Disclaimer: Austin and Ally is not mine.
A/N: After Couples and Careers, how could I not? I actually really like how this turned out so I hope you guys like it too! Enjoy!
It's been a week since they broke up although she doesn't even know if they can call it that because it seems like they were together for a shorter time than it's taking her to complete this sentence.
And it's been…weird. She notices him staring at her when he thinks she's not paying attention and they brush hands on the piano way more than they need to and she can't help but drop her gaze to his lips when he's singing.
Like right now. They're in the practice room and she's sitting at the piano while he's on a chair next to her with his guitar and he's singing the bridge of a song they're working on and she has to force herself to look at his eyes, or his hands, or anywhere but his mouth but she just can't. He looks up at her when he finishes singing and she's pretty sure he caught her staring but he doesn't say anything about it and instead strums his guitar absentmindedly while she tries a different chord progression because it's still not working. They're both silent for a few minutes, experimenting with the music when he suddenly puts his guitar down.
"We didn't even try," he says abruptly and she jumps a little at the interruption. "We didn't even try, Ally."
She lets her hands drop to her lap and turns to him, frowning in confusion. "Huh?"
"You and me," he says, pointing to himself and then to her. "Us. We quit before we even tried."
She raises her eyebrows. This is the first time either of them had acknowledged their brief…relationship since it ended and she's not exactly sure what she's supposed to do.
"I thought we agreed that neither of us were ready," she finally says.
He scoffs. "It got hard and we both chickened out. One fight and we're done? That's not us," he says pointedly. "Why did we just…stop?"
She swallows because she is not ready to have this conversation. She doesn't know if she will ever be ready to have this conversation.
"I—I got scared, Austin."
He stands up and sits next to her on the piano bench. "Why, Ally?" he asks softly, and she doesn't know if she has an answer for him.
She looks down at the keys and she can't understand why it's suddenly a blurry mess of black and white until she figures out her that eyes are filled with tears and she quickly turns her head so he won't see. He wraps his arm around her shoulder a second later, turning her towards him, and she lets out a teary laugh into his chest because she realizes that she should know by now that she can't hide anything from him.
"Why am I crying?" she chokes out after she just sobs for a minute. "Nothing even happened."
He holds her tighter and rubs her back gently. "I'm sorry, Ally. I didn't mean to upset you."
She shakes her head. "No, we need to talk about this."
She sniffs loudly as she pulls back, wiping her nose with her hand and her eyes with the other, and she's a little embarrassed because it probably looks pretty gross but it doesn't seem to faze him in the slightest. He's still looking at her in that way, the way that makes her heart pound and her stomach flutter, the way that makes her knees go a little weak even when she's sitting down.
She forces herself to look back down at the piano because what she sees in his eyes is just too much right now. "I got scared because I don't want this to hurt either of our careers. We've worked so hard to get you here, Austin. And now I'm finally in a place where I can work on my own music and…if being together means that either of those dreams suffer, and if we blame each other for it…" she trails off because she can't even bring herself to imagine the idea of losing him, let alone voice the thought out loud.
She watches him. He's always worn his heart on his sleeve around her and even now, he's trying and failing miserably to hide the disappointment on his face. "This is impossible," he whispers after a minute. "I can't stop thinking about you. You're all I can picture when I shut my eyes." He closes his eyes as if he's demonstrating. "And I keep replaying that one kiss over and over and over in my head and what kills me is that it happened when we weren't even together."
Her gaze travels unconsciously to his lips and maybe it's because his eyes are still closed or because he's just poured his heart out to her but she can't keep herself from pitching forward and closing her mouth over his. His response is immediate and his arms wrap around her waist and her fingers are in his hair and he's tugging her closer until she's practically on his lap.
She opens her mouth slightly and she can tell he's hesitating before he touches his tongue to hers but then it's like neither of them can stop. She runs her fingers over his cheeks, down his neck, and then presses her hands into his shoulders and sighs into his mouth. His fingertips lightly graze the skin of her lower back under her shirt and she shivers at the sensation as he hitches her up slightly, pressing her into the piano behind her as he kisses her a little harder. She leans back a little and accidentally hits the keys with her elbow and they jump apart at the unexpected sound.
