prey - my eyes, my voice.. and oddly enough, my own specially scented breath - but they worked when I needed them to. And also to my dismay, I realized that when it came to being able to be with Bella, I was never above using them to my advantage. Knowing that I was damned regardless, I found that it was a much easier price, one I was much more willing to pay to spend time with her, than the one she kept trying to insist that I pay. I refused to take her soul.
As we headed for our normal seats together at the rear of the classroom, I realized with some silent satisfaction that people no longer felt the need to stop what they were doing and stare at us as we moved around the campus or in class the way that they had when we first showed up to school together. Even that impossibly arrogant Mike Newton had dropped his outward hostility towards seeing Bella and I together.
I usually tuned out his mind because he did no more than annoy me with the lewd way he thought about every other girl in class, but every once in a while I did catch a mean streak to his thoughts aimed at me. I just wanted to break him in half. Sometimes I wondered if he suspected I had an idea what he was thinking because he was pretty quick to smother it out and smile at us when we walked past him in class, and busied himself with his books or talking to Ben, who sat next to him on his right side. Even though he seemed to be making an effort to get along with me for Bella's sake, I could do nothing more for him than to refrain from entertaining thoughts of how good it would feel to throw him bodily through the classroom windows.
I knew I never could get away it, although I didn't think it would do any permanent damage if I did attempt it. It was better not to give in to those fantasies.
The day wore on, impossibly dull, but I made sure that I didn't bring up the subject of Bella's birthday party again.. hoping to lull her into thinking that she had sweet talked her way out of it. As far as I was concerned, her birth was something to celebrate, but she just didn't see it that way. She couldn't seem to get past the fact that while I was frozen forever at seventeen, she was now eighteen years old - the normal human progression of life.
Change didn't come easy to vampires, once we were made so, but when it did, it was epic and permanent. That was the reason that I knew that I would forever feel the same amount of love for Bella in sixty years as I did now. That love, once roused within me, was as permanent as my forever thirst for blood. One day I would prove it to her.
As school ended and the day drew to a close, I walked Bella out to her truck, as was our normal routine. Today, however, I made it a point to silently walk over to the passenger side of the truck to open that door for her instead. Instantly, she eyed me with suspicion and stopped in her tracks, looking around for Alice and my Volvo. I stood motionless and waiting. When she didn't see them, she made a show of crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at me, refusing to budge and getting soaked in the ever present Washington rainfall.
"It's my birthday. Don't I get to drive?" she demanded.
In total innocence I replied, "I'm pretending it's not your birthday, just like you wished."
"If it's not my birthday, then I don't have to go to your house tonight..."
"All right." Two could play that game. I calmly shut the door and walked around to open the driver's side door. "Happy birthday." One of these days, she would realize that she could not win with me.
"Shhh," she complained, almost under her breath. I could see that she was upset that I hadn't taken her previous offer as she climbed in the driver's side door.
I fiddled around with the radio a bit as she drove, trying in vain to tune in a clear station. In my opinion, they didn't play anything decent on the radio anymore, but I would take what I could find. There was nothing but static coming from her speakers, however, and it reminded me of one of her birthday gifts she would be receiving tonight. I decided to set the stage to put her in a more receptive mood for the gift when she opened it.
"Your radio has horrible reception." It didn't have the desired effect. She hated it when I picked on her old truck. Why she loved this thing, I would never know, but she flat out refused to let me buy her something new, fast, and above all, reliable.
Stubborn. Great descriptor for my Bella.
"You want a nice stereo? Drive your own car."
Grouchy. Now there was an even better word.
In addition to the snappish tone of her voice, I could hear the anxiety as well, and I knew it was because of the party tonight, so I kept the shock off my face and resisted smiling only with great effort. Very rarely did she get upset with me, but when she did, I was reminded of a fluffy, hissing kitten, too small and cute to be scared of, but so sure of its own ferocity. Smiling at her when she hissed like this would only puff out her hair further. That image alone almost did me in.
She pulled up in front of her house and shut the truck off, and I decided it was time to take matters into my own hands. Today was her day to be happy, and by God or the Devil, I was going to attempt to do something to change her mood.
Yep. There came the flames, right on cue.
Very carefully, reminding myself every second of how fragile she was, I gently reached over to cup her face in my hands, surprised, as usual, that she didn't react to the hardness and cold temperature of my skin. Softly, I pressed the tips of my fingers to her temples, her cheekbones and her jawline. I took a deep, careful breath, the venom went awash in my mouth, and I felt my entire body constrict with the pain of how close I was to her. I made a great effort to fight and beat down the monster that raged inside my head as he demanded to taste her sweet blood. As I very rarely made such a deliberate move to get this close to her, I had her immediate attention.
She blinked slowly and froze completely, her mouth slightly open, barely breathing.
Oh, this was going to hurt. And I liked it.
Too much.
Leaning forward within inches of her lips, I whispered, "You should be in a good mood, today of all days," making sure that I carefully feathered my breath, a scent I knew she found irresistible, across her face. It worked perfectly. Her heartbeat stuttered, stopped, picked back up again, and suddenly, she was finding it hard to breathe.
Success, I thought, triumphant.
"And if I don't want to be in a good mood?" she whispered back, still struggling to breathe normally. I decided to play my trump card, knowing she couldn't resist when I looked deep into her eyes, allowing all of the emotions and all of the love I was feeling to show there. Even though I knew I shouldn't, I felt rather cocky when I heard her breathing stop.
"Too bad."
I leaned in and pressed my cold, hard lips to her incredibly warm, soft mouth. Ouch.
My entire body ignited with the thirst, and it felt as if I was scorched alive and left as nothing but charred bones, but it was a pain I would forever endure to be able to experience the rest of the feelings that kissing Bella evoked within me. Things that I never thought I would or even could feel, and didn't recognize at first when I finally did. I wasn't sure anymore if they were flames resulting from my always present thirst for her blood, or if they were fanned from my newly discovered desire for her body.
