I Need Some Sleep
By Bevino
Beta'd by Galenchia
Put one foot out of the warmth of the bed, stick the other out, too, and make contact with the floor. Push away your warm blanket and rise out of bed. Sit up, and rub the sleep from your eyes. Or the fatigue, since the sleep didn't come last night, either. Stand up on shaky legs, and wonder: 'Why am I doing this?' Ask this question every day a year from the time you realized that you weren't wanted. Look into the mirror. Look into your eyes. Allow them to wander down until you see your mouth. Is it smiling? Yes. Good. It stuck this night, too. Then it will be there for the rest of the day, and you don't have to worry that your teammates will wonder if something is wrong. Because you smile, and when you smile, everything is like it always is. You are happy. Yes, you are happy. You look happy, at least; shouldn't that be enough?
'What made me get up today, again?' you can ask yourself now. Why just not sleep until there is nothing left of you? Escape all the hateful glares out in the world, hide under your oh-so warm blanket. In the dark without light. Why? Yes, that was the question from the beginning.
Today you skip your breakfast again. You pull on your biggest shirt to make it look like you eat. How long was it since you last ate? Yeah, you forgot. That's easy. The days flow by pretty quickly, and at the same time at such a slow pace that you don't know what day it is. Sunday? Heh, don't even try to guess. It's depressing. Shut up.
But when can't you shut up? You never can. It's your mask? A mask: Is that the kind of thing you wear at masquerade parties, and when you're in the ANBU? No? Ah, the invisible kind. You should eat, you know. You make me hungry as well. No, you just shake your head. It's a funny thing that you don't want to listen to me. After all, I'm the one keeping you sane. But at the same time, I'm also the one making you want to die. I really apologize, and you answer that it's okay. It hurts seeing you like this, you know. It's my heart, too. If you only would let me out, you...Oh...okay, not that. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. Just forget it. I'm not going to mention it again.
Walk out the door, to the meeting place at the bridge. You didn't want to. Neither did I. It hurts, damn it. You are stronger than you can imagine. I'm sorry for making it painful for you. I wish I could do something. But you're right; it's okay. You really do love me, at the same time as you hate me. I understand that. Okay, I will be quiet. I'm just watching.
Now you meet up with your teammates: That girl and that boy. Sasuke, the boy. You love him, I can see that. You know that you should not fall in love with your teammate; it makes things difficult. But that's okay. You are never going to tell him. He is dating the girl now, after all those years. I never bothered to remember her name. Something with an L? S, you say? Sorry, my mistake. I will be quiet now. Only...Why don't you tell him? Maybe he loves you. I've seen the way he observes you, when you're not paying attention. But I know that you would never survive a 'no.' You just watch him from faraway as I do when I'm not allowed to talk to you. Watch him train, smirk, talk - the few times he does - snort, challenge, say goodbye, make out with that girl. God, it hurts. Stop looking. Tear your eyes away, jab them out and go blind and fail as a ninja, just stop looking at them! It hurts. My whole body is trembling, and my heart is smashed under a stone, again and again. How can you keep smiling? I bite my inner cheeks so much that blood is dripping from them, and you keep smiling? How? Look away! Make them stop! Hit them; kill them! Bury them! Never look at them again – disappear, disappear!
You fill your lungs with air as they stop, and Sasuke is looking at you again. He wants to know what you're thinking; he wants to know if this affected you. It did, but all he can see is the stupid smile that you painted on that stupid mask you are wearing. Yeah, I know, the invisible thing. No, I haven't forgotten. Hey, you, don't make me think of other stuff! Don't joke about stuff like this! The thing you just did now really hurt, damn it! Look away next time. Shit, I'm crying your tears. Do you have any idea how embarrassing that is? Che. Stupid boy. Stop hurting yourself.
Look, a fish. As long as I can make you look away, you feel a little happier. Maybe a fish will work? The water looks really nice, you know. Maybe you can go for a swim? That girl seems to listen to your newly arrived teacher, and though you're not listening, he says that all training is cancelled for today. He has a mission of his own, so he doesn't have time for you little shit-heads. No, he didn't say it exactly like that, but I'm sure he meant it. Haha, I made you laugh. Oh, stop laughing aloud, stupid boy. Sasuke looks strangely at you. Look! Look, I say! He is opening and closing his mouth like that fish. He's speechless! He looks like a fish, boy! Hahahaha!
Hah, that was funny. So, what are you saying? That girl is walking off now. She says goodbye, so it's best you wave. Bye bye, we don't miss you, go die and bury yourself because no one wants to touch you. Yes, I know I'm mean, but you know that those weren't all my thoughts. Anyway, how about that bath? The sun is warming up now. You're warm, after all. Yes, you're warm. Take these weird things off now. I don't know why you keep wearing them day in and day out. They're only disturbing. If I had any say, you would go naked all the time. It's comfortable. Yes, and take the pants off, as well.
I look at the other boy from your eyes. He has his mouth open now, and he is drooling. You don't see that, and you wouldn't believe me if I told you. His eyes are widening as he realizes that you don't wear any boxers. At least I have a little say concerning that stuff. Why wear two layers over your butt when you're not freezing?
