Disclaimer: Nothing. Nada. That's what I own here.

Important AN: This is not simply a shameless advertisement, but I do need to reference another of my fics: In the Bitter Glass's brilliant format was very much Fading Grace's idea, and of course I completely forgot to mention that in the actual fic… Anyway, if you're about to read this, you'd be much better off reading the story I stole that idea from and my unreserved favorite single fanfiction; Akito's Love.

And, to Kai Hiwatari1, if you read this; Thanks for the review. Cryptic, and I could take criticism if you have any. Would welcome it, in fact. But all reviews are lifeblood, so thank you! Sorry to make this a public service announcement, but there's no other way to get to you, so...

Dedication: To Indigo Spirit and R Junkie, for being my first-ever reviewers. (1)

It's not as if I've forgotten.

-Ayame

Because what Boss is most afraid of… is "nothingness."

-Mine

Chapter One

I stare at the face in the brightly lit mirror blindly, seeing a dark room and Ha-san's eyes.

Eye. Ha-san's eye. The left is still under a bandage.

I bring the damp hand cloth up and press it to my face, trying to obscure both sights.

Rooms away, in Shigure's study, Hatori is sitting with his heart erased along with the memories of his love.

And I… I needed a moment alone. To curse Kana because I can't curse Akito and Ha-san will never curse either of them.

The knock is soft and perfectly spaced, and I look at the door blankly. The only one who knocks even remotely like that is Tori-san, and it… well, it isn't him.

"Shigure?" A frigidly polite voice makes me cringe, but it isn't Akito – too timid for all its arrogance, too kind for all its iciness. "I heard noises… are you all right? Should I call Hatori?" A pause, but I can't think of anything to say, and with more volume Yuki tries again, "Shigure?"

I awkwardly push the door open.

I'd forgotten the boy was living here, nearly, but here he stands. Short, thin, pale… he looks like a ghost. He's, what now… thirteen? Fourteen?

Big gray eyes stare up at me with a hint of concern for a moment, and then they recognize me and his face shuts off. He looks more like Akito than ever.

"Nii-san," he says. "Well then. Try to keep it down, would you? I have school tomorrow."

And he walks away.

Shigure emerges from the shadows a few yards away. Stretching lazily, he says, "You could really be nicer to him, Aya-chan. He is you brother."

Hurt, embarrassed, I shrug. "Not now, Gure. Our fragile friend is in need of us at the moment, may I remind you."

He nods and lets it go. For the moment.

And for some reason, now, every time I close my eyes and Ha-san's eye fades from my mind I see Yuki walking away instead.

Days Later

"Aya?"

"Mm?" I lean back against Gure-san as he clasps me loosely from behind, both of us looking out the window of my apartment.

"Do you remember when Yuki ran away? As a child, I mean… when he disappeared for a day?"

"No…" I wouldn't, of course. And I don't want to talk about this. My hands tighten on Gure-kun's arms and I press closer, seeing Yuki walking away.

But it doesn't matter, it doesn't. Because he's just… well, what do I care? If a stranger ignored me on the street – not that one ever would – would I care?

I don't care about him, so it doesn't matter.

"Look at the sunset, Gure-san. Isn't it pretty? Isn't it funny how bad things like polution can make beautiful things like pink and orange and purple sunsets? Speaking of pink and orange and purple, you should see the dress I just -"

"Aya? Not going to work." I fall silent.

"I was the one who found that he was missing," Shigure continues, voice soft but determined. He really isn't going to let me change the subject, I can already tell.

"Akito asked me to fetch him from his room, and he wasn't there. I looked everywhere I could, but the Main House… well, you know how it is. He could've been anywhere, just around a corner.

"Still, I had to go back to Akito after fifteen minutes or so and admit that I couldn't find him.

"He was furious at first. Later he was just worried, but you know how he is. And he overreacted, considering what we knew at the time. He had every servant drop what they were doing to look for him, alerted every family member.

"And I knew, Aya. I knew that every second would make it worse for him when he got back and Akito got over his relief and remembered that he'd been made to sweat. I knew that Yuki could be hiding somewhere and stuck. That he could, maybe, have even gotten outside and been in real trouble. Kidnapped or something equally horrifying.

