"The villain, who has been killing people at the behest of a cabal of high-profile New Yorkers for 20 years without being detected, is a delusional, raving nut who lives off the grid, imagines that his actions are part of some mystic ritual performed in the name of the Native Americans who had Manhattan taken from them, and talks with the exaggerated formality of Bane applying for a home-equity loan."- Phillip Dyess-Nugent reviewing Warren Ellis' Gun Machine, The A.V. Club

"...talks with the exaggerated formality of Bane applying for a home-equity loan."

Bane Applies For A Home Equity Loan
by Baramos

"The main question I have is about your current occupation, Mr. Bane-"

"LET'S NOT STAND ON FORMALITIES, MR. TANNER. YOU MAY CALL ME SIMPLY 'BANE'."

"Uh, all right. So your occupation-"

"INTERNATIONAL TERRORISM!"

"Yes. The main problem my supervisor has with this occupation is most people consider it evil."

"NECESSARY EVIL!"

"No. No, they think it is quite unnecessary. Quite unnecessary. It's also illegal. We checked. Now, if you change jobs in the future, then we might be able to process this loan. Another problem we had was the home you're taking this mortgage out on. You simply listed, 'sewer' as your main residence. Am I to understand you're homeless at the moment and living in a sewer pipe or...?"

"I WILL SHOW YOU WHERE I HAVE MADE MY HOME WHILST PREPARING TO BRING JUSTICE."

"Well our appraisal agent can take care of that. There is a two hundred dollar appraisal fee, by the way. Now, until we get these things done, I'm afraid we cannot loan you this money."

"AND YOU THINK THIS GIVES YOU POWER OVER ME?"

"Uh, power? No, it's just, we'd like to give you a loan, but you don't meet our minimum requirements for collateral-"

"THEN I WILL BREAK YOU."

"Break-wait, listen, we can still-WHAT ARE YOU DOING? NO! NO-ARRGGGGGHGHHHHGHGH!"

"YOUR PRECIOUS LOAN, GRATEFULLY ACCEPTED! WE WILL NEED IT!"

"FINE FINE! WHERE! WHERE IS THE PAPER! OH GOD! WHERE-LET ME SIGN! LET ME SIGN!"

"WHEN THIS DOCUMENT IS NOTARIZED, THEN YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION TO SIGN!"

The End...?