Several months ago, back when I had first realized that I was having these strange and exciting new feelings, I wasn't totally sure what they meant, and was rather confused by the whole thing. I had a vague idea, of course, since I live with three other couples that were very lovingly physical and quite happy to share information with me, but I was hesitant to come straight out and ask any of them, afraid of getting laughed at for not understanding what was happening to me.
I knew that I couldn't ask Emmett, because even though he was my favorite sibling, I was entirely too worried about hearing him laugh at me for asking, and I was positive that he would. He and Rose shared a very physical relationship-sometimes I could hardly stand to be around them because of it-and he already gave me considerable grief because Bella and I weren't able to go beyond basic platonic touching and some light kissing, thanks to my thirst for her. After a couple of days considering it, I decided to ask Jasper for his advice.
"Jasper, uh... mind if I talk to you for a minute?" I asked him as he sat out on the back patio reading a book.
Setting the book down and looking up at me with curiosity in his golden eyes, he smiled at me hesitantly. I didn't often seek Jasper out. It wasn't that I didn't like him, it was just that he was so quiet, he made me uncomfortable at times. He usually kept to himself if he wasn't with Alice. I wasn't sure how to handle being around him.
Sure, Edward, surprise at having me address him privately coloring his mental tone. I'm just sitting here refreshing my memory on the works of Shakespeare. It's been a long time since I've picked up the book. he chuckled to himself.
Curious about why reading Shakespeare had caused the laugh, I slipped into his mind to see if I could figure it out. I saw a quick memory of him reading the same book he was reading now, looking up in surprise and setting it down an instant before Alice hurled herself at him. She was newly home from a hunting trip with Rose and Esme and anxious to-
I skipped quickly out of his head at that point, seriously not needing those images-of my sister no less-in my head at the same moment I was intending to ask him about how those moments felt.
What did you need? He asked me silently. It had been his way, from the moment he knew that I could hear his thoughts, to address me silently, usually preferring to think his side of the conversation with me. Neither I, nor any of the other members of my family, including Alice, were able to figure out why this was the case. Since Jasper tended to be very quiet and unassuming anyway, I just figured it was a facet of who he was.
Feeling rather embarrassed and very awkward, I sat down on the opposite end of the bench seat he occupied. His eyebrows went up, and an amused, lopsided smile touched his mouth as I felt him reach out with his special 'sense' to test the emotion surrounding me. I swore softly under my breath, and that made him laugh out loud. So much for Jasper not laughing at me.
C'mon, Edward. Out with it. I can feel your embarrassment, but what do you want to talk to me about? You're never like this. His mental tone was amused, and I cursed again.
Damn.
"OK, Jasper, I wanted to ask you about... human... feelings." I started, haltingly.
Jasper stared at me for a moment, not sure what I was talking about. Frustrated, I stared back, willing him to get it without me having to say anything more out loud and totally make a fool of myself. As I watched him, I slipped into his head again, hoping to see how far off he was from being on the same page I was. He wasn't even close. He was trying to remember what 'human feelings' were like. He wasn't really even sure what I meant by that.
I took a deep breath, realizing I'd have to give him a little more to work with, if I was ever going to be able to end this conversation with some dignity intact.
"Um... human feelings, or rather... human type feelings...I guess you'd call them... about... uh... well... Bella." I tried again, almost stumbling over the words in my effort to get them out. I swore that if it had been possible for me to blush, my face would have been as bright red as Bella's turned whenever I touched her or looked too deeply into her eyes.
A crease appeared in Jasper's forehead as he considered what I had said. I waited him out. I didn't want to have paint him a damn picture about what I was talking about. I refrained from trespassing into his mind again, unwilling to get even more frustrated than I already was. I felt him sample my mood again, and I clenched my teeth, knowing what he would feel.
He pursed his lips, combining my words with what he felt of my mood, and when it finally hit him, I almost heard the audible 'thump' in his head as all the pieces fell instantly into place for him. His eyes flashed up to mine, wider now, and I could tell he was fighting to keep a grin off his face. I grimaced at him.
"Now you know why I came to ask you about it, as opposed to Emmett." I growled, threatening him-almost daring him-to laugh at me.
To his credit, he composed himself almost instantly. "You'll have to forgive me, Edward," he surprised me by speaking aloud, instead of thinking his apology. "I haven't felt those type of... human... feelings in so long, I wasn't understanding what you meant by that at first." His voice, soft with it's southern accent, was heavy with an amused under current as he spoke. "I mean... I've felt the feelings you're talking about, just not in the same... new... way that you're feeling them."
I think I'm on the same page now though, he thought, slipping back into his normal mode of communication. You are feeling... physical urges... for Bella that you have never felt before, am I right? He asked the question with both his eyes and his mind, and I nodded helplessly, glad that he had figured it out, and then gone silent on me again, so that I wouldn't have to speak and betray myself as being an idiot any worse than I already had.
Jasper gathered his thoughts. I haven't felt those type of feelings for anyone but Alice, he paused for a second, trying to remember if what he was telling me was completely true as he searched his memories for anyone else he might have felt an affinity for. I had women, sure, a few worth remembering, but none of them made me feel the way she does.
I sat quietly, watching as his memories played out in his mind. Since he knew I was in there, had invited me in with the way he'd chosen to communicate with me, I didn't feel as although I was intruding on his privacy. It was a little awkward for me a few times though when he remembered trysts that he'd had with a few woman.
Yeah, I'd have been blushing, alright.
These are the type of... feelings... you're having for Bella, correct? He asked, seeming surprised. I nodded. A perfect image of Bella appeared in his mind then, and I was lost, as I always was, in her soft brown eyes as he remembered her smiling at him once. Then I felt him sample my mood after seeing her face in his mind, and knowing what he felt, and that he'd done that on purpose, I raised an eyebrow at him. He smiled.
