The Diary of An Angel (Kinoko Nasu's Notes Fanfic)
…How many years have it been,
Since that day?
When I said "that" day, it was the first time we met.
It was enthralling.
That time, I didn't know who you are, nor did I care about it.
On the old aircraft,
You knew you would get killed with an extremely high probability.
Yet,
You ignored your comrades whom already met their demise and floating along with the Steel wind, and kept charging forward,
Through the gray clouds to the bloody red atmosphere.
Why? I thought to myself.
You, the weakest of all races yet still determined to confront me,
The monster who tried to fulfill this world's dying wish?
But, as I thought it's futile for you for took arms,
A bullet pierced through my limbs.
I lost…
It seems the goddess of luck bestowed upon those who were the weakest,
Though I preferred to call it miracle,
Because such things as goddesses never exist.
It was the first time I wanted to come to your house,
But of course my materialized form wouldn't be fit in there, and it's already "dead".
So I took form from the imagination that almost similar with the "body" from beings called "Human Species" and "A-Rays" who began living on top of me,
…and I was impressed.
I didn't think that their imagination was this beautiful.
A golden ring on my head, a milky white silk dress, and a beautiful skin belonged to be the young generation of this "human" species.
I didn't know why, but it was delightful to live in this kind of image.
And afterwards, I came straight to your home.
It was the first month of me living in your apartment.
I just felt a new sensation I'd never have before. At the time when my "body" lost some power, my stomach always rumbling with a loud voice. And strangely, I was embarrassed.
It was fun, except the first week when you always kicked me out, although at the fifth day you were going out somewhere for a whole night, rubbing your head.
By the way, I figured out your identity.
You were a Human, not from the [Human Species], but instead the [Humans] that supposed to be living in this world ages ago before A-Rays were born. [The Factory] foods, or I should say the foods in this age were inedible for him due to being too nutritious for the weak body of the "normal" ones it became poisonous to them. So, [Humans] encouraged to have medications in order to live on.
You seemed to be not realized yet that I was the "bird" he shot down months ago. Well, my present appearance was a bit too beautiful than the past.
One day, you mumbled something. From what I heard, it's like "How ironic.", or something similar.
Anyways, I love the days I went to see how things work, learning how to clean, and can you teach me guitar basics again? I still wonder what tuning is.
One night,
You came home with a smell of alcohol from your breath, indicated that you were drunk.
I asked where you from, you just replied "A bar."
When I asked why, you replied "just a small talk." and sat lazily on the floor, leaning on the bed.
A few minutes passed with a deep silence. We eat, although it was just me, while he was only taking medicines.
Suddenly, you asked "If you were getting into fight with some dangerous monsters, why do you fight?"
I answered with an obvious answer, "I don't want to die."
"So, why you don't want to die?" Again, you asked.
"Because I want to live." There, another common answer
"Then, why do you want to live?"
And I gave my opinion for the ambiguous question "Remember, I'm already dead. I can't explain completely, but if someone wanted to live, probably because they had a purpose, right?" Everyone had their own role since they're born, and they would know their own role, and that role probably become their "purpose" to live.
But,
As for abnormal beings such as me, we didn't need logical reasons to live, because our existences were none of them logical at all. And, we didn't have a will, so we just acted according to the wish of the Earth.
Slowly but sure, an unknown feeling bloomed inside me since that night. It was more like a desire of wanting, but that was vulgar, so "affection" was more appropriate. Time by time, I became more confused with myself.
Today, I told you everything, and you seemed to be understood some part of it.
The truth about our first "meeting", my current state, and my true form, everything.
But you looked content with it,
And the split second after you said,
"Are you, happy?"
My face became hot, but it managed to keep itself white.
And when I unconsciously said "I wish I was a real angel",
I meant it.
If I became one of them, I can express this locked feeling to you honestly.
That way, both of us will be together, or so my ideal thought by itself.
…And then, you left.
Today, you went back to this apartment.
I was a little surprised to the point of almost thinking you came back because of me.
But that wasn't the case, right?
You just came back to pick up the old rifle again…
The time when you took it, I recalled the scene where you shot me in that bizarre sky.
So I spontaneously asked if you were going to fight "it"…
"It" was one of us, the most superior beings from the other planet called "Aristotle" by Humans.
"It" was a cross-shaped giant from Saturn, thunders zapping from its body to the ground and its steps were marked as earthquakes.
"It" was far stronger than me, the being from Venus.
Unfortunately, I couldn't leave this place. If I do so, countless angels will pour down from the "heavens" as the part of me that called "the World Tree" fell down.
And before you left,
It was the greatest moment I've ever felt in my "Life".
All that I could hear was only "I've fallen in love with you." from the long sentence.
Was this feeling that those people in this city called… "Love"?
Or, was this just another side effect for using the image from imaginations of inhabitants from this world?
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Days passed along with the fallen angels from the World Tree.
The town seemed to be empty. Abandoned houses were all over the place, stood still with their rusted doors and frail woodworks. The factory that usually active was also abandoned, along with its products and foods that scattered on the floor in the production block.
Scars and cracks from the thunder produced by [TYPE-SATURN] could be found at the streets, especially the highway, making artificial cliffs around it.
There were no signs of living humans or A-Rays in the city, making it almost the same as a ghost town.
But the town wasn't empty after all.
In fact, there was an apartment room that still clean and there is she, the dweller of this room. The room was very neat from the door to the edge, the guitar at the end of the room was tuned up perfectly, despite the finger marks that showed how much effort she put into the guitar that originally didn't belong to her, the same goes to this room.
The girl was watching emptily at the gray clouds.
Every day, every month,
She sat on the chair next to the small window, waiting for "him" to return.
Although she was not really waiting,
Because she knew,
The person she was waiting for, the owner of this room, was no longer in this rotting earth.
In other side of the world, there was someone lying inside the broken plane that crashed in the middle of a red desert.
The corpse was unrecognizable due to dried up by age, but in contrast,
The sleek, beautifully ebony rifle was leaned beside him, as if guarding its master.
Fin------------------------------------------------------------