"But you know what I was hoping for, really, those first ten minutes?

"That they wouldn't find him yet. That he hadn't just been holding to the underside of the bed. Because that would make the fuss my fault.

"It would mean that I could have fixed it. If I had tried harder, if I hadn't… hadn't given up too soon."

I stay silent, and Gure-san holds me closer.

"But then he came back, all on his own. He was talking again, and when he saw me, he smiled. A real smile. He has a beautiful smile, Aya. You should see it sometime."

Chapter Two

And still it's two years. Two years before I can admit it. Admit that I care, that Yuki's opinion matters and I can't let him ignore me. That if he doesn't see me it's dark.

Because why bother when I don't have a chance? And I didn't, I thought I knew that. I'd been right to give up.

It was too late.

I'm sifting through old pictures to take to Gure, who will take the time to stick them in scrapbooks at least, more than I've done with them. I only meant to grab a few envelopes of them, but one does get caught up. I made the mistake of opening one, and they really are old… It's amazing to see Rin and Kyo and the rest so small.

The pictures are, naturally, mainly of the Mabaduchi Trio, with healthy doses of Kagura, Rin, Haru, and Ritsu, and even a few of Kyo. Some baby pictures of Kisa and Hiro as well…

But then another envelope, a different color, and there are hardly any of us. It's all the children, and though rather good, the pictures are all from a low angle and rather shaky. Someone young…

"Aya!" I'm nearly out the gate when Gure grabs my arm and swings me back around, breathless from running to catch me.

"Ah, Gure-san! You couldn't bear to be parted from me for a moment, even to run a few errands?"

"You read my mind," Gure-san exclaims, "my perceptive Aya." He taps my nose. "I am ever an open book to you. And I wanted a favor, as well." He brandishes a film canister. "I said I'd take these into town to develop them for Haru-kun, but I'm not going out again until tomorrow. Would you mind terribly dropping them off for me?"

"Say no more! No trial is too great for me when proving my love for you."

I'd picked them up after, as well, and forgotten to give them back. Haru had forgotten about them as well, it appears; he was always taking pictures though, so it's hardly surprising.

I flip through them for a moment, smiling at the seven-year-old's awkward talent and how adorable everyone was.

And there's Yuki.

He would have been difficult to get a hold of, and all four pictures of him are together, clearly taken within minutes of each other.

He's outside, and it's spring, with patches of snow still melting in the background. In the first, he's standing between Kagura and Rin. The two girls are grinning for the camera, looking fascinated at the idea of getting their hands on the grown-up toy. Yuki… doesn't appear to be seeing any of them. His eyes are empty, seeing inside.

In the second and third, clearly taken by one of the girls, Haru has an arm around Yuki. In one, he smiles, partly for the camera maybe but his eyes are on Yuki. Who looks… condescending. He looks like Akito had at that age. In the next, though, taken mere moments later, Rin's unmistakable hair and cross-armed stance obscure one side of the picture, fuzzy from being too close, and Yuki is flinching. I can only assume it was something she said. She's always had a way with words, has Rin. A club to Akito's scalpel, she can still do damage when she isn't thinking. Though why she was angry… I look back at the other picture, puzzled, but other people's motivations are not my strong point. Gure could probably tell me, or Ha-san. They're so considerate.

The way Yuki shrinks in, towards Haru… like he trusts him. Knows that he'll at least try to protect him…

So he could still depend on someone then. So he could feel. It doesn't mean he could open up. It doesn't mean…

The fourth… the fourth is Haru's. Rin is once again in the foreground, partially obscured by proximity, but she appears to be making it up to Yuki. Her hand is still outstretched, pointing a purple crocus pushing its way from a spot of snow.

Yuki is on his knees, hand out to touch it. His face is turned up to Haru. And with the flower, with the confirmation and approval Haru and Rin have given him…

He's smiling.

It is a beautiful smile, even though it's long dead, captured only on film. And I would like to see it sometime.

AN: Review! Review! Pretty please with an unnamed fruit/candy of your choice on top.

(1)Apart from yukiislikesnow, but seeing as she's my fiancé it would be cheesy to put her in another shared dedication. You get your own later, sweetie.