She climbs off him as if he's on fire in the next second and runs her fingers through her hair as he stands up.
"Nope, nuh-uh. That was a mistake," she says, her voice slightly frenzied. "A big, big mistake."
He looks a little dazed but then he sighs and nods, looking down at his shoes. "I know," he says tiredly. "I'm sorry. I'm gonna go. Maybe we shouldn't see each other for a couple of days. I'll text you on Monday?"
She nods automatically and watches him leave and then she sinks into a chair and buries her head in her hands.
"What did you do to me, Austin?"
He wasn't lying when he said all that he thought about was her. His grades are a testament to that. At least he has a new kiss to replay in his head over and over and over, he thinks bitterly, as he watches his teacher scribble a math formula on the board at the front of the room. It might as well be written in a foreign language because he has absolutely no idea what he's supposed to do with it.
It's two weeks after their break up and a week since their…practice room incident and he's seen her a total of three times since then because she's been making excuses to avoid him. He's incredibly frustrated because at the very least, he wants his best friend back, his brainy, dorky, cloud-loving, pickle-eating, beautiful, lavender scented, soft-skinned…oh. He shakes his head to clear it and makes up his mind to find her after school today and not accept any excuses.
He looks up from his notebook where he's been doodling Zailiens that may or may not have a slight resemblance to Ally because he feels someone tapping his shoulder. He looks behind him to see a wide-eyed Dez pointing frantically to the front of the room.
"Mr. Moon!" his teacher snaps, and he cringes. "Since you're obviously confident enough in using this formula to doodle instead of taking notes, why don't you come up here and solve this problem for everyone?"
He groans internally as he walks up to the board and fumbles through it but manages to come up with something that he thinks might vaguely resemble an answer. He looks hopefully at his teacher who frowns and shakes her head. "We can talk about this in detention today, Mr. Moon."
He looks at the ceiling and sends a plea to the universe.
This is all Ally's fault.
It's been three weeks after their break up and she thinks she's actually doing okay. She doesn't think about the kiss every second of every day. Because every other second of every day is an improvement, right?
She had stopped avoiding him after she heard about his grades and took it upon herself to catch him up in all of his subjects. They had spent three late nights together where she had basically taught him an entire semester's worth of math and after the initial few minutes spent avoiding each other's eyes (and lips) he finally seemed to understand.
He walks into Sonic Boom a couple of days later waving a paper in the air excitedly and she holds up her hand to quiet him because she's helping a customer. He frowns impatiently as she counts out correct change and the second the bag is handed off he's at the counter, shoving the paper in her face.
"I got a B+!" he exclaims, grinning widely. "You got me a B+ on a math test, Ally! I've never done better than a C!"
She laughs and takes a small step back. "Good job, Austin," she says, taking the test from him to look it over. "But you got yourself that B+."
He shakes his head. "No way, are you kidding? Come on, I'm treating you to a cone of fruity mint swirl and an hour of cloud watching. I promise I won't even complain."
She smiles and looks around the store to see that it's completely dead. "I guess I could close up a little early," she says, walking out from behind the counter. She pauses and looks at him skeptically. "And really? No complaining?"
He grins. "Cross my heart. I promise I'll even try harder than snowmen and marshmallows."
She snorts. "I'll believe it when I see it," she says as they walk out the door. She locks up and grins at him. "Seriously, though, great job, Austin."
He smiles. "Thanks, Ally," he says, and then he takes her hand like it's second nature as they start walking and she noticeably tenses because she doesn't know what this means.
"The mall's kind of crowded today," he mumbles in explanation, avoiding her eyes as she looks up at him. "Don't wanna lose you."
She nods even though it's the flimsiest excuse she's ever heard because she doesn't actually ever want him to let go. His larger hand completely surrounds her tiny one and she wiggles her fingers so they're interlaced with his even though she knows this is probably a really, really bad idea. "Um, better grip?" she says when he raises an eyebrow at her.