There is nothing you need to worry about, he assured me with a nod. It's perfectly normal to be feeling these things. She is a woman, after all, and you are a man. It's all quite natural, as you know. She has just finally awakened the appetites within you that should have been touched decades ago, perhaps even back when you were still human yourself. So now, as a vampire, you are feeling them stronger than you would have normally. He stopped again, giving me a moment to think about what he said.
Carlisle believes that everything about what we are as humans is intensified with the change into becoming a vampire. I agree with him. It's only right that those impulses do as well. He stopped and searched my face with his darkened golden gaze, curiosity rampant within the look. I must admit that I am rather surprised that you feel them so strongly for such a frail human girl. You could quite easily crush her, you know. I winced.
He shrugged, unconcerned. But, to each their own, I suppose. His eyes narrowed suddenly, and amusement colored his thoughts once more as he imagined Bella and I in a quite detailed embrace like he and Alice had probably shared. Shocked, I jumped to my feet immediately... totally mortified.
"Jasper!" I barked in horrified surprise. He flinched, but chuckled, shaking his head.
"You'll be fine, Edward. Just take it as it comes." He said aloud, still shaking with laughter as I fumed, stalking huffily away from him. "Just be very careful how you choose to experiment." he called after me, compounding my disgrace. "You don't want to end up... breaking... her." and he winked.
I'd gotten much better over the last several months in controlling both types of fire that consumed me whenever I was around her, especially when I allowed myself the rare luxury of kissing her. The thirst for her blood would never go away, and because of that, and I must always have a firm hold on myself when the much different thirst for her body tried to take control. I could never lose control in that way, because if I did, it would mean certain death for this 'frail human girl' that I loved more than my own existence. The blood lust would always win in the end.
Oh hell. It was so unfair.
Her reaction to my kiss was always the same, and it never ceased to surprise us both. Even though I was pretty sure that deep down she knew exactly how dangerous it was for her to be so close to me, and how hard I had to work at retaining my calm, she always lost control and ended up throwing herself at me. It never failed to cause me to have to back up and get a better grip on myself for a moment, douse both the flames, before I did something that I would instantly regret.
This time it was no different. A part of me always felt a little smug when it happened, and my pride swelled up to such huge proportions, I was sure that even Rose would have been impressed with my conceit. Even though I had so little experience with such things, I was thrilled that I was able to cause such a strong reaction in her, despite the fact that the logical part of me got angry with myself for tempting fate and giving in to the desire to kiss her to start with.
Bella's hands came up to wrap her arms around my neck, and before I knew what was happening, she was practically in my lap, kissing me with enough force to ignite those baser passions recently awakened within me. My own breathing spiked, and for an instant, I froze, knowing if I didn't, it would quickly spin out of my control.
Despite the immediate danger looming, I couldn't help but smile as I released my careful hold on her face and reached back to unlock her arms, very carefully, from around my neck.
"Be good, please," I rasped, breathing heavily against her cheek, trying desperately to calm myself. I managed one more soft kiss to her lips before I sat back and gently folded her arms across her stomach, and pulled away from her. Her heart rate was now soaring, much like mine felt like it should have been, and I could see the pulse of sweet blood beating erratically at the base of her beautiful neck. She put one hand over her chest as she tried to regather her scattered wits.
I liked that.
A lot.
"Do you think that I'll ever get better at this?" she asked aloud, mostly to herself, I presumed. "That my heart might someday stop trying to jump out of my chest whenever you touch me?
"I really hope not." I replied, firmly under control again, and hearing all of my conceited feelings from earlier coming out in my tone. I grinned a little when she rolled her eyes.
"Let's go watch the Capulets and Montagues hack each other up, all right?"
I spread my arms open, palms up. "Your wish, my command."
Spreading out comfortably on the couch, I waited for Bella to get the movie started. I felt pretty comfortable in the house now. Charlie seemed to have gotten over most of his animosity towards me over what he thought had happened in Phoenix several months ago. There was no way that we would ever be able to come clean and tell him the truth about the murderous nomadic vampire, James, who, in order to get at me, had attempted to kill Bella in her own hometown ballet studio. Although I knew it bothered her to have to keep living that lie for Charlie's sake, lying was something I had gotten very used to, and I had become very good at doing it.
Remembering that particular incident never failed to set my teeth to grinding. If there was any bad luck floating around within fifty miles of Bella, it was sure to find her. Her previous track record proved that. Not only did she pick a town inhabited by vampires, she picked the town inhabited by the one vampire to whom her blood was sweeter than all others... me. To top it all off, she fell in love with that same vampire, (me) and he with her. (because I am, apparently, a glutton for punishment.) Then, because of all of that, she attracted the attention of another vampire, James, who, because of her love for the first vampire, was dead set on killing her. And almost succeeded.
I struggled not to growl in frustration and remain outwardly calm as I pondered our recent history. Good Lord I hope it was easier from here on out. Our relationship, such as it was, had certainly gotten off to one hell of a rocky start.
Bella came over to sit on the edge of the sofa in front of me. Obviously trying to be good now, and not sit too close, I knew that a part of her mind was always unconsciously aware that any wrong move on her part might suddenly break the tenuous control over my always present thirst for her.
Always aware, I silently amended, except when I kissed her. I couldn't help but gloat a little on the inside.
Even though a part of me still thought better of it, I was selfishly unhappy with the idea of her sitting so far away from me, so I grabbed her gently around the waist and pulled her down on the sofa next to me, basically in my lap. Swiftly reaching behind my head, so fast that human eyes couldn't have tracked the movement, I snagged an old afghan from the back of the couch to drape over her so that she wouldn't freeze from being next to my much lower body temperature.
Carefully inhaling her wonderful scent, letting my throat get used to again the more potent throb of her being so close, I caught myself watching the movie for a moment and was annoyed, as I usually was, with Romeo and his stupidity.
