::
You're not good at making decisions.
You never have been and you never will be.
::
"Which faction will you choose?"
Abnegation.
Erudite.
Dauntless.
Candor.
Amity.
But you don't want to choose.
You want to be selfless and intelligent and brave and honest and kind.
You want to be all of them.
You have to be all of them.
Except you can't tell them that. So you take the coward's way out and choose the brave faction.
traitortraitortraitor
(ironic, huh?)
You only choose it because it's the farthest from your father and maybe because Dauntless is everything you ever wanted to be. They're strong and fearless and they fight against the people that hurt them.
Unlike you.
You wish you had had just a little more Dauntless in you when your father was breaking you.
::
Your past haunts you until you find the courage to throw it all away.
Tobias Eaton is left behind and you become Four.
They say you're lucky to have so few fears. But you know the truth.
It's quality, not quantity.
And everyone starts to forget that you're the son who abandoned his faction (and family).
Like they have a right to judge after what Marcus did to you.
Your next choice comes in the form of a spitfire named Beatrice Prior.
She reminds you of you in a lot of ways. The main being that she transferred out of her faction too.
Even you weren't the first to jump into the pit.
She's the first to jump and you're the first to offer her your hand. She takes it and pulls herself out, thanking you with a smile you think you could grow to love. (and you eventually do)
::
You choose her before she even knows your real name.
You're not stupid and you're not blind and you know she's special after the first day of training.
She's like you.
And somehow, that makes you like her even more.
Before you know it, you're halfway up the Ferris Wheel, eyes on the girl who has captured your attention and your heart. Never mind the fact that you're deathly afraid of heights. You hardly notice how high up you are when she's looking at you like that with so much trust in her eyes. You've never had someone look at you like that before. When you finally get off the ride and rescue the girl from falling, you hold her hand in yours for a moment longer than you should.
Her skin is warm, even though the air is cold and you think you could love this girl.
Tris is strong and beautiful and fierce and you can see in her eyes that she wants to prove herself just as much as you did when you first joined Dauntless. You know Peter and his gang are making it harder for her, but you can't intervene without drawing attention to yourself. So you watch in pained silence and protect her when you can.
Even though something tells you she doesn't need protecting.
You rules of just watching go out the window once you see her being shoved into the chasm by Peter and Drew and surprisingly, Al. You rush towards the group, grabbing her and planting her safely behind you as you growl at the initiates. Peter and Al run, leaving Drew to face your rage. By the time you're done showing him you're more than capable of destroying him, the boy is unconscious and in need of an infirmary. You turn to the girl clutching the back of your jacket, wanting nothing more than to take her in your arms and away from all of this.
(she stays in your room that night and you can pretend you kept her safe)
::
You've never really thought about other people's choices.
You have enough trouble making your own.
But as you watch Al's body get pulled from the chasm, you think that maybe you should have paid a little more attention.
He was just a kid.
Granted, so are you, but you're used to the pressure of being in Dauntless. You've suffered through worse than Eric's harshness.
You know Al had been slowly breaking throughout the fear tests. You know he was having nightmares. You saw the guilt in his eyes after he helped Peter try to throw Tris in the chasm. You watched him crack and you did nothing.
"If I had just forgiven him..."
Tris looks at you with tears in her eyes and you know she's blaming herself. Even as she told Eric that she thought Al's suicide was selfish, you could see the shame that hung on her shoulders. Even as she screamed that the courageous thing to do was admit his mistakes and leave Dauntless, you know that she's trying to find someone else to blame.
You don't think someone as beautiful as Tris should ever look so defeated.
"We all could have done more to help him, Tris. We just have to let the guilt remind us to do better next time."
She reaches for your hand and you grip hers back for a moment before letting go and motioning her back inside.
::
Your fear landscapes are something you don't let people see.
You've always kept them close to you and forbidden anyone from using them in initiations. It's not common knowledge that you're terrified of killing people. You think that's kind of ironic for a Dauntless member.
No one has ever seen your fear landscape.
No one except for Tris.
You don't know how, but it's easy for you to leave the syringe on the table when you knew she was following you.
After it's over, you lace your fingers with hers and watch the red creep up her throat.
She smiles. "We got through it."
"You got me through it."
She tells you that it's easy to be brave when they're not your fears.
You kiss her.
::
You've always chosen not to associate with Abnegation.
It probably has something to do with Marcus, but you've never stopped to analyze your reasoning.
Until you meet Tris.
And you think that maybe they aren't all like you father.
Maybe, just maybe, factions have nothing to do with it.
::
People are dead because of your faction.
People you used to know.
People you used to call friends.
They always said being Divergent made you lucky.
But you don't feel so lucky while you watch your faction gun down innocents.
You pretend to be affected by the serum the same way the others are and you know Tris is doing the same thing. But it's not enough. Of course not. Because Jeanine Matthews is from Erudite.
She's smart.
Smart enough to have a contingency plan.
You're not surprised when you end up with a needle in your neck.
You should have known that you would never win against an army. You should have known that being 'special' would get you killed. You should have known that Erudite would use the serum. You should have made the Dauntless leaders listen. You should have tried harder.
But you didn't.
And the last thing you see is Tris's worried eyes before you lose yourself in the drug.
::
"Drop your weapon."
"Tobias, you're in a simulation."
The voice is familiar and you frown, but you don't lower your gun. You have to protect the control room. "Drop your weapon or I'll fire."
You watch the girl slide her own gun to the floor, her hands outstretched in front of her.
You feel like you should know her.
"Drop your weapon."
"I did."
She rushes at you and your body automatically responds.
It's like you don't know what you're doing. You're kicking and punching and hurting and you just want it all to stop.
But you're not the one in control anymore.
The girl starts begging, pleading.
"Tobias, please. See me. Please, Tobias! See me." She mutters the same phrases over and over as your gun presses against her forehead.
Suddenly, the cloud around your mind lifts and you see her.
You really see her.
"Tris."
And then you're hugging her so tightly that you're worried you might be hurting her. But she squeezes you just as tight and you think maybe she doesn't mind. The gun clangs to the floor and your hand dig into her shoulders, desperate to feel her against you. Desperate to know that she's there and she's okay.
And then you're kissing her, throwing all the things in your head into the kiss, trying to show her that you're sorry.
When she starts to cry against your lips, you know she understand. You pull back to hug her again and finally allow your own tears to fall.
"How did you do it?"
"I just... heard your voice."
You fought the simulation.
And you won.
::
You still hate making decisions.
But you have someone to help you make them now.
And that's one choice you didn't mind so much.
Because she chose you too.
::