The mall is actually kind of crowded today (though not enough to warrant intertwined fingers between two friends who are trying to stay just friends) but he weaves them through the crowd easily until they're in front of the ice cream shop. There's really no excuse to keep holding hands after they're both handed their cones (fruity mint swirl for her, cookie dough and chocolate chip for him) so he drops her hand reluctantly and they wander over to the park across the street from the mall.
She sits down carefully on the grass because she's wearing a dress and he plops down heavily next to her, bumping his shoulder with hers. She gives him a dirty look because the sudden movement makes her shove her ice cream cone into her face.
He laughs loudly at her and reaches a finger out to wipe the ice cream off the tip of her nose before licking it off and her breath catches. He stops laughing when he sees her face and slowly removes his finger from his mouth and it takes every ounce of (rapidly disappearing) self-control she has not to lean forward and kiss him (because he's so close and it would be so easy).
He clears his throat and it's enough to derail her potentially dangerous train of thought. "Uh, here, napkins," he says, offering her a few from his pocket, and she takes them from him gratefully and wipes her face.
There's an awkward silence for a minute but then she looks up at the sky and immediately sees a cloud that she thinks looks like a peacock on skis. "Look at that one, Austin!" she says excitedly, pointing to the sky above them. "What do you think it looks like?"
He scratches the back of his head. "Um, a Japanese fan? With two chopsticks?"
She shrugs. That's at least an improvement from last time. "Sure!" she says encouragingly. "Isn't this fun?"
He gives her a sidewise glance. "Uh, yeah, super fun. Not boring at all."
She rolls her eyes and smacks his arm lightly with the back of her hand. "You're a terrible liar, did you know that?"
He nods. "I know. Wanna test out that theory? I've been working on it."
She looks at him suspiciously. "What do you mean?"
"Let me say something to you and you can judge how well I can lie."
She has absolutely no idea where he's going with this but she's curious so she decides to play along. "Okay."
"I like pickles more than pancakes," he says, but he can't even keep a straight face as he says the word pancakes.
She grins. "That was horrible. Totally a lie."
"My favorite subject is math," he tries, but he grimaces as soon as he finishes the sentence.
She laughs. "That was even worse, Austin. Come on, you're barely even trying."
He bites his lip. "Okay, okay. Gimme a sec."
She smiles as he thinks about it and then he turns to look at her after a moment with a serious expression on his face. "I'm about to kiss you, Ally," he says, like it's the most ordinary sentence in the world.
She swallows and her grin fades. "Who am I to make you a liar?" she whispers, and that's all he needs to hear because he's dropping his cone on the grass next to him in the next second and sliding a hand into her hair and crossing the distance between them. He tastes like chocolate and vanilla and his tongue is a little cold and she closes her eyes tightly and loses herself in his embrace because she doesn't know how long she'll have to wait until the next time they do this.
She leans forward and in the process drops her ice cream cone on his leg but he doesn't even seem to notice. He wraps his arm around her back and then he's tugging her closer and closer and closer and there's a voice in the back of her head that's telling her to stop but she pushes it away because really, there is nothing more in the world that she wants more than this, right now, with him.
He pulls back slightly to kiss her cheek, the corner of her mouth, her jaw, before coming back to her lips and she lifts her arms around his neck and tangles her fingers in his hair. He cups her face with his hand and tilts his head to get a better angle but then he pulls away abruptly, his breathing heavy and his face slightly pink.
It takes her a second to open her eyes but when she does all she can do is stare numbly at him and he's doing the same thing. He rocks forward slightly and she tenses slightly in anticipation because she thinks he's going to kiss her again but he doesn't and she deflates a little even though she knows she shouldn't want this as much as she does.
He clears his throat. "Um, can I have one of those napkins?" he asks and his voice is lower than it usually is and a little scratchy and she can't even comprehend what he just said. She just looks at him and her eyes land on his lips and—
"Ally?" he says hesitantly. "Hey, can I have a napkin?"
She's finally broken out of her trance when he says her name and she fumbles to grab the napkins and then hands them to him. He cleans the ice cream off his jeans where she dropped it and she blushes a little as she thinks about how it got there in the first place. When he's done he stares down at the ground for a minute and for a brief second she wonders if he's angry with her but then he looks up and her stomach drops. The expression on his face is a mixture of sadness and longing and disappointment and she's positive that her face mirrors his exactly.