His stupidity is probably, I thought disgustedly, much like my own for falling in love with Bella. Stubbornly, I pushed that thought aside and returned my attention to the film..
"You know, I've never had much patience with Romeo," I couldn't help but say out loud as the movie continued. I felt her surprise at my random words in the sudden tense of her body. I couldn't be positive without knowing her mind, but it almost felt like I'd offended her in some way. Interesting.
"What's wrong with Romeo?" she asked sharply. Oh yes, I'd offended her. I almost grinned. It seemed that I was getting very good at reading her body language. That helped, since I still couldn't get inside her head. She sounded as if I'd insulted a friend of hers.. much the way she reacted whenever I spoke negatively about her detestable school friend, Mike Newton. Thinking about him didn't bode well for a continuing good mood on my part, so I rushed to answer her question before I became too irritated.
"Well, first of all, he's in love with this Rosaline-don't you think that makes him a little fickle? And then, a few minutes after their wedding, he kills Juliet's cousin. That's not very brilliant." I snorted, recalling the story. Romeo was every sort of cad. How could Bella like him? "Mistake after mistake. Could he have destroyed his own happiness anymore thoroughly?"
I could see that she thought about fighting me on this point, but then decided against it and sighed, resigned. "Do you want me to watch this alone?"
I reached out to run my fingers along her arm, watching the flesh chill and raise the hair on her arms after my touch. "No, I'll mostly be watching you, anyway." That was something I never tired of. I even watched her sleep. I couldn't get enough of looking at her. I didn't think that I ever would. Suddenly, a random thought occurred. "Will you cry?" I asked, curious. I couldn't remember seeing her cry before.
"Probably, if I'm paying attention." she admitted.
I couldn't resist and kissed the hair near her temple. "I won't distract you then."
We settled in to watch the movie, and as it progressed, I took great delight in hearing her heart and breathing react to my whispering Romeo's lines in Bella's ear as he said them, noting that when I did, she seemed to pay more attention to me, than to Romeo. I had to sternly work to keep the smile off my face when Bella did indeed cry when Juliet woke up to find her husband dead, but I couldn't keep the tremors from my chuckles from giving my silent laughter away.
I dried her tears with a lock of her thick, fragrant, mahogany hair. "I'll admit, I do sort of envy him here," I mentioned without thinking. She looked up at me with red rimmed eyes.
"She's very pretty."
I snorted in disgust. Juliet paled in comparison to Bella, in my opinion, but trust her to misread my meaning. "I don't envy him the girl-just the suicide," I joked quietly. "You humans have it so easy! All you have to do is throw down one tiny vial of plants extracts..."
Next to me, Bella tensed up and choked out, "What?"
"It's something I had to think about once, and I knew from Carlisle's experience that it wouldn't be simple. I'm not even sure how many ways that Carlisle tried to kill himself in the beginning... after he'd realized what he'd become..." I recalled Carlisle's recounting of those days, when he'd told us all the story of the ways he had tried to die. Those were days I tried not to think about. Life, if that is what we had, was so much easier now that we had all accepted what we were. I realized that my face had gone dark and moody, and I struggled to lighten the tone of our conversation. "And he's clearly in excellent health."
Bella twisted in my arms so that she could look me in the eye. "What are you talking about?" she asked furiously. "What do you mean, this is something you had to think about once?"
"Last spring, when you were... nearly killed..." I had to stop to take a deep, steadying breath. The memory of that day was as painful now as it was the moment that I realized that James had managed to trick Bella into coming to him, and was probably in that instant, killing her. As I'd raced to the studio, my mind had plotted and discarded a hundred possibilities - different ways to die - in case I wasn't able to get to her in time. I wasn't ready to continue my existence in a world without her in it. "Of course, I was trying to focus on finding you alive, but part of my mind was already making contingency plans. Like I said, it's not as easy for me as it is for a human."
I watched as she absently stroked the half moon shaped scar on the inside of her hand, knowing that as she did so, she was also remembering that fateful day when I'd almost failed her. Failed at protecting her - something I'd promised her I would always do - and she had almost become James' prey. Suddenly, she seemed to bring herself back to the present, and with a shake of her head, brought her eyes back up to mine, a slightly queasy look on her face.
"Contingency plans?" she repeated. I rolled my eyes.
"Well, I wasn't going to live without you," I stated, very matter of fact. Hadn't I told her that many times in the past? That life wasn't worth living if she was no longer a part of it?
"But I wasn't sure how to do it-I knew Emmett and Jasper would never help... so I was thinking that maybe I would go to Italy and provoke the Volturi." In my minds eye I could see myself walking down those dark, marble hallways, possibly to my death. With her sitting next to me, my arms wrapped around her, it was a lot less pleasant of an idea then it had seemed when I thought I might have been too late to save her.
"What is a Volturi?" Bella demanded, suddenly furious with me.
"The Volturi are a family," I said, still seeing them in my mind, sitting on their throne-like chairs, passing judgement on the vampire wicked. "A very old, very powerful family of our kind. They are the closest thing that our world has to a royal family, I suppose. Carlisle lived with them briefly in his early years, in Italy, before he settled in America-do you remember the story?"
The very first time I'd brought Bell with me to meet my adopted family, I had shown her Carlisle's office, where he kept his collection of artifacts he'd gathered over the years, mostly paintings from different times in his past. He had one whole wall of them, and the largest canvas was one of his time spent in Italy. It depicted Carlisle with the very family of vampires I had just been telling Bella about, the Volturi.. although I don't think I'd given her that name back then.. I just mentioned them all in the portrait by name- Aro, Caius and Marcus.. along with Carlisle.. who hadn't changed a bit, and would never change, from when that painting was rendered, many centuries ago.
"Of course I remember." she spat, and I could tell that she was still upset with me for plotting my own death.
