AFTER BELLA'S BIRTHDAY PARTY
Edward's POV
This was my entire fault, my mistake. Jasper, my own brother, almost killed my Bella. I was furious as I dropped Bella off at her house for the last time, and she made me suffer. The one thing she asked of me as my decision and strategy solidified in my mind. She wanted me to rip myself apart, into a million tortured pieces. Yet, I would do anything for her, because I wanted to. I didn't want to leave her because I knew what would happen to her. "Kiss me." She requested. I took a burning breath, because this was the last time I would be close enough to her to feel the fire singe down my venom coated esophagus. I bent my head gently and heard a drop of moisture hit the wet, cool pavement. I realized she was crying. She had every right to; she could tell that something was wrong with me. She didn't care though that I could be the one inches from the decision to end her life. That we couldn't be together, yet I wanted her forever, always in every way. I wanted her to be immortal with me so I would never have to let go. I was arguing internally with my selfishness and the need to protect her from myself and my world. I gently brushed her delicate lips with my cold stone ones and felt her shudder at my cold hand on her wrist. I felt her pulse against my thumb quicken and was decided. She was too precious and delicate to stay around vicious creatures like me. We were the best predators, built to kill, welcome in our prey and take to them with malice. Or those as unfortunate as I who would in turn love them and are their final destruction. I unknowingly started to kiss her with urgency for this would be the last time I could. But I regained control and pulled away. She asked me if I would stay with her over night. I obliged, but only until she fell asleep to the CD of my compositions. I carefully fled from her bed so as not to disturb her but kissed her hand. I couldn't hold it in any longer. I sobbed as I stood there and watched her sleep restlessly. I pulled myself together even though I knew the pieces would shatter again once I was alone. I lifted open her bedroom window, gracefully stepped onto the roof and pulled it shut. I still had the want to leave some proof of my impact on Bella Swan. I turned around, and with my nail, carved my initials, E.A.M.C, into her window frame. I jumped off Chief Swan's roof and landed with a solid yet quiet thud on the sodden front lawn. Stupid Italian shoes, covered in mud now. I couldn't care less. I pulled them off my feet, along with my socks and tore the top of the shoes, rubbed away the designer's name with my thumb, and mangled the rubber sole. I tucked my socks into my pocket and threw the shoes into Bella Swan's garbage can. "There, idiot. Face the facts." I mumbled to myself. If I could do what I planned, I could no longer fanaticize about Bella's name with my surname. I had daydreamed before, holding her hand this summer, about Bella Cullen. It used to be a melody in my mind that would twist into our future together. Now, it was like nails on a chalk board, torture. I ran, head-long into the forest at the end of her street. I could feel the ripping sensation, spreading in my chest that told me I was sobbing. I ran for around a mile, up the side of a Sequoia tree, and sat on the tallest, thickest branch. I sat alone, sobbing, thinking, breathing, and trying to make myself believe it was the only way. A hundred years without the love and company I craved, and now that I had found it, I was leaving it behind. On purpose. I hated to think of my strategy as running away, but it was what I was doing. I wasn't out running from the law, like Rosalie had done after killing all those men or moving on for secrecy's purpose. I was running from love. What a fool I must be for running from the only real magic in this world. I looked at my watch. Only one in the morning. I jumped from my branch and ran back to my car in front of her house. But I didn't look at her house, when I left her bedroom for the last time, that was the last time I would look at it. I turned on the ignition (thank goodness this car was well tuned) and sped home. I stomped up our stairs and entered the dining room. "Hi." Alice said. She already knew my decision. I can't believe this Alice thought. What has he decided now? Emmett inquired of his own mind. Esme kept silent as did Carlisle, Rosalie, and Jasper. "Are you sure, Edward?" Alice asked. "Yes I'm positive. You two will be the first to put it in motion." I demanded. "What exactly is it?" Jasper said timidly. He was afraid to speak to me, afraid I would hold him at fault. "Jasper, I don't blame you. I only blame myself. I thought you knew me well enough." I said, forcing gentleness. "We're leaving. I won't put Forks" Bella Carlisle added mentally "in danger anymore. Rose, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, you leave first. I'm sorry," I started. "Son, you've moved for all of us. I was offered a job at a medical college just last week. I can retire from Forks hospital and accept the school's offer." Carlisle interrupted. "Thanks." I said, half-heartedly. "Edward, can't I at least say goodbye to Bella? She's my friend, she'd want that." Alice pled. "No, I'm sorry, but a clean break is better. If we just leave at once, she won't try as hard." I retorted. I knew Bella would never let go. How could she? I had told her so many times in so many words how much I loved her."But leaving her will destroy her.I saw it while you were out.I understand that I can't say goodbye,but she might give up easier than you think." Alice said. It was like being stabbed with a wouldn't give up,she loved me,I loved her. If I lied through my teeth hour after torturous hour,I wouldn't be able to start an inkling of doubt in her. "Alice,I know her better than anyone,she's the most stubborn bitch anyone will ever meet." Ow.I resented using that word for my Bella. it burned my lips to say,turned my mind and distorted my emotions.I was furious with myself now,wanted to tear myself apart for using the foul term about the love of my life. She was beauty,she was love,she was forgiving and understanding."Edward!" Esme said."Stop,it's all a coping mechanism."Carlisle assured. I was cracking.I could feel my held together shell splitting into pieces."What if it is?" I almost sobbed."I have to-I can't-" I studdered."I can't pretend I get it, Edward." Carlisle said with his hand sternly on my mother's,or Esme's,shoulder.I was calling everything as it was. I would from now my Bella,just Bella."Son,just last night you were-" Carlisle started."I know what I was,I know how long ago it was.I can even tell you milliseconds since we had that exact discussion." I ,last night,had told Carlisle that I would propose to Bella by January."Really?But,you can't!Eternity is a long time to be alone,even if you stayed with her for her lifetime.A life time is only on averege eighty years,and you've already missed 17 of them." Alice,always with statistics."Even if I tried to look for how long she'd live,though I haven't for our sakes,I wouldn't be able to see, We should just-" "Shut up,Alice." I growled."I'm trying to save you from yourself but if you are going to deal with it like this,than screw you." She said,scrunching up her witty mind was full of more foul things to say than 'screw you' but she wouldn't use still cared about me even if she saw that I wouldn't stay."I just-" It was an out-of-body experience but not in a good way."Please,everyone. An hour while we talk." Rosalie and Emmett hadn't spoken since I walked out with Bella.I drew in a breath."Edward,my office." he said.I trudged up the stairs to his office moodily like a teenager in trouble for something.I may have had the appearance of the youngest but I was older than all besides Carlise."Son,I can't watch you do this to yourself." "Then don't!Pack up,leave and take everyone with you." I said. "No,I can't do that until I am sure of one Anthony Masen Cullen,do you love her?"this was the last time."YES! I love her, I can't let her near me!For her to put herself at risk to be with me,it isn't right." I tried to reason."Son,all I can really ask then is that you,as a gentleman and someone she cares about more than her own life,be careful.I don't know if it is possible to tell someone you don't love them carefully,even if you do in fact love them the way you do her. I know in my heart of hearts that this will be the hardest most painful thing you ever do." Gee,thanks, Dad! I thought miserably