"Tell me why again, Ally, because I swear—" he says, rubbing his face with his hand and looking away from her.
"Our songwriting," she says after a full minute because it takes her that long to remember. "Careers."
He nods. "Right. Our careers," he says and she doesn't know what his tone means. "So back to being friends?"
She swallows. "And partners. Always, remember?"
He gives her a half smile. "Always," he says quietly, then looks past her for a minute before bringing his eyes to hers again. "I did promise you an hour of cloud watching."
She smiles. "I'm holding you to it," she says and then she lets herself fall back into the grass. He joins her after a second and they fall into an easy conversation about bunnies on bikes and cars with wings and pineapples on canoes and she thinks that she can maybe do this. But then his hand accidentally touches hers in the grass between them and they both freeze for a second before he hesitantly wraps his fingers around hers and she knows she wouldn't be able to pull away if her life depended on it.
She feels his gaze as he turns his head to look at her but she focuses intently on the sky above them as he tightens his grip on her hand and if a few tears escape from the corners of her eyes neither of them says a word about it.
Four weeks after their break up, Ally is asked out by a boy in their class who Austin has never even seen before. Well, to be accurate, she hasn't actually been asked out yet but there's a rumor swirling that he's going to ask her out and because she's Ally, adorably oblivious, gossip-ignoring, school-is-for-learning-and-learning-only Ally, she's the last one to hear about it.
Trish tells Ally about it in front him because as far as she knows he and Ally are back to being friends and partners and nothing else. He's known about the rumor for a few hours (and he's been trying not to throw up for said few hours) and he almost loses it when her eyes widen in surprise and she blushes. Trish is telling her how cute this guy is and how smart he is and how he's nice and funny and he can't stand it for a second longer.
So he walks away without an explanation and the last thing he hears is Trish, who says, "So are you gonna say yes?"
He doesn't hear Ally's response but he doesn't think he'd be able to stand up if he hears anything but no so he practically sprints down the hall as soon as he's out of their line of sight and outside to the parking lot and doesn't stop until he's halfway to his house. And then he slows down and takes a bunch of deep breaths and tries to calm down but all he keeps imagining in his head is Ally saying yes and holding some faceless guy's hand in the hallway and going on dates and he wonders how the hell he's supposed to deal with that because he can't.
He heads straight into his room when he gets home, muttering some excuse to his parents about how he has a test tomorrow and he closes the door and then collapses on his bed and stares up the ceiling and tries not to think about her. But thinking about avoiding thinking about her just makes him think about her more and this whole not being together thing just got about a million times harder. He exhales heavily and rolls onto his stomach, burying his face in the pillow, and he just lies there for a few minutes, trying to shut his brain off.
He thinks he's imagining it the first time he hears a tapping sound because when Dez sneaks in he usually just barges in without announcing himself but then he hears it again and he sits up abruptly. He stands up and walks over to the window to see Ally, who waves and points to the latch because she wouldn't know that it's already unlocked.
She's never not come through the front door before and he doesn't really know what it means when Ally Dawson is asking you to open your bedroom window but he doesn't stop to think about it and instead quickly slides the window up. He steps back so she can climb in but she's a little too short and a little too lacking in upper body strength and he laughs a little when she tries to lift herself up and fails.
"Uh, Austin?" she says, blushing. "A little help?"
"I thought you had guns, Ally," he teases, before stepping forward to pull her up easily. "What are you doing here?"
He lets go of her a little more slowly than he probably should but she doesn't seem to notice and instead just smiles up at him.
"We were supposed to write after school today, remember?" she asks, moving to sit on the edge of his bed. "But you just left."
He closes the window and slowly turns around to face her. He doesn't know what to say to explain that because all he really wants to do is ask her about this whole date thing but it's probably in that unspoken list of forbidden topics now that they're not together anymore and it's killing him. So he lies. And actually manages to be good at it for once. "Sorry," he says. "I just remembered I had stuff to do at home."