"Anyway, you don't irritate the Volturi, " I went on, pulling myself out of my memories, struggling to sound bored with the story. "Not unless you want to die- or whatever it is we do." Suddenly, Bella took my face in her hands, squeezing me tightly, and stared deep into my eyes. She always accused me of 'dazzling' her when I stared at her like that, but she was frequently guilty of doing the same to me. It was an amazing feeling.
"You must never, never, never think of anything like that again," she said. "No matter what ever might happen to me, you are not allowed to hurt yourself!"
"I'll never put you in danger again, so it's a moot point."
I'd thought that my statement would end the discussion, but it seemed like all it did was anger her further. "Put me in danger! I thought we'd established that all the bad luck is my fault!" She spat, incensed. "How could you even think like that?" Honestly, I couldn't argue with that bit about the luck, so I kept my mouth shut. But, there was one point I was going to drive home.
"What would you do if the situation were reversed?" I asked, unconcerned.
"That's not the same thing."
I couldn't help but laugh. I didn't understand what she was so upset about. If I died, or ceased to exist, then, the world wouldn't be any worse off. Technically, I wasn't even sure that I would go anywhere if I were to leave. Carlisle talked about Heaven and Hell, and I believed that they existed, but I wasn't sure that we belonged either place. Or that we as a species, were subject to them.
"What if something did happen to you?" she demanded, paling a little with the idea. "Would you want me to go and off myself?"
Again, the very idea of this world without Bella in it hit me like a physical pain, like someone had punched a hole through my chest... and suddenly, I could see her point of view.
"I guess I can see your point... a little, " I admitted. "But what would I do without you?"
"Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence." she stated, matter-of-fact.
I sighed. "You make that sound so easy." As if I could pretend that way. I was forever changed from knowing Bella. Nothing would ever be the same again.
"It should be. I'm not really that interesting."
I opened my mouth to argue with her further, and then I caught the edge of Charlie's vague thoughts, realizing that as I argued with Bella over my mortality, he had been on his way home.
"Moot point," I stated again, and then quickly pulled myself upright and shifted Bella into a more parental appropriate position at my side, sitting next to me on the sofa. Startled, but quickly understanding, she glanced at the door.
"Charlie?" she guessed. I smiled, and at that moment we both heard the crunch of the police cruiser's tires on the gravel driveway. She reached out and took my hand, holding it tightly in hers, the look on her face clearly saying that Charlie would have to deal with that small amount of contact between us.
I smelled the pizza long before Charlie walked in with the box. It still amazed me that humans could eat that stuff. I had very little human memory left of when I used to enjoy eating regular food - animal blood had been my diet for entirely too long now - but I don't think that as a human, that I would be able to appreciate some of the things that they seemed to enjoy immensely. It took everything I had not to wrinkle my nose at the strong scent of tomatoes, cheese, bread, grease and various herbs coming from the cardboard box.
"Hey, kids." Charlie smiled at Bella, ignoring me, as was his usual reaction to my presence lately. He tolerated me, but only just barely. Knowing that he didn't particularly care for me, I tried to stay out of his head as much as possible. I didn't really want to know how he truly felt about me. Ignorance could indeed be bliss. "I thought you'd like a break from cooking and washing dishes for your birthday. Hungry?" Ah. Perfect opening for what I was planning to ask him. I'd let Bella eat before I ruined her appetite.
"Sure. Thanks, Dad."
I passed on eating dinner with them, as I always did. Charlie made no comment, having grown accustomed to my not eating with them. I wondered sometimes if he ever thought about that, since I couldn't seem to get into his head much better than I was able to get into his daughters silent mind. I figured that it must be from his genes where Bella had picked up the ability to block me out. When I'd met her Mother briefly during Bella's stay in the hospital last spring, her mind was an open book, slightly child-like and scattered in it's quality, but very accessible. I could suddenly see where Bella's maturity had come from. One of them needed to be the responsible adult, and Renee' certainly wasn't qualified, no matter how much she loved her daughter.
I could hear Charlie, but not clearly- his mental voice was muffled and foggy, and it was more or less just his strong feelings I picked up on, with no real clarity or wording to go along with them. It was a relief that I could hear him at all after meeting Bella. She was the first person I'd ever met that I couldn't hear their thoughts, and even after all the time I'd spent with her, it was still as unnerving and frustrating as it was the first time I'd seen her and found silence were her thoughts should have been. I'd started to think that I was losing this odd gift of mine.. and with it, my reason for existing, for if I couldn't be the early warning system to my adopted vampire family, what good was I?
Ah, they were finishing up dinner. Good. Now it was time to see where Charlie stood when it came to birthdays. I listened carefully to his thoughts as he finished up his meal, and aside from feeling full and content, I caught the leading edge of looking forward to a baseball game on television tonight. Excellent. It was all I could do to keep from rubbing my hands together, cackling maniacally, and twirling an invisible moustache.
Wow. I seriously needed to stop watching modern television.
"Do you mind if I borrow Bella for the evening?" I asked Charlie when he pushed his seat away from the table. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the panic flash on Bella's face as she looked hurriedly towards Charlie, the hope that he would save her written on every line of her face. I couldn't help but feel a little victorious, having already heard his reply in his thoughts.
"That's fine - the Mariners are playing the Sox tonight," Charlie replied. I saw the hope crumble on Bella's face. "So, I won't be any kind of company... Here." I tensed as he scooped up the camera that Renee' had insisted Charlie buy for Bella's scrapbook present, knowing what he was about to do, and watched as he tried to toss it to Bella. It seemed to me that if anyone should know better than to throw anything to Bella, it should have been her father. I saw her reach for it, entirely too slowly to catch it, and as it glanced off her finger and plummeted towards the floor, I reached quickly out to snatch it before it could hit the ground.
"Nice save," Charlie mentioned in passing. I was surprised he'd even bothered. "If they're doing something fun at the Cullen's tonight, Bella, you should take some pictures. You know how your mother gets - she'll be wanting to see the pictures faster than you can take them."
