Author's Note: My fiancé and I have started watching South Park again. When I saw "Craig X Tweek" episode (Season 19 episode 6), I really began to fall in the idea of shipping South Park characters. I never thought about it before, but it really clicked. I've started wondering what was all going through Stan's head during that episode. It wasn't the first time we've seen Stan confused about his sexuality (referring to the transgender episode where Cartman claimed he was a girl so that he can get his own bathroom). Maybe Stan is really questioning his sexuality and who better with than with Kyle, his SBF (super best friend). Maybe there is something more than just friendship for Stan. By the way, this was going to be in Stan's point of view and I'm making it take place in high school instead of the fourth grade. I don't own any of the characters, just the idea.
"Holy shit dudes," Kyle said. Kyle was standing next to me and the guys in front of our lockers. They just finished watching Tweek and Craig break up. It was kind of sad really. I still don't understand this yaoi thing. I mean how is it decided?
"I know. I mean, who would of thought that Craig would do that to Tweek?" Token said. I looked at him but couldn't bring myself to say anything. I mean what do you say when you think you know someone but then you turn out to be wrong? Like completely and totally wrong? It doesn't make any sense. I looked away and saw Tweek walking down the hallways. I could see that he was trying to be happy, but it wasn't working. Tweek just looked upset and walked away.
The guys were still talking about Tweek and Craig. They weren't really paying attention to me and I decided to slip away and see if I could talk to those Asian girls about this. I quietly backed out of the group and walked away.
"Stan!" a voice called out behind me.
Damn. Guess I didn't slip away as quietly as I thought I did. I turned around and saw Kyle walking towards me.
"What's up dude?" I asked calmly. Well, as calmly as I could. I've been starting to feel jumpy around Kyle and I don't know why. Sometimes when we are hanging out and no one is watching, I'll stare at Kyle. There is something about Kyle that I don't really understand but it makes my heart race. Sometimes I even blush at some of the thoughts racing through my head. Kyle is my super best friend and that's it.
"Where are you going?" Kyle asked.
"I just need to go talk to someone. I'll see you later!" I yelled out and ran off. I hid behind a corner breathing hard. God. I am such a dork. Kyle is just so cute and I – I DID NOT JUST THINK THAT! Kyle is my friend and that's it. I need to get this figured out. I walked through the school to the front entrance stairs where I have seen the Asian girls sitting together, drawing.
I was standing in front of them and saw that some of the girls were crying. I was concerned of course but I needed to ask about my situation…
"Umm…excuse me?" I asked quietly. One girl looked up at me, I think her name was Yuki.
"What?" Yuki asked. She was obviously crying. Why were they that upset about Craig and Tweek?
"Umm… I was wondering…" I stammered.
"Wondering what?" another girl asked, curious as to what was going on.
Breathe. I have to breathe. If I want answers, then I just need to take a deep breath and ask my question. It's not that hard. Come on Stan! Man up and ask!
"How…how do you know…that someone is…yaoi?" Phew! Man that was harder than I thought it would be.
Yuki looked at me, confused. Then I saw the wheels start turning in her head, along with all the other Asian girls. Oh, no… what did I just get myself into? Wait, why are they looking at me like that?! Suddenly, Yuki and all the other Asian girls ran over to me and grabbed me, dragging me out of the school.
"Hey! Where are you taking me?!" I yelled. Yuki just giggled and kept her grip on my arm. I sighed and looked around. I saw Kyle looking at me, confused and hurt? Nah, I'm imagining things. Suddenly, I realized we were entering a house. I've never been here, so I'm guessing it was one of their houses. The girls were still giggling. Next thing I know, I'm being thrown on to the bed and the bed room door was locked. Yuki turned to me, smiling.
"So what were you asking Stan?" Yuki said, still smiling. Honestly it was starting to scare me.
"How do you know that someone is gay? Or yaoi as you guys call it," I said again.
All the girls started squealing. What the hell is going on? They even started speaking to each other in their different Asian languages.
"Hey! What is going on?!" I yelled, getting their attention.
"Oh! Sorry Stan," another Asian girl said, I think her name was Chin, "We were basically fangirling."
"Umm…Okay?" still confused as all hell.
"We don't really decide who is going to be gay. I have no idea as to where you got that notion, but that is not what we do. As Wendy said at the assembly earlier, yaoi is a blend of emotion and beauty, involving two people whose love is looked down upon. A simpler way to explain yaoi is for girls by girls. We just fictionalize two guys in a relationship," Yuki explained.
"But why?" I asked.
"I don't know how to explain it. We just do. But just because we draw two guys in a relationship doesn't actually mean they are gay." Another girl piped up.
"Soo…do you like someone?" Yumi asked.
"I-I..I don't know…Maybe?" I said, blushing like crazy and feeling nauseous. I looked around at the girls. I don't know why, but I feel like I could tell them. Maybe if I tell them, it will help me figure my feelings for my best friend. "If I tell you, do you promise to help me? And not tell anyone until I'm ready?"