Her face falls. "Oh. I guess we should reschedule for tomorrow then, right?"
He shakes his head because the last thing he wants to do right now is write love songs with his songwriter who he's not supposed to be in love with. "Can we just do it this weekend?" he asks. "I'm just not really feeling like songwriting right now."
She frowns. "Austin…"
"I'm okay, Ally," he interrupts. "I'm just not in the mood to write."
She doesn't look like she's very convinced but she nods anyway. "Oh, okay," she says, sounding let down, and then she stands up to leave. "I'll see you tomorrow then?"
"We could just hang out though," he says quickly as she's about to open the window because knowingly disappointing Ally Dawson is something Austin Moon has never been very good at and truthfully, he really doesn't want her to leave even though he knows it might be painful.
She turns around to look at him and her whole face lights up and it does weird things to his heart. "Yeah?"
He nods. "Yeah. You wanna grab something to eat?"
"Sure," she says. "But I guess I'll um, leave through the window since your parents didn't see me come in?"
He grins. "Why'd you do that anyway? You don't sneak in."
She laughs. "I don't know. I just really wanted to see you and I didn't really think about it."
"Why'd you really want to see me?" he asks quietly and then takes a step towards her even though that's probably the last thing he should be doing.
She blushes. "I just…I wanted to get started on the song, that's all." She hesitates for a long moment. "And…and I wanted to talk to you about that um, thing Trish was going on about."
His stomach drops and his eyes widen because he's not prepared for this, not prepared to hear her tell him that she's about to go on a date with another guy, sorry Austin, but this guy is smart and funny and she has to move on and no, please, no—
"I said no," she says, then frowns. "Well, I mean, I told her I would say no if it actually were to happen and—"
He closes the distance between them and wraps his arms around her before he even knows what he's doing and buries his face in her hair and just breathes for a few seconds because it feels like a giant weight has been lifted from his shoulders.
He feels her tense for a second but then she circles her arms around him and holds him tight. "Did you really think I'd say yes?" she whispers and he pulls her closer in response.
"I don't know," he mumbles. "We're not together."
She doesn't say anything for a few seconds. "But we're not…not together."
He pulls back to look at her. "I can't ask you to wait."
"And I can't ask you to wait," she says. "But it looks like that's exactly what we're asking each other to do."
They separate and sit on the edge of the bed next to each other and then they both let out a breath. "So now what?" he asks. "We're not together and we're not…not together but neither of us wants to be with anyone else."
She looks at him and her eyes are wide and she looks like she's really unsure about what she's about to say. "What if…what if we just didn't say we were together…or not together? What if we just…are?"
His heart is in his throat. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying that I hate this," she says quietly. "I hate that all I want to do is be with you but I can't because we're too afraid of being together. I hate that we can't hang out just the two of us without it getting weird. I hate that I can't hold your hand."
She takes his hand in hers and he squeezes back tightly, unable to take his eyes away from hers. "I hate that we can't…you know," she says, her cheeks reddening slightly. He smirks. "I hate that we're still having trouble writing music. And most of all I hate that even after we agreed that this," she gestures between them, "was the reason that we weren't being 'us', we still aren't…us."
He doesn't say anything for a moment and looks down at their joined hands. "Maybe there is no us," he says, and her face falls.
His eyes widen. "No, Ally," he adds quickly. "I mean, maybe we're just…Austin and Ally. And that's it."
"Austin and Ally," she repeats, then smiles. "Are we…are we really doing this?"
He brings his hand up, tangling his fingers in her hair as he cups the back of her neck and then leans in close, his lips inches away from hers. "Doing what?" he whispers. "I thought we were just—"
He doesn't finish because she leans forward to kiss him and it's slow and soft and different because this time they know they have all the time in the world. She lets go of his hand so she can wrap her arms around him and he tugs her closer, circling his other arm around her waist. They break apart after a minute and she buries her face in his neck and he lets his head drop to her shoulder and they just breathe for a moment.
He feels like his heart is about to burst out of his chest but he's okay with that. Because this time he knows she'll be there to put it back together.