"Good idea, Charlie," I said as I handed Bella her camera. She turned the camera on me and immediately snapped a photo. I raised an eyebrow at her.
"It works."
"That's good. Hey, say hi to Alice for me. She hasn't been over in a while." Charlie frowned. I was happy that at least he seemed to like one member of my family. I could read the feelings of gratitude he directed towards Alice easily enough... he'd been very happy to have someone to help Bella out while she was recovering from her encounter with James last Spring. The thought of him having to help her out while she showered caused him to shudder, and caused my blood to race... but for a whole different reason. I felt as if I would never get used to these new, raw, surprisingly human feelings I was having.
"It's only been three days, Dad." Bella reminded him, pulling me from my random, surprising thoughts of Bella showering. I was suddenly very grateful to Alice for my own selfish reasons. She was a good diversion for my thoughts. "I'll tell her."
"Okay. You kids have fun tonight." He was clearly telling us that we were free to go and he was ready to watch his flat screen. In fact, he was already edging towards the living room. I smiled. Grouchily, she went upstairs to change clothes, while I plopped down on the couch to be ignored by Charlie until she came back downstairs. When I heard her coming back down the stairs, I stood quickly to wait for her. It was actually probably too quickly, because out of the corner of my eye, I saw Charlie flinch. Throwing an apologetic smile at him, I took Bella's hand and led her gently outside.
When we got out to the truck, I took a chance and opened the passenger side door for her again, and this time, she got in without complaint. I knew that even though she didn't like to let me drive her decrepit old truck, she also wasn't very sure of where the turn off to my house was in the dark.
As I drove north through the middle of Forks, I attempted to push the old Chevy passed it's usual fifty-five mile an hour speed limit, hearing the ancient engine groan in complaint as I did so. I gritted my teeth, wishing, as I always did when I drove this truck, that Bella would let me buy her something new.
"Take it easy," she warned me, not appreciating the way I pushed her truck's internal speed limit.
"You know what you would love?" I muttered, half to myself, and half to her - as if she would listen. "A nice little Audi coupe. Very quiet, lots of power..."
"There's nothing wrong with my truck." she grouched. "And speaking of expensive nonessentials, if you know what's good for you, you didn't spend any money on birthday presents."
"Not a dime." I said so innocently that if I'd have been able to, I'm sure I would have suddenly sprouted wings and a halo. It seemed to mollify her for the moment.
"Good."
"Can you do me a favor?" I asked, hoping to catch her off guard. I should have known better. She was way too keyed up about this party to be caught out.
"That depends on what it is."
Her suspicious tone when she replied did nothing to encourage me that it was even possible to change her mood. How could someone so small and fragile be so bloody stubborn? I sighed. "Bella, the last real birthday any of us had was Emmett in 1935. Cut us a little slack, and don't be too difficult tonight. They're all very excited."
I watched the emotions playing across her lovely face as she absorbed what I had said. It was a good thing that I still had the ability to throw her by saying things like that. It never hurt to remind her on occasion that I was not a normal high school boy, and I never would be. That I was, in fact, a very dangerous one hundred and nine year old vampire that still thirsted insanely for her blood. Her delicious, human blood. The venom flowed.
OK, Edward. Stop it. What in the hell are you thinking? I asked myself, appalled at the turn my thoughts had taken. I had spent way too much time lately dwelling on these new emotions she'd stirred up inside me. The lines were starting to blur... and that was not acceptable.
When the shock brought on by what I said wore off, she settled on answering me with a sullen toned, "Fine, I'll behave."
I decided that I might as well get all of the surprises out in the open. "I probably should warn you..."
She looked at me warily. "Please do."
"When I say they're all excited... I do mean all of them." I looked at her significantly. Bella gasped.
"Everyone? I thought Emmett and Rosalie were in Africa."
"Emmett wanted to be here." My older adopted brother liked Bella very much. Her clumsiness made him laugh, and although his constant ribbing me about my relationship with her - or lack thereof to his mind - sometimes set my teeth grinding, I truly couldn't be mad at him for it. He was easily the happiest, most easy going person I had any memory of meeting, either in my previous human life or my current existence. Although he never understood my preoccupation with her, he had laughingly supported me in my pursuit of her from day one. It had done a lot to strengthen the brotherly bond that I had already felt for him.
Rosalie, on the other hand, I could barely tolerate. I didn't care for her much when she was human, and I damn sure didn't like her as a vampire... especially now, because her shallow, spiteful, jealousy made her show her dislike of Bella at every given opportunity. She basically treated Bella like an outsider that was unwelcome in our lives, and that did not make me feel very charitable towards her. She could have stayed in Africa as far as I was concerned.
"But... Rosalie?" Bella began, worry saturating every syllable. If I didn't know better, I'd have sworn she was the mind reader.
"I know, Bella. Don't worry, she'll be on her best behavior." I promised her. For Rose's sake, she'd better be, I fumed silently. It bothered me that Bella was so uncomfortable around Rose. It made the already tense situation between Rose and I almost explosive. Anything that upset Bella, upset me, and Rose upset Bella just by being in the same room with her. At least Emmett would be there tonight... I knew Bella liked him, even if he did go out of his way to make her blush. With him there was a buffer between the two of them, it would hopefully calm some of her fears about Rosalie's too obvious dislike of her.
It was time for a subject change. "So, if you won't let me get you the Audi, isn't there anything that you'd like for your birthday?" I asked, hoping to distract her from brooding about the coming encounter with Rosalie.
If I didn't have better than human hearing, I wouldn't have heard her whispered answer. "You know what I want."
Wonderful. This again. Ugh.
I fought helplessly against the instant anger I felt carving my face into stone. So much for a safer subject. I'd just leaped from the frying pan directly into my own personal Hell. It felt like I'd been spending far too much time tripping along the edge of that pan these last few days... today especially. I was getting very tired of it.
"Not tonight, Bella. Please."
