A missing scene from
"Is There a Traitor in the House?"
(Newkirk's missing speech from the radio broadcast)
***dialog taken directly from the episode is in italics.***
"This is Berlin Betty. Tonight, I am pleased to have as my guest, one of your own countrymen, who has realized the futility of continuing to resist the Fatherland. I hope you take this message to heart, so that we can all once again live in peace. And now, here it is Corporal Peter Newkirk of the Royal Air Force."
"Tonight, I would like to ask each of my comrades to lay down his gun and surrender. I think I can best illustrate my reasons for asking this by reminding you of a story I learned when I was a wee bit of a lad in London. It's the story of Mama Bear and Papa Bear."
"There's the signal," Hogan, along with LeBeau, Carter and Kinch, were eavesdropping on Newkirk's broadcast. The colonel was now a bit more hopeful that the British corporal would follow through with the plan.
"But first, I just want to say allo to me mates down at the Pig and Whistle off of Edgware Road, round the corner from the Marble Arch. Keep cheerin' on Manchester United for me lads."
"Your story, Corporal."
"Sorry." Newkirk cleared his throat. "One day, a little girl, whose name was Goldilocks, was playing with her ball by the edge of a forest. She was throwing the ball up in the air, and catching it. Let's say she caught it around 25 times. On the next throw, she was startled by a crafty fox, and the sound of a gun fired by a far-off hunter. Well, her aunty and uncle always taught her that if she heard guns, she should go home straight away. Poor Goldilocks was confused, so she ran the wrong way and lost her bearings.
"She walked and walked and walked. 'Oh, woe. Oh, woe is me. I must 'ave walked at least 10 miles the wrong way.' That reminds me of me sister, Mavis. One time she got lost off around Marylebone on her way home. She said she must have walked for at least 6 hours. Turns out, it was barely 2 and she was lost for less than an hour. Children. Don't think they have track of time.
"Where was I? Goldilocks was lost and she feared she was going in the wrong direction. Looking up, she saw the sun and she began to cry. 'I went north when I should have gone south!'
"Now hungry, tired and scared, Goldlocks came across a huge clearing, on which a cottage was nestled. Seeing that the door was open and that no one was around or paying attention, the young girl walked in. 'Allo? Allo?' No one answered. Although Goldilocks knew she should have turned around before invading someone's home, her instinct told her otherwise, and she was hungry. Her stomach growling, she followed the delightful smell and found herself in the kitchen, where a lovely mutton stew was being kept warm on the stove."
"Excuse me, Corporal? I thought it was porridge."
"Well, ma'am. In my house it was mutton stew. We were poor you see, and we got sick of eating porridge."
"Oh, I see. Please…continue."
"There were three place settings on the table; each held a glass of water, a bowl of stew and a spoon. Starving, Goldilocks cleared a space for herself, and began stealing… I meant tasting the stew. 'Oh!' she exclaimed. 'This one is too hot!' She threw down her spoon, and gulped down the glass of water. Not being deterred…mind you, this girl was persistent, she tried the next bowl. 'Yeech. This stew is too cold!' She threw away the spoon, which broke as it hit the ground. 'One more bowl! Ooh!' she cried. 'This stew is just right!' She made a contented face, then went over to the stove and ate all the rest.
"At that moment, a loud noise made her turn around. Standing in front of her were three bears. One an extremely large bear, the papa bear, was wrapped in fur. Why the bear had extra fur, considering it had its own, never crossed her mind. The second bear was slightly smaller than the first and it was obviously the mama bear. And the third was obviously their child.
"'What is this girl doing here?' The papa bear roared.
"'How dare you eat my mutton stew?' said the mama bear.
"'Mummy, I'm frightened,' said the baby bear.
"'I am cold, lost and hungry, and your cottage and the mutton stew looked so inviting.' Tears came to Goldilocks eyes, and they began to roll down her face.
"At this point the family of bears realized that there was nothing they could do about the break in, and their lost supper. They took pity on the poor lass and decided for the sake of everyone to work together, for it made no sense to resort to violence. And Goldilocks understood this as well and helped the three bears to clean up the mess and cook more supper, which they all shared. And then the three bears walked Goldilocks the 10 miles back home.
"And I say that the belief that we can win this war is as much of a fairy tale as the three bears."
"Thank you, Corporal Newkirk; and I hope your countrymen are as wise and as patriotic as you are. And now good night from Berlin Betty."
A sullen and slightly embarrassed Newkirk trudged back to the hut, and entered the common room.
Colonel Hogan put his arm around the corporal. "Good job."
"Thank you, sir. Blimey I fell right into her trap."
"I know we heard." LeBeau handed Newkirk a mug of tea. "Tough break."
"I'll get over it. I'm just glad I managed to get the speech out. Do you think they'll get the codes?" Newkirk handed Hogan the speech.
"They're the best in the business." Hogan said as he glanced at the paper. "Marylebone is nowhere near the East End," he stated.
"Sorry, Sir. I thought to myself walking over there; Special Ops, the RAF. They'll know everything.. But what about the rest of England? Mavis, me mates. They'll think I'm a traitor. I just put in a bit of false information if you get my drift."
"That's why your accent was so thick for part of the broadcast. So they'll know you're a Cockney," Kinch said. "You wouldn't be in a West End pub. Any Englishman listening would wonder about that."
"And I definitely wouldn't be cheering on Manchester United." Newkirk laughed. "Hopefully they'll think twice about me being a traitor."
And so, once the radio was fixed, London informed Newkirk that his ruse had worked. His speech was picked up by all the press, but any mention of it was censored, and instead of labeling the corporal a traitor to England, the few Englishmen that heard it realized straight away that the Cockney they heard over the airwaves was sending them a clear signal that he was not betraying his country. And to Newkirk's relief, Mavis and the rest of his family weren't even listening.
In case you are unfamiliar with the episode, the heroes needed to convey the location of a secret German plant. Ball-bearings, 10 miles south of Hamelburg. 25 antiaircraft gun emplacements.
The German word for mutton is...hamel!