"This is not a date," Austin says when she answers her front door five weeks after their break up. He hands her a bouquet of flowers. "These flowers are not for you and you definitely don't look incredible."
She bites the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling as she accepts the bouquet. "You look pretty gross yourself," she says dryly. "That blazer looks like garbage."
He raises an eyebrow.
Her eyes widen and she backtracks. "Uh, really cute garbage?"
He laughs. "Are you ready to go?"
She nods. "Yeah, let me just go put these flowers in some water," she says, turning around to walk into the kitchen.
She takes a deep breath as she fills the vase with water because this really is a date and it's their first after they decided that they were doing…whatever it is they're doing. And she's a little nervous, even though she supposes she has no reason to be because they've been normal this past week, back to being best friends and partners (who may or may not occasionally make out).
She quickly puts the flowers in the vase and leaves the kitchen to see that he's still standing outside, waiting for her with his hands in his pockets. He smiles as she walks towards him and her heart starts beating a little faster as she closes the door behind her.
"So where are we going?" she asks as they walk to his car.
"Illusions Magic Café," he deadpans, as he opens the door for her. "Where your hunger will disappeeear!"
She raises an eyebrow at him when he slides into the driver's seat next to her.
"Kidding," he says, grinning. "I'm taking you to a normal restaurant. Where the food doesn't come out of some guy's hat."
She laughs. "Good, so no levitating involved?"
"We'll see about that."
She looks at him questioningly.
He smirks. "I'm gonna levitate you, leave you wa-wa-wanting more," he sings, wincing when she swats his arm with the back of her hand.
"Pretty sure you're the one that's gonna be left wanting more," she whispers, leaning closer to him.
His jaw drops. "Ally Dawson!"
She laughs and settles back in her seat. "Let's go, Moon."
He shakes his head as he pulls out of her driveway and then they fall into an easy conversation about the songs they're working on as music from the radio floats around them.
Dinner is pleasant and ordinary and there's no pressure and she couldn't have asked for anything more. He teases her and she rolls her eyes at him like usual but there are also new kinds of looks exchanged that make her breath catch and her stomach flutter in the best way possible.
And she's not surprised when they wind up in their practice room at Sonic Boom afterwards because it is the one place in the world that is theirs and will always be theirs and it's where everything started. They sit next to each other at the piano and play a few measures of a new song but then his hand reaches for hers and she lets him pull her towards him.
"That was an awesome not-date," he says.
She nods. "I had such a friendly time."
He moves his head closer to hers. "No romance whatsoever."
"What romance?" she whispers, tilting her head up, and then he kisses her. It's brief and he pulls back after only a few seconds to press his lips to her cheeks, her jaw, her forehead, her temple, before coming back to her lips. She tangles her fingers in the front of his shirt as he wraps one arm around her waist and her head spins a little when he touches his tongue to hers. She pulls on his shirt to bring him closer and he obliges, tightening his hold on her.
"Ally," he whispers when he pulls back, and then he buries his face in her neck. She raises her eyebrows a little in surprise and wraps her arms around him and he leans into her a little more. "I never wanted to break up," he confesses, mumbling into her hair. "But I didn't want to lose you."
"You will never lose me, Austin," she says quietly, tightening her arms around him, and she's a little out of her element because she's never seen this side of him, vulnerable and serious and she doesn't exactly know what to do. "Never."
She feels him exhale heavily before he presses his lips to her neck and then he pulls back. She gives him a hesitant smile but he just looks back at her as if everything he's ever wanted just appeared in front of him and she's paralyzed, until he blinks. Her chest feels tight as he lifts his hand to cup her cheek because it hits her all of a sudden, just how much she cares about this boy in front of her.
And if she's being honest with herself, she knows that she more-than-just-cares about this boy in front of her, but it might be a little too soon for that, she thinks, as he smiles at her.
After all, this isn't a date and they're not a couple and nope, he's not kissing her collarbone right now and her fingers aren't in his hair, no, no, no.
But they are Austin and Ally.
And that's all they need to know.
Thank you for reading! I appreciate reviews like you have no idea. :)