"Well, maybe Alice will give me what I want," she pouted.
The deep growl that rumbled in my chest burst forth before I even had a thought to stop it. "This isn't going to be your last birthday, Bella," I viciously promised her. Not if I have anything to do with it, it won't, I added in a silent aside to myself. Alice would have another think coming if she thought for a minute she would be able to get by me on this one.
"That's not fair!" she wailed and I felt my teeth snap together.
I fought to calm myself as we pulled up in front of my brilliantly lit house. We had this argument so often over the last few weeks, you'd have thought I would have become used to it. But, I hadn't, and I never would. The idea of changing Bella into a vampire was something I would fight until the day I drew my own last unnecessary breath.
"This is a party," I reminded her, breathing deeply, attempting to not snap the words out at her. "Try to be a good sport."
"Sure." she said, sounding less than thrilled with me, as was usual, after we had this discussion.
I quickly shut off the truck and was out of the door and around to her side of the truck before she had time to unsnap her seat belt, reaching out a hand to assist her to the ground.
"I have a question," she suddenly announced. I waited warily, counting to ten, wondering what she would come up with this time. Her silent mind worked in the strangest ways, and I never knew what to expect from a statement like that.
"If I develop this film," she said, playing with her camera. I'd forgotten she'd even brought it. "Will you show up in the picture?"
What the-?
Out of all the possible questions she could have asked me, that was the very last thing I expected... and most definitely not one of them. I busted out laughing, unable to stop myself as I helped her from the truck and walked her up the stairs and pulled the door open for her. There was one thing I could always count on with Bella - she would always be the one person who could catch me off guard.
I could hear the thoughts of my entire family as they waited in the living room, situated strategically so as not to frighten Bella with their immediate nearness. Although they knew that by now she was fairly comfortable being in our home, they still took subtle measures to not press her. And then there was Jasper who took the 'not press her' idea to extremes... preferring to stay as far away from her as he could possibly be without being considered rude. Bella was aware that it was difficult for him to be near her, so I didn't think she took it personally, which was good.
She didn't need to think that two of the seven members of my family didn't like her. One was enough. I was just glad he was content to keep his distance. That gave me a little less to constantly worry about when Bella was around my family. My own thirst was enough. Coupled with Jasper's, it might have been disastrous. I usually made it a point to tune out his thoughts when we were around him... just in case.
Jasper had not been following the 'vegetarian' way of life as long as the rest of us, so her human blood constantly called to him.. almost as strong as it did me. He was much better at being around her now, after their enforced contact in Phoenix last spring when he and Alice had taken her out of Forks to protect her from James, but he was still cautious. It wasn't that it was any worse for him to be around her than it was for me, not by a long shot, but he wasn't in love with her like I was, so he had less reason to leave her alive than I did. He also saw things from a very logical, methodical, military viewpoint, and when he had first discovered that Bella was aware of us as vampires, he was all for quietly killing her in order to promote our continued secrecy.
We battled head to head over that one. Big time. When Jasper realized that I wasn't going to back down and it would come down to a nasty fight between the two of us, he finally let it go - with some reservations. Alice became the deciding factor in that argument, telling Jasper that she "loved Bella, too," (knowing even before I did that I was in love with her,) and if he killed her she would be "very put out with him". He had decided he would just wait and see what Bella did after that, not wanting to hurt Alice.
For the moment, however, Jasper was leaning against the newel post at the base of the staircase, the furthest position available within the room that was actually still in the room. Just the same, I quickly scanned his thoughts to see where his head was. He was mellow, thinking quietly how beautiful Alice looked in her party dress. Good. That was a fine place for his thoughts to be.
As Bella and I walked into view to a loud chorus of "Happy birthday, Bella!", I felt her entire body flush with embarrassed heat, and against my normal careful precautions of keeping a safe physical distance from her, I slipped an arm around her waist, tightening my grip to keep her from bolting back out the way we'd came in. I was getting so good at this.
Looking around the living room at what Alice had done, I was fairly sure that it was worse than even I had imagined, and must have been at least twenty times what Bella expected. What on Earth was that little whirlwind thinking? I swear... the world at large had totally missed out on the exceptional talents of one teeny little party planning socialite when Alice was taken from it.
Every available flat surface was covered with lit pink candles. There were literally dozens of crystal bowls filled with what I was sure was several hundred roses. Next to my piano, she'd set up a table and covered it in a white cloth, set a pink cake on it, and then surrounded it with a small stack of silver foil wrapped gifts in addition to glass plates and more roses. Yes... Alice was never one to do something half way. I pulled Bella close to my side and brushed a kiss on her hair near her temple for encouragement.
Carlisle caught my eye and sent a silent thought my way. I'm sorry, Edward. I know Bella's not happy about this.. but what could we do? Alice was so excited... I shrugged just slightly, letting Carlisle know that it wasn't his fault. Alice could be a bit overwhelming.
Carlisle relaxed a little and stepped forward as Esme lightly hugged Bella and kissed her forehead. It almost hurt to hear in Esme's thoughts how happy she was that Bella was with me. She worried for decades that I would never find someone to love. It didn't matter to her that Bella was a human; as long as I loved her, she was perfect. As Esme pulled back, Carlisle stepped up to put his arm around Bella's shoulders and give her a gentle squeeze.
"Sorry about this, Bella." he whispered loud enough for us all to hear him across the room, "We couldn't reign Alice in." Bella blushed and smiled, but I saw her eyes dart warily to where Emmett and Rose stood just beyond Carlisle. Rose didn't smile at Bella, but she seemed to be trying to make an effort to keep a civil look on her face. I glanced at Emmett and he nodded slightly, letting me know that he had already warned Rosalie to tone it down for the night. I watched as he grinned as wide as he possibly could, and had to smile myself, hearing in his head all the different ways he plotted to make Bella turn red tonight. He really was awful.