The Asian girls all looked at each other, then looked at me and nodded. "That includes sharing drawings of the two of us," I added. It doesn't hurt to be safe. I wouldn't want pictures getting out around the school before I'm ready to acknowledge it. The girls looked a little upset but agreed to my terms.
"Okay. Well…I've been feeling really strange around…around my best friend Kyle," I admitted. The girls all started squealing. Hell, they squealed for like ten minutes before I could speak again and my ears were ringing for a bit, too. I was feeling nauseous as well. It was kind of like when I wanted to ask Wendy out and every time, I thought about her I threw up. Strange? I don't throw up anymore when I think about her or talk to her. With Kyle though, just the thought of him makes me feel nauseous. Talking to him, my stomach turns over and over. When I think about his beautiful red, curly hair I – "Blehh!"
"Ewwwww!" All the Asian girls cried. I can not believe I just threw up at the thought of Ky- "Blehh!"
"EWWW! Stop it Stan!" Yuki screamed.
"I'm sorry! I'm soo sorry. I think my feelings for Kyle are deeper than I thought they were," I apologized.
"Aww. That's so gross but so cute at the same time!" Yumi said.
"Aw man…" I groaned. My head fell into my hands. I'm so freaking embarrassed right now. I sat there for about thirty minutes before I felt a hand on my shoulder. I lifted my head out of my hands and looked at Yuki. She was smiling. Why was she smiling?
"Stan…I think you know what you must do."
"What do you mean? What do I do?" I asked.
"You need to tell Kyle how you feel."
"I can't! If I tell Kyle, it will ruin our friendship! We are Super Best Friends. We have been since pre-school! If I tell Kyle…" I cried, "I will lose him. I can't lose him."
"You won't know if you don't try."
I sat there and looked at all the Asian girls. They all had such hopeful looks on their faces. I just sat there, for what seemed like forever. Thinking about all the possibilities. Could I really have a chance with Kyle? I mean, he's never had a girlfriend before. But what if he rejects me? What if I lose him? I must try though.
I stood up swiftly. I looked at the girls and smiled. "Thanks you guys for all of your help. When this is all over, you can sell as many of those yaoi pictures of us – as long as it all goes well – that you want!" I ran out the door and to hopefully change my life for the better.
"You heard him girls! Let's get to drawing!"
I laughed when I heard that. I ran as hard and as fast as I could to Kyle's house. I had to tell him now. There was no waiting. I couldn't wait. I knew if I waited then I would never be able to tell him. I would never be able to Kyle how I felt. I would never tell Kyle that I love him.
After five minutes of running, I made it to Kyle's house. I was standing on his doorstep, with my hand raised, ready to knock on the door but I stopped. My doubt was holding me back. Why am I doing this? To be happy? I'm happy now though. I'm his best friend. Why would I want to ruin that? Come on dude. You know you won't be happy if this keeps going. You are only going to continue to suffer. Man up and knock on the door. Tell your best friend that you are in love with him.
Before I could back down again, I knocked on the door. Sheila, Kyle's mom, opened the door. "Oh Stan! Kyle's up in his room working on his homework. You can go right on up."
I thanked Sheila and walked up the stairs. I stopped at the top and heard Gerald and Sheila talking. "Was that Stan I saw going up the stairs?"
"Yes Gerald. He didn't have his backpack, so I don't think he plans on working on homework with Kyle. He had a very determined look on his face."
"He did?"
"Yes. I think he is finally going to do it!"
"Yes!"
Well at least I know that Kyle's parents are going to support us if this goes well. But what about my parents? Would the be supportive? Before I could go any further with that thought, I heard Sheila on the phone.
"Sharon! You will never guess what is just about to happen!"
"…"
"Stan showed up on our doorstep!"
"…"
"We're sure that he is going to finally tell Kyle!"
"AAAAHHHH!"
I laughed and continued my way to Kyle's room. I stood in front of his door. I could hear his music playing in the background.
I'm tired of being what you want me to be I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
I opened Kyle's door and walked in, slowly shutting it behind me. I saw him leaning over his desk working on the math assignment we received today. Kyle's hat was off and his coat was hanging on the hook by his closet door. His curly red hair was bouncing as his head as he was bobbing to the music. His tongue was poking out of his mouth as his hand scribbled across the paper.
Can't you see that you're smothering me, I've become so numb, I can't feel you there, And I know
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control?
'Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you.
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you.
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take.
Become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you.
I may end up failing too.
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you.
"Kyle…" I said softly. Kyle just kept bobbing his head to the music, not even hearing me. I decided to gaze at him a little more.
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there, I've become so numb, I can't feel you there.
Become so tired, so much more aware.
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you.
(I'm tired of being what you want me to be)
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there.
(I'm tired of being what you want me to be)
I decided that enough was enough. I knew I had to speak with him now.
