Oh Raziel

by Rosie McLovin

I can expect a good 0 Reviews on this one, right? Since nobody on this site has the attention span to read something interesting for a change of hum. Anyways, this is for the Satire fans.

Oh Raziel

By RoseDincht

Oh Raziel what happened to your maturity?

I hate the way you point and laugh at others

Who have treated you shitty

Because that's your new way of "seeking revenge".

"Hehehe you are wrong, I am right! Payback is a bitch! I am cliche!"

Cliche indeed, And how unimpressed I've become

When I see a vampire who has lived for over a millenium

Acting like a preteen in middle school

How mature, Oh Raziel

Oh Raziel you're becoming a bore in my eyes

You do not kill people right away

You talk about it throughout Ninety-Percent of the game

So you can annoy the characters and players to death with your voice

And the same tiresome repetitive phrases

You chant constantly and tiresomely

Clever indeed, Oh Raziel

The "If You're Going to Kill Someone, Do it, Don't Talk About Doing It" rule

Obviously does not apply to you

For the ones you long to kill,

Kain and Moebius,

Survive all the way 'till the end of the fifth game

Oh Raziel, how tiresome you have become

Oh Raziel you took a complete 180

Just what happened to you, Oh Raziel?

What happened to killing the people you hated all in one game?

What happened to the days where your dialogue was not irritating

And your character was simply badass?

What happened to the days when people actually sympathized for you?

You were thrown into the abyss and we felt sorrow

You came after your brethren and your father and we cheered you on

Then you took your 180 and fell right into the abyss once again

You are a badass no longer, Oh Raziel

Your character has been degraded and raped countless amounts of times.

You have fallen victim to bad Yaoi fanfiction and Mary-Sueism

And you have picked up that horrible emo personality

It has warped you,

Twisted you,

Destroyed you,

And morphed you into a wrist-slitting crybaby who sniffles and pouts and wipes away his emo tears

And the merciless badass from Soul Reaver is now no more.

Oh Raziel, at one point you were incredible

And now Beatrix Kiddo has put you to shame

If you must take tips from Quentin Tarantino on how to be a badass once more

Please do so

If not, remain as a sword without dialogue

So we may relish the silence and smile, knowing we will never listen to you again

Oh Raziel, How I miss the old days of Soul Reaver

Where have they gone, oh Raziel...?