"You haven't changed at all," he said with phony disappointment, looking at her critically. "I expected to see some perceptible difference, but here you are, red-faced just like always." He chuckled. Bella blushed and even deeper color, and for a second, yet again, I couldn't help but think how delicious the color looked on her translucent skin. She was so beautiful to look it, it was almost a physical pain worse than the flames that parched my throat when I kissed her.
Get control, Edward. I firmly reminded myself.
"Thanks a lot, Emmett," she replied, smiling at him, blushing yet again. He laughed.
"I have to step out for a second," and he winked at Alice. She grinned at him, still excited. I heard him silently tell me that he was going to sneak out to install Bella's birthday gift, and he would be right back. I smiled back. "Don't do anything funny while I'm gone." He directed at Bella as he headed for the door.
Bella laughed this time. "I'll try."
Alice released Jasper's hand and skipped forward from where she had been standing with him by the stairs and smiled a blinding smile at Bella. Jasper smiled as well, glancing at me. I nodded slightly at him, and grinned back, pleased to see that he was completely relaxed in Bella's presence.
"Time to open presents," Alice announced. Gripping Bella's elbow lightly, she pulled her towards the small pile of gifts on the white draped table. I ghosted slowly along behind them, knowing that she needed my closeness for moral support. The ordeal was about to begin in earnest.
Bella put on her best long suffering expression, and allowed Alice to place her by the table.
"Alice, I know I told you I didn't want anything-" She began, but Alice cut her off.
"But I didn't listen," she grinned, completely smug. "Open it." she took Bella's camera from her, and handed her a good sized foil wrapped box.
I knew from Emmett's conspiratorial wink at Alice earlier the box was empty. It was the reason he had stepped out after saying hello to Bella. I had to hide my smile as I caught the blank look on Bella's face as she shook the too-light box. Still confused, she went ahead and opened the wrapping on the gift, and even from looking over the outside of the box, it was obvious that she still had no idea what it was. The little crease forming on her forehead as she frowned, she was even more stumped to find the box totally empty when she opened it. She looked at Alice questioningly.
"Um... thanks."
Rose surprised me by smiling. Jasper started laughing, deciding to let Bella off the hook. "It's a new stereo for your truck," he said, still chuckling. "Emmett's installing it right now so that you can't return it." Alice grinned at him, and then back at Bella.
"Thanks, Jasper, Rosalie," Bella said, suddenly smiling. I knew that she must have been remembering my earlier grouching about the awful radio in her ancient truck. "Thanks, Emmett!" she called more loudly. Emmett's answering belly laugh from outside was impossible not to hear, and we all had to laugh in response. Alice rushed forward with another small gift. It was flat, and square, and I knew exactly what it was. I grinned in anticipation. I had been looking forward myself for her to open this particular gift.
"Open mine and Edward's next," Alice practically squealed, so very excited. I had to agree with her feelings. She is going to love it, it know it! Alice's mental voice was so loud, it was almost as if she was screaming at me. I very nearly winced, but smiled back at Alice. Bella turned and gave me a withering stare.
"You promised. "
Wait for me! Emmett shouted mentally as he came rushing in from outside. Jasper, who had moved closer to get a better view, edged a little closer to make room for Emmett, who came bounding in from outside to push in behind him. "Just in time!" he gushed.
I met Bella's glare with an innocent expression. "I didn't spend a dime." I stated calmly as I reached up to push back a strand of hair from her beautiful face. If it was the last thing I did, I would get her used to being spoiled by me... starting tonight.
Taking a deep breath, Bella turned to Alice with her hands out. "Give it to me," she said with a typical long suffering sigh. Behind me, Emmett cackled happily.
Rolling her eyes at me, Bella turned the little package over in her hands, trying to decide on the best way to open it. Finally sticking her finger in under the edge of the page, she jerked towards herself, trying to rip the tape. The sharper edge of the paper caught her finger, and in her fine, soft skin a paper cut appeared that oozed one small drop of blood.
"Shoot," she muttered, and stopped a second to examine it.
Then all Hell broke loose.
Perhaps because I was the one closest to her, in the same exact instant that Bella said 'shoot', my nose and throat both registered the strong scent of her fresh blood. I immediately and without thinking about it further, stopped breathing.
Oh damn. Not good. NOT GOOD!
The very next instant, there was a multitude of chaotic thoughts bursting in my head from all six members of my family, and I frantically sorted through to see if there was any danger to Bella from any of them. Alice suddenly gasped, and I zeroed in on her mind and saw what had caused it.
"No!" I roared, hoping to catch Jasper's attention before he could act on his thought... the same horrific vision that Alice had caught the instant it formed in his head.
In a split second, I lunged at Bella, throwing her backwards as gently as I could being in such
a hurry, and hearing, but not seeing, the dishes fall and break as she crashed into the table. Cake, roses and crystal bowls went flying as she landed heavily amidst them. In the next instant, I turned back as Jasper threw himself bodily into me, snarling with blood lust, trying to get at Bella. The collision our two bodies made sounded like a clap of thunder.
Jasper snapped at me, beyond all reasoning, the aroma of her fresh, sweet blood strong in both of our throats, but only in mine because the heavily scented taste of it filled his mind. His thirst crazed eyes were locked on Bella, and through them I could see her pale, terrified expression, her own wide brown eyes frozen on our struggles. She was sitting in the middle of broken roses and shattered glass, and I could suddenly see there was blood on her everywhere, when there had just been a small drop of it before. I was instantly furious with myself, wondering just how much I had hurt her when I'd thrown her back away from Jasper.
Emmett came up out of nowhere and grabbed Jasper's arms from behind in an iron grip, his mind registering the sweet bloody aroma as well, but more focused and intent on dealing with Jasper than on the thirst the scent created in him. Jasper continued to snarl and struggle, his eyes centered on Bella, insane with the desire for her blood. He snarled and gnashed his razor sharp teeth, but was unable to escape Emmett's vise-like hold on his arms.