"Kyle. Kyle! KYLE!" I yelled. Kyle jumped into the hair, screaming. I couldn't help it, I busted out laughing!
"Stan! What the hell man?!" Kyle yelled at me. I couldn't help it, I just kept laughing. I could hear Sheila and Gerald behind the door trying to listen in, whispering.
"What's going on?"
"Be quiet Gerald! I can't hear anything right now, so SHH!"
I finally quieted down and looked at Kyle. He was standing over me, arms crossed over his chest, with a pissed off look on his face. His music was still going but it was turned down. "Heheh…Hi Kyle," I waved sheepishly. Kyle frowned but then the most beautiful smile broke over his face. I had never felt like this for anyone before, not even Wendy. I could feel the vomit trying to break through my mouth, but I choked it down. I was going to tell Kyle without throwing up. I'll throw up afterwards, but not now.
"Why are you here dude?" Kyle asked.
"I needed to tell you something," I said quietly, almost ashamed.
"What's up?" Kyle looked so confused, it was cute. I knew I was blushing, but I didn't care. Not one bit.
I took a deep breath. Show time. "Iloveyousomuchthatican'thelpitKyle!" I blurted out.
"Wait what? Slow down dude. I didn't understand a single word that you just said."
Oh, I knew that I wasn't going to be able to slow down. I was so nervous that even my thoughts were racing. There was no way that was going to remain calm enough to tell him without rushing through ever sentence that came out of my mouth. Then I heard it. The perfect way to tell him. I opened my mouth again, but words did not come out this time, only music.
When I see your smile
Tears run down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one
I let all my love for Kyle show in the lyrics. I knew I was crying but I didn't care. I love Kyle and I want to make sure that he knows just how much.
I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
I heard Kyle gasp in surprise, along with Sheila and Gerald. I don't think they were expecting me to be this showy. I'm also pretty sure that Sheila is still on the phone with my mom so that she can listen in.
It's okay. It's okay. It's okay I will never let you fall (let you fall) 'Cause you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
Please don't throw that away
'Cause I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay, whoa, stay, whoa
I've only have sung for Kyle and no one else. I was always nervous to sing for anyone else. He tried to encourage me to, saying that I had a beautiful voice. Well Kyle, I'm willing to sing to the world to show how much I love you.
Use me as you will I will never let you fall I will never let you fall I will never let you fall
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
I'll stand up with you forever
Kyle just stood there. I could see the shocked look on his face. He wasn't saying anything. I could feel my doubt welling up inside me the longer that Kyle took to speak. I knew this wasn't a good idea. I knew I shouldn't have said anything. I should have kept on going, just remain his super best friend. Now I've ruined it. I've lost Kyle.
"Kyle…say something…anything…please…" I begged. I was scared. I knew I was crying still, but not for the love I felt for him, but now out of sadness and desperation. Kyle just continued to stand there not saying anything. Oh god…I've lost him. I'll never see Kyle again.
I turned around to leave. My arm came up to wipe the tears from my face. I had my other hand on the door knob, ready to burst out of the room and run home. Run home and beg my parents to let us move away. So far away that I would never have to see Kyle again. I knew that after this, every time I see Kyle, would kill me. But a hand was placed on my shoulder, stopping me from leaving. I glanced down and saw Kyle's hand.
Oh god! He's not going to let me leave until he punches me. I close my eyes so that I don't see the fist coming towards my face as I turn around. But it never came. Instead of a fist, I felt a pair of lips on my own. I opened my eyes and froze. Holy crap! Kyle is kissing me! Kyle is fucking kissing me and I'm just standing here doing nothing?!
I felt my eyes close on their own and my hands reach up to cup Kyle's face as I deepen the kiss. We were like that for a couple minutes before Kyle pulled away. I opened my eyes and looked into his beautiful green eyes. Then, I heard the most wonderful words come out of his mouth, "I love you too Stan." I smiled and pulled him back into another kiss. I could hear our parents cheering outside the door, but I didn't care. Not one bit.
The next day at school, Kyle and I walked in together, holding hands. I knew that they were going to talk about us, but we didn't care. We had each other and we were in love. Nothing was going to stop us now. Not after we have finally found each other. I saw Craig and Tweek doing the same thing and smiled. Regardless of how things turned out, I owe them my gratitude for encouraging me to go after the one I truly love, Kyle.
I walked over to both Craig and Tweek. I pulled them both into a hug and gave them both my thanks. I jogged back over to Kyle, pulled him against me and gave him the biggest kiss I could, putting on a show for the world to see. I pulled away and laid my forehead against his and smiled. "I love you dude."
Kyle smiled back. "I love you too."
Author's Note: Thanks everyone for reading my story! I had so much fun writing this and I'm glad that it turned out so well. If you are curious as to the songs I used in my story they are "Numb" by Linkin Park and "Your Guardian Angel" by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.