Stroke your hair backwards. Why? Just do it! Yes, just like that. He has a pained expression on his face, and when you turn away, I glance over to find him rubbing the front of his pants. He is doing that quite a lot when you look away. It's like he is walking around with a permanent hard-on. But I think it's only when you are around. I don't think that girl really affects him as much as you do, my boy. I don't think he loves her.
I can't tell you this information, though. The last time I did, you beat the crap out of me and left me bleeding in here, saying that I shouldn't come up with such lies. You told me that you would never make a person hard with your filthy, disgusting body with me inside. That really hurt. I know you don't hate me - you just hate the way that I butt in - but it still hurt. If it wasn't because you were so fragile now, you would never take your clothes off in front of someone else. You don't know what I'm making you do. I make you seduce him, but you, boy, will not realize that until the dark sets in over the village and you are in your safe place again. Will you kill me? Will you thank me? It's a dangerous game I'm playing, but I have to risk my life to save yours. After all, you are my important person. I love you. Not in that way - I could never do that...but a love only we demons can love. It's special you know, and you should be damn proud. You are, in your own silent way.
Dive in. In a nice bow, making almost no splash at all. Swim. Swim on your back. Swim like a butterfly. Dive under the water. Stay there for a while. Look at Sasuke when you come up. Just do it, don't ask stupid questions! Yes. He is looking; he is blushing. He is hard. You see it? Can you see it? He is hard. He is blushing and stammering. He is in love with you. Now I will be quiet. Do as your heart says, forget everything else.
"Why don't you come in?" Yes. Good question. I couldn't have done it better myself. Sasuke is only nodding. He takes off his clothes in front of you. Look at it. Suck it in. Remember it. He is doing this for you. He's only in his underwear now, and when he takes it of you can see his full erection.
He walks down into the water. The bridge is still empty at this time of the day, but if I were you, I would swim a bit down where the river makes it connections to the sea. Just like that: Go under that tree, in the shadow. You and I think alike you know. You seem to read my mind.
Sasuke stops and you look at him. I'm not doing anything anymore. I know you will show him your love by yourself now. So much for not telling him: Show him instead.
You lean down and smell in his scent. It's arousing. You nibble at his ear, and your breath quickens as his. You press your lips against his own, and both of you are trembling. You are as hard as him, and your members touch each other, making moans rise in the shadow. Sasuke wrap his arms around you, and you press closer. You are grinding at each other now. It feels good. You have waited for this so long. No more keeping quiet for me. Here is a boy you can trust, boy. Tell him. Not now, but later. Maybe let me out to talk with him instead. He will make you happy. Let me sleep.
You take his limb in your hand, and he is gasping for more. Quickly you lift him up and he wraps his legs around your waist; his arms are wrapped around your neck. You quicken your pace, and your other hand sinks deeper to his hole. You don't need two hands to hold him up, not in the water. You enter him with you finger, and he is moving against it, sucking it in.
"More," he says. "More. I have done it before, imagining it was you. More." Sasuke has been training for you. Maybe he has touched himself there every night, dreaming that it was your fingers, your erection making him come.
But remember, he isn't just attracted to you: He loves you.
Your fingers have going up in number, and you withdraw them only to be replaced. Neither of you can think anymore, you just do as your hearts instruct. You and he. You enter him, slowly, not wanting to hurt him too much, but he presses closer and makes you go further in. He has longed for this, and so have you. Once you're buried to the hilt inside him, you let out the breath you've been holding for the second time this day. Eat shit, girl whose name begins with an L. S, you say? Who cares.
You kiss him softly as you lift him and then lower him down on your cock again. He screams in pleasure, and you growl. Sorry; my genes. You repeat the movement, and soon you find the perfect rhythm, and he pushes back. You moan, he screams; you pant, he cries out. It's wonderful. You are happy. You are where you belong. Your heart is at rest, and you feel safe. No more worries. Just stick with him, and you will survive. Then I can sleep and rest too, when I know you are happy.
You move quickly now, and you both are near the edge, and with a scream he comes all over you. His orgasm makes you scream too, and you fill him with your loveseed, moving in and out of him until you're completely empty. You hold him close. You kiss him.
"I..." you begin to say. No! Don't back down now! Don't lose it, don't screw this up! Not after all I've done to help! Don't stop; believe! He loves you, stupid!
"I love you." you say. I exhale. You really scared me.
"And I you." That was the right answer. I love this boy as well, for making my boy happy. He knows what to say. You smile now. What about the girl?
"What about Sakura?" Sorry, I didn't think you would hear that.
"Let's forget about Sakura. I don't love her." I mentally hug Sasuke.
You are smiling now. Smiling. Is it the invisible mask?
No, you say. This is the real smile.
You may be alright yet. You still have things to do. Make Sasuke help you. Eat something, I'm hungry. Eat something with meat in it. Then you crawl under your blanket. Don't forget to hold it up for your love. Warm his cold feet up. Take him into your arms. Kiss him wherever you want. Close your eyes. And don't forget to sleep. I don't forget. Sleep. Sleep well, Sasuke. Good night. Oh, and don't mind that sound. It's just three beings snoring.
The End